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LAUGHTER IN COURT. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 14 February 1914
LAUGHTER IN COURT. The witness was being goaded al most beyond endurance. "How long have you been at your trade of tin-roofing: ?" went on the pitiless cross-examining counsel. "I have worked at it off and op, but have only worked at it steady for the past twelve years." "How long off and on have you worked at it " "Sixty-five year's." "How old are you?" "Sixty-five." "Then you have been a tin-roofer from birth ?" "No, sir; of course I haven't." "Then why do you say that you have worked at your trade sixty-five years?" asked the counsel, with an air of triumph. "Because you asked how long off and on I had worked at it. I have worked at it oiT and on sixty-five years —twenty years on and forty-five off." The inquisitor hurriedly finished his examination in great confusion.
THE UNNEEDEO TONIC. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 14 February 1914
THE UNNEEDEO TONIC. "Yes," paid tho doctor, "there-ia no doubt about it; you are run down. But that can soon he put right, as you have had the sense to come to me in tiino." He stopped spanking and wrote out a prescription on a half-sheet of noto paper. "Take this," he said, "to the chemist, and get him to make it up for you. It will put you right again, and will only cost half-n-erowu." After fumbling in his pocket for a few minutes the patient spoke: "Doctor," ho said, "would yon mind lending- me the half-crown?" The doctor, without utt-oring a word, took hack the prescription ho had just written, tore it up, and made out another. ''Here," ho said. "This will only oost you threepence. The other would have been quito unnecessary—it was for your nerves! Good-morning!" Tho nearer you oome into relation with a person, tho more necessary do tact and courtesy becom®.
CHOIR AGAINST PARSON. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 14 February 1914
CHOIR ACAINST PARSON. It looked like ;i duel between the parson and the choir, and at the end of the ninth innings the score seem ed to be in favour of the singers. It was at the morning service, anc! the minister, sitting" in the pulpit, with a dignified expression, listened to the singing of the usual anthem. Then he arose and announced in a loud clear voice:— "My text will be, 'Now, when the uproar had ceased. ,M For a moment the members of the choir looked as if they had been fed on persimmons instead of peaches, and then they got together and. in the softest kind of whispers, )began to talk it over. As a result of the sub dued conference a slight change was made in the musical programme, and when the sermon had ended and the organ pealed forth, the choir sang, "Now it is high time to awake aftei sleep."
WHY TO SHUN BANISTERS. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 14 February 1914
WHY TO SHT'X 11ANISTERS. If we expect to avoid coming in con tact with aJI sorts of dreaded disease germs, wo should avoid catching hold of the stair banister on the stairway where people of every walk of life .ire passing hourly. We naturally slide our hand up or down the banister as u means of support or protection, but by so doing we are placing ourselves in much greater d-.'Sigor. Caretakers of : I! public buildings should bo couipell.d to keep the stair banister as clean as possible. A carbolic wash or other nntcscptic should be- / used. In school buildings the stairways should be made in such a manner as to avoid the banister. Iron railings or banisters are more sanitary than wooden ones, and easier to keep clean. Brass ones are worse than wood. Lifts hare killed a few people, but at the same timo they have saved the lives of thousands in permitting peoplo to go up and down in great structures without being almost compelled to run thoir hands through a coat of disease aorms.
A NEW BULLET. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 14 February 1914
| A NEW BULLET, i A. M. Rogozea, a Spaniard, claims to have invented a marvellous new bullet, destined to revolutionise the art of warfare; for, fired from an old smooth-bored gun of 1830 pattern, with a charge of but nine grammes of powder, it can destroy walls or houses at a distance of 1200 yards, or, dis charged from a modern rifle, at a dis tance of over 3000 yards. The bul let is 7 inches long, pointed like an arrow, and weighs some 7oz. It is rather a diminutive shell than a bul let. One of its many qualities is that, though fired with black powder, not the faintest breath of smoke is sues from the gun at its discharge. There are no flames. The bullet proceeds even from a smooth-bore gun in a straight line not in a series of loops as it apparently ought to do according to the laws of "bal'stics." M. Rogozea has also another fusee bullet, which explodes in the air, and . ; sets, or ought to set, a hostile dirig j ible on lire.
NEW, ODD, INTERESTING. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 14 February 1914
NEW, ODD, INTERESTING I lie tluimb is strungcr than all the fingers together. The leaf of the pineapple plant can he wrought into a serviceable cloth. 1 he best marksmen arc usually those with grey or blue eyes. 1 he jaw of the shark furnishes the best watchmaker's oil. In each shark is found about half a pint. A well-proportioned man should weigh twenty-eight pounds for each foot of his height. Opals, when first taken from the mine, are so soft that they can be pickcd with the finger-nail. During tho last contury war caused tho death of ovor 30,000,000 civilisod men. A novel invention is a tiny electric lamp to be worn on their caps by bandsmen at night. It takes the constant labour of GO,000 people to malce matches for the world. Throughout the world blind men out-number blind women in the pro portion of two to one. During tiro last four years Sootland has lost 200,000 of its population as a rosult of emigration. A stone house is not so durable as one of brick. • A brick house, we...
FORTUNES IN SONGS. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 14 February 1914
FORTUNES IN 80NC8. The recent death of "Stephen •Adams," in private life Mr. Michael Maybrick, composer of such world famous ballad songs as "A Warrior Bold," "Nancy l,ee," ''The Midship mite," "The Star of Bethlehem," "The Holy City," "They all Love Jack," and "Thora," reminds one that, unlike many other composers of popular songs, who have usually sold their compositions outright instead of on the royalty basis, he must have made a good sum from his.music. It is true that he sold "A Warrior Bold" for five shillings, a song that produced royalties for its lucky pur chaser that ran into four figures, and he also offerer] "Xancy Lee" to a pub lished for twenty guineas. This, how ever, was refused, but after hearing "Stephen Adams" sing it at St. James's Hall the publisher offered 100 guineas. This time the composer re fused, and the song-, which the pub lisher might have had for ^21, ulti mately cost him several thousands in royalties. A £10,000 Song. Out of the profits of his ballad...
CAN'T STOP EARS CROWING OLD. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 14 February 1914
• CAN'T STOP EARS CROWING OLD. Thoro scomn to bo no hope for your earn. Tlioy will grow old, no nmltor what you may try to do for thorn, Tho other features of the> (aeu respond mora or Iosh roadily to troiilmoiit l)y tho beauty doctor, lint tho oars aro liopoloas. Only rory young pooplo liavo really protty oars. Wo nil know what conBti tutos a protty enr—BliapolinosB, plitin^ noaB of outlino, and rosiness. In addi tion, it must bo small. But ovon tho most hoautiful onr hus lost much by tlio time it is in its early thirties. For ono thing, it is not so Bhapoly as it was. Aging is a wasting process; its most significant p hen union on is shiinkngo of tissuo. This shrinkage makes itsolf apparont earliest in tho oar. Tho oar is built on a skeleton of cartilage. When tho onolosing layer of fleBh shrinks oven a littlo, it begins to rovoal mora or loss of tho harsh outlino of the cartilaginous skolotori. Loss of boauty is the rosult. Owing to tho samo tendency to shrink, a vortical lino...
Edlble Insoots. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 14 February 1914
Edlblo insoott. Certain insoots, resembling the nor thern Juno bugs, oro foutid in grout quantities in the high plains about Quito, and aru toasted by tho natives and oaton as a dolieaoy. They aro also sold in tho Btroets, just as pofiiiuts or othor nuts would bo. A traveller tast ed ono and found that it was vory much liko toastod bread, with no par ticular flavour. While this may seem a ourious and porhaps repulsive form of food, it is really no worse than a soft shell or oyster crab, which last named io generally eaten while still alive. It is oil a matter of custom.
WHAT THE CAT FOUND. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 14 February 1914
WHAT THE CAT FOUND. [ It was a very wet day, and the chil ! dren made up their minds to have a ! game of hide and seek about the rambling old house, which was to be 3old very soon, for their uncle with whom they were staying- had lost all his money. Fluffy, the cat, joined in tlit fun, and led them a great chase | in and out of cupboards and up and I down dark flights of stairs, until at ! last she disappeared into a hole in the , ccllar and they couldn't ffet her out again. ; Tom, the biggest boy, at last broke away some of the rotten floor-boards, i and let himsclj carefully down the hole feeling rather nervous. His sister ran j back to the kitchen for a candle and | handed it to hira, and by its light he f found himself in a long, low room, very musty and fusty and dusty. : Fluffy was sitting in a corner watch | ing a mouse-hole, and near by was a j heavy oak box, tied up with strong' | ropes and carefully sealed. Tom lifted it with great difficulty f and handed it out through th...
MENDING BROKEN OILSTONES. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 14 February 1914
AlENDING liUOKliN OILSTONES. A broken oilstone can bo raptured so that it will lust until tho stouo wears out, in tho following manner: Tho piocoft aro lirst heated on an iron plate to romovo all oil, then thorough ly cleaned. Tho surfaces to bo joined al'e well dusted with powdered shellac, which is melted by heating in tho sumo inunner. The parts aiu then placed together and tightly clamped until 1 they becomo cool. The joints thus inado will not interfere with tho cutting sur j face.
SOME CONUNDRUMS. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 14 February 1914
SOME CONUNDRUMS. q Why is a sheet of foolscap paper like a lazy ? A A Sheet of foolscap paper is an inklincd plane, an inclined plane is a slope up; and a slow pup is a lazy d0Q What is the difference between a young Rirl and an old maid? A. One is carelcss and happy, tho other hairless and cappy. q Why can't a dumb man tickle nine people? _ .... A. Because he can only just-ticldc eight (gesticulate)'.
AMERICAN HUMOUR. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 14 February 1914
AMERICAN HUMOUR. No Fivaurltcs. -Definition of a boarding-house strawberry sliort-cake: A circular solid, cyriy point in whose perimeter is equidistant (rom tlit; air,iwherry. * * » * * Eltlor Slslor.—Tiic One: "VVlio is the Kri.rI that just passed?" The Other: "That's Miss Nutt." Tlie One: "Hazel?" ' The Other: "Ches." Similar.—She: ^Tjid you ever play polo ffc: "No, but I fell off the top of a clothes-horse once with a hammer in my hand trying- to fix a gas fixture." • * * # » Not So Bad as That.—"Women sra certainly trying hard to bacorao man's equal." "Oh, I think you wrong us. All tfia women I know seem ambitious to go forward rather than backward." Cross Carelessness.—'"Bill's going to sue the company for damages." "Why, what did they do to him?" "They blew the quittin' whistle when 'c was carrin' a 'eavy piece of iron, and 'e dropped it on 'is foot." • « • * » Tho Proof.—"Tush!" said Bubbs, contemptuously. "A woman never knows what she wants!" "That's true enough," said Mrs. ...
Paraguay's "Spider Lace." [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 14 February 1914
Paraguay's "8pldor Laco." Missionaries in Paraguay more than 200 years ago taught tho native In dians to mako laeo by hand. Since that day, says aa exchange, tho art has groatly dovolopod, and in certain of tho towns lace making is tho chief oc cupation. Almost all tho women, many children, and not a few men ore en gaged in this industry. A curious fact with roference to tho Paraguayan laces is that the designs were borrowed from tho strange wobs woven by tho semi tropical spider that abounds in that country. Accordingly, this lace is by the natives called nanduti, which means T&lt;spidor wob."
A City of Shrines. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 14 February 1914
A City of Shrine9. Pagan, ono of the ancient capitals of Burmah, is in many respects the most remarkable religious city in the world. Jerusalem, Benares, Home, Kioff, none of them can boast the mul titude of temples and the luvishuosis of design and ornament that mako marvellous this deserted capital on tho Irawaddy. Deserted it practically is, for the flimsy huts that stand by the river aro inhabited by pagoda-slaves and mon condemned to perpetual bog gary. For eight miles along the river bank, and extending to a deptTi of two miles inland, tho whole space is thick ly studded with pagodas of all sizes and shapes. Tho very ground is bo thickly covered with crumbling rom nants of vanished shrines that, accord ing to tho popular saying, you cannot movo a foot or hand without touching a sacred thing.
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 14 February 1914
A UK SO PMUS&NT TO TAKE, 1 was inclined to bo conetipatad and was alwoyfa complied 10 fciku u laxative,' wriiea Mr Hugh MoNaagbton, Labeck, Vio. ' Cbamberlftin'B Tablets wc-ra rtioomtoouded to ido and u few doaoe relieved mo of this tronblosomo oomplaiut. I think eo Li^hly of Horn that I now tako aa occasional doue which Ublps to keep mo 10 good healtb.' S .Id by T. J. Weight & (Jo- Prop. Ltd., and U. P. Kiofi, ohemibh. RHUHGH SERVIGlS. 0 L Y T It I N* T y 0 EDKUH Dili Sunday after Epipbony. Febroary 15 Borvioea wi I bo hold to-morrow a follows:—Morning at 11 »nd Evening at 7 Preaoher—Rev J. 11. UjwharEt. ST MATTHEW'S PRESBXTERIAH OHUROH. Divine BorviceB will bo conduoted to morrow aa follows ; — Morning at 1], Evening at 7. Subject—Morning, " 1'ho Sacrament ot Service." Evening, "l'bo Creed ol til# Man wbo Worka " Preacher—Rot H. U. Matthew. ^ETHUDIsT CHUROH, .STAWELL ScrviooB will be held to-morrow a9 lollows:—Morning at 11 aDd Evening •17, Rev lirido Barber, F.L.B...
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 14 February 1914
A« J Tiijlor, GUNSMITH, HO Vio'orift St.. Norh lticlimond, GONcvRIFijES & REVOLVERS repaired I3 your Gnu looet? It i-eefert;»l lo htve i» tight la get tile raazimam pcintrtttiori from yonr o»it"ds&lt;B. Ghds ri'tijjht "led or rtj >ir t from 12i Ci, Rann rottu-kad from £3, Grokon Stacks rf paired from 10s, Barrels browned, 0U1I dimaecns from lui, (iarrcla bored nod polished 0 remove pils troa 3Denta r&ioeri from 5r, Lsvor Sprirpa fiom 2s Cd to 3a 64, EitrdctorB from 78 (id. Hammers from 3j 6.1. Bt jcka bent aod oasl tff to suit oattcmer. 1 All priasn subjeotad to if (titration usbrdine I t4;ta»Uiyfcf^V«b3 e#()gt ot iretY, tad ' •itftfyy tisiitt' ' 1 a '4 jsU ii %J hLi^ m d At) Reduces Your Lfficiency and Shatters Your Health TNDIOL5STIOX his spoiled the lifo und shattered the health ot m-Aiiy a mm and woman. It should never be neglected. The occasional headache or pains alter eating, which trouble you nmv, may scarcely seem worth attention, lmt twelve hence...