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The Error Was Correct. [Newspaper Article] — Foster and Toora Mirror and South Gippsland Shire Advocate — 30 April 1914
The Error Was Correct. Editor: I regret. very much, Mr Roarer, that my paper referred to your starring tour as a "starving" one. Actor: Ilont n lenlion if. Your statement was absolutely correct. "Do you keep stationery here?" asked a young woman of a salesman in a general shop. "Not much," repled the young mail rubbing his hands together. "The old man's' so stingy with his coal wo have to bustle about to keep warm." Att open-air orator once received this poser. "1 iell you. gentlemen," lie exclaim ed-"and the experience of a lifetime confirms my statement--that if you want, a tiling well done you must do it yourself!" "How about getting your hair cut?" asked a man in the crowd. In San Francisco, a few days ago, a telephone courtship of only au hour or so led to a marriage. Just a r; ~ up, ring off, and then a ring on. The young man who recently mar ried an American millionaire's daugh ter says he is passionately fond of flowers. Especially the mari-gold.
BLACKIE'S SYMPATHY. [Newspaper Article] — Foster and Toora Mirror and South Gippsland Shire Advocate — 30 April 1914
BLACKIE'S SYMPATHY. A delightful slory is iold of the grand old professor of whom ImIiii uurgh is so pre ml. l'rofcsn r Illackie was lecturing to a new class with w'-ose personnel he ,V;i ; very imperfectly acquainted. In aiisire; 'i sonu direction given by tlie .eeiiiror, a student rose to road a paragraph, his book in his left hand. "Sir!" thundered ISiackie, "hold your hook in your right hand." And is die student would have spoken, Wo words, sir! Your right hand, 1 ;ay;." Tlie student held up his right arm. ?uding piteously at tile stump of its ?vrist. ".Sir, 1 hae nae riclu hand," he said, in:l his voice was unsteady. Het'oro lilackie could op"ii li'.s lips, lIh re arose from the class such a ter ,'itic s::>rm of hisses as one perhaps must go to Kdinburgh to hear, and by l his voice Was overborne as bv a wUd sea. '."hi n tlie professor left his place ?ind wmt down to the student he had unwittingly so hurl, lie put his arm about the lad's shoulders and drew aim close, and the ...
A Fishy Story. [Newspaper Article] — Foster and Toora Mirror and South Gippsland Shire Advocate — 30 April 1914
A Fishy Story. J11 our (own at. home was a pomp ous "self-made" man who was wont to boast, of his affluence. Two compan ions wero one day discussing hit; merits and demerits. "Yes," said the first, "he is 'a big fish' now, surely enough!" "True," said the other, "but like many big tisli, he began life on a 'small scale'!" It is curious that a man and a girl who have found room in tlie same chair before they marry often iind there is scarcely room for them in the same house alter they are mar ried. Every man of sound brain whom you meet knows something worth knowing better than yourself. If you have built castles in the air your labor need not be lost; thai is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them. lie that would govern his actions by the laws of virtue must regulate his thoughts by those of reason. Maude: "She's such a quiet little person that I'm surprised to hear she's wearing a diaphanous skirt." Edna: "Perhaps slio believes in the old saying that little girls ...
Checked. [Newspaper Article] — Foster and Toora Mirror and South Gippsland Shire Advocate — 30 April 1914
Uc; had plastered his touehed-up hair down over his bald spot, aud he had assumed a confident smile. His shoes were shined, a'.ul so was his nose. And then he called on the young lady. ".My object in calling on you this evening, Gertrude," hi began, and then lie coughed and ad:!ed in a trem bling voice, "I may tail you Gertrude, may I not?" "Of course you can," answered the young girl. "I allow all of papa's eld erly friends to call me Gertrude. The oldest of them even call me Gert. You may say -Gert,' if you wish. What was it you wanted to talk about?" lie coughed again, and then talked about how [lie days were drawing in now.
Words of Wisdom. [Newspaper Article] — Foster and Toora Mirror and South Gippsland Shire Advocate — 30 April 1914
Words of Wisdom. Dr. J. Jl. Buckley, who is writing his auiobiograr'iiy in the "Christian Advocate," relate.-; that lie once saw Tennyson in the South Kensington .Museum with two ladies and two chil dren. Mr. Buckley circumspectly drew ne:ir, hoping to overhear some words of wisdom from the great man. Ho continued these nctics for an hour, but without succe;=. Tennyson kept right on, saying nothing. At last Mr. IJuckley deleted >on!e premonitory symptoms of spo-.'ch, drew softly nearer, and heard these never-to-be forgotten words: - "You hold the children while I get a of beer."
A Boomerang Rebuke. [Newspaper Article] — Foster and Toora Mirror and South Gippsland Shire Advocate — 30 April 1914
A Boomerang Rebuke. A certain careless student in a small college suffered from obesity, and it appears that even, college professoro do not love a fat man. One day, after a particularly unsuccessful recitation in mathematics, the instructor said scornfully: "Well, .Mr. Blank, you arc .better fed than taught." "That's right, Professor," said the youth, snbsidiiu-'heavily into his chair, "you teach me-I feed myself."
HISTORIC STAINS. [Newspaper Article] — Foster and Toora Mirror and South Gippsland Shire Advocate — 30 April 1914
HISTORIC STAIN Visitors to the famous castle of U'tirt burg. in (iermany, tire always very carefully shown a big black patch upon tin- wall. The room where this stair, up iti the wall is shown was occupied by .Martin Luther when he was a prisoner in litis caslle, and here he commenced his famous trans lation of lite Bible. The .tradition is thai Ha,,an appeared' to him in this room in order to make certain plaus ible suggestions to tiie great Reform er. His reply was to take up iiis ink stand and throw it at his visitor's head. It crashed against the wall, leaving a stain which has been rever ently preserved ever since. Undoubtedly the most, interesting room in .Scotland is the (-deeping chamber of Mary Queen of Scots, in the Palace of llolyrood, which still stands as it was when she occupied it. The walls tire hung with tapestry, and half-covered by it is a small door leading to Queen .Mary's secret stair. It was by this secret stair in the year 1500 that the assassins of the Queen...
CHAPTER V. [Newspaper Article] — Foster and Toora Mirror and South Gippsland Shire Advocate — 30 April 1914
CHAPTER V. When Sheila came to Sunnyside it was precisely as though the entire house was lit up by something joyful, something which strongly resembled sunshine. Sheila, whatever the Afric kanders thought;-,of her, was only a child, and she behaved exactly like one on this occasion. Her face was wreathed in smiles, her eyes were more expressive even than usual, the gleam or her poarlv teeth showed when she laughed and talked. She was particularly affec tionate to Peter Bellairs and to .Mar garet, his wife. .She ran gailv about the grounds picking the daffodils and violets, and altogether behaving liko a young thing who had never before enjoyed the delights of full liberty. Sheila was very much interested in her new garments, and as she tried on each jacket, each skirt, each hat with Its simple band of ribbon, she ?flew out to try to find her beloved Uncle Peter. She always called him Uncle Peter. He was her beloved, her darling. Peter Bellairs gazed cri tically at the frocks and hat...
GREATER THAN GOLD Published by arrangement with Ward, Lock and Co., London & Melbourne. All Rights Reserved. CHAPTER IV. [Newspaper Article] — Foster and Toora Mirror and South Gippsland Shire Advocate — 30 April 1914
GREATER THAN GOLD By L. T. MEADE, Author of "T!io Soul of -Margaret Rami," etc. Published by arrangement with Ward, Lock and Co., London & Melbourne. All Rights Reserved. CHAPTER IV. Mrs. Bellairs waited anxiously for lier husband. She waited to tell him what she had done, but at the same time she honestly dreaded imparting her news, for if there were an up right, steadfast, high-principled man, it was Peter Bellairs. He might not like her having written to the hotel to invite Mr. Kruger to lunch, ami .vet she could scarcely keep him in ig norance, for only by telling hi in could she get possession of the motor-car, which was to convey the worthy law yer to Sunnyside. In the afternoor ..a letter arrived from Ralph. He .mplored his mother to let-him have £100 without , delay. "1 have got into a little trouble over bridge," he wrote, "and must pay it at once. You'll manage, won't you, mums, dear, for you never failed a fellow . yet." (No, and never shall," thought the mother.)...
The Bare Canvas. [Newspaper Article] — Foster and Toora Mirror and South Gippsland Shire Advocate — 30 April 1914
The Bare Canvas. A painter of tlie "impressionist" school is now confined iti a lunatic asylum. -To ail persons who visit his studio, he says, "Look here; this is the latest masterpiece oP my compo sition." They look, and 'see nothing but an expanse o£ bare canvas. They ask, "What does that represent?" -"That? "Why. that represents the passage of the Jews through the Hcd Sea." "Bet; pardon, but vhere is the sea?" "It has been driven back." "And where are the Jews?" "They have crossed over." "And the Egyptians?" "Will bo here directly.. That's the sort of painting I like: simple, sugges tive aud. UDpreteatifJUB." .
A Modern Solomon. [Newspaper Article] — Foster and Toora Mirror and South Gippsland Shire Advocate — 30 April 1914
Modern Solomon. Another good story is told of Mene lik, by which it would appear he had studied the judicial methods of King Solomon. Two AbyssSnians were gathering fruit, one up a tree shaking the branch es, and the other below collecting the fruit as it fell. A branch snapped sud denly, and the man up the tree slipped and fell. Me landed on his companion on the ground, breaking the unfortun ate man's neck, but himself escaping without fatal inuries. The family of the dead man demand ed blood-money, and when the acciden tal murderer replied that he had no money they demanded his life. This the man declined to part with, and the case went before the judges, finally working its way up to the supreme tri bunal of Menelik himself. The claimants by this time refused to accept blood money even if offered, and demanded their fill right of a life for a life. "Very well," said Menelik in deliver ing judgment, "you have undoubtedly the right to claim this man's life, but the law says that th...
Taking Him Down. [Newspaper Article] — Foster and Toora Mirror and South Gippsland Shire Advocate — 30 April 1914
Taking Him Down. To h certain Southern town, on le gal business. cainc.a most pompons young lawyer, who, notwithstanding his name was McNaught. had an ex cellent. opinion of himself. He found it necessary to talk with Squire Gard ner, an unpolished justice, who had no good opinion of anything, and es pecially of anyone who had a good opinion of himself. The squire had never heard of his visitor till he call ed, and he was a poor hand at re membering names, but he was an ex pert in human measurements. The young lawyer proceeded promptly to say what he had to say, the squire listening, but watching. Presently he thought it was time for him io say something. "Hold on, Mr. McCipher," he began. "My name is MeXauglu," the lawyer stiffly corrected him. "lixcuso me, excuse me," apologised tiie squire, and finished bis remarks. It was not long before the squire again felt called upon to sneak. "Well, now, Mr. McZero he started in. "I said my name was McXaught." the lawyer interrupted sharply...
WIT AND HUMOR. [Newspaper Article] — Foster and Toora Mirror and South Gippsland Shire Advocate — 30 April 1914
WIT AND HUMOE. Marcella: Why do .you suppose Daisy Dashloigh turned her hack on Count Castlecrurn-ble? Waverlv: I think it was to show the dimples in her shoulders. "Fancy you grumbling about your food! I thought you said that your housekeeper cooked so weii?" "Yes; but: I married her, and now we keep a cook!" "So Paddy's s!iI! on sthrike?" "Yes. Firs,. lie s'i.hruck work, then lie st.liruck ibe boss, then he sthruck a 'copper,' and now he's sihriking lumps o' slit one in prison." . ".So you've been to France again, Mrs. C'omeupV" "Yes: it seems like we can't keep away from dear 1'aris. Indeed, my daughter says we're regular Para sites." Doctor (to patient): You've had a pretty close call. It's only your strong constitution that pulled you through." Patient: Well, doctor, remember that when you make out your bill. "No, I can't give you a job. I've as many hands now as I can find work for." "Well, that, needn't' stand in your way, gtiv'n'or. The. little I'd do wouldn't make no differ...
He Took Chances. [Newspaper Article] — Foster and Toora Mirror and South Gippsland Shire Advocate — 30 April 1914
He Took Chances, The judge in tlio wild and woolly West had declared that lie would stop the carrying of firearms in the street. Before him appeared for trial a tough youth charged with getting drunk and iiring his revolver in a crowded street. "Twenty shillings and costs," said the judge. "But, your honor," interposed coun sel for the prisoner, "my client did not hit anybody." "Why, you admit that lie lired the gun ?" "Yes; but he tired it into the air," explained the lawyer. "Twenty shillings and costs," re peated the judge. "He might have shot an angel." Woman is an angel who seldom ap preciates a man'who has not a bit o£ tho devil in him.
Out of the Difficulty. [Newspaper Article] — Foster and Toora Mirror and South Gippsland Shire Advocate — 30 April 1914
Out of the Difficulty. A characteristic story of Dr. Parker was told tlie other day by a clergy man, who had it from an old minister who was much interested in Joseph Parker's early work as a local preacher. One Saturday he met Par ker, and asked him whether lie had mi engagement for Sunday. "Yes," was the reply, and Parker went on to specify the place. "Are your sermons ready, Joseph?" asked the minister, "I have the morning sermon," was the reply, "but I am not sure about, the evening." "Well, Joseph, what is your text for the morning, and how do you treat it?" Parker went over his text and the outline of his sermon. "But, Joseph," said the minister, "that is very clever, but it is "not the real meaning of the text. If you will look at the commentaries you will see that you are wrong." Parker thanked him and went his way. On the Monday the minister again met his friend. "Well, Joseph, how did you get on yesterday?" "Very well," was the reply. "How did you manage?" "Well," lie said...
WINDMILL WIRELESS. [Newspaper Article] — Foster and Toora Mirror and South Gippsland Shire Advocate — 30 April 1914
WINDMILL WIRELESS. Holland is so flat that the wind mills with which it is studded are landmarks that can be seen Tor miles. So for centuries the windmill arms have been used as convenient signals. Births, deaths and marriages are often announced by this method in stead of by newspaper. The whole neighborhood knows that there lias liren a birth in the miller's family if the arms are seen in tlie po sition of a narow capital X, and with the two upper sails unfurled. If tho miller is being married. Un arms form a broader X, with all the sails unfurled. A death in the miller's family is announced by the wheel being turned till the arms form an upright cross, with all the sails unfurled. When this signal is shown all the other mills of the region show their sympathy by following suit. The codc of windmill "wireless" is quite a lengthy one. The doctor can be called, an appointment, postponed, and the message read miles away.
II. [Newspaper Article] — Foster and Toora Mirror and South Gippsland Shire Advocate — 30 April 1914
The dusk hail fallen sonic time, and had almost turned to decided dark ness, as Cranleigh's wife stood by the open studio window, waiting for Cur tis lo come uj> to dinner. She liated having her meals alone, and since her husband's departure Dick and she usually dined together, either at home or out at a restaurant. They had been very pleasant, all those little tete-a-tete meals, and the little jaunt3 that had ibeen the order of things dur ing this past two monhs of Cranleigh's absence. And it was wonderful, now she came to think of it, haw yuickly the time had passed. Two days inter her husband would be back-dear, good-natured, easy-going old John. And Dick-to-morrow Dick -would he gone. She wondered curiously, as Bhe leaned her arms on the window-sill, watching the twinkling lights on the river, that turn it by night into a won derful enchanted land, full of mystery and fascination, just why he was go ing off to Algiers on this trip; and she realised with somewhat startling sud...
THE TEST. STORY OF A WOMAN'S AWAKENING. I. [Newspaper Article] — Foster and Toora Mirror and South Gippsland Shire Advocate — 30 April 1914
THE TEST. STORY OF A WOMAN'S AWAKENING. By Constance Enne. I. Cranleigh, on liis side ol the break fast table, looked up wiui a sudden exclamation of dismay I rout the letter he was reading-a big, official-looking document. "Little woman," he Baul, regrei. fully, watching bis wife's lace, "I've gat to leave you." She put down n morsel of toast ana stared at him in pretty consternation. "Leave me?" she echoed. Then she flashed all the armor of her dimpling smile at him. "Tired ot me at last, .Iohe.7" sin1 as lied lightly. Ho laid a strong-looking brown hand over one of hers as an ansvtei ;o her query. "I'm afraid it's gain;; to he more than the usual few days this time, V &lt;!";? " he said; "and 1 can't take yon oii:. 'Villi 'me-Cairo. It means :i collide of months. 1 expect. Ihi. r'hief"-he fumed to the big, import ant-looking sheet again, beaded Down ing-Mrcet-'"The Chief says I'm to hold myself in readiness to start to day, if necessary." Hit liniiv puckered inlo a frown....
IV. [Newspaper Article] — Foster and Toora Mirror and South Gippsland Shire Advocate — 30 April 1914
IV. The woman shrank back Willi a cry of fear, ami Dick Curtis flun^ a pos sessive arm about lier shoulders-an action which maddened the man con fronting them. "Take your vile hand from my wife, you 'brute!" he said violently. "Since you've turned up at this in opportune moment," said Curtis slow ly, ''you may as well learn the truth once and for ever. If you hadn't been a blind fool-surely the simplest God ever allowed to live in this topsy turvy world-you would have known hotter than to go away and leave mo in charge, so to speak, of your wife. I tried to blind myself to things, but I was not. quite strong enough; that's all. I'm only a very human, ordinary flesh-and-blood chap, you see-not a paint, not even a level-headed old slow-couch like yourself, without any thing like real dee]) feeling. And your wife loves me, d'you understand, CranleighIt's damned bard on you, perhaps, but. there it Is-a sort of 'Fate,' you see. The pity oi it is we didn't all lind out before you married ...