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AMUSING INCIDENTS. His Only Faults. [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 30 January 1914
AMUSING INCIDENTS. His Only Faults. A cortain "professor," whoso special ty Is the lir'aKiii'i-ln of horses, wni living his en'.oi ,>iu:nunt briorc an ap prccliuivp mu;:i nro of YorUshlremetL Pollowlns his uki, :l custom, ha In plted owners of hor.-vs to tost his syfl !0:n. "Drliii; inu a horse," lie said; "J lou't rfi. : nw vicious lio is-tho worso bis ttinju-'i', th'i DotiiT 1 shall like him. [f he ldeks, slues, jihs-In fact, I (lou't :are what his fault la-I'll euro him In inlf an hour." In response to this challenge, a lo cal farmer raised a roar of laughter . by dragging Into the ring an animal whose bones were so conspicuous that he would have made a very fair hat rack. "Good gracious!" gasped the profes lor, "what have we here?" "A lioss," grinned the farmer. "He's raythur thin nn' raythur old, but them's 'Is only faults, an' I wants 'em sured." "Gentlemen," said tho professor, turning to his audience, "I appeal to vou as sportsmen. Is this fair? I de mand a horse. This ge...
THE FERRYMAN AND, THE TRAVELLER. [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 30 January 1914
THE FERRYMAN ^ AND, TWt TRAVELLER. Before the erection of the new pier it the ritiatle Rock, passengers from 3iiml.mi ton had to be conveyed dowo .lie Levon to tlie Clyde steamers by a torr.v-boat rowed by two siuvdi' and funcnilly siderly ferrymen. Oh iuu: t .-Ciiijinii »n Kn';!Isii com ? .c:::i ii.'i i i.li(T in;tl sc;ui;.i ,tnseU la liu- !uun':ule at the stern. One of !,e o!il ferrymen, aware of tI:-3 daagei ;o rnyotie so placed when the rope ol lie itnnmvr should be uilachod to live JO'.v (,; ilio boat, tools occasion to waru ;t&lt;> '..an of his ilangor. my man, come down off that, 5r y j il e.oup owor." Tin- trtiveiler replied by telling.him :o rolrid itfs .own business,. iuiS trust lim to Lake care of1 himself.'' "Vu'eel," said thy ferryinnn,. "mind I've tell, yo; as -sure as ye're .slttin' II:.re ye'll coup owor." No sooner had tho rope boon attach 4d anil die boat ^rot the Inevitable tuy from the steamer than the fellow wem beels up over "the.stern. "Gowk, I telt...
The Compliment Explained. [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 30 January 1914
The Compliment Explained.. "I know, that I am ugly and pooi and that, as a general thing, the glfh do not admire me," said Gus de Smltli: "but," he added, "Miss Birdie McGlnis paid me a very high compliment-lasls evening at the ball." "How did she come to -do that?' asked Pennybunker cynically. "I don't know how it came about She usually puts me firth or sixth 01 her list of dances, but last night sh&lt; put mo down for the very first danc&lt; of all." "I know she did," replied Penny hunker. "I asked her what she mean by such eccentilcllv. and.she said tha' she dancptl the flrr-t dance with you U get you off her mind, so that she coui; ?>n!oy herself for tlu: r.1.fit, of the eT««.,
All Had a Turn. [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 30 January 1914
All Had a Turn. A doctor recently ordered a pair of trousers from a tailor. On trying them on, they proved to be several Inches too long. It boipg l.ito on Sat urday night, the tailor's shop was closed, and the doctor took the? trou sers to his wife, and asked her to cut the surplus off and hem thorn over. The good lady, whoso dinner had Jierhnps disagreed with her, snappish y refused. The same results followed applications to the wife's sister and the eldest daughter. Before bedtime the wife, relenlf?:?. took the trousers, and cutting off s*l.. Inches from the legs, hemmed thorn U; nicely and restored them to the clnsr*. Half an hour later her dnugh'"r. taken with compunction for her un filial conduct, took the trousers am!, cutting off six Inches, hemmed ami replaced them. Finally the sister-in-law felt tht pangs of conscience, and she, too, pei formed an additional surgical open-, tion on the garment. When the doctor appeared at break fast on Sunday morning, the famlli thought a ...
How to Choose a Handy Man. [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 30 January 1914
How to ..Choose.- a Handy- Man. Mrs. Murray had advertised "for a skilled gardener, to .work by the day in her garden, and, somewhat to her embarrassment, she was obliged to choose between two applicants who appeared at the same moment. As she stood on her doorstep, ques tioning flrst one and then ths other, she became aware that hor mailior-in-. law, seated a short distance: froni the men and directly behind them, was frantically gesticulating. The old lady, satisfied a; last itsa;* she had attracted her dnu?h'tor-ir.-!nw.'s attention, pointed unmistakably., to wards the less prepossessing or t! => two men; and the younger woc;.':i supposing that her relative had .eon.'* personal knowledge of the applicant, promptly engaged him. "Has that man ever worked for you. mother?" asked Mrs. Murray, when the two women were alone. "No," replied, the old lady. "I never saw or heard of either of tbem until now." "Then why In the world did yon choose the shorter man? The othct had a much bet...
HOW IT HAPPENED. [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 30 January 1914
HOW IT HAPPENED. Herman Schmidt, who was one of the horoes of the Franco-Prussian War, was asked by some admirers to tell them how lie won the Iron Cross. His version shows him to be a man of mar vollous modesty. "Veil," said Herman slowly, "It vas like Ula. 'ley vas all us Prussian fel lers-ve %as nil in der army, soldiers. Der Fnrocli folks vas fighting us, unci ro vm Ashling dem. Den dere vas a battlefield-like it vas a field In a farm, yes-all grass and stuff-und ofer dere vas der French folks, und over here vas us Prussian fellers. Alvays yet I ras de blggcs' man in der army, so dey make dat I should carry de flag-de flag dat alvays goes vere der fighting Is. So den, here vas our fellers, und ilere vas de French folks, und ve vas ihootlng at dom tind dey vas shooting »t" us-only I vasn't make no shooting, because I got dem flags und no guns. So I says, 'Vat If some of our fellers vould go ofer vere de French folks vis, vat?' But den I see our fellers vas all shooting und dey va...
SHIPS' MASCOTS WHICH DIDNT BRING LUCK. [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 30 January 1914
SHIPS' MASCOTS WHICH DIDN1 BRING LUCK. Mr. J. Gordon Bennett's magnificent .team yacM, Clio J^-si-strata, h...cb was 30 I'.-i'iiy dnmairoiJ by a proa. r . le In tile iMiciitorraiifc.nl, is » ship .\H1) It mascot. Tlila is Hit- owl, a bir.i re. carded by 7i r owner s being ..!/&lt; &lt; -u* fclem oi guctii luck. They are evui." where aboard 01' her-stuped owl plaster owls, marble owls, gold of all size's and in every position. U .vis peer Info the salt-cellar.-i on tlio (iinner table, torm pepper-boxes, seals, ha:; dies to doors, iirelro.'is, paper knives, and even gaze up solemnly at the vir-i tor from bottoms of teacups and glass es. An enormous gilt owl, too, lorms the yacht's flgurehfcad; and another, of equally imposing proportions, decor ates her stern. Yet she has been a most unlucky craft, and the same may be said of many other vessels owning mascots; which would seem to prove that there Is truth in the saying, com mon amongst sailors, that "a mascot ashore be...
WOMEN AND HYPOCRISY. [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 30 January 1914
WOMEN AND HYPOCRI8Y. It )s a curious fact that there are no notable hypocrites among the women of Action, and we believe that ther.e are very few in rep.I life. So far as our experience goes-and an experi ence backed by a literature,, cannot h(. an Isolated experience-hypocrisy in women Is rare. Their freedom is the more remarkable because women are not frank. There, is, however, a vast difference between want of frankness; and hypocrisy. The design of the hypocrite must always be self-inter ested, and, moreover, his part must be consistency sustained. A liar need not be a 1 /pocrJte, although a hypo crite can hard!} avoid being a liar. But he ijiust do more than lie. He must load a. false life-a specially barf llfelinder cover of an ostensibly good one. It is possible to be secretive with a good purpose, and even with a good purpose to make a certain amount ol pretence. The benevolent self-control of the best women is apt to run to excess, and to result in their hiding all those fe...
SUFFERED BY MODELS. [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 30 January 1914
SUFFERED BY MODELS. "The occupation of 'artist's model' aeemB an easy vocation," said E painter of classical subjects. "As a matter of fact, It 1B often a difficult and painful one. I have known soldiers and sailors, whose powers of discipline and endurance would seem to fit them for the work actually faint with the exhaustion of remaining for a long period In some particular posture. "A famous French painter told me that once, when painting a battle scene, he employed two old cam paigners who had fought and bled In the Franco-German war. They had to he depicted as falling wounded from their saddles. Although they were supported by slings and straps, both declared that they would rather have been actually shot than have had to endure the terrible strain of .imply counterfeiting the fact!"
WRETCHED WRITERS. [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 30 January 1914
WRETCHED WRITERS. The fact that the late Lord Wo! veijhampton vras very keen on pro moling good handwriting has often ton remarked upon; but it may not bo known that he used to recite one ? ' tlie best arguments in favor of hi;; ideal. When the Reform Bill was be ing discussed in the House of Lords \ in 1S :7, the Clerk of the House om dav innounced that an amendment .*.- bad been handed In. but the writing was so illegible that he was quite nnnblo 'to say what it was about 01 ' vbo.wru the author. The latter, It then transpired, was I.-ord Lyttelton -and his proposal was to disfranchise ull persons who could not write! This; is somewhat similar to a story of tho. Duke of Wellington, whose . hatred" of bad writing was hardly in f&lt;--:or to his own calligraphy. He &lt; ? if wrote In a perfect fury censur ii-; an officer who had submitted an i' . -dble report-and after the lapse »'f a week a reply was sent saying t nut all the officers in the garrison !'.."! endeavor...
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 30 January 1914
Siate School Cooker.v Classes ropui.A i: Entertainment, and Supper Cooltl'll 1111(1 M-Hi-il l>); l'U|.llri (.f Cnnl:i ry Clii-'si'H (under th» Mi)ie> vi-inri i'f Mis* I'lmjes*) 1NSTITUTK II A IX, Wednesday, lltli Feby, 1914 At 8 p hi. FULL MOON! FULL MOON! PriceB, 2a and Id. Proc fids to defray rent of Cookei y. Cinas Rooms Institute Hall, WEDDERBURN. Wednesday and Thursday, February 4th and 5th. Triumphal Kb appparnnce of tlio Corrick Entertainers (newly Or^anteed) Pronounced Better than Ever. 9 VERSATILE AUTI3XS 9 Bonded hy MISS ELSIE 00RR1CK (Charminc Lyric Soprano) MISS RUBY CORRTCK (Comet and Mellaphono Soloist), Supported by MR J AM lis 0 ALU WELL (popular Australian Baritone), und MR. OIL AS PICKETT (Character Comedian). New and Original Prosramme of Mittb, MUBIC and Melody, eclipsing | all previous Eutertairiments. Prices, 3s, 2s ami Is; Box plan ab I McGibbony's. No extra charge for ( reserving. NORRIE handricks Manager. Wedderburn Races. I Annual Meeting'. WEDNESDAY,...
Walking and Health. [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 30 January 1914
Walking and Health. The man or woman who lias culti vated the habit of a dally walk lias minimised the chances of falling a victim to a (toot? many different Ills, and those who have not vet ent into the habit cannot ilo better tliau to be tin straight awaj. livery clay u short walk should be taken, anil the dis unce, when f»aMb'e. may be in creased with advantage till tramps &lt;>' ten miles or more are indulged in without undue fatigue. But this nitist be done gradually; the man who, afu-r Bitting; tor months at his deal; am! neglecting exercise almost entirely, suddenly sets, out on a twenty-mi!.. tramp will be only upset and put out ot gear. Begin with a short distance, and. above all. keep the practice up regularly, ftr.d you will soon t«el a different being; your liver will work like a cloclt, the blood wlU be purified, and will course gently through ever* Y&lt;Hn, while the brain will be invigor ated to perform the dallv task without WlfM.
THE DIARY OF A JOKE. [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 30 January 1914
THE DIARY OF A JOKE. I am born. My creator chuckle; .laps himself oti the Unco, roars, am', Mils Ms-wife. Am rend to the author's wire. She s»lles. kisses him. and wanis to Uno '. how much he thinks I will brin';. I start, on a Journey. Am r&lt;":i d bi as editor. Ho Inu^li.". and reads ni" 'to the office staff. Mr creator gets a cheque and mor" klssea from his wife. I appear In jv. tut. Thousands read me and laugh o'or me. The editor jot» many new subscribers. tells me on street and a cigar. Tell? ne again all.; ;v : out to hinrh. Xewapajier couies v-.o and nlso set? new snbscrlbei-. Comtdian ci ? on a stacn in a mualc-hsll tin:; and makes a hit. Politician? v" me in s'w»wli, clai;ii >Inc I happen^' bar!; in his b'-.-hood. and gata elect-d. Lecturer uses me on : ' : and gets return date. Minister works me in spr-non for illustration and Rets rail hi other town with higher salary. Am worked to death. Everybody everywhere ns s m0. In season and ont of season. I become a ch...
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 30 January 1914
Ate fhoM ei mmHOD and tjoo'i Dlgeiti* It 84 and Si 8d ||r tin, Obtainable n tuoikb^ roat * Bronchifis HT TO WAY of civilisation, Indi psift, when Dr Shol [Tabului hio empli yed. F J Pettard, and A .dttarfcvru. SUFFERED AGONY WITH HEAD ACHES. " I highly recommend Chamberlain's Tablet tn anyone who suffers from heart aches," says Mi* M K Berry, Marl borough lin'iiil, Victorian Valley, 'las mania- ' I sufiered agony with head aches and tried almost everything. No thing did me any good until a friend recommended Chamberlain's Tablets and they Boon put 1110 'ight again. Now I would not be without a box of Chamber lain'B Tab'eta in the house, BoldIbyiioclc aiid- Craig,ftMarohanti, W*dderburu. . geo. T. $mm, "\\ ll&lt; ?'( Ml I t* '1(1 1\ I ' U.t FAMILY. BUTCHER, Hn n' hikI Macon Carol', u TG ir STii i:].;?]', w i-: D imu; " ns\ Families M'«iu.i on for. Orders. Smn I OomIs iilwnys oil hand. SiiiiongpR.n Sprritility, riUCES MODERATE.. S. LOC K HART, AtJCTIOK BEB., Land, Finance, and...
Proverbs Barred. [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 30 January 1914
Pi»verbs Barred. Ttie nttkman struopried to lti« fe.e&lt; fWts amid the ruins of Ms broki-u cart, rubbed the mud from his eyes. xcraped tk* dirt from his coat. dabbed his fact1 with hit handkerchief, slanced nt his fcotae, wblch wa.» just disappearing round the corner, and tinned to face the crowd of Interested spectator. tbat had just collected. "All I've got to say," he began, roll Ins up his coat-sleeves, and screwing his face Into a hideous scowl, "is that the first rnflician who says something ?bout it being no good crying ovei ?plK milk, is going to get his he:i I punched!" The rivalry was great at the an oael cricket; match. Police v. Pnhli MBS, and many friendly bets depend ed on the result. When the lust hats nan. Police-constable Rohiiison, walk ed to the wicket the Police required oaly two runs l&lt;i "in, and, naturallv. freal excitement prevailed. He ha: ted Kith due: care until a loose ha I! caai*. and hitting this past mid-on fee (tarteil for an easy r...
SOME GOOD RECIPES. PALESTINE SOUP. [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 6 February 1914
SOME GOOD RECIPES. 1 PALESTINE SOUP. You require about 3 pounds of nrllchokos, 1 Icitcupftil of turnip, 1 small head of celery, white pnrt only, 1 onion, 1 lump of stfgar, salt, and il very little cayenne, and white stock to complotcly cover. Put all. into a saucepan, and boil slowly for nn hour ; then rub the vegetables through a" sieve or co lander ; return to the saucepan, and boil up once. .lust before taking up add i pint of milk, and do not boil aguin. Serve with' a dish of fried bread cut into* dlcc.
Ladies' Column. [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 6 February 1914
Ladies'Column An 'Effoctfvc Dress of wideOhantllly Laco partly veiled by a. draped Tunic of Dolft blue Chiffon* Sec tions of white Taffeta embroidered in Delft Blue form Points on the Bodice and the short hanging Panel on the Front of the Skirt. The Taffeta Sleeves arc finished by embroidered Cuffs. The draped Beit of black Velvet Is trimmed at the left Side of the Front by a Cluster of Roses. Square Sections of 1-ace are mounted on the Top of the Skirt.
MEN AND HORSES. [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 6 February 1914
MEN AND HORSES. (By ELBERT UliBUAJtD.) An Kmbassy nttiu'he in Berlin tends me a circular tliot is be ing distributed through tho Gor man army. A free translation ot this circular is as follows : "Men and Horses : In the army of the I'nlherlaud horses have always ployed-mi important part. Wo owo a great debt to our horses, fur rer vlcc both In times of war and penei*. ' "And it is hoped that all good sol diers will sec to it that the "rights of our dumb brothers are respected. "Our horses nre entitled to food, water, bedding, and shelter. Just exactly ns a trooper Is. "But beyond this it must be re membered that a horse should not be insulted or distressed, either by cruel trcutmcnt or vehement lan guage. "To curse n horse is just ns bad as to curso a mail. '.rerhnps It Is worse, since a man inny strike back, but the horso is practically within our power. "The courage of tho horso comes from the courag* of the rider. Alone lie is timid and nervous. See to it that lie is not needlessl...
VANITY MACHINE. [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 6 February 1914
VANITY MACHINE. 4. &lt;Uy GAHItETT I1. SERVJSS.) A French inventor has contrived nn improved means of flattering hu man vanity, in tho form of nn au to-phot osrnphii: miichlne, ivithNN" i o-phot uprnphic machine, with whose niil tliu fslttfi" can choose liois own (misc nn'l arrnnga Ills own expres sion. without the intervention of a third person. All he lin.s to do is to place him self on i> stool lici'le the ma chine, look into n mirror, fix IiIh li.iir. and his neck-tie, and graduate h..s smile to suit his mood ot his fancy, and then drop n colli 111 a slot, or, if it is a private ma chine, owned by himself, touch a button, whereupon the mechanism sets to work, takes his photograph, develops It, transfers It to a caril, fixes It, and, at I ho end of Ihroo minutes, delivers the finished pho tograph, In n pormnuont form, In a box ut the bottom of the appa ratus. The cntiro process Is effected by means of a system of cloctro-niag notn. and 'nearly all tho steps nro visible...
ACTED WORSE THAN THE HORSE. [Newspaper Article] — Wedderburn Express and Korongshire Advertiser — 6 February 1914
_ AUTKIJ WOHSE THAN' TUG ' UOltSM. ' -r--*-- '. The old purtv from the coun try ??uiul lier sniull sou were driving .] to town when u_ huge - motor-cur. boro" dowii'.tiipon tlieni. ' The horpe was budly frightened and begun to prance, whereupon the oki' lady leaped down and waved wildly to the chaufleur, screaming ut the top . of her voiec. The 'ChnlTour stopped the cur and i offered to help to get tile horse : past. "That's nil right," said the boy i who remained composedly, in the j carriage, "I can liuuiugc the horse. J You just lead mother past." I