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DISTRICT NEWS. POREPUNKAH. [Newspaper Article] — Alpine Observer and North-Eastern Herald — 1 December 1916
DISTRICT HEWS. FKROM OUR CORRESPONDENTS|. POREPUNKAH. SEVERAL of our roads are at preseut showiug evidence of the abnormal rain fall, particularly that one leading to tbe railway station past Messrs. M'Counell's and Armstrong's properties. Near the former's place a stream of water is cross ing the road that makes it difficult for foot traffic to pass. The Public Works Department has completed a new strip of fencing at tbe local school, on the station road side. The fence is composed principally of post and rail and expanded metal. This is adding very materially to the attrac tiveness of the school and its surround' iugs, the grounds of which at tbe present tiuie are very picturesque and gay with flowers and shrubs. The head teacher and those who take a pride in the grounds are deserving of great credit for the energy and ability displayed. A number of ladies and gentlemen are organising a patriotic entertainment, and from what can be gathered, I understand it is to eventuate on Frid...
Myrtleford Market. [Newspaper Article] — Alpine Observer and North-Eastern Herald — 1 December 1916
ftlyrtleford Market. MESSRS FLANAGAN, NEVV.MAN & Co. re port balding their fortnightly market at Alyrtleford yards Wednesday. A. good yarding of all classes of stock forward, and the attendance of buyers was satisfactory. Prices were good, and competition was evenly sustained throughout. With the exception of one pen of cattle we effected a total clearance of all stock yarded at prices as under :-Pigs-Best £2) IS/, £2 11/, £2 9/, £% 51 to £2, others at all prices from 34/down to 10/6 for small suckers Sheep-Best xbred in -wool £2 to 39/9 to 38/9 to 37/, best shorn wethers 33/6 to 29/9 to 25/7 to 23/6, shorn ewes 29/ to 27/, best spring lninbs 23/9 to 23/ to 21/ to 20/, eweB and lambs to 37/6. Cattle-Vealera',£10 3/6 to £7 10/, best bullocks £16 1/ to LIS 3/6 and at prices down to £10 12/6, cows & 17 51 to £16 to /15 15/ to £15 10/ and at nil prices from ^15 down to /10 10/. heifers .£13 10/ to £13/ to /12 15/ to £12 10/ aud at all prices from £12 down to £1 1/ for li...
Concerning People. [Newspaper Article] — Alpine Observer and North-Eastern Herald — 1 December 1916
Concerning People. THE Rev. Father Dunn, who was taken ill recently in Bright, has been com pelled to take a rest, and will be absent from the parish for a few weeks re couperating. Many expressions of regret have been made since it became generally known that Mr M. G. G. Fox, had decided to leave the town. Mr Fox has for many years been a prominent citizen, and bus nlways taken an active interest in the welfare of the district, both socially and otherwise. He was for many years connected with the cricket and football associations, and did much to elevate both games when they were booming. In many other directions Mr Fox has been a public benefactor, and his friends hope that in the near future he will return for at least a few' days, so that he may be shown in some tangible form how his actions have been ap preciated. Mr Fox has taken up his residence at Swan Hill, and will be joined in the course of a few days by Mrs Fox and family.
The Officer's Advice. [Newspaper Article] — Alpine Observer and North-Eastern Herald — 1 December 1916
The Officer's Advice. The following is l'rom New Zealand, where, apparently, "accidents happen in the best regulated" military camps:-"An officer attached to one of the reinforcement drafts was mak ing his rounds, and asked it there were any complaints. An Aucklander. stepped forward and declared that he had been supplied with a ginger-ale bottle that contained not ginger-ale, but. benzine, and that he liad/drunk half the benzine unwittingly./ "All right," replied the officer, "you had better not smoke for a few days."
A NEW TRAFFIC SIGN. [Newspaper Article] — Alpine Observer and North-Eastern Herald — 1 December 1916
A NEW TRAFFIC SIGN. A California automobile club has re cently erected an illuminated sign at a busy street intersection in Los An geles. It is of metal and at night is illuminated by an electric bulb which sheds its rays down on the words of the notice. The warning is printed on both sides of two leaves of metal which intersect each other at right angles, so that a car coming from any one of four directions can see the legend, which reads "Keep to Tight" Projecting upward from the top of the framework is a red bulb which adds to the conspicuousness of the notice at night. It is proposed to place these signs at a number of important street crossings^ Mr. Barns: Didn't you thiuk that the soprano sang "The Mistakes of .My Life Have Been Many" with a good deal of pathos this evening? Mrs. Barns: There is no reason why she shouldn't; she's been mar ried three times.
Worst on Record. [Newspaper Article] — Alpine Observer and North-Eastern Herald — 1 December 1916
Worst on Record. The shopman had been using a vast amount of persuasion in trying to in duce the visitor to purchase the gram ophone. "Latest and most wonderful instru ment, sir," he remarked. "I've a biank disc here, if you care to hear yourself." ; ; , . The visitor's eyes brightened. . "I play a flute a little," he replied, producing an instrument. . "IE you don't mind ; The shopman did not: and. the disc was soon indented with something that only a sleuth from Scotland Yard could have recognised as' "Alice, Where Art Thou?" - _ . "Is that really me?"" asked tile flautist, when his.-performance was repeated by the instrument'. "That's you exactly, sir. Will-.you buy the gramophone, sir?" "No," was the reply; "I'll sell the flute, though."
Putting It Plainly. [Newspaper Article] — Alpine Observer and North-Eastern Herald — 1 December 1916
Putting It Plainly. In promulgating your esoteric cogi tations, or articulating your super ficial sentimentalities and amicable philosophical or psychological ob servations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational communications possess a clarified conciseness, a compact comprehen sibleness, coalescent consistency, and a concatenated cogency. Eschew all conglomerations or flatulent garrul ity, jejune babblement, and asinine af fectations. Let your extemporaneous decantings and unpremeditated e^pa tiations have intelligibility and vora cious vivacity without rhodomontade or phrasmical bombast. Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolixity, psittaceous vacu ity, ventriloquial verbosity, and-ventri loquent vapidity. i In other words, talk plainly, briefly, naturally, sensibly. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't use big words. - Neighbor: Hi! Come* quick; your Mary's fell in the pond. Farmer (excitedly): What "has? Neighbor: Mary, your...
"Weight" and See. [Newspaper Article] — Alpine Observer and North-Eastern Herald — 1 December 1916
"Weight" and See "Some people," sniffed the passen ger who .wanted the seat upon which a tired man had put his. feet-"some people think they've bought the rail way-when they've - taken a tuppenny ticket." . , . . "Referring to me?" said the tired man, aggressively. ' ' "No, to your vast belongings," said the other, glancing with scorn at the intruding boots. "But my-feet .'where I like;-put 'em on the rack if I want to." It was the opportunity for a master stroke of sarcasm."* "You'll be fined if you do. That rack's for small articles only," said the objector. .
Cause For Haste. [Newspaper Article] — Alpine Observer and North-Eastern Herald — 1 December 1916
Cause For Haste. At a recent party the general con versation having turned on palmis try, the ladies present eagerly exam ined!-their hands, and were soon in terested in the lines o£ matrimony and life. Each case was duly and freely dis eussed.until a tall spinster of rather doubtful age, evidently impressed with the brevity of the line of life in her hand, exclaimed sadly, "Oh, I am destined to die young!" "Dear me," said an impudent boy near her, "you'll have to be pretty quick about it, then." A silence ensued, which was only broken by the moaning of the wind in the chimney. "
Amusing Incidents. Not To Be Beaten. [Newspaper Article] — Alpine Observer and North-Eastern Herald — 1 December 1916
Amusing Incidents. Not To Be Beaten. A Highlander who prided himself on being able to play any tune 011 the pipes perched himself on the side of one of liis native hills one Sunday morning and commenced blowing for all he was worth. Presently the minister came along and, going up to MacDougall with the intention of severely reprimanding him, asked in a very harsh voice: "MacDougall, do you know the Ten Commandments?" MacDougall scratched his chin for a moment, and then, in an equally harsh voice said: "D'ye think you've beat me?' Just whistle the first three or four bars, and I'll hae a try at it."
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Alpine Observer and North-Eastern Herald — 1 December 1916
Fat Ladies! Why Not Be Stylish ? Ladles cannot afford to be stout, as fat people not only appear to look older than they are, but have a much coarser appearance than their thin friends, so if you are putting on flesh at a rate that dismays you, here is a way by which you may regain your lost stylish slenderness. The cost will be trifling, no injurious effects to follow, and the result permanent. Formettes, if taken regularly, will cure safely, surely and easily, and with their as sistance it will not be necessary to exercise or diet. Formettes increase the appetite whilst decreasing the fat. They tone up the system, make you feel well, and look years younger. They remove fat evenly and without any exertion on your part, and never leave a wrinkle behind in doing so. They will also cure palpitation of the heart, shortness of breath, sick head aches, dyspepsia, and all other ail ments caused by excess fat. Formettes are sold at 5/3 the car ton by all Chemists and Drapers; Foy and Gibso...
Then the Star Twinkled. [Newspaper Article] — Alpine Observer and North-Eastern Herald — 1 December 1916
Then the Star Twinkled. Long had he worshipped her at a distance, but his shyness prevented hjm from proposing. Then, one evening, for the sake of sweet charity, a theatrical perform ance took place, in which, the charm er was leading lady and more ador able than ever. Afterwards the shy admirer drew near, his love made val iant by the sight of her beauty. "You are the star of the evening," he said, as they stood alone in a cor ner. "You are the first to tell me so," said the damsel, -with a happy blush. "Then," he retorted, promptly, "may I claim my reward as an as tronomer?" The lady looked puzzled. "What reward?" she asked. ^ "Why, the right to give my name to the star I have discovered!" said the young man, speak boldly at last.
No Response. [Newspaper Article] — Alpine Observer and North-Eastern Herald — 1 December 1916
No Response, "We really must, let our sitting room-furnished!" exclaimed Mrs. Dod to her husband. "All right, my dear," lie replied. "I'll put an advertisement in the local paper. You leave it to me." Hunting for his rule, he visited the room in question, and made some notes. The days passed by, but no inquir ies were made. "Did you see to that advertise ment?" asked Mrs. Dod. "Rather! I had it in the next day," replied her husband. "It's disappointing to have no re plies. What did you put in?" He fetched the paper and proudly showed the paragraph, which ran: "To let, furnished, sitting-room; suitable for lady or gent, fourteen feet wide and cheerful."
The Lesson Lost. [Newspaper Article] — Alpine Observer and North-Eastern Herald — 1 December 1916
The Lesson ' Lost. A certain young man has a wife who is 'continually referring him to Job as an example to be emulated. One morning he lost his collar-stud -not an unprecedented occurrence and had kicked over the washing stand,_ enflptied out his portmanteau, and wis groping under the bed, using expressive, though. vigorous language, when his wife heard him, and came rushing into;the room. v, "George; dear," she exclaimed, "be patient-be patient like Job!" : This just finished dear George. vAIy dear," heifumed, "why do you talk such utter rot? Did you ever hear: of Job having- to find a collar stud; eat his breakfast, and catch a train all within the space of ten min utes?'.' .
WEAKEST ANIMAL ON EARTH. [Newspaper Article] — Alpine Observer and North-Eastern Herald — 1 December 1916
WEAKEST ANIMAL ON EARTH. The elephant, the lion, and the horse may he taken as the .three creatures capable o£ moving the greatest weights. But, in relation to their bulk, the power of these ani mals is infinitely less than that dis played by many of the lower forms of life. Insects are the true athletes in animated nature. If an ant could be developed on the scale of an ele phant, with muscular power in pro portion to its new bulk, it would be able to draw a heavily-laden luggage train without an apparent effort. A Belgian scientist, by means of deli cate apparatus, has found that a bee, weight for weight, is thirty times as strong as a horse. Even a crab has been found to be able to lift 492 times its own weight. Man, in proportion to his size, is probably the weakest animal on the face of the earth. A Scottish minister, taking his walk early in the morning, found one of his parishioners recumbent in a ditch. "Where hae ye been the nicht, An drew?" asked the minister. "Weel, I din...
WHY PINS VANISH. [Newspaper Article] — Alpine Observer and North-Eastern Herald — 1 December 1916
WHY PINS VANISH. For many years the world has been baffled by the problem of where the pins go that are turned out in mil lions by the pin factories. But the problem seems to liave been solved at last. A Paris scientist lias been experimenting on pins, hairpins and needles, by the simple process of watching a few. He states that they practically disappear into thin air, by changing into ferrous oxide, a brownish rust that soon blows away in dust. An ordinary hairpin took only 154 days to blow away. A steel pen last ed just under fifteen months. A com mon pin took eighteen months to vanish. A polished needle defied the ravages of the atmosphere longest, taking two and a-half years to disap pear. So the reason why the world is not a foot deep in the pins it buys is, it seems, exactly the same which makes an iron surface scale off when ex posed for a long time to the atmos phere without the protection of paint.
EXTRAORDINARY WILLS. [Newspaper Article] — Alpine Observer and North-Eastern Herald — 1 December 1916
EXTRAORDINARY WILLS. Newspapers are constantly chroni cling stories of eccentric wills. Years ! ago there died a wealthy English gen tleman who directed that the five drawers (numbered consecutively) in his desk be opened in their turn on the five consecutive anniversaries of his death. That was all; not a word about the disposition of his large for tune. When four drawers were open ed there was found nothing but a sealed letter containing this mes sage; "Have faith and hope, and you will attain unto the fruition ot all your desires." When on the fifth an niversary the last drawer was open ed a properly executed will was found, leaving the property to those who had expected it. A Frenchman who, presumably, was devoted to the pleasures of the table, directed that a new cooking re cipe should be pasted on Uis tomb every day; and another Frenchman, a lawyer, left 200,000 francs to a local lunatic .asylum, declaring that it was simply an act of restitution to the clients who were insane...
Old Masters. [Newspaper Article] — Alpine Observer and North-Eastern Herald — 1 December 1916
Old Masters. By Ashley Sterne. 1 have been dining with a very rich man. He's so rich that he can af ford to carry a whole box o£ matches about with him, and eat the very best margarine. Hla hobby is Art, and lie has one of the finest collec tions of Old Masters to be seen this side of Chicago. He collects Old Masters just as you and I would col lect cigarette-pictures or tram-tickets. Where we should place on the piano in the drawing-room a family photo graph tastefully framed in acorns or Iimpetsheils, lie displays a portrait by Gainsborough worth its weight in radium. Where we should hang 011 the wall a red plush-framed mirror decorated with a humming-bird car rying a water-lily in its beak, he just planks on a Velasquez worth twenty million pounds. , Unhappily for me, * have no eye for Old Masters. It's all I can do to appreciate the oleograph on the cal endar which our grocer sends us every Christmas. Consequently, when, at my host's request, I arrived early in order to look at ...