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TERMINOLOGICAL INEXACTITUDE. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 27 July 1917
TERMINOLOGICAL INEXACTI TUDE. Gertrude Gladys was a blue-stock ing. Her shiny forehead above her round glasses hid an alarming am orut of grey matter. Gertrude Gladys came home from college for the Eas ter holidays, and arrived in a heavy downpour of rain. "Gertrude," said her mother, "were you out in all that rain ?" " No, mother," said Gertrude Gladys severely, "I was merely in that portion of rain that descended in my immediate vicinity."
WHEN DREAMS COME TRUE. FASCINATING STORIES OF GREAT MEN WHO BELIEVED IN THE WARNINGS OF SLUMBERLAND. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 27 July 1917
WHEN DREAMS COME TRUE;. FA3CINATING STORIES OF GREAT MEN WHO BELIEVED IN THE WARNINGS OF SLUMBER -. LAND. Scoffers generally argue, when stories of messages given in dreams are told, that the dreams are gener ally quite unknown to the world, and one cannot believe all one hears. But men who are known throughout the world have had messages and premonitions in dreams. Tennyson one night in November, 1850, dreamt that Prince Albert came to his bed side and kissed him, whereupon he re marked in his sleep : "Very kind, but very German." Next morning a letter prompted by Prince Albert, as Tennyson afterwards learnt, came from Queen Victoria offering him the Poet-Laureteship. The late Lord Duferin had a strangely warning dream. He dream ed one night in Paris that he was in a hearse on his way to the cemetery. A day or so later he was cbout to enter a lift at an hotel, when he recognised the attendant as the dri ver of the hearse in his dream. Startled, he stepped back, and the lift ascende...
STRANGE MONARCHS. A COOK WHO BECAME A KING. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 27 July 1917
STRANGE MONARCHS. A COOK WHO BECAME A KING. Quixotic and even dangerous as it may be to masquerade as monarchs, Englishmen, Scotsmen, and Irishmen have all been well to the fore in dar ing and successful schemes of such a nature. Not the least remarkable of these founders of States was the mer chant skipper, James Brook, who firmly established himself as- a ruler of the State of Sarawak, in the is land of Borneo, nearly a century ago. His judicious and equitable adminis tration inaugurated a new era for his subjects, and enabled him to found, as we may say, a dynasty, for the State now enjoys no little prosperity under the sway of his nephew and suc cessor, his Highness Charles Brook, G.C.M.G., who now reigns under the protection and suzerainty of Great Britain. HUNTING FOR A KINGDOM. The small group of islands known as the Cocos or Keeling Islands; in the Indian Archipelago, was likewise con stituted a semi-independent State un der the rule of a Scottish gentleman, Mr. George Clnne...
WISE AND OTHERWISE. DIED O' LAUGHIN. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 27 July 1917
WISE AND OTHERWISE. S DIED O' LAUGHIN' The young knrt had all the neces sary appurtenances for shooting-a gun, a curdoroy suit. double-peaked cap, and leggings-except the ability to hit anything. The small boy whom he engaged to act as guide passed from astonishment to mirth, and from mirth to disgust, as time went on, and the sportsman had .not bag ged anything. Suddenly the two were greatly as tonished to see a rabbit jump out from behind a log, look about, and drop as if shot. "There isn't a mark on it !" ex claimed the sportsman, as he picked up the "bunny." "No," replied the boy. "I guess he must have laughed himself to death.'
TOO SLOW! [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 27 July 1917
TOO SLOW ! The native of Creepwell-on-thc Crawly had come to London for the first time, determined to do and see everything. While wandering in one of the less salubrious thoroughfares, he saw a sign which read "Snail Soup." He decided to try this novelty, and, entering the restaurant, ordered a plateful. He ate with gusts--down to the last morsel-and smacked his lips over the new luxury. "Is it really snail soup ?" he asked the waitress. "Made from snails?" The girl rodded. "Didn't you ever eat it before?" "Never heard of it." She glanced at him pityingly. "Where are you from ?" she asked. The man told her "Don't you have snails there ?" "Certainly we do," he replied, with a long-drawn sigh. "We do-but we can't catch them." Edwin : "Do you mean to tell me when a man's going to get married he hae to pay for a marriage licence ?" Angelina : "Of course ! Don't you have to pay when you take a chance in any lottery ?" 2094.
THE SCEPTIC. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 27 July 1917
THE SCEPTIC. Private Hipson was the "bad boy" of the regiment, and for the fiftieth time was up before his colonel for breach of discipline. The- colonel glared. "Didn't I tell you the last time you were up ir. the orderly room that I never wanted to see you again'?" he said. "That's quite right, sir," replied the culprit. "But the bloomin' ser geant wouldn't believe it."
THE LAST STRAW. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 27 July 1917
THE LAST ST11AW. The theatre wasn't in the West End of London, and the play had a plot which left the audience with eyes staring and hair on end. But one night the prjncipal actor was ill, and his understudy took his part. He fumbled over his lines, spoke in falt ering tones, and fell over things as he moved about the stage. The audience shufled. Then the hero took the heroine in his arms, "Keep a brave heart, my darling." he murmured. "The worst is yet to come." Whereupon a voice yelled out : "Are ye goin' t' sing, mister ?"
Cardinia Water Scheme. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 27 July 1917
Cardinia Water Scheme. Representatives of about 45 faimers, who recently held a conference at Tooradin, and of Cranhourne council, interviewed the Country Roads Board' on Tuesday, and explained that pro perties at Cardinia, Clyde, Dalmore arid Tooradin were under water, and that the conference was in favor of the erection of a new bridge at Tooradin Creek, giving a clear waterway of 12 feet. The Roads Board agreed that the engineers of the board and the shire should report as to whether a new bridge was necessary, and that if their report was in the affirmative the board would design a bridge to carry flood gates, but would bear only such portion of the cost as was required for a bridge for road traffic. The delegates, who were accompanied by Mr Downward, M.L.A., afterwards discussed with the Water Commissjon the prevention of the overflow of sea water on low lying lands by means of tide flaps. The commission stated that its first duty was to see that there was ample provision for t...
SAVOURY PUDDING. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 3 August 1917
SAVOURY PUDDING. Ingredients : Half a pound of pig's fry, one onion., two ounces of suet, one teacupful of oatmeal, salt, pep per, and half a teaspoonful. of dried sage. Boil the fry for half an hour. Grate the liver, and chop up the re mainder of the fry, also the suet. Mix well with the oatmeal, seasoning chopped onion, and moisten with half a teacupful of the water in which the fry was boiled. Put the mixture in to a greased basin, cover with a cloth and boil : or bake in a greased tin for about an hour.
Ladies' Column. POTATO PIE. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 3 August 1917
Ladies' Column. -4 POTATO PIE. Required : An ounce of suet, one pound of potatoes, two onions, two ounces of oatmeal, a quarter of a pound of flour, an ounce of dripping, and half a teaspoonful of baking pow der. Method : Chop- the suet finely, peel and slice the onions, wash and peel the potatoes, cutting them into thin slices. Fill a pie-dish with al ternate layers of suet, onions, oat meal, and potatoes. Season to taste with pepper and salt. Add a gill of water, and cover with a drust made of the flour, dripping, and baking powder. Bake for an hour. in a mo derate oven.
THE YELLOW FLAG. HOW AN ARTFUL DODGER OF THE INSECT WORLD TRADED UNDER FALSE COLOURS. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 3 August 1917
THE YELLOW FLAG. HOW AN ARTFUL DODGER OF THE INSECT WORLD TRADED UNDER FALSE COLOURS. He was very old indeed-nearly two years, in fact. Also, he was a very remarkable person. He had accomplished the impos sible. That is, during the whole of his life he had lived in a certain most picturesque lane-where haw thorn and holly, white thorn and black beautified the spring-and no one had ever known it. His address was the picturesque, wayfaring tree beside the cattle gate leading into the Lost Orchard, and he was always, up to this time, at home. We discover him-where* do you think? Inside the tree we find him, whose life and health he had not ex actly improved by boring tunnels everywhere throughout the wood an unsuspected carpenter, living upon chips. He looked like, and was apparently lust a caterpillar, and not a very remarkable one at that ; and, at the moment at which we find him, he was full-grown and full-fed upon the chips of his larder-fortress, and very busy indeed. In fact, he ...
PRINTERS' FUNNY BLUNDERS. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 3 August 1917
PRINTERS' FUNNY BLUNDERS. 0-- The leaving out of a letter or a word in printing can change a sen tence from the sublime to the ridicu lous. "A battle-scarred veteran" came out in a certain paper as "a battle-seared veteran"-a vastly dif ferent thing-while a misprint usual ly attributed to the "Times" is "them asses" instead of "the mas ses." Bad handwriting once resulted in this sentence appearing in an Ameri can paper : "Mr. - , a nobby old burglar, prowling round in a naked state." It should have read : "Mr. -, a noble old burgher, proudly loving his native State." And a mistake which was, perhaps, the fault of the stenographer rather than the printer related to the pro posal of a toast to the "Three-per cent. Consols," instead of "Three present Consulis." The most lasting result of a prin ter's error is found in the word "co coanut,'" which people often think has something to do wfth cocoa. The original word was cocoa=nut, from the Spanish word "coco," 'meaning "grim or grimace,'...
WHY CATS FALL ON THEIR FEET. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 3 August 1917
WHY CATS FALL ON THEIR FEET. An ingenious model was construct: ed some time ago to show why a cat in falling always alights on its feet. The imitation cat consists of a card board cylinder, with four rods stuck in it for legs, and a tail devised on similer principles ;.and the object is to show that a cat's faculty of fall ing on its feet depends on the rota tion of its tail. Some interesting information on this problem is given by the super intendent of a zoological garden, who has made several experiments. The faculty of always falling on the feet is one which is especially developed, he claims, by clinging and leaping animals, in which category are in cluded all the cat tribe, monkeys, squirrels, and rats. The instinct is born in them, and the act of twist ing is performed without any con scious effort on the part of the ani mal. The opinion is that the tail plays an iipo-rtint part in the turning process. "All tree-inhabiting mon keys have long tails," says this au thority, "and...
QUITE ENOUGH BREAD. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 3 August 1917
QUITE ENOUGH BREAD. Bread is called "the staff of life," but that is not quite true. Eating too much bread is a common cause of illness, especially in childreni. Four pounds of it a week are enough for anyone. Many could do with less, particularly those who take very lit tle exercise. Nobody should eat bread more than twice a day. That, on the four pound a week limit, allows tour and four-seventh ounces at each meal, a shade over four and a half ounces. That is really a very good allowance. Try it ! Don't eat too fast, and you will find it is quite enough to satis fy the appetite. It is a very good plan to bake crusts or thin slices of bread hard, in a slow oven, and then make them into crumbs by using a rolling-pin, or running them through a mincer. Keep the crumbs in a tin or pickle bottle. A tablespoonful or two of bakedl breadcrumbs taken in hot milk and water, or vegetable soup, is a fine thing for breakfast or sip per, and very strengthening. Bread used in this way is twice as...
HOW HAIG WOOED. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 3 August 1917
HOW HAIG WOOED. If- there is any truth in the old proverb "Happy the wooing that's not long adoing," Sir Douglas Haig and his wife ought to be very happy. Our brave general had done his woo ing and married his lady-love within a few weeks of their first meeting. It was a case of love at first sight. Haig's future wife, the Hon. Dorothy Vivian, was at that time a maid-of honour to Queen Alexandra. and her twin-sister. Violet, occupied the same position. The Queen took the great est interest in them both. Dorothy happened to be on duty during the Ascot Race Meeting in 1905, and so the man who is leading us to vic tory met his fate. Sir Douglas Haig and his bride had the very special distinction of being married at the private chapel at Buckingham Palace, and King Edward and Queen Alexandra- gave the wedding breakfast. Sir Douglas Haig is known in the Army as "Lucky Haig," and there is no firmer believer in his luck than his wife. He is a descendant of a Scottish clan noted for its fig...
Berwick News. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 3 August 1917
Berwick News. Miss Paul who has been assistant at the local school for the past four years has joined the relieving staff and has now gone to Stawell. Miss McConville is acting in her stead temporarily. Miss Paul was an exceedingly popular teacher. She was very capable and up-to-date in her methods and her influence thtoughout the school was most marked. Mr Jas. Bailey has signified his intention of contesting the seat rendered vacant by Cr Barr ,who, it is generally understood, does not intend to'seek re-election. Mr Geo. Davidson has been as lscted as a member on the Board of Manage. ment of Presbyterian Church, vide Mr A. E. Thomas (resigned). The other four old members were returned Messrs Ferguson, Sharp, Miller and White.
DEADLIEST OF AERIAL TORPEDOES. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 3 August 1917
DEADLIEST OF AERIAL TORPEDOES. The United States army has a new torpedo for dropping from aeroplanes which, it is claimed, will do more damage than any of those that have been dropped by Zeppelins in Eng land or by British or French aero planes on the Germans. The differ ence between this and all other bombs is that it explodes at a certain dis tance above ground scattering its fragments horizontally, while the point at which others explode is un certain. - Existing aerial bombs are of two kinds--one that explodes on contact, the other timed with a fuse to ex plode in the air. The trouble with the former is that its high explosive has a tendency on impact with the earth to blow downwards instead of laterally, thus creating a great cavi ty or crater, but causing compara tively little damage. The trouble with the second is that its accuracy depends upon the avia tor's calculations as to his altitude, and also that it is impossible to set a time fuse to minute fractions of a second. A ...
MARKET REPORTS. DANDENONG MARKET. Tuesday, July 31. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 3 August 1917
MARKET REPORTS. DANDENONG MARKET. Tuesday, July 31. Alex. Scott and Co., Pty. Ltd., Jos, Clarke and Co., and Adamson, Strettle and Co Pty. Ltd., conjointly report: A good yarding of all classes of cattle, Milkers and springers sold at a decided advance on last week's rates, while store and fleshy cattle were in good de. mand. Some of the -principal sales were as follows :-Milkers-S. King ston four to £18 o0s, A. Longmuir one at £18 2s 6d, J. West two to £19 15s, W. Hussey one at £17 15s, R. Donelan one at £17 10s, Potter Bros. one at £17 12s 6d, Mrs Phillips one at £17 10s; T. L. Cotter one at £17, R. Hallinan two to £15 7s 6d, E. Exner one at £16 10s, M. Conway one at £16, E. Greaves two to £15 103, McKenna Bros. three to £15 7s 6d, F. Lynch one at £15, W. Jones one at £14 15s, J. Wadsley one at £13 2s 6d. Springers-N. Bowman two to £16 2s 6d, J. Meikle six to £15 12s 6d, N. Bowman one at £14 7s 6d, Leh. Corrigan one at £14, Milo Bourke two to £14 5s, A. Saunders three to £13 18s, ...
QUAINT CLUBS. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 3 August 1917
QUAINT CLUBS. To the variety of clubs there is no end: The be-trousered women, who are to be seen all over England in these days, remind one of the exis tence of the various clubs that plead for .national dress. There is at least one club in London that advocates absolute similarity in the clothing of the sexes. Few people have ever heard of the National Deaf Club, and yet a name plate on the doors of a large build ing in the Euston Road proclaims its existence to all passers by. Here, presumably, the "clubbites" collect of an evening to discuss the war and the high price of potatoes, by means of shouts and gestures. One of the strangest of London clubs is the Crime Club. It is a more or less secret institution, con sisting of twenty well-known mem bers-for the most part barristers or authors-who meet at intervals to discuss crimes and mysteries "in camera." As might have been ex pected, Sir Arthur .Conan Doyle was one of the first members. Stranger than this club is the "You-Be-Qui...
MORNINGTON FARMERS' SOCIETY. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 3 August 1917
MORNINGTON FARMERS' SOCIETY. The 60th annual meeting of this society was held at Berwick on Thurs day, the 26th ultimo. Cr W. G. a'BecketE (president) occupied the chair, and there were 19 members present. The annual report and balance sheet were submitted by the secretary (iMr Thomas) and were adopted on the motion of Mr Hurditch and Mr Jas. Lecky. Messrs T. A. Twyford and McCann, the society's auditors, reported as follows:-" We certify that we have examined all the books, vouchers, etc., of your society and found everything in accordance with the balance sheet duly signed. We desire to acknow ledge the services of your secretary (Mr Thomas) in connection with the audit. He accorded us all the desired help and information necessary." RESIGNATIONS. Messrs I. Wanke and T. McLennan resigned their positions as members of the society, and their resignations were hecepted with regret. COMMITTEE. The following new members of comn mittee were elected:-Messrs E. Flack, F. Richardson; D. L....