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Absent minded. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 5 March 1887
Absent minded. Some amusinganecdotes are related of a. learned divine-who was a very absent-minded, man. One day he was taking tea at the house of a friend, and became very much in .terested in conversation with the host. He -'drank his tea, and the hostess quietly filled his cup ; .this was repeated- three times. Then she ,modestly said : " Shall I fill your cup, sir ?"- '"!lank you, ma'am," answered he;. "I. never drink more, than one :cup. " . ? This same gentleman had been, a widower'for-'severc:i~rb s, baut after-a-time, he, married:. a young wife. One Sabbath morning, after the service was over, the bride walked uiip to the altar to accompany her husband home; .He shook hands: with her very cordially, and said: " Your face is very familiar to me, but really I can't call you by name." . .
They Were Old Enough. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 5 March 1887
: _ _They ,Were. Old= Enough: .> -Said ?awife : "' Wo't you go up dear and get my goats off the dressing-table ?"' "Your goats ?"' queried. Jones. . ".What. new fangled thing's that ?" "I'll show you," remarked the wife, and she' went up stairs and came. down again ,with a pair of kids upon her hands. '' There they are," said she. "Why, I call those kids," said. the sur prised husband. "Oh, do you ?" replied the wife; ' so did; I once, but they are so ol now I'm ashamed to call them anything but goats." Jones took the hint.
Some Queer Wagers. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 5 March 1887
Some Queer Wagers. Capt. Barclay, a noted pedestrian in the early part of the present century, began his exploits at the early age of 15 by walking six miles, fair heel and toe, in a little less than an hour. His next feat wasta walk in midsummer from Ury, in Kincardineshire, to Boroughbridge, in Yorkshire, something over 300 miles in five days. He afterward, on a wager of 5000 guineas, walked ninety miles in nineteen hours and twenty-two minutes. This Capt. Barclay was the pedestrian who first introduced the feat that has since been so- many times attempted, that of walking 1000 miles in 1000 consecutive hours. To- do twenty-four miles a day for' sixt weeks,: although a formidable under taking for any but a trained pedestrian, and quite.out of the range of possibility for a very large majority, the case is quite a dif ferent one when everyhour in'the six.weeks night and day, is to have its distinct mile of Walking, while 'in the former he could have a long and' sound sleep'every ni...
Fechter's Trade with a New York Thief. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 5 March 1887
Feeiter's sTrade' with "a New .York Thief.-: This story of -Fechter is told in Louis :Engle's "From Mozart to Mario": Wearing a large paste pin, he. had gone .:'° down near the -East River~ where at that uii einiumber of rounglis we ilwid ay to cut your throat for half a dollar if they :=thought they were likely to find anything worth taking on you. This pin, a theatrieaL. diamond of excellent French imitation, attracted a thief's attention-and he stopped Fechter and roughly asked the time, with the evident intention of seeing whethierlhe could lay hold of a watch.. Fechter said he did not know, ' and ordered him to go his way, whereupon: the negro-a tall, powerful ''-.man--laid. hold of hiin, but Fechter, well versed iin ,the je' de la avate, got the man under in nib time, when, to the rather un pleasant suprise of :Fechter, a big clasp knife appeared on the scene, and he thought discretion the better part of valor. " Listen to me, my manihe saidi "'what Sis ?the good of.your shedd...
Her Great Love. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 5 March 1887
Her Great Love. "What shall we do with this great love of ours ?" asks a poetess. Better take him by the heels and haul him from the hall-way into the sitting room by the ear, and leave ;him there till he sobers up. He was lucky to stagger into the house before he fell. i Again-Better help him offwith his coat; seat him in an easy chair; sit down.on his 'lap ; put your arm around his neck and kiss him right smack in the mouth four or five times. Better yet=-Tell him to play with the children just five minutes, and you will dish up :for him the best dinner he has sat down to in four weeks, and then be in time. Lastly-Tell him that, seeing the times are hard and money- close, you will not ex pect a silk dress for a birthday present, but .will be content with a plish. 'If he is any kind of a fellow, and can afford it; you will then be pretty sure of a good silk gown.
Bless the Women. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 5 March 1887
Bless -the Womnen. Women, bless their dear hearts I if it- was not for them ,men would degenerate and become savage, as of old; but gentle; con fiding, lovable woman, with her soft, winning ways, appeals to all that is fine and noble in man's nature, and keeps him.up to thei level that he has succeeded in reaching. Even in battle, when he thinks as little of, spilling theiblood, of his fellow-man as he would of killing a dog, when his animal passions are wrought up to such a degree that he re sembles more the untutored savage than an intelligent being, the sight of a woman, or the sound of her voice, will act upon him like magic. He no longer has that thirst for blood, his hard face, relaxes and becomes again soft and tender, and his mind turns to thoughts of better things. Now, if woman should suddenly be removed from our earth, and man, the alleged noblest work of God, should be left to paddle his own canoe, how long would it be ere he would go about armed to the teeth with an I-c...
THE SOLEMN HALF-HOUR. OUR CAT. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 5 March 1887
THE SOLEMN HALF-HOUR. BY SILAS SNELL, OUR, CAT.I" The. cat is a domeb"tic-quadruped; at least, ours is.'- She is: afemale by birth, and her name is AramanthaLBiddy Louise. She is black and tan colored,'and her tail was amputated at the elbow.when she was yet a child. She is a mother now; she has been so for some time. The position of a mother is the most exalted and honorable- in our civilization, but that cat, does:not put on side, and bang her front hair, and domineer over a contrite little boy whose pants are ripped in two with a section of two-inch machine belting. She doesn't, you 'can take our word for it ; andyet she is maternal pro genitor'to numberless offsprings, and has a perfect right to; but suffice to say, she doesn't do it. ts yh e Once our 'cat' was beautiful- to behold, a perfect 'joy for ever,: and when she ;stepped out to climb the kitchen chimney and -war ble a dulcet monody in the silvery 'sheen of the pale young'harvest mon, ;'there Iwere always several fehine ...
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 12 March 1887
.Great Annual 1earin g Sale ' Previcius to Stock Taking, M. (i'G AD 'S, : : SG I 0 oril,i l Kaireet, (e lont. " WtT^hei .ii o tn tah .mo s .M ,,'rvellous .arrgair s !irn s ;-!,:vry ever ,lereile to the ";,i'c h p Vi,.r is will ,be .l;nittefl t, -fie Ql?: .? , ri'. il ll DiyVt"'.:n, '1ioti?e Pa ?'it..:r, tu nu,,ipiic t - ,f chII ap i :ind-1I'1 ! : it!,r;- :,,[ cafchi tlt lines. rwa I ii;e: .: .: r .t-hi c i , nreq .ii eyt are lt, i, of. rend thori:. te fu.li.: Mi '. .n l. n decidiht obl . M' 0 G. * le~i-a. Iiih r.c''u:itiou to -fTolthe Puoblic.r" :it a pries whiA Itih'e .nWer lre ..aprol eonvd IIIt, the Draii? y ' irad. ;he p' lic .ro i'eq ;st I,19 care-R -"fully rend.tlhr',n hl the f,,llowiani lit., .as " " G `:.'r G ~,: pleal?er his ,'4eip,,.aton to .u 1 7 ii.-it. ilei e iwn, tirat l , re s price ? ipeverthe e: ,nounti'n A 1i ah a fi of l. itete r:"o the:-re.,d..i-,li s. Not _- *c.pieces" i it" v s-. ti il?,e d " .l th', I poi ntl ? it I:,ll fo.d windir : o ship '0 eo ien6wleacl;on...
Mr. and Mrs. Bowser. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 12 March 1887
Mr. and Mrs. Bowser. One of Mr. Bowser's hobbies is a family: nedicine chest. , A few days after our narriage; he said to me : : : ... " Mrs. Bowser, half the deaths in? this. world are the result of negligence and care essness. I shall have a family medicine :hest, and I shall write down some directionsr or you to follow in certain cases. Mrs. Bowser, what would you do in' case I.bad . :ongestive chill i" "Send for the doctor, of course." "Just like a woman; and by the time he rot here you would be "a widow. I shall oegin to-morrow to. lay in a stock of family - nedicines." He brought up a package of mustard, a bOr Af salve and twelve different brands of pills, and every week since then he has added something to the store. Before I found him out I. uneed to have headaches, a sour stomach, sore throat and other ailments, and was foolish enough to let him know it. "A headache, eh? " echoed Mr. Bowser as he softly rubbed his hands and regard, d me as a dog does a choice bone. " Very w...
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 12 March 1887
ii .i.i ll. i l l I i .., 11 , . I il . . n. . . * =|is! i 1i , I. , , !, ,1 ii li .r _.* _i =l i , i. . ii ,. ,m .i i ! J ll i. -e _ l i l i i m l i ""...... man...i m esmani. i? Quick Despatch, and for derate Price, athe Office of ... this Newspaper. In the Advertising Department every effort is made to satisfy oustomers-Special Inducements for Large Advertisements, and Low Qaottons itr al.
Wit and Humor [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 12 March 1887
Miss Flim-"0 Have youn read 'Mr. Rattle bran's novel ? Tell me, how did it come out ?' " Fogg I suspect he had it' published at his own, risk.". Wife (reading the paper)." Hereis au ac count of a man in Queensland who has sold ' his wife for £75. Isn't it dreadful ?' Husband (thoughtfully)-" Well, I dunno., Seventy-five pounds is a good deal of money." The greatest reformer -ofthe age :was the inventor of thelbustle, whichhas re formied' nearly every woman. Who says you cannot reason with a woman"?: You can reason with a woman; And generally that is all the good it will do. Impecunious lover-"'.Be mine, Amanda,? and you will be.treated. like an angel." ': Wealthy maiden-" Yes, I suppose -u: Noth- ing to eat and less to wear.- No, I thank' you. Wife (innocently)-" Is the foot'al season over ?" Husband (petulantly)-" Of course.* Look at the weather. Any :fol ouight .to know that." Wife (sweetly)-" Tnta'is whyl ,I asked you, my dear." -. Miss Blank (t6 her cousin, who hai ad, vertently...
Getting Even with a Man-Eater. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 12 March 1887
Getting ;Even with a Man-Eater.: " The reason why big .strikes in pearls 'don't create a boom, as a gold discovery would," said an old man at the business, " is because most everybody knows the danger of it, and if you don't superintend it yourself you are at the mercy of a pack of the biggest thieves that ever lived. The principal dan gers are sharks, rays and drowning. The sharks are the worst, and some grounds have old man-eaters that hang about them for years i at least, the men think so. " I remember one season we got on the grounds early. I was owner of an outfit comprising ten men, but when we got ready not a man would go over. I didn't blame them, as they pointed out the fin of a big man-eater that was swimming about. I wouldn't have gone over myself for all the pearls on the farm. The shark had a notch on his top fin where some one had put a bullet through, and one man said it had eaten' his brother:; another that his cousin was killed the:year before 6jythe same brute, adi...
All for Mary Jane. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 12 March 1887
All for Mary Jane. "What's a real good quality of onbleached muslin wuth to-day 7" she asked. ".From tenipence to a shilling a yard,": answered the shopman. ":Is it a yard wide ?" ."Yes, ma'am'' " Warrant it not to shrink -? " Yes, ina'am," "Is it wuth any less by the hull piece : : " No, ma'am." "Well, I wa'n't wantin';any nohow. --I see; some on the counter an' jist thought I'd ask. I'm after caliker to-day." "Yes, ma'am," says the man. "What kind of calico do you want?"- : :.' " Well, I don't hardly know. It ain't fer myself; it's fer Mary JaneI Dixon, one o' our neighbor winmen, or 'sort o' cousin o' mine, as I'd better say." : : :i" ", What kind of calico did you say "you wanted, ma'am ?"': "Well, I don't 'zactly know. Mary Jane came a-runnin' over jist as I was startin' to - git ready, an' I had the chickens to feed yet;' an' so much on my mind, Ididn't pay much 'tention to Mary Jane. She's sort o' second cousin to-" "Did you want dark or light print ?" , "Mary Jane didn't say...
Romance of a Typical Gaol-bird. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 12 March 1887
Romance of a Typical Gaol-bird. " I must confess," added Warder Pilsbury, in answer to a question, " that there is a cer tain fascination to me about prison life. Though I have had thirty-five years of it I am not yet tired. Just now I cannot recall the worst man I ever met in my official prison experience, but there is one whom I shall never forget. His name was Mortimer, and he was sent to Darlinghurst many years ago. His crime was murder, but he escaped hanging and got twelve years. A more des perate and cold-blooded scoundrel never lived. He had 'killed several people, but by hook or crook saved his neck. His face was the hardest, the most satanic, I ever looked upon. - The devil must have made it for his own enjoyment. There wasn't at any time anything about it but that was terribly for bidding. You wouldn't have trusted him surrounded by armed soldiers and manacled. His temper, too, was of the very worst pos sible nature. I never knew a man with such an uncontrollable passion....