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The Old Bore. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 27 August 1887
The Old Bore. p "By gum;, I was mad this morning," said an old bore with a cast in his eye, who travels into town by the same tram every morning,, and is cordially disliked by the business people who use the. same car, and meet him regularly. "'My wife, has done nothing but grumble about the rain that has t prevailed the last few days, until I got enough this morning, and.I settled it right there... She -will .-never -complain of - rain .G -agai~t." . .. "What did you do, kill her ?" asked the t insurance man. "He probably knocked her on the head with an axe, and threw the body into the c;ellar," said the.sharebroker, while the old 'bore got blue in the face trying to speak and explain. " No, he'killed her with a revolver," said the floor walker, who sat opposite. "I heard a shot fired at seven o'clock this morning, and something fell with a dull thud, and I knew it was' a human body. There is a detective on the dummy outside, and-I am going to call him to take charge of t the wife-...
An Ice Fix. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 27 August 1887
An Ice? Fix. BY PRETTY COCKY. An incident which might have eventuated in a lamentable tragedy recently occurred on board the good ship' (we suppress' the " name-we don't give any firm a gratis notice) which has just left for the port of i London with, amongst other cargo, a con- : siderable quantity of froen meat: When i lying at Sandridge,;a few days, before sail- ., ing, Captain (no, you don't). who is in com mand, took a party of visitors over his mag nificent vessel.' Amongst, these :were Mr.' s and Mrs. de Spriggyns, "a newly-married i couple, who intended making a bridal trip 1 to Europe, partly with a view to escape c from the inconvenient attentions of Old t Jones, the father of the bride, who persists I in following the happy pair about with a large club, and partly_ with the -idea of t starting a business in the old . country, t where, Mr. De Spriggyns being less well I known than he is here, credit might be more 1 easily obtainable. Amongst other parts of i the ship the p...
No Title [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 27 August 1887
There is some large amount of, trouble amongst medicos in and about Sydney.: A committee was appointed by the Legislative Council to consider the regulation of medi - cine and surgery,. and the consequent re velations are of a highly interesting charac ter. One witniess deposed that he was an unqualified homeopathist, and had acquired a genteel independence after treating the lame and the sick for twenty-nine years. He was a perfect genius; he graduated as a coachman ; he studied horse ailments in a barn for some considerable time, and was in the habit of dissecting his neighbor's cats. His inordinate thirst for knowledge fre quently led him to break the arms and legs of the family chairs in order to practise setting the fractured limbs. Then he laid' in a stock of coarse salt and saltpetre, tacked M.D. after his name, and started to cure everything from round of beef to cancer on the brain. He was at one time, in his boy hood, associated with a man in Scotland who was not a doctor ...
Our Cheap Restaurants : A Growl. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 27 August 1887
Our Cheap Restaurants : A Growl. I have lately become deeply impressed with the idea that civilisation in our large. cities is becoming painfully:artificial. No thing affords such a vivid illustration of this fact as the modern restaurant.' A few days ago, being desirous of filling a vacancy. in my department of the interior, Itook myself into one of these places. As 'I waited for my breakfast to' be warmed up, I wished I had gone away back in the good old days before the gold fever, when the enterprising white man had not begun to improve it. What a feeling of happiness must have come over a man to have a log for a table, savory 'possum fresh from the tree, the wholesome damper for dessert, and all the wild-woods for a dining room. But now a man must nourish his wrath in a restaurant and pay his money to get dyspepsia and be imposed upon. As I sat'listeningjto the sizzle of the beef steak, my attention was drawn to a little Irishman. who sat at the "next table. He picked up ,a side...
Some Dictionary Selections. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 27 August 1887
Some Dictionary Selections. Author: A man :who scissors the dis tance tables out.of a railway guide, the popu. lation of cities fror a. census, an article on " volcanoes " from the encyclopedia, : the, -rules.of football' from a. sporting newspaper and .thena publiebes&it under the title of ' .Gt=is: of- Thouaght- and Minhes of'-'know 'edge." ;The term was; formierly applied also to.a persoii:who wrote a book in thiis snse it is *oF' ?.obsolete. :Beauity,.- Professiohat: See Advertising. - ..Parltment-: A benevolent association, organized for the purpose of supporting the constitution, and manufacturing laws and expletives. See,, .also, article on Natural Gas. Critic : See Manager. Dioithi: Local Option. Duel: A fashionable amusement, formerly considered dangerous, but now quite popular .among the leisure class on account of its as sured harmlessness. It is highly recom mended by physicians for all persons who are too weak to play football. Egg': A tribute of respect, and ad...
FEATHER-EATING CHICKENS. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 27 August 1887
FEATHER-EATING `CHICKENS. Feather-pulling is. a vice that is about the rworstV that : cann b.e" incurred by a 'flock of chickens, for the reason that in a majority of ca'es noththA can be ddhe but to sell off the birds and begin with a new flock, as it is almost incurable; It may be noticed by the feathe'rs being picked bare from the breast and neck, finally every portion of the body becoming nearly naked, the cock usually being the first'to suffer. The causeOf feather pulling is supposed to be due .to a lack 'of meat, or some element required as food, but this is not always the case. Idleness (and over-feeding) is .at the foundation of the vice. For.want'of something 'to do one of the hens will carelessly pluck a feather from one of their number. The blood at the end of the quill.being relished, the hen discovers that she can be furnished with an unlimited supply. and in the course of a short time she picks every hen ih the .flock. The others soon learn the vice, and laying is over...
Straight Tips. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 27 August 1887
Straight Tips. They were conversing together in the Flinders street station, and one of them re marked: " I shan't go into the Exchange blind. I have friends who will give me tips." A man who was wheeling a luggage track overheard the remark, stopped short to look at the speaker,-and then spit on his hands to renew his grip of the handles, and said : "Jess so. That's the way I went there with £10,000 in my pocket, and them tips.. brought me here. Better get your applica tion in for a job--,mister."
A Good Tenant. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 27 August 1887
A- Good Tenant. . .8 "Never heard how Tom .Longworth in duced a non-paying tenant to move ? Well, I'll tell you. :For nionths the unprofitable tenant had stayed in a certain house in a fashionable suburb belonging to Turni, and month after month, had been notified thatihe must move. Finally, with patience ex hausted, Tom went to his debtor and im plored him personally to clear.' " "Fact is,' ',said the tenant, "I haven't the money to'move:" . "How much will it cost you ?" The sum was .named, which Longworth immediately lihanded over.and departed. A few days after an agent for the Longworth estate entered eTom's office in high glee, and said: . " Well, at.last I've let that house, which has been so long empty, and we get a good rent for it; too." "How mtich "?' - ' Thirty shillings a week." " To whom did you rent it ?". "To Mr. " W-h-a-a-t ! to Mr. - ?" exclaimed Longworth, jumping to his feet; "why I paid him money out of my own pocket last week to move out of another of my houses."...
Mr. and Mrs. Bowser. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 27 August 1887
Mr. and Mrs. :Bowser. BY MRn BOWER' Four weeks" ag5'r. Bowser began` to be.? have in a strange manner. I noticed him looking at the outside of the house from the front and back, accompaiiied by strenge men, and from my open window I heard them talking about" modern colors," "meadow green," and othermysterois things. It was not until I found abioard in the back -yard with half a dozen colorsa??ifresh paiit ,on it that I suspected aniythinrg. Thei"?I asked Mr. Bowser : "You can't be thinking of having any painting done around here this winter ?" " I think the cornice ought to be touched up a little." "But we had everything painted a year ago, and you said it wouild stand for-ten' years." "If I said so it will, but the style of color has changed this year, and I guess I'll have a man for two. or three days..' " And you'll have us all in a mess for the next month. Mr; Bowser, can't you'let this house alone for a day or two 7" He gave me a look of deepest reproach and turned away. I had ...
THE GROWTH OF BAMBOO FOR FENCING. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 27 August 1887
THE GROW.TH OF BAMBOO FOR FENCING. .C. A. Maul has planted oit 200 roots of this, plant, and expects to raise his own ftnrcing. The growth of this bamboo reaches ah.feight of from thirty to forty feet each year, is very straight, and, when dry, hard ,and strong. The stock will be cut: into suitable lengths for pickets and woven with wires into a neat, strong durable, rabbit proof anid stock-proof fence. - Parties who have been raising it for some time assert that an acre, wellset to roots, will produce pickets eiiough each year to make- six miles of feice.- Ameiciat?.iaer.
An Accurate Family. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 27 August 1887
An Accurate Family. Not.only is every memlbir of the Bing family accurate, but each one commissions himself a special committee to see that no other member lapses into an inaccuracy of any kind. It is a delightfully fascinating and interesting family to visit. Last week, during'a short stay with them, they told me a story in regard to their little 'Johnny Bing, so strange and startling that I cannot resist the temptation of laying it before the readers of Life. I repeat it,ver batim as it was related. "You see," said father Bing, "our. little Johnny, last July-" ' Why, no," 'interrupted: mother Bing. I" No, father, not July, it was last June. "But mother, I know it was July, be= cause" " Why,-father; I am yositive it was not July; for I remember Aunt Sue was here, and she always comes on the tenth of June." " Well," said I,.interrupting-l had caught the habit-" waiving for a moment all ques tions of the exact time of the occurrence (which, I admit are important. in the ex treme),, l...
Agricultural, &c. BRIEF NOTES. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 27 August 1887
BRIEF NOTES. The:French Government _has sanctioned a la~wvhireby margarin?e oleomargarine and -fitýor 6od ,irengt allowed to be sold under the,, name of buiiler. Fines from 50 to,3,000 francs and to six months' imprisonment, also iconfiscatioi'of the fraudulent article, are im .p6sed.f6r these frauds. The Austrian Par liimenthas an ahalogous law under advise i?ent.' American viticulture needs the same protection, afforded the American pure but ter producers. And old bee-keeper says that in localities where willow and hazel do not abound it is well to feed bees with rye.meal, as it is a good, substitute for pollen, which is the main ingredient in the bee bread, on which young bees are fed. Rye meal, when fed, especially in late springs, stimulates brood rearing, and enables colonies to send out earlier and stronger swarms. It should be placed in shallow troughs or pans a rod or more from the, hives, where it will soon be found by the bees and gathered eagerly by them. There is, a. gr...
Small Beginnings. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 27 August 1887
Smiall Boginnings. "Yes, sir," he said proudly, "I began life a barefooted boy, and see where I am now.' . .. . " Yes, you are up top, but you had a big advantageat the start.' "How so?" " You began:life a barefooted boy, the rest of us began-life as barefooted babies." Doctor-,-" Ah, little one, tell your mother I have come to vaccinate the baby." Refined Child--" I'm atiai- you can't see baby now. Mamma is giving him a bath." " That won't matter. It won't take me but a minute." "'.Yes, but he's entirely decollete."
For the Ladies [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 27 August 1887
At the late earthquake at Mentone, a lady who was present writes that she saw a gentle man so apparently wedded to les convenances as to stop amidst the awful scenes and terrible dangers surrounding him and commence to black his boots, which "he could not bear to see soiled !" A farm is about to be purchased in England for the sole purpose of recruiting worn-out horses and those which, from over-work, ap pear likely to break down. It is hoped that many a poor animal may be thus saved from untold misery. Could not our wealthy Mel bourne citizens do something in that line as a present to that deserving society which exists for the protection of animals? AFrench medical journal advises as a remedy for.thirst that the water.. taken in the mouth should be kept there for a-moment and-then' swallowed slowly. By' that means the feeling of thirst is assuaged, as it is the throat and mouth only that are really dry. Tying a damp cloth around the temples, when working in warm weather in a hot r...
THE SOLEMN HALF-HOUR. A CHINESE PAGEANT. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 27 August 1887
THE SOLEMN HALF-HOUR. BY SILAS SNELL., A CHINESE PAGEANT. We went to witness the Jubilee proces sion of'the Chinese, of course. We went un officially, that is, incog.. -We did not take our suite with.us, and were accompanied only by a green gingham, a spotted dog, and a pawn ticket. We hate to make a parade when we go to an affair like this. We take a great interest in the Chinese. A Chinaman once robbed us of a Shanghai rooster that had been in our family fifteen years, and a chestnut cat with a tail like a shaving brush. That is why Chinese always command our attention; we are looking for the 'light-brown heathen who stole our domestic collection, and should we meet him it is just possible he will be converted into rags and bones, and mangled remains. The Chinese pageant was on a scale of magnificence never before attempted in the city. The outlay in old gold and red rag exceeded our wildest attack of jim jams. We have.rarely seen anything so gorgeous out of a dream--or a marine s...
CONCLUSION. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 3 September 1887
CONCLUSION. C At length, after exhausting all the h ' lions " of. New York, we recognise the fact that we must be up, and going, and with a t heavy heart we say good-bye to our friends, and, take our passages in the Atlantic liner, 3 which is to0 bear us to " Old England," and i now, dear reader, for the present we must i part. So far you have journeyed safely with I us. In spirit we have. crossed the vast Pacific, I experienced the delights of the Hawaiian gardenland, tarried in sunny California, and without the aid of alpen stock, have climb:d I the rugged height of, Columbia's stony ridgrs, i journeyed over deserts, vast plains, skirted i mammoth lakes and. mighty rivers without the slightest exertion on our part, and .ll 1 this huge enterprise the hand of science Las &lt; rendered as easy of. accomplishment to the 1 smallest child as to, the most enduring o mankind,.: So have we travelled in ease and luxury in many regions where Lhe hardy pioneer, worn out by the fatigue...