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In Trouble Again. [Newspaper Article] — Toora and Welshpool Ensign and South Gippsland Observer — 22 May 1914
In Trouble Again. Traveller (to an Irishman): Well, Mike, I see you have a small garden. "Yes, sorr!" "What are you going to set in it for next season?" "Nothing, sorr. I set it with pota toes last year, and not one of them came up." "That's strange. How do you ex plain it?" "Well, sorr, the man next door to me set his garden full of onions." "Well, had that anything to do with your potatoes not growing?" "Yes, sorr. Bedad, them onions was that strong that my potatoes couldn't see to grow for their eyes water ing!"
WIT AND HUMOR. Bad Boy's Resolutions. [Newspaper Article] — Toora and Welshpool Ensign and South Gippsland Observer — 22 May 1914
WIT AND HUMOR. Bad Boy's Resolutions. [ "I will not put pins in my dear tea j cher's chair." (Tacks will hurt just as much, anyway.] "I will not quarrel and. fight with my big brothers all this year." (What have I got a little brother; for?) 1 will not play truant from school to go fishing or swimming." (That is, in the winter-time.) ' "» "I will be a regular attendant at Sunday school." (At Christmas-time anil just before the summer excursion, of course.) "1 will not talce mother's currant jelly frorii the pantry without permis sion." (Her raspberry jam is good enough for me.) "I will be kind to dumb animals, such as tigers, lions and elephants." (Stray cats and dogs, however, had better keep out o£ this neighborhood.) "I will not—Oh, that's enough. They say the good die young, and I want to live until I catch that red-headed boy in the next street who stuck out his tongue at me yesterday)"
NAPOLEON AND SCIENCE. [Newspaper Article] — Toora and Welshpool Ensign and South Gippsland Observer — 22 May 1914
NAPOLEON AND SCIENCE. We think of Napoleon as the great Lord of War, the butcher of human lives, the builder of a great empire, built only to fall even before the death of its founder. It is well to remember that his gen ius was great also in other most last ingly fruitful fields. He was not only a great warrior, but also a great states man—and as such he did not fail to re alise the importance to the community of arts and sciences. Writing to the astronomer Oriani, from Milan, which lie had entered in triumph, Napoleon said: "The sciences which do honor to tt^. human mind and the arts which em bellish life and perpetuate great achievements for posterity, should be especially honored under free govern ments. "... I invite the scholars to meet and to give me their opinions as to the means that should be taken, and the needs to.be fulfilled, in order to bring new life and activity into the sciences and the line arts. Those who wish to go to France will be received with dis tinction by...
HOTEL FOR "DOWN-AND-OUTS." [Newspaper Article] — Toora and Welshpool Ensign and South Gippsland Observer — 22 May 1914
HOTEL FOR "DOWN-AND-OUTS." An hotel for "down-and-outs," which has just been opened in Chicago by Mr. Charles Dawes, a millionaire bank president, is filled every night, while many are turned away Cor lack of accommodation. Mr. Dawes erecte 1 the house at a cost of £20,000, in memory oC his son Rufus, who was drowned. The hotel, the "Chronicle" says, provides a bath and a night's lodging for 2%d„ while private rooms can be secured for 5d. The rules of the house are framed so as not to hurt the pride of any of the guests. Soup can be obtained for a penny, coffee at the same price, and other food in pro portion. The place is a godsend to Chicago's poor workers, many of whom are out of employment at pre sent. E.'ery night the place is storm ed by those who wish to get in out of the. cold, a line of nearly 500 men awaiting entrance. The house ac commodates only 300, and the strug gles for priority of place in the line, are pitiful to behold. PATTERN FOR CHILD'S KILT AND JUMMPER. Many a....
WHICH END OF A POST SHOULD BE UP. [Newspaper Article] — Toora and Welshpool Ensign and South Gippsland Observer — 22 May 1914
WHICH END OF A POST SHOULD BE UP. - It ie a common belief-among "farm ers that a post will last longer if set in the ground the reverse of the. way i&lt; grew in the tree, in other words, with the hutt end up. Accordingly, one sees many posts, especially end and gate posts, with the small end down. The supposition is that sap In a tree is always ascending, or at le ist that It is easier for the sap to go up than down. Consequently, it is argued, turning a post upside down tends to prevent the rise of water, helps to keep the wood dry, and, therefore, renders it less liable to de cay. As a matter of fact, sap or, water can flow in either direction with equal facility and the popular notion to the contrary is incorrect. Careful experiments on the relative durability of post timbers have been made by the Ohio Agricultural Experi ment Station (says the "Scientific American") and the above question was considered. One fence in par ticular contained 15G black locust posts, of whic...
BROODING YOUN GCHICKS. [Newspaper Article] — Toora and Welshpool Ensign and South Gippsland Observer — 22 May 1914
BROODING YOUN GCHICKS. In. brooding young chicks the first thing to do is to sterilise the brooder thoroughly to be sure that all disease germs are killed before it is heated up. Then put in a layer of old news papers at the bottom. This will make the brooder easier to clean out. Over the paper put half an inch of sand, chaff or cut clover. This will help to make tho brocder floor warmer and keep tho chicks' feet warmer; also, as the chicks' legs are weak, they will not slip so much and got out of shape as they would on payor alone. It is time enough to heat up the brooder when tho eggs begin to hatch. The heat wants to be evenly distribut ed so that there will be no cold cor ners, as then tho chicks may crowd one another in trying to avoid them. Tho temperature should be up to DO deg, boforo tho chicks are placed in the brooder, and should bo kept there tho first week, for tho little chick then has a change from 102 deg. or more in the incubator down to 90 deg. The noxt week let th...
A Poor Congregation. [Newspaper Article] — Toora and Welshpool Ensign and South Gippsland Observer — 22 May 1914
A Poor Congregation. Mr. Robert Ford, who has just pub lished a delightful book entitled "This tledown," tells an amusing: story of u clergyman who stood for some time one Monday morning watching a man fishing for trout in a Scotch stream. "I'm a fisher, too," remarkecT the minister in the course of conversation, adding, rather unctuously: "But a fisher of men;" . "Aye," was the dry retort of the angler, "I had a peep into your creel yesterday.- Ye didna' seem to hae catclied many!"
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Toora and Welshpool Ensign and South Gippsland Observer — 22 May 1914
WOLFE'S-SCHNAPPS Spells Perfection in Liquor. It is a Popular Tonic. A LONG-SERVICE TRAMWAY OFFICER MR. CHARLES ROCK 42 Gladen Street, East Brunswick, for 33 years in the Melbourne Tramway Company, writes this letter (2/4/12), which i» of spccial interest to all Rail way anil Tramway mea, to CLEMENTS TONIC LTD. "In December, 1911,1 caught cold and serious pleurisy. For three days my temperature was 104 degrees. My life was des paired of, but through taking the doctor's advice I live to-day, he advised my wife to get Clements Tonic, as 'THERE WAS LIFE IN THAT MEDICINE.' They were the truest words he ever uttered, and I would have been dead only for that grand medi cine. My wife paid 2/3 for the small bottles, had she paid £40 she would have had good value. I have seen a lot of letters about CLEMENTS TONIC in books and papers, but what I find fault with is that every writer has utterly failed to give the proper value of thai medicine. (Sifctied) CHARLES ROCK." A Cairns resident writes...
A Mark of Nationality. [Newspaper Article] — Toora and Welshpool Ensign and South Gippsland Observer — 22 May 1914
? A' Mark of Nationality. "Sir'David Gill, the famous astrono mer, was once emphasising the extra ordinary care and minuteness with wllich astronomical observations were taken. One observation, he said, was ralher similar in its extreme minuteness to attempting to see tile hundredth part of the diameter of a threepenny-bit that was a mile away. "One can see that you're a Scots man," retorted one of his hearers. "Nobody else would bother about the hundredth part of a threepenny-bit a mile'away!"
A Persuasive Tongue. [Newspaper Article] — Toora and Welshpool Ensign and South Gippsland Observer — 22 May 1914
A Persuasive Tongue. At school in Cornwall, Mr. Rudyard Kipling, never a brilliant scholar, was known as "Gigs" (i.e., "gig-lamps," meaning spectacles), and was esteem ed because he won the confidence of an austere spinster who kept the lo cal tuckshop, with the help of three cats. She hated the college youths, grudgingly took their cash, and stern ly denied them credit. But "Gigs" went round one day, and, while his 'companions ivcre bursting vitii sub dued laughter, he blandly "talked cat" to the old lady, and succeeded in win ning her confidence to such an extent that his name—the only one—was placet! on her books.
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Toora and Welshpool Ensign and South Gippsland Observer — 22 May 1914
D. W MAIN STREET, FOSTER. Land Salesman _ Stock, Estate, and. General Commission Agent. Sworn Valuator. 1. and Selling a Speciality. Dstrict Agent for the famous Massey Hajris Farm Implements. r, GENT FOR—Royal Fire Inaur mice Coy., National Mutual Life Assurance Coy., Mount Lyall Manures, Federal Milking Machinp?, Melotte Separators. W. W. lias * large metropolitan neotion and is ia touch wiih clients all ovflr the Slate. P\ DEVENET GENERAL BLACKSMITH & WHEELWRIGHT. Junction of Main and Bridge Streets. Horses Carefully and Scientifically Shod General Blacksmithing of all descrip lions; Paling Knives and all kinds o Agricultural Implements made on the premises. The Wood working Department has been cousiderably enlarged, and it is un der the management of a first-class tradesman. Waggons, Drays, Spring Carts, and all kinds of wheelwrighting work carried out promptly. All orders executed in a thoroughly workmanlike manner and guaranteed to give satisfaction. UNDERTAKING In all...
A Wise Precaution. [Newspaper Article] — Toora and Welshpool Ensign and South Gippsland Observer — 22 May 1914
. A Wise Precaution. Two .seamen—an Irishman and a Scolsman-T-had' been breaking leave and had." been ordered to receive ten strokes oC the "cat." They had pre viously held very good characters, and, taking this into consideration, the captain said that if they wished to wear anything, to protect their backs a lititle, they might do so. The Scotsman replied that he would like to have a strip of canvas 011 his back, and this request was granted. "What would you like to have, Pat?" asked the captain, turning to the second seaman. "Shure, sir," was the reply, "if it's all the same to you, I'd like to have the Scotsman 011 my back!"
ALBERTON SHIRE COUNCIL. THURSDAY, MAY 14, 1914. [Newspaper Article] — Toora and Welshpool Ensign and South Gippsland Observer — 22 May 1914
ALBERTON SHIRE COUNCIL. THURSDAY, MAY 14, 1914. Present:—Cr Power (president), and Crs M'Galliard, Barry, Barlow, Christenson, Nightingale, Bland, and Pabey. -GORREsrOXDEXCK. Defence Department, stating that the Minister had approved of one S.B. 68-pr gnn, carriage, and slide being presented to the Shire of Alberton for decorative purposes.— CrPowor to move. Treasury, stating that interest to the amount of £6 19/5 had been in vested.—Received. Public Health Department, draw ing council's attention to risk of con tamination to pies, cakes, etc., ex posed for sale, and slating that offen ders should be prosecuted.—Referred to prosecuting officer. Education Department, inviting co-operation of council in celebrating Empire Day at tho bcIiooIk.—Re ceived. -Municipal Association, asking council to forward copy of any reso lutions they desire to be considered at the annual session.—Cr Fnliey to move, Shire of Nowham and Wood end, forwarding.copy of following resolu tion—" That this counci...
A Tourists' Resort. FOREST SCENERY. [Newspaper Article] — Toora and Welshpool Ensign and South Gippsland Observer — 22 May 1914
A Tourists' Resort. FOREST SCENERY. The recent improvement which has been effected by the Forestry Depart ment in clearing the undergrowth along the main road from Toora to Gunyali through the timber reserve, writes a traveller, has opened up that portion of the road, and the residents of Gun yah feel grateful for these small uicr- ^ cies. Some very fine scenery is to be seen while driving through the Gunyah reserve, and the fern glens make one pause with admiration and admit how perfect Nature is in her virgin state. Hugo fern trees up to twenty-five feet in height, mixed with beech trees, sassafras, acacias, and various kinds of flowering shrubs and creepers, with moss growing on the trunks of huge mountain ash trees, make the view a perfect picture. One feels surprised that the Gunyah Progress Association has not made it their business to stock the Agnes, Franklin and Morwell rivers with trout. These rivers take their head waters from the Gunyali reserve, and once the streams wer...
A 'Weekly" Story. [Newspaper Article] — Toora and Welshpool Ensign and South Gippsland Observer — 22 May 1914
A 'Weekly" Story. A maiden with a lot of Mon. Was. much beloved by everyone. She had a lisp, quite fetching, Tue., And crowds of "chappies" came to woo. But only one she cared to Wed., And when he asked her to, she said: "Oil, yetth, I will right gladly, Thur." Nor did she dally or demur. "Can'st cook?" her lover asked. "Oh, my!" She answered, "I can bake and Fri." Then down her lover promptly Sat. And signed her up to run his flat. l P.S.—When fifty weeks and two were done, That happy couple had a Sun.
The Etiquette Book. [Newspaper Article] — Toora and Welshpool Ensign and South Gippsland Observer — 22 May 1914
i he Etiquette Book. "Madam," lie began,' as the door opened, "I am selling a new book on 'litiquettc and Deportment.' " "Oil, you are," she responded. "Go down there on the grass and clean the mud off your feet!" "Yes'm. As I was saying, ma'am, I am sel " "Take of your hat. Never address a strange lady at her door without re moving your hat! "Yes'm. Now, then, as I was say ing " "Take your hands out of your poc kets! No gentleman ever carries his hands there." "Yes'm. Now, ma'am, tliis work on "Throw away your pipe. If a gen tleman uses tobacco he is careful not to disgust others by the habit." "Yes'm. Now, ma'am, in calling your attention to this valuable " "Wait! Put that dirty handkerchief out of sight, and use less grease 011 your hair in the future. Now you look a' bit decent. You have a book on 'Etiquette and ^Deportment.' Very well. I don't want it. I am only the servant-girl... Go up the steps to the fronC tloor, and talk with' the lady of the house. She called rae a down r...
Not So Green As He Looked. [Newspaper Article] — Toora and Welshpool Ensign and South Gippsland Observer — 22 May 1914
Not So Green As He Looked. A man with a wife who lias her own ways about doing things is lucky enough to catch her now and then. "My dear," he said the other morn ing as he was dressing, "I think you were right when you told me last night that there were burglars in the house." "Why?" she asked nervously. "Because all the money that I had in my pockets when I went to bed is gone." "Well," she said, with an I-told-you so air, "i£ you had been brave and got up and shot the wretch you would have had your money this morn ing." "Possibly, my dear, possibly," he said. "But if I had done so I would have been a widower." She laughed softly then and gave half of it back to him.