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A MODEST APPEAL. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 3 March 1917
SA MODEST APPEAL,. (Women of New York are adopting the. fashion of wearing trousers.) Oh, fair ones of New York, 'tis not for me To. criticise your sex's little whims; And if amongst yourselves, you. should agree . That for the better draping of your - limbs Man's lower wrappings are just what you need Well, then, proceed. Mere men :like me, from .whom' the. sprin'i like- blooio " And, novelty of these has passed away,.. .. . F'orlear to utter prophecies .of goom, I Of pososible disasters, such.s?, say The loss of buttolns, leading to much '"danging," If, one's strap-hanging. Instead we wellcome ybi with friendly And' trust our gairments will, your • charms, enhaiice..- -. -. WWe make~?your members of the :trou sered' band, - Anait offer you The Freedom of the Paiits- Prpovided that you . force the fashion new On Wilson, too! . -A. P. Garland.
A PUN FROM THE FRONT. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 3 March 1917
A PUN FROM THE FRONT. First Anzac: Say, Herb., you under stand a little German. What were those German prisoners saying as they passed? Second Anzac: "Oh, they were talk ing a lot of "bosch." "Where ignorance is bliss 'tis folly to be wise" appears to be good law, as well as good philosophy. Take the instance of the man who came before the Police Court the other day for passing a spurious coin to a barman. In the first place; the barman gave him change in silver when he presented a £1 note for a drink, and later the man discovered a bad florin amongst the silver coins in his pocket. Believing he had got it in the change from the barman, She went back, had another drink, and proffered the false coin iin payK ment, his idea being to do unto his neighbor as the man next door- had done him. But the barman happened to be one of thos guileless individ nuals who deal out change with bland; unseeing smile,-but ~iasses a wary eye Sover incoming cash. Perhaps he-had a training as a tram condu...
TO THE NEW OFFICE GIRL. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 3 March 1917
TO THE NEWV OFFICE GIRL. Your age, fifteen; your figure, rather slim; - Name, Maud; hair, brown; and eyes of blue; "Hi, Boy!" was what we said to him, But cannot-must not-say to you. But I have more than half a mind To drop the harsh imperative, And change to "Would you be so kind?" Or, "Have you a moment you could give?" And what's the proper thing to do If I should meet you in the street? Ought I to lift my hat to you, Or would a nod be indiscreet? How to. be courteous, and yet not To overdo the act of grace; How to remain the martinet While looking in your dimpled face. That is the task; and though I've searched, No clear directions can I get For one thus insecurely perched Upon the face of etiquette. -"London Opinion." A -French lady recently married be cause the bridegroom's taste and hers were similar. "I don't care very much for him and he doesn't care very much for me," she explained.
A SOLDIER'S PRAYER. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 3 March 1917
A SOLDIER'S PRAYER. Givenchy village lies a wreck, Gi venchy church is bare, No more the peasant maidens come to say their vespers there. The altar rails, are wrenched apart, with rubble littered o'er, The sacred, broken sanctuary lamp lies smashed upon the floor; And mute upon the crucifix He looks upon it all- - The great white Christ, the shrapnel scourged, upon the eastern wall. He sees the churchyard delved by shells, the tombstones flung about, And dead men's skulls, and white, white bones the shells have shov elled out; The trenches running line by line through meadow fields and green, The bayonets on the parapets, the wasting flesh between; Around Givenchy's ruined church, the levels poppy-red, Are set apart for silent hosts, the legions of the dead. And when at night on sentry-go, with danger keeping tryst, I see upon the crucifix the blood stained form of Christ Defiled and maimed, the merciful on vigil all the time, Pitying His children's wrath, their passion, and their c...
A COMMON TYPE. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 3 March 1917
A COMMON TYPE. "jThe world is densely over-popu lated with Men Who Were There. And it doesn't matter what incident in history, ancient or modern, you may chance to mention, they had a iand in it; or, if they themselves wvere not actually present, their brother, or their sister or their uncle, or their aunt was; or their father, or their cousin, or one of their-dearest friends knew the parties quite well; or their grandmother lived next door to one of them; or a connection by marriage happened to meet the chief pIerson concerned under rather excep tional circumstances, gave him a light for his cigar, or saved his life, I or bailed him out, or something."- "A Book of Laughter," by Edwin Pugh. A wandering soldier in England --charged as an absentee-stated that he had lived for a week on raw tur nips. Apparently he was on a root march.
A BRUSH WITH THE ENEMY. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 3 March 1917
.I 13,USH WITH THE ENEMIY. 'The strongest drink I ever saw in mi. life," said the second engineer, w hio in.tantly secured an interested ludiicnce, by reason of his reputation a. the most efficient liar between irisbane and Thursday Island, "was in a little place outside Mackay. I ent·:: into the pub there just after one J. the local residents, and reached ihe bar in time to hear him tell the iubilicall that he'd have a drop of the usuai. The pub-keeper put a bottle, a glass, alnd a clothes-brush on the ce:unter. Naturally I was interested in the clothes-brush, and while I was wilondlering what it was for the cus tomner filled the glass half full of ovecrproof rum and. dranik-it at a-gulp; T'ilen he went flat on his back,- just: :the same as if he'd got in the way of a broken eccentric rod. For about ten seconds he lay on the floor, and then, getting up, he reached out for the( brush, knocked the dust off his clothes with it, said 'Good day' to the publican, and walked out."-Sydney ...
THE NEW SURRENDER. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 3 March 1917
THE NEW SURRENDER. :The suitor's heart was in a whirl, As with a nervous "How-de-do?" •He asked the One and Only Girl To name a wedding day or two. The maiden heard her anxious beau And bent her lovely, blushing-head, But gave him neither "Yes" nor "No," 'Twas "Kamerad!" she softly said. -"Jean Sibi" in the "Bulletin." .."Lady wants to sell real musguash coat, cost £40, sell £5. Lady." No'w that the war loan is clamoring for a place near everyone's heart (by the way, where do women keep their valuables?), does anyone suppose there is a single woman in the com munity who would give the loan a look-in while an alluring advertise ment sold a musquash coat for a fiver? During the cold season women break I the 10th commandment more often than anything else--and all for a musquash coat. Bunny running- wild where we take our annual vacation suggested long ago a means to a "fur" end, but bunny is not a musquash, I although he often agrees to act the part of one. All the world loves a lover,...
SELF-SCREENED. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 3 March 1917
SELF-SCREENED. -"How:-did you like. the -.show?" they aslked. "Bully!" I said. "And you?" "Rotten!" they chorused, eyeing'me As if I'd lost a screw. "Not enough action, don't you think?" "Action? Ye Gods, 'twas great! Lions and tigers and falls from cliffs, And the fight of a bear for its mate." "What are you talking about?" they cried. "Honest, it made us weep. There wasn't an animal in the show!"' They were right--i had fallen asleep! -"Picture Play Magazine." Retired Army Clothier: "If you per sist in marrying that actress, I shall cut you off with a million." -"Starr Wood's Winter Annual." A short conversation between two pupils of a High School is copied from an old book: "Warejergo lasnight?" "Hadder skate." "Jerfind th' ice harn'n good?" "Yes, hard-nough." "Jeh goerlone?" "No, Bill'n Joe wenterlong." "Lemmeknow wenyergoagin', won cher? I wanergo'n show yer howter skate." "H'd, ficoodn't skate better'n you I'd sellout'n quit." "Well, we'll tryeranc'n'seefyercan." Then they sai...
AN "AGE" REPORTER'S STORY. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 3 March 1917
AN "AGE" REPORTER'S STORY. It happened in the long-ago-before my beard had. attained its present patriarchal growth-before in fact, it had scarce begun to sprout; at a time, in short, when my sense of dignity and importance as a member of the - staff was emphatically in inverse ratio to my infantile status in the scheme of newspaperdom I know it now; I didn't then. I took the bait eagerly one winter's evening when the Chief of Staff apologised for giv ing me a fourth assignment for the night; but I was the only unmarried man on the staff, and it was nearly midnight, and I would be helping him out, etc., etc. The Governor's visit to the Newsboys' Hall had been left un covered; it was worth a par. I dashed up to the hall to find a lane on which it faced choked with a seeth ing crowd of youngsters, gobbling buns and tarts which were being dis tributed from the main entrance. I had to get inside somehow to see the secretary. It was a matter of sheer shoving through the mob of news boys....
SAM THE SPRUCER. He Tells the Tale about the Tanks. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 3 March 1917
SAM THE SPRUCER. He Tells the Tale about the Tanks. By F. W. Thomas. "Have I ever seen one?" said Sam, with a surprised lift to his eyebrows. "Ever seen a tank? Why, me and Winston-however, that's a State se cret. I don't want to get Winnie into trouble. "If you recollect, it was on the eighth ff Octember that they first started their dirty work. Or was ia the eighth of Septober? Never mind, I was sitting down in my dugout, playing pontoon with .\Iicky Muldoon, when an officer came along the trench. " "How are you this morning, Sam?" he asks me, after shaking hands and inquiring about the missus. 'Keeping fit?' he says "'Not feeling very bright, sir,' 1 says. 'Got a nasty gumboil on the back of my neck, and didn't sleep at all well owing to the noise.' "'Sorry to hear that,' says the offi cer. 'P'r'aps you'd rather we didn't have a battle to-day,' he says. 'I'll just send a note back to Mister Haig,' he says, 'to countermand the little scrap that he's put on the menu for to-day.' "S...
HOUSEHOLD HINTS. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 3 March 1917
HOUSEHOLD HINTS. To keep bread fresh soak a small new sponge in cold water, place in a saucer in the bread-pan; the bread will remain fresh for several day. If a piece of bread tied in a bit of muslin is dropped into the water in whicil greens are being boiled it will absorb the unpleasant odor. Scrubbing brushes should always be hung up when not in use. Then the water will drain from them, the glue which holds the bristles in place will have a chance to dry, and the bristles themselves will keep nice and stiff. To make a dustbin sanitary, burn a couple of newspapers or two or three handfuls of straw in them each- time they are emptied. This will remove every trace of grease or damp and render tile dustbin quite clean and free from any unpleasant smell. New lamp chimneys should be put into a vessel containing cold water, and placed over gentle heat. When the water comes to the boil, let it continue to boil for four minutes, and afterwards cool gradually. This treat ment prevents cra...
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 3 March 1917
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CHEESE RIPENING. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 3 March 1917
CHEESE RIPENING, In order to obtain the most prcfit able results from cheeise- imking, afte: the cheese is made, cai'e and atten tion must be given to the ripening. which process can on"l~'be accomplish ed with a- minimium .meiiuhnt of trou ble and expense, in a room speccaUly fitted 'lp for the purpose. Where cheese is produced in large'" quanti ties during the greater part of the year, it will be found most economi cal to have a room specially construc ted for the ripening. A great advan tage in cheese-ripening is to be able to control the temperature of the ripening-room; and to keep it with. in certain limits it mulst be so ar ranged that excessive cold and heat are excluled, and also damp. It is most essential that this room should be well ventilated, so that a good sup ply of pure, fresh air is always avail able for circulating through it. Ven. tilation may be arrnrwed for by nimeans of perfoirated briclks which let the air through, or fan inlets in the lower part of the build...
From Various Sources [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 3 March 1917
From Various Sources The new Cabinet will hold together, ,v-n though it is not dove-tailed. ;i.vjry morn I bring thee flowers, Every afternoon it's choc's, .:\-ry eve I stand the supper, suon I'll have to buy your frocks." -"Gog." Scrgeant (to dull recruit): "Do ,:.;r folk send you any parcels Lcernuit: "Yes." Sergeant: "Well, tell 'em to put a .:: bull's-eyes in the next-'cos yer i;'t seem able to get any yerself!"
LUCKY PEOPLE. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 3 March 1917
LUCKY PEOPLE. Lucky people are either energetic, :r so persistent that, it becomes en ergy, and leads to the same and even greater results than a merely. tempor ary expenditure of force. Usually they are l.ealthy, or use their will power so effectually as to dominate their weakness, and make their cour age take the place of strength. Often, nearly always, they are pleasant in their ways and manners, and, what is still more certain to win, can be re lied upon for performance of what ever they have to do. Sometimes they are aided by a good memory, or theyi cu!tivate it to such. good purpose as to become as famous for remember ing as.many peopleare for forgetting. "Do you believe that a Voman will ever have as many advantages as a man enjoys?" asked the bachelor re porter. S"I do not," replied the firm-mouthed girl. "A woman must always lack uan's greatest advantage' a woman Lan never have a wife."
WINNING THE WAR EVERY HOUSEHOLD MUST HELP. SOME THINGS FOR RICHMOND PEOPLE TO THINK OVER. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 3 March 1917
WINNING THE WAR EVERY HOUSEHOLD MUST HELP. SOME THINGS FOR RICHMOND PEOPLE TO THINK OVER Many Australians do not seem to realise that the recruiting appeal now being made throughout the Common wealth is two-sided. Not only are men needed for the front, but money is necessary to supply our troops with the sinews of war. In asking for an additional £8,000,000 to meet Australia's share of the enormous expen dlture on the war, the Common wealth Government is making a spe cial appeal to citizens who have not hitherto subscribed to the loans on the plea that the little they could pay was not worth troubling about. The Commonwealth Treasurer urges these modest persons to take a different view of the matter. He invites every man and woman to have some share in the loan, as a matter of patriotic duty. He points out that Australians who cannot go to the front to fight the Huns may help at home in the manu facture of the mighty missile known as the silver bullet. A recruit for the reinforcemen...
Amateur Harriers Warned Against Competing at Unsanctioned Meetings—St. Patrick's Day Sports Referred to. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 3 March 1917
Amateur Harriers Warned Against Competing at Unsanctioned Meet ings-St. Patrick's Day Sports Re ferred to. Attention of all members is directed to a letter from Mr. H. D. Smith (see retary of the Victorian Amateur Ath letic Association), which appeared in the press. Acting on the instruction of his executive, Mr. Smith warns amateur athletes against competing at the various events which have been announced at St. Patrick's Day sports on March 17, or in any other event not sanctioned by the associa tion. The penalty for a breach of this rule is automatic disqualification for any term that the ruling body may think fit. In the present instance, as the competitors have been previously warned, offenders will on doubt suffer a life penalty. Should the Carlton Harriers persist in their intention to hold the races, sanction for which was definitely refused by the association at a special meeting on Wednesday last, a most unfortunate situation will arise, which will probably mean the withdr...
"Where Are My Children?" Story Has No Lesson Here.—More Babies in Richmond Than Any Other City in State.—Fitzroy Holds Lone Hands Record. [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 3 March 1917
"Where Are My Children?" Story Has No Lesson Here.-More Babies in Richmond Than Any Other City in State.-Fitzroy Holds Lone Hand Record. Though a tremendously large per centage of the eligible male popula; tion of Richmond has departed for the front, the district birth-rate has not depreciated. Figures for the three months ending September 30, just to hand from the Government statist, show that more baby-bonuses come to Richmond than in any other district. There were 331 births, an excess of 230 over deaths of all ages. Footscray came next with 300 births, ana excess of 219 over deaths, and Prahran, with a much wider area and greater population, was next with 316, an excess of 200 over deaths. Registrations were made of births of 27 illegitimates in Richmond, but Footscray had a better percentage with only five illegitimates; Colling wood had five illegitimates out of 177, but Port Melbourne did better still with only two illegitimates out of 85 births. Fitzroy had a bad record, 39 ...
Olga Petrova and William S. Hart at the Crown—Favorites in Fine Films [Newspaper Article] — Richmond Guardian — 3 March 1917
Olga Petrova and William S. Hart at the Crown-Favorites in .Fine Films In the Hands of the Law is the stellar attraction to be screened for the last times at the Crown this. afternoon and evening. An Enemy to Society is the second feature. Red Feather have seldom produced a better film than The Suburban, which is to go on on Monday. It is 4500 feet in length and holds the inter est throughout. Peg o' the Ring, the: big circus serial, continues to at tract, and is being followed with interest by. many patrons. William S. Hart will be seen in a strong role in The Darkening Trail. It is a typical Hart picture, and the virile actor is seen at his best in the western role. There are many strik ing scenes, and the attention is keyed up to a high pitch. Madame Olga Pe trova scored one of her biggest hits in What Will People Say? and Crown audiences will doubtless welcome the picture when it is submitted on Thurs day, A further instalment of the Crimson Stain Mystery is also billed.