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MURRABIT LINE. [Newspaper Article] — Kerang New Times — 13 February 1914
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Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Kerang New Times — 13 February 1914
W LL F. RYAN, ,a-.-sa-."-n Toa--av., is .- A G osn ods i 'i e ro si- I' A 4ýs trn.U iA iGe0a.t?tof -o?E opened Xmas Goods __ I"_ - i eo5 A s S ons. i | rA large saytit of Goods jTis opeh. d at SPECIAL LOW PIGCES. suitable for XIAS PE-3SELZTS, GLASSWARE, 2CTLERY. La-7 - ,- r, Css Cr -ca s s B "-J. ''-'^ D^ n L T =--! CO ie'ss Ss4 fw!ss * f arp 2 cac)n TRAVELLINEG REQUIITES. - -/>,Ka Ci=-ws Peer *Ir- ; Ec E eE 5 s "£.& CH e3's Q -- V. Geo. Adams & Sons, Scoresby St-reet, K. AG. L. t?, Ci?,t; Jbr.J.,.!Tj?".&£?@ River Traffic. Arbuthnot's Services @ontinued. C;A.G7S zODrEATE. JL Ai.·lEI OI a& SQ55, £jris'rfc LosedzooL H. S K1 WARD, 24 to 38 SPEN'ER STREET, Grain, Sh~af & Potato Merchant, LUCERINE SPECIALIST. SLiafa'.r' ofi "HiA-WA' OWIT PLIHKES sZ: "IJPU. BIF.D' ORTMEI L. STbhes are obtaibabbl? fc all the lwliog roerst the iz Sttesw. To 8~ana at the Orwer' Farm, BENJEROOP, sd traed the imrmdiate neighborhood The Imported fydnWdale lStaUa, Lord ...
LITTLE BRAIN WAVES. [Newspaper Article] — Kerang New Times — 13 February 1914
LITTLE BRAIN WAVES. All a woman wants is to be wanted. The self-made man never quite gets the job finished. Young man, don't go to the devil before you are dud. A man laughs at scars when a wo man throws things at him. A woman's weapons are smiles and tears; a man's are cheques. The fool and his money keep many clever people from starving. A womhan will forgive a man every thing except another woman. Some girls can no more learn how to flirt than a fish can learn how to swim. With some girls a clear complexion is more important than a clear con science. A woman can generally damp a young man's ardor by throwing him over board. The man who is not conceited over his business doesn't deserve to have any. When a woman cheapens herself she soon learns that men do not care for bargains. - You can always score off a despondent suffragette by telling- her to buck up and be a man. You can tell how much respect a man has for a girl by the way he puts his arms around her. To be original is to ...
Diplomatic Jones. [Newspaper Article] — Kerang New Times — 13 February 1914
Diplomatic Jones. For hours Mrs. Jones had been, prepar ing vials of wrath against her bibulous spouse's return. At last a fumbling was heard at the street door latch. "So you've come home at last," she began, as she went to the door and let hi min. "It's a wonder you've got'home at all." "No diff-erly getting home, my dear," said Jones. "Moon's full." "There's more than the moon full, I'm afraid," she said scathingly. "Yes, we'ra all full." "What I" she exclaimed, growing scarlet with indignation. "Yish, we're all hill. Moon's full, I'm full, an' you're beau-ti-ful!" "Well," she said, with a faint smile, I suppose I'll have to forgive you once again." "Oh, dear," sighed the farmer's wife wearily, as she dropped into a chair after doing a hard day's work. "I feel just like being sick. My head throbs and my back "aches dreadfully. I want a "I declare," interrupted the farmer, jumping up and seizing his hat "that reminds me. I forgot to give the two year-old colt his condition powders...
Amused the Old Lady. [Newspaper Article] — Kerang New Times — 13 February 1914
Amused the Old Lady. There was a worried look on the gro cer's face hs he rushed hatless down the steps of Acacia Villa. "I-I'm sorry to say there's been a slight mistake, Mrs. Grumble," he pan ted. "You. ordered two pounds of oat-: meal yesterday, and by mistake my ap prentice put up some sawdust that our grapes came packed in !" "Oh," replied the lady. "Then I rec kon my 'usban' must 'ave got through about arf a pound o' woodfor break fus'." "Course 'e did," was the reply. The lady leaned back on the door post and for three minutes indulged in a laugh that brought all her neighbors to the scene. "Wal, that's right down funny," she observed, with a laugh. "Funny?" queried the grocer. "Yus, funny! 'Ere we've been mar ried thirty years come first of April, and Charles 'as never paid me a com pliment till this mornin' at breakfus' when blest if 'e didn't pass 'is plate for another go o' that sawdust, an' told me it reminded 'im of the porridge 'is moth er used to make !"
TORN TOGS MENDED—WITHOUT SEWING. [Newspaper Article] — Kerang New Times — 13 February 1914
TORN TOGS MENDED WITHOUT SEWING. When we are taking a brisk cross country walk our pleasure is sometimes marred, by a nasty three-cornered tear in our dress or suit. Here is a simple .and efficacious way of repairing the damaged cloth. Go to the nearest farmhouse or cot tnge and buy an egg. Place the cloth flat on the table and smear a little white of the egg all around and over the tear, on the reverse side. Now cut a piece of linen (a handkerchief will do) a little larger than the tear and place it over the rent so that it ad heres to the white of egg. Then get a hot iron and simply press it, without ironing, over the linen. The linen will adhere firmly to the cloth and will not come off even if wash ed. The rent in the material will now be almost invisible on the outside, and the mending will last as long as the dress or suit.
HOW TO PREVENT APPENDICITIS. [Newspaper Article] — Kerang New Times — 13 February 1914
HOW TO PREVENT APPENDICITIS. "Smile"-- that is the latest and cheapest, and, according to one author ity, the surest preventive for appendi citis. Loosen your facial muscles into a broad, beaming smile at least six times an hour, and you'll never 6o much as scrape a speaking acquaintance with a high-priced surgeon. This is the advice of Dr. Carlton Bar ker, an eminent surgeon of Washing ton. He asserts that many cases of this intestinal complaint can be traced di rectly to gloomy habits of thought. "Worry, and you'll get a pain in your side," is his warning to those who insist on going through life with a grouch. "Cheer up" is the word that goes from his camp, "and the more you laugh the healthier you'll me and the less aches you're liable to nurse in your stomach." M1ental worry Dr. Barker declares to be almost as frequent a cause of appen dicitis as the lifting of heavy weights, with its resultant strain. Imperfect mastication, to be sure, is qne of the primary causes and the bolt...
Wanted the Chain. [Newspaper Article] — Kerang New Times — 13 February 1914
Wanted the Chain. The shabby-looking man entered the bar parlor of the Blue Lion leading a mangy-looking dog by a handsome chain. "Well, gents," said the shabby man, "I've got a little dorg 'ere wot I wants ter sell, regular thoroughbred. Any gent give me three shillings fer 'im?" The company eyed the "specimen' keenly, and one of them said, after a pause:- . "Well,.lad. I'll give yer 'arf a crown." "Wot!" said the shabby one, in tones of disgust. "Half a crown for a dorg like that? 'Ere, I'll take.. two and nine." "All right, mate," said the other, handing over the money and detaching the chain from the dog's collar. "01 the chain's in the bargain," said I the shabby man. "Course it is," said the other dryly. "You don't think I want that dog, do you?" * This is your new little sister, Willie," said his father. "you will love her will you not?" "Y-es, of course," replied Willie, in a thoughtful tone. "But it will cost a good deal to keep her, won't it?" "I presume so," said the fath...
To Make Him Hungry. [Newspaper Article] — Kerang New Times — 13 February 1914
To Make Him Hungry. Somebody has suggested that Mr. Mc Kenna, who has ordered that the for cible feding of suffragettes shall be re newed, should be told this story, as it might help him in dealing with these refractory ladies. One morning the governor of a Ger man prison said to his chief warder: "I say, number twenty-five is behaving worse than ever. Put him on bread and water for a bit." "But he has refused all food for two days" protested the chief warder. "Then," ordered the merciless govern-_' or, "let one of the warders sit beside him and read aloud to him from a cook ery book !"
Willie Was the Patient. [Newspaper Article] — Kerang New Times — 13 February 1914
Willie Was the Patient. Small of stature, pale, and troubled looking, Willie was induced to be the butt of his fellow schoolmates, who were always teasing and worrying him. "Who's yer doctor?" was a favorite question from the bullies. Willie stood it as long as he could, and then one day he let go hard as the usual offen sive query was flung at his diminished head. "I haven't got any doctor at all I" re marked the boy, with calm dignity. "Then do you ever take any medi cine?" was the next question. "Oh, don't I?" Willie replied. "Fath er's a dentist, mother's a homoepathic, my eldest sister's joified the ambulance class, grandma goes mad over every new patent medicine, and uncle's a vet. Yes,' he added with a farnaway look in his eyes, "and they all pragtise on me."
Why He Applauded. [Newspaper Article] — Kerang New Times — 13 February 1914
Why He Applauded. The amateur theatrical performance was being discussed. "You- know that part of the play where the man seizes the woman, forces her into the cupboard, and turns the key on her P" "Yes." "Well, last night a fellow in the audi ence applauded it so much that they had to put him out." "I don't think there was anything to applaud about it." "Yes, there was. It turned out that the fellow was the husband of the ac tress, and it was the first time he had seen anybody shut her up!" "I sometimes wonder if life is worth living," mused the pesimist. "It is," replied the optimist. "It is worth living much hotter than most of hu livQ it."
Both Felt Ill. [Newspaper Article] — Kerang New Times — 13 February 1914
Both Felt Ill. Pat and Mike, just after thdir arrival over here, went into a restaurant. On the table was a bowl of mustard, and Pat took a big mouthful and put it into his mouth. The tears began to roll down his cheeks. "Pat, what are you crying for?" ask ed Mike. "Pat, what are you crying for P" ask ed Mike. "I just remembered," said Pat, "that exactly a, year ago to-day me old uncle was hung in Ireland." * Mike, by this time, had a spoonful of mustard in his mouth, and the tears be gan to roll down his cheeks too. "What are you cryinig for, Mike?" asked Pat. "Because you were not hung with your uncle I" gasped'Mike.
COLD MAKES THE HAIR GROW. [Newspaper Article] — Kerang New Times — 13 February 1914
COLD MVAKES THE HAIR GROW. It is a curious fact that a low tem perature is the best possible tonic for the hair. No explorer has ever. come home from the Arctio or Antarctic without a thick thatch. Sir Ernest Shackleton has drawn public attention to the fact that several of the men who accompanied him to the South started with thin and scanty hair and returned like testimonials of patent hair tonics. He attributed the result to the lack of germs in frozen regions, a lack which also explains why explorers in the Arc tid or Antarctic do not catch colds. Precisely the same effect has been no ticed among men whose work lies in cold storage rooms. The air they work in is always below freezing point, and a di rector of a, cold-storage firm recently announced that, from what he has seen. among his employes, it would scarcely be an exaggeration to say that a freez ing temperature will make an egg sprout like a shaving brush. Men af flicted with early baldness grow a nor mal crop of hair aft...
KITCHEN WRINKLES. [Newspaper Article] — Kerang New Times — 13 February 1914
KITCHEN WRINKLES. A cut lemon rubbed on the forehead will cure a severe headache. If you mix a little common baking sLda with the bathbrick you will find the knives will clean much easier. If a lamp wick is getting short, sew a piece of flannel to the end of it. This will be found to be as good as a new wick. To remove the mark of a scorch, wet whatever is scorched with cold water and place it in the sun. When dry, the mark will have disappeargd. When buying apples pick the heavi est; also test the fruit by seeing if, when pressed with the thumb, it yields a slight cracking sound. Brown boots and shoes should be rub bed over with a slice of raw potato be fore the polish is applied. This cleans and removes the stains quite easily. Films on 'starch can be avoided by making the starch in the usual way, add ing half a teaspoonful of salt. and c'jering with a thick cloth to pre vent steam from escaping. When steaming potatoes put a cloth over them before putting the lid on. They will tak...