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Thoughtful Hubby. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 14 April 1917
Thoughtful' Hubby. Dad had sent a .small steak-pie to the local baker's to be cooked for the Sunday dinner, but, lo! at one o'clock back- came a steak-pie many sizes larger than the one sent. Wherefore there was great joy that Sunday dinner-time in a -certain tum ble-down cottage in Bermondsey. Dad took up a knife and fork and handed out a large helping of the pie to mother. Mother .looked surprised, and - expressed it. "Well, George; I must say this is very nice of you! All the years we've' .been. married I've nevier known you serve me first -before: Usually you serve yourself,- and leave me- to look after myself." "That's ail right, old girl!" return ed George, amiably.. "You stow yer gab and get on wiv yer dinner! I know what ~I'm a-coing of! I knobw. quite well;_.what the feller what -got: our little- pie and lorst this one'll be saying at this moment: 'I 'ope the first mouthful of my pie'll choke the: one what eats it!' So..get along, old:i girl! Peg .into it! Don't. - wait for...
Very Polite. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 14 April 1917
Very Polite. Two men .were- hurrying along and met at the corner of a street, only to collide and knock their heads. "Why don't you look where you are going?" said one. "I was just going to say the same," said the other, "for you made my head ring." "Your head ring?" "Yes." "That shows it's empty..'," "Didn't your head ring9?", said the other. "No," was the reply. "Then that shows it's cracked."
HIS LAST RIDE. JOCKEY CAUGHT WITH ELECTRIC BATTERY. COPPER ON SPUR GAVE STEWARD THE CLUE. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 14 April 1917
HIS LAST RIDE. JOCKEY CAUGHT WITH ELECTRIC BATTERY. COPPER ON SPUR GAVE STEWARD THE CLUE. Many stories have been told of the devious ways and means put into operation at various times on Austra lian racecourses by unscrupulous persons. Nat Gould, in his turf nov els, has made us familiar with some of them. Mr. Gould was a sporting journalist in Australia in the roaring days, and it was in the course of his duties that he picked up much of the material for his racing stories. Mr. Gould, however, never served up any thing more sensational in his novels than was provided in a dramatic man ner on a pony racecourse in Sydney last week. William Kenny, a jockey, was caught red-handed with an elec tric battery in his possession. Kenny was promptly brought before the stew ards, and, with the facts in front of them, the stewards had only one pos sible course open to them. They dis qualified Kenny for life. Another man was subsequently questioned, and he was notified that his presence at futur...
Fowl Work. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 14 April 1917
Fowl -Work. "Yes," said .the: dear old lady,. :"I am very fond indeed .of my fowls. I hare brought them .up from little chicks, and cared for them until they seem like my own dear children, you see. We are going to have one for ciin;;cr next Sunday." "Well, that's enough to try the patience of J.ob!" exclaimed the vil lage minister, as he threw aside the local paper. "Why, what's the matter, dear?" asked his wife. "Last Sunday I preached from the text, 'Be ye, therefore, steadfast,'" answered the good man; _"but the printer makes it read, 'Be ye there for breakfast.'" When making :'blue-water for clothes, add a little..salt. This distri butes the color evenly and prevents "patches."
First Rank Attractions at the Crown—Ramona and Avatar are Super-Features for Next Week. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 14 April 1917
First Rank Attractions at the Crown -Ramona and Avatar are Super Features for Next Week. A hand of trumps is held by the management of the Crown Theatre, to be played during the coming week. On Monday, Tuesday and Wednes day the big feature, Ramona, will be submitted. This ten-reel film recently concluded a successful season at the Auditorium: It tells a graphic story of the early days in California, and the Mission Indians. There is a wealth of-spectacle, but the story is never over-burdened, and a feature is made of the love interest. It is a pic ture which will be enjoyed and re membered. Something novel in films will be offered on Thursday in Avatar. This production comes from the Cines stu dio (makers of Quo Vadis), and is as beautifully mounted as it is daring in plot. It concerns a transmission of souls, and by means of trick photo graphy some weird effects are obtain ed. It is one of the most interesting pictures seen for many a day. Ed mund Breese will be starred in The Spe...
WIT AND HUMOR. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 14 April 1917
WIT AND HUMOR. Country --Girl: What would you do if you. were, dn. my shoes? Town Girl: I'd get lost, I_'m afraid! He: : would like to know why you • refuse to marry me? She: Pardon me, but I don't think you would. Pollywog: What's the trouble- be tween Wilkins and his wife? I thought she w.as the light of his life? Joliydog: So she was, but she went out to'. often. Mrs. Fijjit: How do you account for the fact that a woman can make a shilling go further than a man can? Fijjit: I guess it must be because she makes it go faster. "Pardon me, professor, but last night your daughter accepted my pro posal of marriage. I have called this morning to ask you if there is any in sanity in your family?" "There must be." Husband: My wife explored my poc kets last night. Friend: What did she get? Husband: Oh, what an explorer usu ally gets-enough material for a lec ture! "Your husband says he lives a dog's life," said one woman. 'Yes, it's very similar," answered the other. "He comes in with mudd...
TUFTS OF TURF. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 14 April 1917
TUFTS OF TURF. "-es," he said, "this is the job for ;nI: i never want to come back and ,ork for you again." "You must like the army very much, hn." said the rich owner to his ex stable boy, now gone a-soldiering, how is that, my boy?" "Vhy, sir," he said, "all the time i was working for you I never once lhari you or anyone else say I coula ;a?:e it a bit easy. Now I've joined t;ii forces, and they call out 'Stand ,;;sy' a dozen times a day. ,Ae cannot say the punters have i:een finding it easy-nor the bookies .hi;er, to make ends meet. Middle pins scored at Mentone, and i was the same at Williamstown. A iijry bookie such as Wally Mitchell c;:i:, go for a winner like Thurlagun yah and make a good day of it, but if they missed it was a bad day indeed rt ith seaside, and there was some ,ii.ng more than the rain beating in :h.::i faces on the ride home. Oi)t.side men especially are feeling ihe : train. That good fielder, Mr. Tmiii Stuart, provided a notable in s?ance by his experience o...
Mr. W. Chalk New President of Yarra Park Old Boys. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 14 April 1917
Mr. W. Chalk New President of Yarra Park Old Boys. The annual meeting of the Yarra Park Old Boys' Association was held on Monday, 26th ult., when a large number of members were present. Mr. W.: Chalk was elected president and Mr. W. Bell and Mr. G. Newlands were again elected hon. secretary and trea surer. A good syllabus has been ar ranged for next term, and old boys will be welcomed. The next meeting will be held on Monday next, April 16, at Lecture Hall, Lennox-street. ?
AFRAID. A ROMANCE OF THE WAR. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 14 April 1917
AFRAID. -i':A' ROMANCE OF THE WAR. :"I am afraid of being afraid." But the girl to whom the words .were .spoken was incapable of appre ciating them; she only heard the voice: of a coward, and she gavd him a look of mingled shame and scorn. He scarcely expected anything else from' her; he despised himself,'-:nd hated to tell her the truth. She was such a plucky, dashing girl. He knew all she must be feeling, and he saw it was of .no use now to tell her of his love; it would only seem an insult. The best thing was to leave her as soon as possible, and, with Gbd'-s help, to crush down the thought of her-that was his very life-and 'face it out. "Well, good-bye, Doris. At least you will wish me some sort of luck?" He held out his hand, but drew it back quickly, as he looked into her wonderful eyes for the last time. They were blazing with anger and con tempt. "Good-bye, Mr. Lincoln. I hope you will get all you deserve." Her beautiful lip curled scornfully; her voice froze him. "Which you...
SUN-DIALS. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 14 April 1917
SUN-DIALS. "The story of the sun-dial reads. like a page from an old romance. The first record . of its use was in the. Eighth Century B.C., u-henr it was em ployed by the Babylonians for the purpose .of marking time: Later on it came into use in England, -attached to public buildings," we read in the sun-dial chapter of "Garden Orna ments," by Mary H. Nortliend. - "A passing fad at one time was that of diminutive sun-dials,so -small that they folded and could be car ried much as watches are' to-day. They soon became- very- popular and attracted the •attention .of: royalty, when Charles I. was on the throne." His collection was the largest in ex istence and represented all sorts of odd shapes and forms. The Stuarts were, all interested in ;sun:dlals,. and Charles II. had a large one designed and placed in the.-gardens at Holy rood. "While the first invented were crude, yet, as tiine -went on, they be-. came more popular, and different, ma terials -were used, such as wood, bronze and...
CARE OF THE EYES. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 14 April 1917
CARE OF THE EYES. After a motor run or a *drive you :should never fail to, bathe the eyes carefully in a weak solution of bor acic --powder and, .distilled water. After a very bad day of -glare and dust, it is. wise, when possible, to darken the room for half an hour and, after bathing with the boracic, lie with a dampened pad across the eyes. A wonderful .improvement in the eyes .will be found if? a .regular practice is made of washing- the eyes every night before going to bed. If you have not got- an eye. cup, -tip the head 'back and drop distilled *water into the eyes with .a teaspoon. This thoroughly washes them,- removing tiny particles which are: unconscious ly irritating them and making them bloodshot and dull and weary. Al most as effective will be found the. practice of opening the eyes wide in a basin of clear water into which you dip your face. It will be found that after a little of this attention-keep ing the eyes thoroughly cleansed with applications of boracic solutio...
Wonderful ! [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 14 April 1917
Wonderful! lie was enraptured with the scen ery. His fair companion at the coun try resort sat upon the stone wall beside him. "Behold that exquisite sunset!" he exclaimed. "Note the delicate flesh tints, the cream shades, the long dashes of vermilion, and the almost living fire that leaps up from the sinking sun as from a fountain. Be hold the framework. of.. darkening skies and of deep greenr Isn't it wonderful ?" His fair companion-sighed heavily. "Indeed it is!" she exclaimed. "It looks just like-- a: great blig: lobster salad!"
Puzzle of Middle East. ROADS, RIVERS, OR WHAT? [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 14 April 1917
Puzzle of Middle Last. I ROADS, RIVERS, OR WHAT? I suppose, writes a correspondent in a recent exchange, many persons abroad wonder at the apparently slow progress made in the Balkans by the Allied Army commanded by General Sarrail. They measure off the distance on -the map between Salonika and Sofia, and cannot understand why it is not already in the Bulgarian capital. They! reckon, the number .of hundreds of thousands of men under General Sar-! rail's command,. but fail to see why it should not make short work of King Ferdiand's Army. - I do not know the exact strength of the, Army. What is, and remains, a .-profound mystery to everyone on the Salonika front is .that the Allies do not pump an unlimited . number of troops to the East.' That seems to be the most important of al1 the fronts, in view of the immense results that may be attained. The most damaging fact4* in the present war is the comn rative isola tion of. Russia, the difficulty sie ??i in/ seniding her surplus -.trobpo...
Haphazard Australia. WHERE WE ALL GO OUR OWN WAY. A Plea for a Better Coming Together of Humanity. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 14 April 1917
..Haphazard Australia. WHERE WE ALL. GO OUR OWN WAY. A Plea for a Better Coming Together of Humanity. . Anglican archbishops have snt out a. message to parents, through the Church, concerning the alarming de cay of the personal and social purity throughout Australia. Now, are we really as bad as these earnest sacredotal gentlemen believe? If it is so, what have the churches.. been doing all these years? What is wanted, of course, is to give and develop mental resources. This branch of the technique of life should be developed in schools-and is not. When is a child ever taught to think or to deduct? What girl-child is ever taught to reason? They are taught facts-but without any rela tion to other- facts-they are urged to remember,- but never to find out.-. When are they initiated into the joy of r'eading; inuL ord, at what school ari, they given culture in its right sense? And, if it comes to that, how nmagov.o~hth-, tea'iiers are cultured?. What can you expect of a human bein, who d...
SPORT IN WAR-TIME. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 14 April 1917
SPORT IN WAR-TIME. "The real secret of the security of the British Empire is that we have acquired it not in the spirit of hate, or the spirit of conquest, or the spirit of greed, but in the genial good-na tured spirit of sport, under which every man must play fair and under which- every mahn gets his chance. I think," writes John Astley Cooper in "United Empire," "one of the most severe charges you can make against a true-born Briton in any-sphere of life or occupation is to tell him seri ously that he is no sportsman; and it is because we have fought this war as sportsmen; in the true spirit of sport, that after it' is over there is every reasonable prospect that we shall command the respect not only of our Allies, but of our adversaries."
TACITURN CELEBRITIES. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 14 April 1917
TACITURN CELEBRITIES. Genius has always been aceompan-. ied by~ briefness of speech, as may be seen by. the following list. Napoleon rarely spoke when he could avoid it, while Wellington was similarly silent. Lord Kitchener was r?sitively Sphinx-like in his reserve. LOrd Palmerston was proverbially si le":t, while William Pitt throughout his meteoric :career was given to long periods 6f s.ilence: Sir isaac Newton, world-famous as ,a:. cientist, rarely spoke save to an afer a?- questiion. Darwi?l wrote much, but spo-ke little, while Lord Kelvin I ws anming the most mute of great men. - Authors are 'rarely great talkers. Tolstoi, the most amiable of men, was reserved in conversation, and at times absolutely mute. Balzac, the great French romancist, when en gaged in thinking out a new work, would often pass several days talk ing to no one but himself. Beethoven was reticent, Mozart sparing in his speech, while it is said of Chopin that he loved silence bet ter even than music, and Wagn...
TWO. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 14 April 1917
TWO. Two little golden heads that greet The coming of the dawn; Two pairs of little buoyant feet, That flash across the lawn; Two little faces innocent, Lit up by roguish eyes; Two little voices sweetly bent When darkness veils: the skies- - Two little boys to school must go, Half smiles and half in tears;. Two eager youths to manhood. grow, Amid the passing years. Two soldiers, keen to do and dare Against their country's foes Two little wooden crosses where The battle ebbs and flows. -J. C. Scott. The Anzacs have bobbed up again within cooee of the gates of Jerusa lem, and hope runs high that the ban ner of the Southern Cross may soon be floating on the site of Solomon's temple. Already the enthusiasts have proposed that Britain should create a free Jewish state in Palestine, and at this end of the Empire letters from Anzac troops are eagerly awaited for descriptions of the climate and busi ness prospects. Some of our fighting men acquainted with the tastes and habits of the denize...