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YANKEE YARNS. [Newspaper Article] — North Melbourne Gazette — 13 July 1894
YANKEE YARNS. Flattery is llke tologne-water-to becnmelt of, but net swallow-ed. Caller : "Bridget, is your master in yet F" Bridget : " No, sorr, he's out on bail." If some were half so big as they thinkthey are the world would have to be enlarged. " None but the brave deserve the fair." And even the brave can't live with some of 'em. Smith: "Do you believe in the faith cure?" Brown: "It cured me." "Of what?" "Faith." Insulted Gentleman: "You are indebted to mo cowardice, you young scoundrel, that I don't knock von down. teasoning powers are denied to animals, aun yet, in a close decision with a bulldog, a man finds it "3ifficult to hold his own. Rejected suitor: "Alas! what worse fate than to be fired with love?" Ejected suitor (sadly)" " Fired without love." " I do love dress," exclaimed a young society belle. "Then I should think you would .wear more of it," replied a cynical bachelor. Girl (looking at hammock): "Er-aren't these a little small, sir ?" Dealer: " Plenty big enough...
How we Beat the Favorite. A PARODY ON GORDON'S WELL-KNOWN POEM. [Newspaper Article] — North Melbourne Gazette — 13 July 1894
Hw weBeat the I A PARODY oas GORDOec's WE.-oN POESL Aye, Spider, said Stevens, the 'Roys tak ing evens, The match is all over, bar shouting, they say. But North ought to eat 'em-here's two beers we beat 'em ; AL. Woodham, he swears we can win all the way. The worst of it, Spider, is, I'm an out eider; You aint got a sixpence to shout a cove in. These clubs make a blunder, in playing for plunder A bloke cannot barrack outside on a tin. You roar punted fairly, and some fellow, churly, Whose ear is'nt used to your soul-stirring sound. Sez, here youug 'un, stow it, and then, 'fore you know it, He kicks at yer tin, and yer flops on the ground. They say we have no test, to warrant, a protest For 'Roy playing Banks, who is now very fit; But didn't some muscle get in a tussle And he'll have to show us a doctor's per-I mit. But Read can outlast him, and soon get apast him ; And Rolent's a kiddy, will stop the 'Roy's brag. O'Dea will make 'em titter; he could'nt be fitter ; He goes for the ba...
LITTLE MARKS. [Newspaper Article] — North Melbourne Gazette — 13 July 1894
LITTLE MARKS. Wet. Cold. Miserable. Another victory. Windy weather. . A good go to-morrow. -rl - Sicily still in the van. -. TuckweUl good in goal. O'Dea ditto equally so. Webb's goal a snorter. First blood by Richmond. Reid marked well as usual.. Launder Bros. still on the job. Webb booted first goal for North. Morrison and Cox good all round. Level with Fitzroy for second plase. A good tutor in goal-kicking-Webb. Oor advice for to-morrow-Go in and win. To morrow's gamy should result in a good 'pot." Watchword for to-morrow-On the ball North. Every promise of wet weather for Io Will North be first to lower the champio'e record. Travis to Sicily, H. Launder, E. Launder a very fair chain of marks. To-morrow sees the local ground oc cupied by the Essendon and local teams, and although we hardly dare to hope for the pleasure of chroniciling Essendon's first defeat in our next issue, hopeful ones, however, look forward to a possible surprise, and trust to the blue and white's giving the...
Football. NORTH V. RICHMOND. [Newspaper Article] — North Melbourne Gazette — 13 July 1894
Football. NORTH V. RICHMOND. The local club is still pursuing its com paratively victorious course by defeating Richmond last Saturday. The result was a victory, but one that Richmond sup porters had no need to be ashamed of, as the repr-sentatives of the yellow and black un'form made our chaps "go for it " all they knew, and pessimistic Northernites are very dubious about the result of to-morrow's match against Essendon. During the first quarter the Richmond were extremely busy round the enemy's goal posts, to the delight of the local barrackers, who thought they saw four points added to their club's record; while the wearers of vertical blue and white colours in their hats were whistling to keep their mouths in shape instead of getting down. Shot after shot was sent to raise those two flags, each attempt being frustrated by the energies of O'Dea, Wilson, Reid. Tuckwell, and Rolent, who all worked hard to keep their opponents' scoring board clean; and the first moiety oftime was pa...
Australian Natives' Association. [Newspaper Article] — North Melbourne Gazette — 13 July 1894
Australian Natives' 'As . sociation. (co-iNT rsD).B . _ The half-yearly meeting of the North Melbourne Branch was held in the Mechanics' Hall, on Thursday, June 28th, in the presence of a large attendance of members, and a number of visitors from other branches, includ- - ing Mr. Kirton, senier V.P. of the Board of Directors, Mr. W- T. Carter M.L.A., Mr. S. P. Reynolds, M.L.A., and members of the Fitzroy, Williams sewn, Brighton, Richmond, and Carl ton branches The minutes of the previous meeting were read and confirmed, and the correspondence read and dealt with. Two new members were elected, and welcomed by Mr. Kirton, and three proposals for membership received. Messrs. Crosbie aud McDonagh made short reports of the business transacted at the Melbourne Branch's meeting in relation to the welcoming of visitors to the conference. The election of officers for the en suing half-year resulted as follows: President, Mr. C. I Rice; Vice President, Mr. P. H. Dillon; Secretary, Mr. T. (Cr...
North Melbourne Police Court. THURSDAY, JULY 12. [Newspaper Article] — North Melbourne Gazette — 13 July 1894
North Melbourne Police THURSDAY, JULY 12..; Before: Dr. Lloyd (chairman), Messrs. Barwise, Bhidon, McBride,. Wyllie, Gardiner, and Barker, .Js.P. ' SARAH AGAIN. The irrepressible Sarah Toora refuses to budge fr.m North Melbourne, as she can't get an 'onuse. Yesterday, as she was in a penitent mood, she was discharged with a caution &lt;n a remanded charge of larceny.. WOOD AND COAL RAID. Two respectably - dressed women, named Bridget Kirby and Emily Forde, and two men named Peter Froberg and Joseph Easy were charged with stealing small quantities of coal from the Rail way Department. Inspector 1W. N. Considine prose cuted for the department. The accused, who seemed to be re spectable people, had made it a practice to raid the yards for their domestic sup ply of fuel. The department, it is esti mated, loses about 1000 tons annually of its supply'.. The women, whose husbands are out of employment, were discharged with a caution. The man Froberg was sent up for 3 hours, and Eas...
LOOKING FOR A NIGHTSHIRT IN A DINNER-BASKET. [Newspaper Article] — North Melbourne Gazette — 13 July 1894
LOOKING FOR A NIGHTSHIRT IN A DINNER-BASKET. A travetUer on the New York Central Bail road relates the following incident ol travel: -A middle-aged married couple turned in next to me, having boarded the train at a way station. They had evidently been much hurried, and were out of humour, for the wife was fretful and excited, and the husband growled above his breath in this style: - " Nw, 'I'll just bet you didn't put my nightshirt in I" "S'hush I It's in the basket in the corner," replies tho woman. "I've looked in the basket, and .'taint there. I s'pose you put it at the bottom, under the vittals." "In the vittals, indeed ? Why, John, what on e-a-r-t-h are you a-doin' ?" "I'm loikin.? for my shirt." "Don't I thi t's the wrong basket. You've gone asd spilt them pickles all over the bed ! I noever seen such a man - "Never mind, Mary, you needn't tell the whole car." This in a whisper pcculiur to the stage. "Looking for your old shirt in the dinner basket ! I don't see what anybody w...
"Gas and Gaiters." [Newspaper Article] — North Melbourne Gazette — 13 July 1894
"Gas and Gaiters." -I The Alexandra has been crowded since the opening night with audiences jostling to see "Ally Sloper's Night Out." Dan Barry was wise when he decided to stage what is really a mirth-provoking tornado of merriment. The Alhambra still pursues .the even tenor of a prosp1rous career. Frank Clark has augmented his company by the engagement of Miss Priscilla Verne. the "Queen of the Serio-Comics," and Moos. Provo, the "Equilibristic Wonder of the Age Y The Theatre Royal has been crowded all the week. Th- four-act play, "A King of Crime," abounds in dramatic situations of an intensely interesting nature, and, as exemplified by Mr. C. .olloway's talented company, it is of a superior order. The scenery and ap pointments are extremely good and effec tive. The Cogill's put up a splendid pro gramme this week a* the Bijou. Lorrie St. George, Ettie Williams, the Abbott Sisters, the Levy Sisters, and Florrie Forde are ladies of the company whom we now desire to testify our appr...
HOW SHE BEGAN THE YEAR. [Newspaper Article] — North Melbourne Gazette — 13 July 1894
HOW SHE BEGAN THE YEAR. It was a beautiful, morocco-boun?d, 5iit edged diary, self-closing, memorandum, cash account, back-action calendar, with all the modern attachments. Delicately traced in mauve ink she had written: January 1.-This is the first day of the new year. It is a happy New Year'e Day. On this, the beginning of a new year, I am going to begin to keep a diary of the events of the new year. I had a beautiful New Year's present. John called. January 2.--This is the second day of the .new year. I have resolved to keep a diary of its important events. John called. January 2.-This is the third day of the ycrr. It is useful and interesting to keep a" diary of the events of the year, and I am re-. solved to do it. John called. January 4.-This is the first Sunday of the new year. John called. The next day being Monday, there was no - time to keep the record, and although the new year isn't in its first set of " teens," yat the diary has found its way into the most hidden nook o...
Catholic Young Mens' Society. [Newspaper Article] — North Melbourne Gazette — 13 July 1894
Oatholic Young Mens' Society. The Half-year y Meeting of the North Melboarne Branch was held in St. Marys' Schoolroom, Victoria-street, last Monday evening. The president, Bro. J. Reating . in the chair. The committee's report for the past six mobths , as read and adopted. A. vote of thanks was accorded to the retiring secretary, Bro. J. H. Smith, for the painstaking and efficient manner in which he conducted the business of the branch, during his term of office. The election of officers for the ensuing six months was then proceeded with. The president before vacating the chair thanked the members for their attendance at the meetings, and for the good work done by all during the half-year. The election resulted ss follows :-President Bro. J. D. Hare; Vice-President, Bro. J' - -B. Doody; Seerecary, Bra, -. P. K~ely; Treasurer, Bro. J. ieating ; Ward-n, Bro. J. Nangle; Librarian, Bro. F. Scully; Editor of Magazite, Bro. J. J. Lauigan; Press Correspondent, iro. P. Mangan; Auditors, Bro...
Fun and Fancy. [Newspaper Article] — North Melbourne Gazette — 13 July 1894
Fun- and Fancy. Bars to matrimony-The front gate.. An electric spark--Making love by tele graph. The only thing which beats a good wife is a bad husband. Gossip has been aptly defined as putting two an, two together and making i; five. ilotani.t: "This, Miss Harlem. is a to bacco plant." Miss Harlem: " Hoc interest ing! and when does it begin to bear ci sarettes V" "" This is a nice horse you sold me," said Sniggs. "Why. his ribs are coming out of his sides." " Well." replied tie dealer. " you couldn't expect them to come out anywhere else. could you ?" Florence (six years old): " Mainta. do dogs get married?" 'Mother: "No, my dear." Florrie: "'lThen what right has Hark to growl at Jenuie when they are eating their breakfast ?" Proprietor (Turkish baths,: " That man whlto just went out didn't appear to bein good humour. Did he get his money's worth?" Attendant: "Oh, yis, sir, we made him howl loik a eat !" aoy: " Maamna, am I made out of onions, sage, soanel, and bread crumbs?" Mamm...
A Good Joke. [Newspaper Article] — North Melbourne Gazette — 13 July 1894
A Good dolce. -Darklingboarne, Don't you r:nder stand ' Tommy Apes cried out to the porter in a voice loud ceoioch to be heard all over Euston; "Daiklinghouene-Sir Ches. Ioodie's place; are you deaf ' "Yeasir; no, sir," answered the porter. I'll have it put all right, sir; only I thought you said Pottenborough." And be ran off to get the luggare relabelled. 'Confound Rottenboroiuglh !" grumbled Tommy Apes, with an aftectation of anger, as he scrambled into a first-class compai t ment. As a matter of fact, the younog subaltern, instead of being annoyed, was delights by the porter's b~urider, for it had give.'.ini an opportunity of letting those aboat him know that he was bound for a place no less fashionable than the country house of the great banker and distinguished politican. Sir Charles Noodie. " These porters are very stupid," said one of tao gentleman who, coming into the same compartment as Tommy. had noticed his apparent annoyance. "Stoopid, doosed stoopid :" replied Tommy, f...
An Adventure with a Ghost. [Newspaper Article] — North Melbourne Gazette — 13 July 1894
An Adventure with a Ghost. When I was a lad of sren teen, I was oftice boy for Prnkerton's Philadelphia agency, and was just wild, of course, to bo sent out on a case. Every time the cap tain got a new job I would slide upto him and say : "Cap'n, you'd better let me go out on that," and he would answer with a quizzical grin, "Not this time, Harry. Wait till the next case." Along in December of that year there sas a great rush of business at cur office. We had iifteen detectives, all o01 experi enced hands, and they were on the jump nightand day. We could not bundle the business tlict was coming in, and the cap. tain calling out in fun from his private office, " I guess we'll have to let you take the next case. H-arr." Hardly had he said the words when the door opened and a raw old countryman entered. He proved to be Joe Baylis, a Montgomery county justice of the peace, and hc waited the captain to send aman down with him to attendi to a ghost who "as cutting didos at Furt Washington...
A Drink for Life or Death. [Newspaper Article] — North Melbourne Gazette — 13 July 1894
A Drink for Life or Death. , I came to India in 18.5- as za private in the -lth Heiiment. and my company formed part- of the garrison at Areat. We found Arcot horribly dull, and i" seas with greal satisfaction that we heard an order had been given for our cmrnpany to march to Vedore to strengthen thC tire garu son there, which had been very much reduced by cholera It was then about the middle of March, and eonsocuently later than is usual for moving troops, as the days begin to get very hot on the plains in the Carnatic about that time of the year. i3ut ours was special duty, ind as we should only march in thu very early morning, we did not fear the inconve nienee of the midday heat, but looked upon the whole :hing as rather a lark, and a wel comn change frum thte ruonotony of garrison dety. As to the cholera. not one of us gave it a thoug.t. Not likely it would touch one of us ! It was on the second day after leaving Arcot that Private Thomas Atkins. wito was my right tile, suddenl...
History of the Women's Franchise Movement in Victoria Continued. [Newspaper Article] — North Melbourne Gazette — 13 July 1894
History of the Women's Franchise V?Movement in Victoria BY S. BAzKER, J.P. Contitucd. Civilisation is but the aggregation of tbe individual acts of duty that the indi Tidual owes to the community. Paid, they are its a-et', brighter than gold ; withheld, they are its debts. Xet, to be paid or extracted-frequently in op pression, sometimes in blood, often in obliteration-the ne iect of this indivi dual duty is rasped by the community in the "Dead Sea Frit " of its wasted, blasted lives. The neglect of sanitary laws brings disease and death - the neglect of moral laws brings dtsintegration and decay. For are we not a community of interests, of which society it bun the raw material, and of which the individuals are but the warp and woof; events the patterns; the weaver God? Let us, therefore, strive "For the cause that iacks assislance, For the wrong that needs res'tanco, For the future in the distance, And the good that we can do." The committee brought up their re port, which was adpt...
COMPROMISED IT. [Newspaper Article] — North Melbourne Gazette — 20 July 1894
COMPROMISED IT. In crossing Regent Street the other day a lady dropped her handkerchief, and a gamin of ten, who saw it fall, ran after her and restored it. "Thanks, child, thanks!" she replied, a- she received the dainty fabric from his grimy hand. "Now, then, what can I do for you ?" "Nuthink," he replied. " Oh, but I must reward your action in some way. How shall I do it?" "Well, mum, if you are bound to do it, please give me a- five-pound note in stead of presenting me with a mansion in Grosvenor Square. Taxes isshigh, and dad is out of work, and we don't want no dead horse to carry these hard times." She made it threepence and another vote of thanks, and he seemed perfectly satisfied.
CONCLUSIVE. [Newspaper Article] — North Melbourne Gazette — 20 July 1894
CONCLUSIVE. Mr. Simkins is a great enthusiast on the subject of" chest protectors," which he recommends to people on every occa sion. "A great thing!" he says. "They make people more healthy, increase their strength, and lengthen their lives." " But what about ourancestors ?" some one asked. "They did not," said Mr. Simkins, triumphantly, "and where are they now ? All dead !"
NO RISK. [Newspaper Article] — North Melbourne Gazette — 20 July 1894
NO RISK. A servant-girl came to her mistress one day, and said " I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'll have to leave you next month. Me and my young man are going to -gt married then.' " Very well, Mary, replied, the lady. "I hope, however, that you h-ve given the matter careful consideration, and counted the cost in case one makes a mistake in marrying." " La, ma'am, it ain't going to cost me anything was the immediate reply. "He has to pay for it his own self. you know."
TO WAIT. [Newspaper Article] — North Melbourne Gazette — 20 July 1894
'Tis woman's happy lot to wait, To wait with glad exI ectaxcy And buoyant heart lifted elate, The folded future's mystery. Whatever joy may come to bless, Howe'er love sends his messenger, No word nor any half caress May ever be forestalled by her. And though her heart yearn overmuch, Its tenderest song is never sung : She may not raise with lightest touch The curtain o'er the future hung. Iflove come soon or love come late, Or saddest, never come at all, 'Tis woman's patient lot to wait Through all the lengthening in terval.