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He Was Ready. [Newspaper Article] — Dandenong Advertiser and Cranbourne, Berwick and Oakleigh Advocate — 2 April 1914
He Was Ready. There was recently hailed into conut a little Irishman to whom the thing was a new. experience. He wae, how ever, unabashed, and wore the air of a man determined not to get the worst of it. "Prisoner at the bar," called out the clerk, "do you wish to challenge any of the jury?" Whereupon the Celt looked the men In the box over very carefully, and :ith a skilled eye. "WVell, I tell ye," he flnally replied, 'O'im not exactly in trainin', but Ol 2ould pull off a round or two with h:at fat old boy in th' corner."
Gone Again. [Newspaper Article] — Dandenong Advertiser and Cranbourne, Berwick and Oakleigh Advocate — 2 April 1914
Gone Again. At a certain public school it was the custom for the teachers to write on the blackboard any lnstruction they desired the caretaker to receive. One evening, while cleaning a room, the caretaker saw written: "Find the greatest common denoml nator." "Hullo!" she exclaimed. "Is that darned thing lost again." The April number of "The Story teller" Magazine is just in. The read er of this fine monthly gets splendid readling. The authors' names are a guarantee of great excellence. Jus tus Miles Formnan, Mrs. Ballle Rey nolds, Warwick Deeping, I. A. R. Wy lie, Captain Sthaw, J. O. Curwood write in this number. These authors could not write poorly if they tried. and It seems as tlough they are at their best in this number. Besldes the above writers HIT. de Yo're Stac poole. author of "The Blue Lagoon." writes a long complete novel entitled "'The Presentation." With all these attractions, it is no wonder tlhat the "Storyteller" is so great a favorite with magizine readers.
ABOUT CLEVER KIDS. [Newspaper Article] — Dandenong Advertiser and Cranbourne, Berwick and Oakleigh Advocate — 2 April 1914
ABOUT CLEVER KIDS. By One Who Has Suffered, I was sitting in the Green Park pondering the address I was to give to the Try Excelsior Class for Boys Only that evening. I had nearly hit on a novel epithet when the child arrived. It had escaped from a nursemaid, who was absorbed in reading "The Marchioness of ,the Mill" on an ad joining sent. Tlhe infant squatted at my feet, remarked confidentially, "Nice mud, daddy," and proceeded to investigate the mud. I ignored its claims to be my offspring, and pro cooded with the construction of my oration. Then the genial gentleman arrived and seated himself beside me. "Delightful child," he said. I grunted. "Easy to see who's his father," he proceeded, glancing from mo to the child. I started. Was this infant to he forced upon me? Talk about forcible feeding what of forcible fatherhood! "Unmistakable," said the genial gentleman. "I suppose he says a Great many sharp things." "There I differ. So far this after?? noon he has said nothing but 'Nic...
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Dandenong Advertiser and Cranbourne, Berwick and Oakleigh Advocate — 2 April 1914
-Important Notice. A.. J. HARR IS, Practical Tailor, 290 rrAPEs ST, rRAHBAN and LONSDALE ST., DANDENONG, :: Opposite Sale Yards, BESIRES to draw attention that he o is now showing a fine assortment of suitings in all makes and shoes, Best Spring Suits from 45s. G oant's own material made up. Stylish out and best work. Ladies' Spring Costumes a speciality, from £4 is. S Perfect Fit Guaranteed. A TRIAL SOLICITED. Go to Mrs Mellors' Lonedc~e Street, DANDENONG (Opposite Market) For High-class Lollies, Chocolatoes. Summer Drinks, etc. A large assort ment of Imported and Colonial bollies ?-. and Chocolates always in stock. ~? C;=-- I"E 'CREAM AND ICE DRIINKS A SPECIALITY, S. J. SLEITH LONSI)ALE STREET Dandenong. Ladies' and Gentlemon's Tailor, Is now showing a Fine Assortment of Autumn and Winter Material For an Up-To-Date Suit, give them an Trial. . RidingJ3 Breeches a Speciality. Suits Cleaned and Pressed. FOR A Good Shiave &i rlair Cut C: ALL AT J; MILNE (LATE OF J. IHOWELLS)] ...
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Dandenong Advertiser and Cranbourne, Berwick and Oakleigh Advocate — 2 April 1914
It fas No0 Equal I had cramlirg ping i in the storach and nothing gave m? caoe, soys Mits A. Jonz-. Main road, Mt Clcar, Vic, As a numler of my customcrsswear by Chnmberloln's Colic and Diarrl:een Rlemedy. I thought I would give it a trialand I guot relief after the first o0e. I think there is nothing equal to Chanmberlain's Colic and Diarrhona liemedy for pliusin the stomach, Sold by all store keepers and chemists Hacking Cough For about two years my Siu Erie hbad a nasty backing cough, Eayrs MIr Albert W. Coleman, Catambo, Monenr street, Dulwlce 111, N.S,,W. Then I Pave him Ohnmber. aIsin's Cough Rlemdy nsd after a fewr doses noticed be had grteatly improve. llfore we had giveno him the who:n bottle his ou?h had rcmp!otely disappeared. tli is now strong n:l wecll and valing wclght dolly. Sold by Sall'starekePlv- s and chemists [LU RCHI of Christ:Sunday School Sniversary. Town Hall, Dandanong, Sunday, April 5th, 3 and 7 p.nm. Preacher -Mr A. P. Wilson, Cheltenham. Monday, April 8i-...
Ended Happily. [Newspaper Article] — Dandenong Advertiser and Cranbourne, Berwick and Oakleigh Advocate — 9 April 1914
Ended Happily. As the farmer's wife laid down tile magazine that she had been reading and soulfully sighed, her husband glanced up from his newspaper. "What's the matter, Maria?" asked the old man. "IHave ye finished(i that story?" "Yes, Henry." answered Maria, "Just this very minute." "1 s'pose," said -lHenry, resuming his paper, "that it ended happy?" "Yes," answered Maria. "The beau tlful heroine got over a long spell of sickness, an', what's more, the story gives the name an' the price of the miedicine what cured her." Men always thlik a woman inter esting when they hear she is pretty, but they don't' think a woman is pret ty because they are told she is in teresting.
"NEDDY'S FOOTING IT NOW." [Newspaper Article] — Dandenong Advertiser and Cranbourne, Berwick and Oakleigh Advocate — 9 April 1914
"NEDDY'S FOOTING IT NOW." 8n-i.. i ii ? . At a certain ranilway station in the North of Ireland a farmer was wait Ing for the train with a doilkey hr had purchased. On the arrival of tile train at tile station the farme; asked the guard where he wouhli put the donkey. I The guard, who was ill a hurry, replied, "Put it behind," meaning to put it into a horse van. Pat tied tih donkey to a buffer and then got into the carriago himself. As the train was flying along at express speed Pat, turning to a conm panion, said, "By gosh, boy, Neddy'r footing it now!" Thle average Individual who selhl Lickets In a railway station acts like a nihilist; but down in hlls heart he feels himself nothing less than I czar,
What Was His Reward? [Newspaper Article] — Dandenong Advertiser and Cranbourne, Berwick and Oakleigh Advocate — 9 April 1914
What Was His Reward? The occupants of the railway car ringe were listening with joyful inter est to the tales of the young man in tile corner. He had been all over tile world several tnimes, apparently, and velling among cannibal tribes. One evening, when we camped, I had strolled off while my men prepared supper, when suddenly above a rock In front of me I saw the hleads of three natives who were watching me. What wasl I do do? My gun was at tile camp. To turn llback mea:lt having Iears through mle. In a nloment I secdded. Close by were some stones. Pretending l dildn't see the niggers, I bent dlown as if to examine the stones; then, quick as lightning, I picked up three of them and flung them with all my force at their heads. Every one fountl its (((ark, andl the three natives dropped like sheep. I always take a good aim, and it served me well then." t'lhenc the red-faced man opposite, who hIlad been listening carefully, chimed in: "An' wot did yer 'ave, guv'nor--a cigar or a coco...
TYABB AND HASTINGS SHOW AND CONCERT. [Newspaper Article] — Dandenong Advertiser and Cranbourne, Berwick and Oakleigh Advocate — 9 April 1914
TYABB aND HASTINGS SHOW AND CONCERT. Wilth fine weather and a splendid show of whit the dlisrict can produce, resulted in a record attendance both on Friday and Sat. urday, 3rd and 4th inst. Saturday uight's cIrowd thtor'uhly cujo~yed what was to be seen and heard, and good naturedly stood th. Scrub. LIittle Tyabb has seut an example to t he district in having held its show for two 5eouecutire days; no doubt the older !cieties wiall take a leaf out of this book and dolhkewiss. There was kern interest in the fr:it Fscktlu for export, and two nimble fifnlaeid young ladies beat the sternecr ECro by theirdeftness and agility. No doubt, as i1tne rolls on, the committete:ell eolarir.;e :th;r , rize-list so as to nmeltde poultry, dtFe, attl and hor,.e. I lo' viilted mnay shwos in Vtctoria. and there is one tem tha: shoult not e aluitwed within their prccincts. Ao iter lhat tnads to lt;er, not t.erate; ncultcs to s0ay, 1 muet Altuhol,
MAN, THE MONSTER: HIS DEEDS AND MISDEEDS. A Speech by a Famous Suffragette. [Newspaper Article] — Dandenong Advertiser and Cranbourne, Berwick and Oakleigh Advocate — 9 April 1914
* THr " ' !:i';ll *!r'¶i MAN, THE MONSTER: HIS DEEDS AND MISDEEDS, A Speech by a Famous Suffragette. The history of tile past and present, my sisters, is colored crimson with the deeds and misdeeds of Man, tlhe Monster. He stays out late and collles home early. IHe breaks open the children's money-boxes and buys Wild Woodbines with tllelr dclear little far thlngs. In the olden days lie would neglect his wife while lie went to the tourney; now he neglects her while he goes to the Old Bull and Pear Tree. In those same olden days hlie would make of her a beast of burcde, niow ie burdens her with Ieasts--what with his ferrets, his dlogs, Ills pigeonls, and Iis grailophonces! Ill fact, blood is oni Ills ihands; hIs feet are oni the crooked path; hlis eyes are alwans pickilg otll winners that hIave a pain Inl their legs and his nmouth is always occupled with a quart Dot or someone else's half-pilt glass. Hle is a wretch, a brute, a prevarica tor, and perfect wash-out. All the crimnes in t...
SCRAPS. [Newspaper Article] — Dandenong Advertiser and Cranbourne, Berwick and Oakleigh Advocate — 9 April 1914
SCRAPS. 'Ye beg to draw attention to the manonwealth of Australia's notice iich appears in titis icsne ro enrol hiient on tbo Elrctoral rolls of the State ofVictoia, aIr E1linors, of the I)asndcnong But. ( tarFctory, has bicn notilied by his Loudcn agent that the last th, e cn rtigauents of bu ter from the factory rca hed top rate for suportine bhtter, and I 4 1/per cent. noro than Western his Ittct top rates. Dandenong bulttor will have a good antme in London. Tho annual chrysanthemun seltow L in connection with St. lanmes', andso I noog. will bh hleldt in tthe Town Hall Wednesday, MI ay (ii:. Entries are . e on May 5, with Mr W. 11. A. dd, Messrs G. W. Purton, and W. Hands are acting as hottotary sec. trie to the function. 'In anotber column tenders are in. tised for the pulling duwtn and re* -; 0ction of the Mechanics' Institute, ypilock. j Mr Jack Gearon anucunces that the spond annual social of tlL locsl branch Ithe P.L.C. will be hell in the Dun 4Uong Town Hall on Eight Llours...
ON THE EDUCATION OF DELICATE BOYS. [Newspaper Article] — Dandenong Advertiser and Cranbourne, Berwick and Oakleigh Advocate — 9 April 1914
ON THE EDUCATION OF DELICATE BOYS. A great deal of nonsense, as it seems to me, is often talked about the danger of allosling boys who are dell cate or suffer from some physical In trmity to face the supposed rigors of public school life. It is supposed In nany quarters that a weakly boy, at one of the big schools, has his life 'adtle a burdlen to him by his conlpan lons, and runs tile risk of ha'inig hiis hcalth completely shattered. If the school is carefully chlosent anll is one in which there is anything approach ing a decent tone, I cannot help thinking that the opposite of tills is ulmost invariably tile case. Ioys hare mlore natulral good-feel ing than they are somnctiles given credit for. and in a good school the .greatest considerationi is shown by the boys for a coulupanion who suffers fromt some lphysical dlisabllity. More over, ithe watchful care which a boy receir-es at school (ipartlicuilarly if tile nmedlical authorities have been warned beforehand), coupled with the ...
RECENT BATHING ACCIDENT. TO THE EDITOR. [Newspaper Article] — Dandenong Advertiser and Cranbourne, Berwick and Oakleigh Advocate — 9 April 1914
RIUJENT IA.\TIIING ACCI?DtNI . TO TI?E E[ITOR. Sir,--ot:e threeo weeks go a baathing accident occurred in the Dandenouog Creek, al0 a fatal endiog was avetted only by the timely nud wel'-lircteld ttijrls o cno or two peroons pIresent. My daughter (Minine) nnd M.ay Melanie, went for a bathoe In tohe creek, and Ihey got out of their depth, My daughter went to her aid. aud alta got out of her depth. NeibhLr could swim, and both ank. tMay was rescoed by her brother, but my donhl(er was rescued by Thomas Evans, aftor repeatedly diving into S ft. of w(ater, and br:ought to tihe bank in an unconselous condirion, whereo William Bunney renderoef lstaiil, and after coniderablel exertion by him she regained COceciouones, and was nesistedl home and Dr A. I. Langley sent for, andt next day tshe w s out of ldanger. I thank the lads for their pluck and prompt aid, which undoubtedly erved my little girl'8 llfe.-Yours, etc.. WILLIAM REEDIE OAMEIERON, Kent Estatlo, Dandenong.
HOW TO MANAGE A WIFE. [Newspaper Article] — Dandenong Advertiser and Cranbourne, Berwick and Oakleigh Advocate — 9 April 1914
HOW TO MANAGE A WIFE. "Never ask a womanll to mend any thing," said the cynicnl old Paterfa milias. "When I wadt a garment mendled 1 take It to my wife, flourish it around( a lttle, and ensay, 'Where's that rag-bag?' '\What do you want with the rag.bag?' asks my wife. Her suspicions are roused at once. 'I want to throw this thing away. It's worn out, I say, with a few mtore flourishes. 'Let me see it,' r") wife Rsays. Of coutrse, I pass it over and slIe exatnlies it. 'Why, It only needs --.' and then she mends It."
DOES DANDENONG NEGLECT ITS FIRE BRIGADE? TO THE EDITOR. [Newspaper Article] — Dandenong Advertiser and Cranbourne, Berwick and Oakleigh Advocate — 9 April 1914
D.Kc' DU.NI)i zlONO NEGLECT I1S FLIU IIUGADK I TO TIlE EDITOn. Sir,-Are th,, Fire lHriaodesports on Easter Mondal y to risuilt in liiancial losi a3 on the l.it thrilere occaiios Will a large number of tla pub iu a~:ian fail in public spirit and visit tale btrach, go to o!her ceutres, o: stay at hlo:n, or will tIhey iluy;:ly supoort A deserv. iu; ainl nIzi3stery pui!ie' institution I Will tlihe connciios b I res. ira.nt on thb c.ccaisioa inil a ill riav of thll hueinea?. People iartlicularly of Loanlle stredt, ba tlcre ? WVil the gime!:! publli rise to tlh orcanion ? I wenderil I lve wondrie. loug why so 111n11y familiar Ii.cues alre liwavs co:-,pieuous by lthir ab f lne fiom tile l.Fie Eticgde's snnuaIl tffjrt to hI,!D ihmselvcs. I vonoer wou' l tkh aosenters expectc the lire bricndo Sto ve hu their Fr:o; ry iln c:su of i:? I woi.lcr whly ila ,lice.s tnnnl jaa of our brii. ' ! botllie anlout a bri,--l, at an when thly Ille.t will sucli inl.d If ::eUeU and i c l k of ilippir f., in !...
DON'T WORRY. [Newspaper Article] — Dandenong Advertiser and Cranbourne, Berwick and Oakleigh Advocate — 9 April 1914
DON'T WORRY. The Plague went forlth in thle land, and one met him asking if he could stay- his cruel hand. ilThe Plague an swered that he meant to *be merciful; he would only take five thousand from the earthil. Some timlle afterwards thlese two met agaill. "So thou art a liar as well as a mnur derer," said the other to the Plague; "thy five thousandt meant fifty thou sand." "Not so," answered the Plague. "I took but my five t.housarntld-Fear and Worry killed thle others."