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STRANGE PUNISHMENTS. OF THE PAST AND THE PRESENT. [Newspaper Article] — The Cobar Herald — 10 June 1899
STRANCE PUNISHMENTS. OF THE PAST AND THE PRESENT. It is not so very long ago that In our own country the Hit of offences for which the penalty was de ath was a very long one, and what tbis meant may be seen when we, go back as far as the time of Henry the Eighth, during whose reign, with a ve-ry much smaller population than the present, them were, under tbe strict ad ministration of orunl Inns, no fewer than 72.00D executions. Yet a little further back, and we find that under the Saxon Heptarchy it was possible to compound bvbu for murder by the paymoat of a fine Tbe Law's Fearful Cruelties. It would be almost impossible to believe tbe terrible cruelties which have beeu inflicted on unfortunate law breakers in the dark days of our own aud ether lands, if the records iu the matter were not unimpeachable. Cutting ofi the hands aud feet as a punishment was prac tised in every Kuiopean country save our own as late as two centuries age. Tbe cutting off of the ears, of which mention is fr...
ENJOYING A CHAT [Newspaper Article] — The Cobar Herald — 10 June 1899
ENJOYING A CHAT. One evening Sir Arthur Sullivan went to see Rubinstein at bis bouse in London. The fius sian composer asked hia /isitor to step out on to tbe balcony and smoke a cigarette. They sat down, twisted their cigunttes, and puffed the blue clouds into the air. After a long pause Sullivan observed— ' You are a great admirer of Beethoven, I presume?' ' fes,'1 answered Kubinstein. ' And Wagner P' ' No,' was the reply. That was all. Not anuthi.r word was spoken Thoy rocked I hem selves iu tbeir cbaiis and smoked away. After a long timo Sullivan remarked— ' I think it is time for me to bo going.' ' Don't say so,' said Rubluhtriu. 'Stay a bit longer ; it iB so nice le talk to you.' Sullivan remained, vent on rooking himself aud smoking into the imall hours, when he at length got up and said— ' I must really be off now ; I think we have chatted long enough.' Hubinstiin drew out bis watch, aad shook bis head in blink astonishment ' Half-past two,' he.aaid, ' Strango .how uickly ti...
Sneaking the Policeman's Beer. [Newspaper Article] — The Cobar Herald — 10 June 1899
Sneaking tbe Policeman's Beer. In a Scotch police court recently, a man was charged with obtaining goods by false pretences — the pre tence being that he represented himself to.be a police officer in the public street after closing time, Magistrate (sternly) : ' What did the prisoner at the bar do ?' Female Witness (the keeper of a small ale-house) : ' The mean feller rappit at ma side entrance, yer worshup, and drank the jug of beer I shoved out.' (Sensation in court). ? o ? The world of fools has such a store That he who would not see an ass Must bide at home and bolt his door And break his looking-glass. How many wives may a man have, according to the Prayer-Book ? — Sixteen : Fo(u)r better, 4 worse, 4 ticher, 4 poorer; tolal, 16.
improvements in Wheat Culture. [Newspaper Article] — The Cobar Herald — 10 June 1899
improvements in Wheat Culture, From the'Agrkultural Gazette of N.S.W. The following extracts are from an article by Mr. AI. A. Carleton, of the Division of Vegetable Physiology and Pathology, United StateB Department of Agriculture, AVaBhington. Tho observa tions, confirming, aa they do, similar investigations conductod in this colony, will be of especial interest to those employed in wheat growing here : — 'There is probably no agricultural product more variable as to supply and demand, and consequently more subject to variation in price, than wheat. It may bring a high price for one or two seasons, ouu men iuii grauiiy iu value xor ueverui years in succession. These fluctuations are due to a number of causes, among which may be mentioned : (1) The fact that the natural wheat regions are, above all others, subject to extreme changes of climate, intermingled with seasons of prolonged and severe droughts with occasionally shorter seasons of too abundant rainfall, all tending to make ...
WOULD WANT FINDING. [Newspaper Article] — The Cobar Herald — 10 June 1899
WOULD WANT FINDING. A British far, conducting an American roun'l one of the English naval dock yards, asked the Yankee to express his opinion on the sights he bad-seen. ' Oh,' said the Yankee, ' I guess you havo a fine assortment of ships over hero ; but if they came over our side of the pond I guess and calculate they wouldn't go back in a hurry.' To which the tar replied : 'Just so. But if our fleet did happen to cross over, jou can bet your life it would take a better man than Columbus to discover America again.'
BORN TIRED. [Newspaper Article] — The Cobar Herald — 10 June 1899
BORN TIKED. I kiek, but my kick is a failure; I want a job eaBy, you know; I'd like to get paid in the summer For watching the first fall of snow. And I would be satisfied nicely To have nothing else just to do But to sit in the house in the winter And wait for the violets blue.
He Fought the Desert and Won. [Newspaper Article] — The Cobar Herald — 10 June 1899
He Fought the Desert and Won. James Tyson, the wealthiest man in Australia, who died recently, was, as a lad, and remained till the end of his life, a bushman pure and simple. Though he accumulated ereat wealth. he recognised none of the ordinary civilised uses of money, but main tained throughout his career the frugal habits of the beginning. He worked no less continuously at seventy than he had worked at seventeen, wore habitually a shabby suit of ready-made clothes, with a silver watch, of which a bootlace formed the guard, and ate only the same hard fare that had served him when, as a young labourer, he took the position of ' leading scythe' on the station of two brothers of the name of Vine. His life was lived in the open air, and as a man of over seventy years of age he was able to say of himself that he had never entered a church, or a theatre, or a public-house, lhat he had never tasted beer, wine, or spirits, that he had never sworn, and that he had never washed with soap —...
A Small Boy's Essay on Cats. [Newspaper Article] — The Cobar Herald — 10 June 1899
A Small Boy's Essay on Cats, Cats are curious cattle. They are selfish, they are grasping. When the attributes were parcelled out among the animals, the car got the gift of music. She got it by violens. No one knows where cats come from, but since the fashion of sealskin jackets came in everybody knows where most of them go to. But this is kept a profound secret among the owners of seal garments. They set the seal of secrecy upon it. Purhaps they are wise. The cat has nine lives— that is to say, she lives nine times longer than she ought. The cat is not sub ject to tax. Efforts have been made to insert a clause in the dog law to include cats, but thus far the cats have inserted their own claws. Not only do they escape tax, but the taxidermist also. They do their own stuffing. The Egyptian cat lived in a dark age. The modern cat closes her existence in a sausage. It is said that cats are cleverer than dogs, and more easily trained. They are great pedestrians, and can make more laps i...
Too Witty for the Vicar. [Newspaper Article] — The Cobar Herald — 10 June 1899
Too Witty for flu Vicar. Father O'Leary, a well-known and popular priest and wit, was on very friendly terms with his neighbour, the Church of England Vicar. They met on the road one day when the Vicar said excitedly : ' Oh, Father O'Leary, have you heard the awful news ?' ' No,' says the priest, ' what is it?' 1 Something awful,' said the Vicar; ' the bottom has fallen but of purgatory and all the Catholics have tumbled into hell !' 'OTi, dear! oh, dear,' says Father O'Leary, ' what a crushing the poor Protestants must have got.'
Didn't Appreciate the Ridiculous. [Newspaper Article] — The Cobar Herald — 10 June 1899
Didn't Appreciate the Ridiculous. Little Ruby was. entertaining Mr. Geezeley while Miss Fripperson was upstairs adjusting her back hair and giving her face a few final dabs with the powder du(T. ' My sister says you ain't got no idea of humour,''said Ruby. 'Indeed,' Mr. Geezeley returned. ' When did she say that ?' ' Jist after you were here the last time. She said she seen you lookin' at yourself in the mirror several times, and you never laughed wunst.'
Match with M.C.C. DECISIVE VICTORY. [Newspaper Article] — The Cobar Herald — 10 June 1899
Match with M.C.C. DECISIVE VICTOEY. On Monday the Australians com menced a match with the M.C.C. In their first thoy scored 358— Hill pla}' ing a grand game for 132, while Darling made 171. The M.C.C. made 245 in their first innings and 230 in the second. The Australians mado the necessary 121 runs for the loss of 2 wickets. Darlivig made 53. The match was thus won by eight wickets.
Kitchen Recipes. [Newspaper Article] — The Cobar Herald — 10 June 1899
Kitchen Recipes. j Apbicot Fbittebs.— Drain the syrup from a tin of apricots, bring it to the boiling point, add half a cupful o£ sugar and one taklespoonful of cornflour dis solved in a little cold water. Stir until clear and thick, drop in an inch stick of cinnamon and simmer for five minutes. Beat together the yolk of one egg and one quarter of a cupful of cold water; add half a cupful of flour, one quarter of a teaspoouful of salt, one teaspoonful of powdered sugar and half a teaspoonful of olive oil, and beat until smooth. Whip the white of the egg to a stiff dry froth, stir lightly into tho batter and set away in a cool place for at least two hours. Have ready a pan of smoking hot fat. Dip each piece of drained fruit into tho batter, drop into the hot fat and cook to a golden brown. Drain for a moment on unglazed paper, and serve with sauce. Tomato Crkau Soup. — In a saucepan put half a quart tin of tomatoes, half a small cnion, one scanty teaspoonful of salt, one teaspoonful ...
TOOK HIM SIX MONTHS TO GET OUT. [Newspaper Article] — The Cobar Herald — 10 June 1899
TOOK HIM SIX MONTHS TO GET OUT. At an hotel recently, a young man was describing what he had seen in America. He said he had been in a field in America whore, if you got into tbe middle of it, it would take you a week to get out. 1 Oh,' replied an old man in the corner, 1 1 have been in one where it took me six months to get out!' ' And what field was that ?' asked the young man. ' Well,' said tbe old man, ' it was Wake-field (Gaol) I' The young man gave up telling Yankee yarns after that.
FOR SOME PURPOSE. [Newspaper Article] — The Cobar Herald — 10 June 1899
j FOR SOME PURPOSE. 'David,' a Scotch character, had a big mouth ornamented with a big tooth in front. Some of his friends wished him to have it removed, but he would not listen to them. He maintained that the Almighty bad some purpose in Eutting it there, so it did not become im to frustrate lhat purpose. One day, at a public dinner, a maiden lady of uncertain ago and appearance quizzed him about his being a bachelor. With the bluutness of those days, she said, at last: ' If it were not for that tooth I might take ye myself.1 Looking iu bis quaint way at hei, he quietly replied : ' The Almighty likely put it the»e, then, to save me from that fate.'
HIS LAST SENTENCE. [Newspaper Article] — The Cobar Herald — 10 June 1899
HIS LAST SENTENCE. A good laugh was raised at the last Assizes at Darlinghurst. The judge, it appears, was unable to catch the evidence of a witness, and his loidship exclaimed : 1 What was your last sentence ?' The somewhat unexpected reply was : 'Six months, your honor.1 ,'^ Why is a waiter like a racehorse ? — Because' he runs for cups, plates, and steaks. When is a teapot like a kitten ?— When you (teas-in it) teasing it.
A SMART DEFINITION. [Newspaper Article] — The Cobar Herald — 10 June 1899
A SMAET DEFINITION. Mr. Jones, the school inspector, expressed himself very pleased with the work of the upper school. ' Now,' he said to the master, ' let me see if vour younger pupils are equally intelligent. I will begin with a little grammar. Who can tell me the gender of woman ?' A Bright Scholar : ' Feminine, sir, but when new is before it, it takes the masculine.' Mr. Jones considered that the instruction was quite up to date.
A CATCH. [Newspaper Article] — The Cobar Herald — 10 June 1899
A OATCH. Trv It On Your Clever Friends. ' How do you pronounce t-o ?' Answer : ' To.' ' How do you pronounce t-o-o ?' ' Too.' ' How do you pronounce t-w-o ?' ' Two.' ? And how do you pronounce the second day of the week ?' 1 Tuesday.' ' Well, you may call it so if you like, but I call it Monday.'