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Id= 25 : [Newspaper Article] — Waynesboro Village Record — 27 July 1871
WHfivitMvmot A school girl's conundrum is: What State is round on both ends and high in the middle? Ohio. ' S-^ • ' "Now, my little boys and girls," said a teacher, "I want you to be very quiet—so that you can hear a pin drop. In a minute all was silent, when a httle boy ^rieked, "Let her drop 1" . ... _ "Sam." said one little urcliin, to-another, "does your schoolmaster ever give you and rewards of merit 7" "I s'pose he does was the reply; "he gives me a thrashing every day, and says i merit two." • ' Dr. Hall has written a long article to prove that it is unhealthy for a man and wife to sleep in the same room, but the Rome, Ga., Commercial knows of < some wives that would make it unhealthy for tfieir husbands to sleep anywhere else. > w- ' : »—: . j A Virginia editor has come to the conclusion that a man might as .well under-| take to hold himself at arm's length and then turn a double somersalt over amee£ ing-house steeple as to attempt to publish: a paper tha...
Id= 19 : [Newspaper Article] — Waynesboro Village Record — 27 July 1871
Fan Flirtations.—Fan fast—I am independent. ' ¦ Fan slow—I am engaged. _ Fan with right hand in front of face—Come on. Fan with left hand in front of face—Leave me. Open and shut—JKiss me. Open wide—love. Open half—Friendship. Shut—Hate. Swinging the fan—Can I see you home,? Fan by right cheek—Yes.' .-; ¦ _. ; Fan by left cheek—No. ¦ Tp cary in the left, hand—desirous of getting acquainted. Carry with handle to lips—I will flirt with you" Queer Ideas.—The queer ideas some people have of nature's workings are sometimes exceedingly laughable. A French minister recently declared that insurance was flying in the face of heaven. "To insure one's property," he said, "Oh, my hearers, is a crime!. Calamities of all sort3 are chastisements from on high. If you insure your property you prevent God from punishing you, should he see fit to do so. This is equal to the old Pejlnsylvania Dutchman, who contributed jify erally toward building a church', and''was; afterwards solicited to pay someth...
Id= 8 : [Newspaper Article] — Waynesboro Village Record — 27 July 1871
TRAINING BY HARRY TEES. 0, who would wed a dry-goods store? Not I so foolish be .For in life I think there's something more, Than being seen and to see. "That's so," as they say out West—There is something more in life than to follow aicer fashion. This trailing the streets for display, that they may show off their silk dresses, is far from becoming jn ladies. They should be in better business, especially if they covet the regard and admiration of the other sex. I tell you .what it is, ladies, the men' ' care - not for your costl y finery, but look upon yourselves to see if they can discover aught that is lovely or disirable in your person. You sit disconsolate in your houses, while the rain comes pouring down, and you long for the storm to cease, that you may once again sail along in sunshine upon the crowded pave, and spread out your many colors. Now,.dear ladies, don't be angry with me, and pout your dainty lips, and think that I misjudge you, or wish to depreciate your w...
Id= 5 : [Newspaper Article] — Waynesboro Village Record — 27 July 1871
MARY MGORE All my life I had known Mary Moore; all my life I had loved her. ' Our mothers were old play-mates, and first cousins. My first recollections are of a boy, in a red frock and morocco shoes, rocking a cradle, in which reposed a sunny haired, blue eyed baby,. not quite a year old.' That boy was myself—Harry Church; that baby was'Mary Moore. Later still, I Bee myself at the old schoolhouse, drawing my little chaise up to the door that Mary might ride home.' Many a beating have I gained on such an occasion, for other boys besides me liked her, and she, I fear, was something of a flirt, even in her pinafore. How elegantly she came tripping down the steps when I called her name; how sweetly her blue eyes longed* at me; how gaily rang out her 1 merry laugh. *Noone but Mary could ever bring her heart bo soon; to her lips. I followed that laugh from the days of my childhood till I grew an awkward blushing youth; I followed it through the heated noon of manhood; and now whe...
Id= 11 : [Newspaper Article] — Waynesboro Village Record — 27 July 1871
The Age of Our Earth Among the astounding discoveries of modern science is that of the immense periods that have passed in the gradual formation of the earth. So' vast were the cycles of the time preceding even the appearance of man on the surface of our globe, that our own period seems as yesterday when compared with the epochs that nave gone before it. Had we only the evidence of the deposits of rocks, heaped upon each other. in regular strata by the slow accumulation of material, they alone would convince us of the long and slow maturing of God's works on earth, but when we add to these ihe successive populations of whose life this world has been the theatre, and whose remains are bidden in the rocks into which the mud, or sand, or soil of whatever kind, on which they lived has hardened in the course of time—or the enormous chains of moun¬ tains whose upheaval divided these periods of quiet accumulation by great convulsions—or the change of a different na tore in the conf...
Id= 9 : [Newspaper Article] — Waynesboro Village Record — 27 July 1871
The Ready Reckoner.—''Father, do you remember that mother asked you foi two dollars this morning?" "Yes, my child, what of it?" "Do you remember that mother didn't get the two dollars?" "Yes. And I remember what little girls don't think about * ." '. 'What is that, father ?' "I remember that we are not rich, but you seem in a brown study. What is my daughter thinking about?" "I was thinking how much one cigar eosr i." . "Why, it costs ten cents—not two dollars, by a long shot" "But ten cents .three times a day is thirty eents." ¦ "That is as true as the multiplication table." "And there are seven day^in the week." "That is so, by the almanac." "And seven times thirty cents are two dollars and ten cents." . " ,: "Hold on. I'll surrender. Here, take the two dollars to' your mother, and tell her that I'll do without cigars for a week." "Thank you, father; but if you would only say a year, it would save more than a hundred dollars. We-would have shoes and dresses, and mother a nic...
Id= 2 : [Newspaper Article] — Waynesboro Village Record — 27 July 1871
&*W -fflrfrg HEABq^EABNJNSS, Each human heart doth fondly look Back to the long ago; To childhood scenes, by field and brook, Where yet the heart would gladly look, For youthful Joys to flow. How-yearns the heart to view again The scenes of childhood' s days : The murmuring brook, the waterfall, The hazel glen, the ancient wall, The spot of merry plays. And when-viewed, how sadly changed, That atmosphere of joy; Time hath deranged the longed-for scene No mark is left of what has been, Of playhouse, book, or toy. The fading eye will sadly gaze Upon the childhood scene; And strive to reproduce again ? ¦ The grape vine swing, the weather vane,' . And scenes that once had been. But that sad glance is hut a dream, For youthful joys have fled ; The hopes that kindled in the soul, And each sweet draught from pleasure's howl * Are burried with the dead. • Yes, it is written on,the trees, And on the sky's blue dome, And zephyrs waft it through the vale, Wherever time's rude sha...
Untitled Article [Newspaper Article] — Waynesboro Village Record — 27 July 1871
Hash. BY JOSH BILLINGS. Hash iz made out ov cast oph vittlcs. Hash haz done, more for the human race than almost enny other breed ov food. For breakfasta small tender loin steak, sum few ham & eggs. 3 baked potatoes, a plate ov buttered toast, sum slap jacks, 2 cups ov coffy, and s\un hash iz good. I like to eat hash this way better than enny other. Sum pholks alwuz raize their noze up at htish. ' ¦ " : If yu search history with, one eye? yu will find these pholks, 20 or 30 years ago, more or less, were born on hash. Ib.av seen hash miself that i had mi doubts about, but i et it, and still liv. I love hash as a principle, aud this iz mi rule i watch the landlady, and if she eats it, i take the second plate. This makes me very popular at all the boarding houses which i attend. If folks would be a little more penurious with thare hash, and not get stubs of tallo kandles, babys morocko shoes, and now and then a fine tooth comb, that want more than half worn out, into their ha...
Id= 12 : [Newspaper Article] — Waynesboro Village Record — 27 July 1871
A Bit oe Poetical .Prose,—Tell us not in idle jingle "marriage is an empty dream;"' for. the girl' is dead that's single, and things are not what they seem. Life is real, lite is earnest, single blessedness a fib; "Man thou art, to man returneth," has been spoken of the rib. Not enjoyment and not sorrow is our destined end or way, but to act that each to-morrow finds us nearer marriage day. Life is long and youth is fleeting, and our hearts though light and gay, still like pleasant drums are beating wedding marches all the day. In the world's brood fields of battle, in the bivonacoflife . be not like dumb driven cattle—be a heroine—a wife! Trust no future, however pleasant: let the dead past bury their dead; act—act in the living present, heart within and hope ahead. Lives of married folks remind us we can make our lives as well and, departing, leave fehind us such examples as shall "tell"—such examples that another, wasting time in idle sport, a forlorn, unmarried brother seein...
Id= 6 : [Newspaper Article] — Waynesboro Village Record — 27 July 1871
Spend Wiskey.—Look well to your spending. No matter what comes in, if more goes out you will always b % popr.— ' The art is not in making money, but keeping it; little expences, like mice ifl a'barn, when they are many make great waste.— Hair by hair heads get bald; straw by straw the thach goes off the cottage; and drop by drop the rain comes^into the chamber. A- barrel is soon empty, if' the tap leake but a v drop a minute, . 'When you mean to save, begin with your mouth; there ore many thieves down the red lane. The ail-jug is a great waste. In all other things keep within compass Never stretch your legs further than the blankets will reach, or you will soon be cold. In clothes, choose suitable and lasting stuf£ and not tawdry fineries. To be warm is the main thing; Never mind the looks, A fool may make money, but it needs a wise man to spend it Eemember. it is easier to build two chimneys than to keep on going. If you give all to back and board, there is nothing left for the...
Id= 3 : [Newspaper Article] — Waynesboro Village Record — 27 July 1871
THE LAST TIME BY EMH,IE EEVLIO. There's a time for all things; there's a time to be gay; There's a time for dark night, and a time for bright day; There's a time when the heart should be happy and free; There's a time when light laughter no longer should be; There's a time for sweet youth, and a time for old age; There's a time when the in&nt will turn to the sage; There's a time when the past will a mockery seem; There's a time when the past will appear but a dream; , There's a time that all dread—there's a last time in store; When the soft smile of loved ones can wel¬ come no more; There's a time when at peace in the grave we shall lie; There's a time when the noblest and brav-• estinust die.
Id= 13 : [Newspaper Article] — Waynesboro Village Record — 27 July 1871
How to Build a Life.—Buskin, in one of his Oxford lectures, says: - "I pray you with all earnestness to prove, and know within your hearts, that all things lovely and righteous are possible for those who believe in their possibility, and who determine that, for their part, they will make, every day's work contribute to them. Let every dawn of morning be to you as the beginning of life, and every setting sun;be as its close; then let every one of these short lives leave its sure record of some kindly thing done for others—some goodly strength gained for yourselves.; so from day to day, and strength to strength, you shall' build up indeed, by art, by thought, and by just will, an ecclesia of England of which it shall not be said,— 'See what manner of stones are here," but 'See what manner of men.'"
Id= 15 : [Newspaper Article] — Waynesboro Village Record — 27 July 1871
Home.—If there is one word'that fills the heart with joy, it is "home;" home is an old word, yet it has invincible power that can never lessen or wear out There is no other word in language that clusters so many pleasing affections, and that so powerfull y excites our feelings. We are bound to it b y ties of" earl y affection, by years of childhood, by a father's and brother's friendship, - by a mother's and sister's love. Home; murmur but its name, and what happy recollections shoot through the heart, and our brain is wild with emotion. Our spirits, however depressed by sorrow or affliction—however much we have been stunned by the rough change of life, sometimes turns to the memories of "home, sweet home."
Id= 14 : [Newspaper Article] — Waynesboro Village Record — 27 July 1871
Why will men be naughty and.neglect the sweets of domestic life for the bitter watera of the tavern ?"~ There was Tommy B——, who one night returned te his domicil in a state of uncertainty that was rediculous. Pushing heavily against the door, it opened, and Tommy fell sprawling across the threshold. His prolonged and ineffectual efforts to regain an erect position aroused his wife, in bed in the next room, who said, "Tommy is that you? What is the matter?" '-Yes, ifs me,- nothin's the matter,'cept this here bee's got too much honey on its wings to g-g-git into the hive."