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Trumped. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 22 May 1914
Trumped. "I wish I had novor learned to play cardB!" exclaimed a man wlio had been unfortunate at tho game. "You moau you wish you had learn ed, don't you?" waB his wife'? sarcas tic rejoinder. At a club meeting hold in a public house in a small village a discussion took placo as to whether a hard or solt substance would last the longer. Tho debato continued for some time, until one man Bpolto up and Bald: "Now, men, you are all mistaken, aB I can easily prove. When mo and my wife married Bho had as good a set of teeth as any womau could have now she hasn't got one, and her tongue is as good aa over." When little Doris climbed up to her father's knoo it was quite ob vious that somo deep problem was troubling hor mind. Presently Bho unburdenod herself of the moment ous question. "Pupa," she aBked, "was it a vory WIBO person who Buid, 'Tho good die young'?" "Yes," replied tho father. "I sup pose he must have boeu very, very wiso." "Well," said tho child, after medi tating for Borne tl...
Nothing to Cry For. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 22 May 1914
Nothing to Cry For. The session of tho provincial law court was about to begin, but Uie court crier had not yet shown up. At tho eleventh hour a messenger-boy dashed in and handed tho judge a Jet tor from tho missing lunctionary. Tho judgo read it ainid breathless silence, and then solemnly announced: "I have here a message from our court crier, saying, 'Wife's mother died last night. Will not bo able 10 cry to-day.'"
A Little Conversation. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 22 May 1914
A Little Conversation. Tho workman was engaged ia ex cavating operations, i.e., he was dig ging. The wayfarer of the inquisitive turn of mind stopped lor a moment to look for a moment to look on. ".My mun," Bald the wayfarer at length, "what are ypu digging tor?" The workmau looked up. ".Money," lie roplled. ".Money!' ejaculated the amazed wayfarer. "And when do you expect to strike it?" "Saturday," replied tho workmau, and resumed operations. Irish Barrister (addre.siug tho (bench): Your honor, X shall first ab solutely prove to the jury that tho prisoner could not liave committed the crime with which ho 1B charged. If that does not convince tho jury, 1 shall show that he was insane when he committed it. If that lailB I shall show that he was insauo when ho committed it. If that failB 1 shall prove ail alibi." The rector of a country parish hav ing sent blankets and coals and somo of the good things usual at Christmas to an old parishioner, a lady expatia ted warmly to him on the r...
Improving His Mind. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 22 May 1914
lmprovinu His Mind. (I'he gentleman who had dined at his club arrived home in the small hours, and wavering into the library, adjusted the light and, pickiug up a .heavy tome, 60ttled himself for a studious hour. Presently lie felt, rather than saw, his wife standing at tho door; lie exaggerated his attitude of close attention to his volume. .Do you know that It's past four o'clock, James V" she addressed him. "You'd better put out tho light and como to bed." "Now, m' dear," ho said Impatient ly, "g' 'way, I'm studying-improving my min'. G' 'way." Sho stood for a moment eyeing him intently. "Please-please closo up that suit-case and come to bed," eho implored.
DELIVERED SPEECH BY TELEPHONE. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 22 May 1914
DELIVERED SPEECH TELEPHONE. President Wilson liaB created a pre cedent in speech-making which will probably be imitated by future Presi dents and prominent politicians, who, through lack of time for travelling, are unable to fulfil many engagements. The President had promised to address tlio Rochester Chamber of Commerce at tho members' annual banquet which was held recently, but being unable to leave Washington ho arranged to deliver his address by telephone. Accordingly special ar rangements were made by tho tele phone companies at Washington and Rochester, New York, and each of the three hundred diners at tho banquet was provided with a headpiece re ceiver. About S00 iniles away in tho White House the President stepped to a specially fitted-up telephone in his private olllce and delivered his ad dress, which was clearly heard by all present. The President himself had a headpiece receiver, and was able to listen to the cheers which greeted his address, and to tho vote of thanks an...
THE REPORTER—AN ASSIGNMENT. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 22 May 1914
THE REPORTER-AN ASSIGN MENT. Tlio fifth house from tlio cornor lu this row Llttlo black tents against tlio night sky's Indigo. Beside tlio door I flashed a match to find Tlio number right-and sudden blank IICSS took my mind! I hesitated, peering from tlio gloom 'Beneath the shade Into tlio yellow lighted room, Curious justly, in my errand's liamo: And then I blamed myself, though 1 was not to blame. A woman sat beside a table spread For one, but Buppcrtlme was hours past; her head .Bent low for listening, while at hor ] thighs A sleepy child was frowning, gouging fists in eyes. 'The woman stirred; I Baw lier young, worn faco. She glanced, impatient, puzzled, at tlio empty place. I gulped and knocked. God knows the words I said! I asked her, somehow, if' BIic knew that he was dead! -Paul Scott Mowror in January "Smart Set."
HIS STENOGRAPHER. As He Dictates to Her. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 22 May 1914
HIS STENOGRAPHER. As He Dictates to Her. Does alio love you? Woll, I wonder Married twenty yours, thoy Bay! You. so liald ami fat anil tunny, Grubbing like a molo for money! Guess she likes to spend the plunder Ciee-she knows the way! She's a grand one - Lord, what dresses! Handsome, too, proud as a queen With her doings In the papers, Dinners, dances, all the capers, Likes to lead the show, my guess Is! You're the gold machine! If she know you as I know yon, Would she upend it-say? If she knew each trick and quibble, Little fishes hooked that nibble, Business murders-would she show you Such a grandstand play? You're a savage money maker Good to her, though, sure-and me. Kind old pirate! What in thunder Does she think of you, 1 wonder? What neat stories do you take her So she will not see? Harriet Monroe in January "Smart Set."
Her Way of Telling Him. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 22 May 1914
Hep Way of Telling Him. A young ploughman and his neigh bor servant lass were going home one night from the Dumfries Fair. When about a mile 011 the road he said to her, "Jenny, 1 wad kiss ye, but I'm feart ye wadna let me." No answer. Another mile 011 the road he again said, "Jenny, 1 wad kiss ye, but I'm feart ye wadna let me." No answer. When they were getting near home, lor the third time ho said-"Jenny, 1 wad kiss yo, but I'm feart ye wadna let me." "liab," said she, "dae yo min' yesterday 1 couldna lift yon bag of potatties intae the cairt, an' ye lilted them?" "Ay," said Rab. "Well, dash ye, yo're far stronger than mo!" A retired naval officer became the rector of a country parish. His par ishioners, wishing to give him a sur prise, subscribed amongst themselves and bought a flag for the church tower. Directly the old gentleman saw it I10 Hew into a violent rage, and ordered it to be taken down at once. One of his parishioners asked him why he did not like it. "Allow that Hag...
Gentie Hint. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 22 May 1914
Gentle Hint. A fastidious old gentleman was en joying a cigar with a lriend ono af ternoon. The guest, having reached the cud of his Havana, hurled the stump on to the well-kept lawn. "\Vliat made you throw your cigar there?" said the old gentleman, an grily. "See liow unsightly it is on the lovely grass." "That surely won't do any harm," said the other, "for nobody would no tice a little thing like that." "My dear fellow," solemnly replied tho old grumbler, "it's just little things like tlieso that constitute tidi jjess, and tidiness is half tho com fort of life." His friend said no more for a time, and, in a few moments he arose hur riedly, disappeared, and was absent f&lt;_r a full twenty minutes. "Whore on eauli have you been?" Haid his host when he returned at last. "Oh, f vc only been across the mea dow to spit in tho river '
AIRMAN'S ROMANCE. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 22 May 1914
AIRMAN'S ROMANCE. Tliu story of M. Chanteloup, the famous French "looping airman," who recently gave demonstrations at Hen don, is a most romantic one. He was borfi at Beaune in 181)0, and started work as a farm laborer at S/4 a week, but his ambition had always been in the direction of motors and mechan ism. In 1909 he passed bis tests for a chauffeur's licence, and drove a taxi cab at Nantes for two years. After careful saving he managed to raise about £75, his tuition fee, and then went through the usual course at the Caudron-school at Crotoy, where ho passed the Aero Club tests for his pilot's certificate in July, 1911. In October of that year he commenced Ilia military service as a sappcr-avia tor. It was during his military service that Chanteloup created a sensation in France, on September C last, by being the first aviator to "loop the loop" and fly upside-down, Pegoud not having accomplished this feat until a fortnight afterwards. His daring ex periments earned for him fift...
LADIES' LETTER. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 22 May 1914
LADIES' LETTER. I novcr remember blouses that are calculated to go to (ho heart of everv woman who appreciates ail elegance achieved by simple methods and with out any apparent effect than at the present moment. They are now such u very Important Item of every kind of costume that the choice is us'varieil as the numerous distinctly different classes ot designs, all worthy or se parate consideration. From the simple shirt to the com plexity of the afternoon or demi-toil letlc blouse of tulle is a far crv. Com mencing at the bottom of the'laddcr. so to say, with the simple siiirtn, these in themselves provide food for deep rellection. It is the American women who look their best in the severest of tailor made shirts. I do not moan the wo man whose figure is at its best nor the pretty creature who can carry ot) all Kinds of fashionable lollies and modish madnesses, but the natural, homely American, who knows how to put 011 her colthes. The plain untrlmmed blouse is most essential for m...
Intention Only Credited. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 22 May 1914
Intention Only Credited. A faBhIonably-dresscd young man strolled Into a small Scottish churcli while service was being held. The timo for thu collection came round, nnd, wishing to draw attention to him self, ho flung his penny (as he thought) down on the pinto with a crash. Immediately after so doing he discovered, to ills great dismay, he had given half-a-cro\vn in mistake. He at once got up and followed the old sexton, and asked to bo allowed to get back his money. The old man shook his head and said-"Na, na; 1 canna gle it back to yo. Ye gled it to the Lord." The young man argued for some time, and at last, gave it up and ex claimed impatiently-"Well, I suppose VII get credit for it in heaven." "Na, na," replied the old man, "ye'll only get credit for the penny."
Then He Saw Red. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 22 May 1914
Then He Saw Red. Editor-Why do you perBist in com ing here? I tell you I want facts, not fiction. Authoress-Oil, I don't wish to sell any ot my stories. 1 am writing u short serial, entitled "Tho Ugliest Man On liarth," and I came in more ly to obtain local color. The fare at a certain hoarding house was very poor. A boarder who had been there for some time, be cause he could not get away, was standing in the hall when tho landlord rang tho dinner-bell. Whoreupou an old dog that was lying outside on a rug commenced to howl mournfully. The boarder watched lilin a little while, and then said "What on earth aro you howling for? You don't liavo to eat It!" A girl is put Into tlio world, like sugar into tea, to sweeten it. Give tho devil his due, but bo care ful there's not much duo to him. Nothing hurts a woman so much as when a man won't givo her an op portunity to say "No." Popularity depends on how well you treat your friends, and how often. To many women a man Is but a mark on a sla...
The Worm Turned. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 22 May 1914
The Worm Turned, The other (lay Sir Gilbert Parker, M.P., referring to Lord Rosebery's re mark that "most books in a library ought to be -burned," told of a lively exchange of compliments lie once had with a publisher. Sir Gilbert had been poiuting out that in many cases, owing to the in ability of literary men to look after themselves, publishers made far more money out of books than their authors did. The publisher remarked that what Lord Kosebery should have said was that, "It was not most books, but most authors who should bo burned." "That may be true," retorted Sir Gilbert, "but judging from the pub lishers' share of the profits of the nu thors' labors, most of the authors were too green to be burned!"
Followed Advice. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 22 May 1914
Followed Advlcc. In a country neighborhood there was an old woman who kept a small Kuneral shop, where she carried on a lucrative business. Unfortunately, she persisted for a long time In car rying on her trade 011 Sunday, much to the scandal and disgust of a cer tain parisli visitor, who entertained strictly orthodox views ns to the ob servance of the Sabbath. The latter remonstrated with the shopkeeper, and eventually, much to the satisfaction of everybody con cerned, persuaded her to refrain from Sunday trading. A few days ago she met the old woman, who looked happy and prosperous. "I'm glad,'' said the parish visitor, "to see that you are doing o veil. You have not lost anything by fol lowing my advice." "That's so, mum," was the reply; "but you can't imagine how mauy of my customers come round the back way!"