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Rather Rough. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 13 August 1887
Rather Rough. She was young and fair, anda tear glis tened in her eye. as she laid her curly head upon his shoulderand exclaimed "Oh, George, I think if I found you did not love me I should die." "My darling," he answered, passing his hand gently round her dimpled chin, ".I will always love you. Do you think I would marry you if I didn't feel sure of it." A lovely kind of beatific happiness played for a moment like sunshine over her lips, and then she whispered "Oh, George, I like to hear you talk that way; you have, been so good to me. You have given me a solitaire diamond dress-pin, a gold watch and chain, and a ring that an angel might wear outside her glove and not be ashamed of it ; and if Ithought that one day you'd be sorry you gave me all these nice things; and would want them back again, it would surely break my heart." He held .her gently against his manly breast, and answered with a quivering voice " My darling, there is nothing on earth -that. could=happen- that wouldr m...
Parliamentary Language. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 13 August 1887
Parliamentary. Language.. You may say. that a man is not'wedded to the truth; Or sometimes suffers from a spirit of exaggeration ; Or occasionally finds it difficult to confine' himself strictly to actualities; Or is unfettered by the four. corners of hard matter of fact; Or is a past master in the pleasing art of realistically romancing; Or is partial, in describing nature, to bor rowing from the pages of romance; Or is much given to an artificial recollec tion of misleading statistics; Or cannot distinguish the false from the true, with a bias towards the former; Or has a distinct liking for the utterance of statements of a misleading character ; But you must not I No, you must not I You really must not I Call him a liar I (London Paper.) The devilish machinations of the free-trade party are discernible in this. An Adelaide official was written to the other day by some one desirous of knowingif aladywho had given birth to triplets was entitled to the Queen's Bounty. The Government...
Changed Her Plans. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 13 August 1887
Ohanged Her Plans. Young City Man: "If you thuik I am go - ing to take a house way out therein the bush, you are mistaken." Ambitious Wife : But just think of the society there. It is a lovely suburb and every family just as swell as they can be." "That's all very well, but I suppose you know I'll have to ride no' telling how long, in a railway carriage all winter, with the thermometer down pretty low. " But other men do that. The Highflys live there and the Topnotches and the Bang grps and the Pretties and-" " Miss Belle Prettie's parents ?" " Yes, and-" " Why, she goes to the school of music and will be coming down every morning about' my time, and going back every afternoon at just the same hour that I--" " Come to think, it is rather far out, dear, we won't leave town at present." . .
Amusing Mistakes. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 13 August 1887
Amusing Mistakes. Speaking of mispronunciation by vocalists,. a correspondent gives the following amus.e mug instances : A lady, who prided herself on th~:pathos with which she sang 'Claribel's ttle hal lards: "Loyale je seria durant.mavi., ' was. quite taken back when a .child said.: "Cousin, do you sing that. pretty., song, ' Royalsir, sherry hurrah for me'? " Another lady came outi at a concert to sing:. "Peace, let him rest; God knoweth best." With, a voice trembling with emotion,7 she sang: .. . t "Peace, let him roast ; God knoweth boast." Again, the song- - "Rory O'More courted Kathleen Bawn,: He was bald as a hawk, she soft as the dawn." A girl who heard a public singer give it' picked it up by ear, and thought the words were : " Rory O'More courted Kathleen Bawn, He poulticed the hawk, she salted it down."
Justifiable Homicide. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 13 August 1887
Justifiable Homicide. I knew that Tom was nervoun and irritable;, but that, these misfortunes would everbe of0 more thanmniere momentary iniconvenience to him I had no idea. That in a fit of nervous excitement he should take the life of a fellow creature never for an instant had entered my mind. I had known him, when at college, to rise suddenly in the night and furiously throw theilittle silver clock which adorned our mantel, and. whose tick .was hardly louder than that of a Swiss 'watch, out of:.the window with the 'remark that," that -clock mnade more noise than a steam.roller." .I.. say.I had known Tom -to do this and' other equally inexplicable things. If some body coughed once too often Tom was on nettles. If a dog barked or a cat squalled, he was distracted, and a too highly pitched voice, rasped on- his, nerves like a'saw onfa hidden nail. But, with all this in mind, I was surprised and shocked beyond measuire when I received the following letter from him. It was dated from ...
Very Bad State of Things. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 13 August 1887
Very Bad State of Things. First Butcher's Boy (log.)-" I say, Bill, how's the old pony gettin' on ?" Second Ditto-" Oh, he gettin' very stiff; he can't do a mile in less than five minutes now, and he doesn't make the people at the crossin's run like he used; why, he's never run over any one for nearly six months !" First ,Boy (with great a£imation)-" By Juv, you'll have to have a change, then !"
A Stage Appetite. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 13 August 1887
A Stage Appetite. Recently a tall young fellow "'unem ployed,' poorly dressed, *went to the stage manager of a travelling show which had been performing in a little up-country town, and said- 'cn" , iffgh:lof but theineatg ae " What was the matter with it ?' asked the manager. " Well, it was unnatural, and, of course, made the audience feel bad." "I know," replied the manager, "but there is no way of remedying the thing. We must have an eating scene, but can only make a pretence of it at best. The actors, you know, eat supper just before going to the theatre, and are not hungry." " I think, cap'n, that "I can improve that eating scene. To-night, have a good beef steak, plenty of bread, good butter, and all necessary trimmings. You'll have to change the play a little, but that will improve it. Just as the party sits down to the table, a commotion outside will cause the table to be deserted. When they all run off, I will hop through the window, sit down to the table and help myself. I...
Lord Lovell's Excuse. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 13 August 1887
Lord Lovell's Excuse. Lord Lovell he stood at his own front door, . Seeking the hole for the key; -:i His bat was wrecked and his trousers bore. A rent across either knee, When down came the beauteous Lady Jane In fair white draperee. " Oh, where have you been, Lord Lovell ?" she said; " 0, where have you been since tea ? " I have not closed an eye in bed, Anid the clock has just struck 3. Who has been standing you on your head: In the piddle of mud ?7"s'id she. '! I am not drunk, Lady Sbane," he saidf; "And so lateit cannot be'; The clock struck 1 as.I enter-ed I heard it two times or three ; It must be the oysters on which I fed Have been too-many, for me." " Go, tell your tale, Lord Lovell," she said, " To the maritime cavalree, To your grandam of the hoary head To any one but me. The door is not used to be open-ed With a cigarette for a key.
THE SOLEMN HALF-HOUR. AN INTERESTING NARRATIVE. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 13 August 1887
ETHE SOLEMN HALF-HOUR;.: BY SIins SNELL. AN INTERESTING NARRATIVE. The regenerated Chinee is a charming creature with a trusting, simple soul. The saved celestial, whose story we will tell went by the tender, rythmical, patronynic Sing Ling. He was not beautiful as the blushing rose, neither did he smell as sweet; his complexion resembled that of an over done crumpet, and his features were twisted all awry like the,reflection of a scorched, gutta-percha doll in a door knob; but his face was illumined with the light of faith, and the sweet, bland smile that ever played about his fine, dark, almond eyes, 'detracted common attention from a mouth which ap peared to have been exaggerated by a heavy fall upon the blade of a sharp wood-axewhen he was yet a boy. " He was a man :to be loved for his sterling, good qualities rather, than for his beauty. Sing Ling was still a benighted wanderer in the mire and clay of Paganism when he smiled over the back gate of a Methodist household in the ma...
He Cleared Himself. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 13 August 1887
He Oleared Himself. Here is a little story, from the Leeds, Eng. land, iMlercury :-Everybody knows that Sir Henry, Hawkins has the deserved reputation of being.a very witty man as well as a keen judge. The other day he very neatly com bined these two qualities at the expense of a prisoner who, I should think, if he was at all sensitive, would preferably have exper ienced a severe sentence to such a severe speech. The prisoner, it appears, pleaded guilty to a charge of larceny, and then, on second thoughts, withdrew the plea and de clared himself to be innocent. The case was tried, and the jury, effected by this amiable uncertainty on the part of the accused, kindly acquitted him. Then said Sir Henry Hawkins, in that calm, clear, cutting voice of his: "Prisoner, a few minutes ago you said you were a thief ; now the jury say you are a liar. Consequently you are discharged I"
Wit and Humor [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 20 August 1887
Ironmonger-" Canido anything seIi for you, madami- Gip?sit?d. lady--:Ji'm. I pelievether'e was m'set? ing.mSre I?anted. 'Oihyes I willldok:atyourilosquito mu I is'said that jhe.male bull nIh oea not?, sting. If that is-the cae@,t1ýe F i_' ihe ;ai; greatima ,more feinales tthrad _males, for a, bo: never yet:srepped.o or ; e; eted,.tb.. pick one:.up, buat . hat' it '".pua ~ ," ot?? stinger:into..im. : LJady~4to°A-r. Breezy;, front away bak? . f' ,Wtuld you barti? ovisit"anX otntfia gkndris. while ipa the city, "1r. tBree:y z M reezy '.Whyyeye ;, Pereig.nqthingL should;fike 'better. i What; aracthep.-price- 8t hreeoPt5. foresixpenceW!', ,":..4 -, .µ.. r i' Well, that s't ust like,4he chneek of thiese foreigni artists,'"observed Ai Sna - .an kmerican iwoan., "'VWhat:ii it? -askc r hr husbanal WL?y~ y ,thate, man.M ukaca.Y is". poming back here next summer ito. rpamn.. NidagAra -':alls,,andý.l:belie'v - ?e'l uesL spo°,i . themsoildo:ds:i ' . b,-,: 1... .i :. . ". Give'= anr eample of. an...
A Sad Mishap. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 20 August 1887
",What ;makes you looki so. sole9 f ;, whispered a fashionable 1adysito:anthl. in church, j us bieforotdhe servide e gah "tI've g? good ieason td b: .angry" .was the respoise. ":I dressed myself iupin tfiis new tailer made sutit 1 boexitede frotaVI ? 'andc( b4 o and went to church to sh W-it off.' . . ":Well, wh1 t of it?.' sked the other party. :: . ... ".Our clbck was j Whoeihomr iaat, afid: had to sit anditin th empt With-- - iut anybody to see myr.ie dbhesr -adthey: areiso :becoming t.myicdnplexion . T?eer&b;&lt; 4vas?nobody .to. see tlem- for a whole houur, Snd 1 might just as.weqiThatha'iYriaoý4athes on at all. it made me so mad tati couit
And it Came to Pass. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 20 August 1887
And it. CaimeV , oPas. - Now, in these days,; the young man goeth abuiit oeia ll the land, seeking:,whom -he-- may get at;for?niw; suit, and he sayeth unto himself softly-." Now,.verily, will I. array myself in . gaudy raiment, wven in apparel , of the} dudes; and;Pharisees ; yea, even ini a decollette.vest and patent leather shoes and a white necktie. :And verily-will I not.cut a swell?; And there will be no flies on me I" . And the young man hieth.him straightway unto the shop of Jacob, the tailor, and he de livereth himself up to him, and into his,toils- fearlessly. for he. sayeth unto himself- - /" Here is where .1 fool Jacob, for will I not' ,do hitn up for that which he selleth unto me? Yea, verily 1" And Jacob saith nothing, biit he thinketh mightily ; and when the young man findeth the cloth 'hiCh: pleaseth his fancy, Jacob asketli.his cute questions, saying -" Where now hast thau the shekels w.hich: :. thou owest, me for ,thy winter's overcoat? Now.the winter is going and s...