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WIT AND HUMOR. [Newspaper Article] — Nagambie Times — 25 December 1914
WIT AND HUMOR. ! y.i'.l:: Tht-y nro roa'.ly the i lover- I ?v«.r [ • Vv5; !: Feems a shame ih.v. they arc c.-inc to cet rv.arrict! ar.J I: a:1. a vouiic from Perth. ; Who ■>;•> born or. th* day of hi? ' birth: J H»» ^va* r.tarried. they ?ay. O:: hi.- n--idtnc-dny. At:.! he tii-.-d or. hi.- tes: day on earth. River--: Why tli-J you pay ?o-pos> I tlveiy :ha: a man can't Jo irretig by 1 r.iarryjr.y a W:-t~r?: Why. It'? plain enough that V. a raar. nnrrie? a w-ootv he doesn't marry a tuiss.
Blaming Mother. [Newspaper Article] — Nagambie Times — 25 December 1914
Blaming • Mother. "My mouier rnaae me wuat i am/' said the. political speaker as be proud* ly threw out'his chest ; "Well," said a email man . at the rear of the hall, "she must have put in some of her time at other things." » As soon as a woman knows what she wants, she generally gets it. It's when she does not-know what she wants that she baffles the philoso pher. Bear your troubles manfully. Every one endured bravely strengthens your character; c /ery-one. shirked weakens it: "To.make-the wheel8«ofi the day's work run smoothly,"' says- the village philosopher, "there's nothing like a little- oil. :Harsh, peremptory com mands only ejact tgrudgjng service. Courtesy -and consideration Inspire spontaneous and .'conscientious work in.return. . Anne-Teeke: Mr. Oaeser is such an •interesting talker. -Always «ays some* thing one-never-hears ffrom anyone else. -vMlss Cyni^uo;-Has. he been propo sing to yoo,-too? "
PATTERN FOR LADY'S RUSSIAN COAT. [Newspaper Article] — Nagambie Times — 25 December 1914
PATTERN* FOR LADY'S RUSSIAN* COAT. Made np m dark velvet trimmed with fur, this coat wlJI look very etyl ish and most up-totfate. It repre sents "Everylady's Journal" pattern No. 197,' cut in three sizes—small, me dium and large. This pattern may be bought lor ninepr-nee from local pattern agente, or will be eent post free to any addrees if ninepence in £ tamps is sent to Dept. A, "Everylady'B Jour* ual," 376 Swanston-street, Melbourne. State number of pattern and size re quired. If a penny stamp 1b sent to above address, a 48-page catalogue ! will be sent to any reader -who writes | "Send free catalogue." :
The Children's Meal Hours. [Newspaper Article] — Nagambie Times — 25 December 1914
The Children's Meal "Hours. Children should be taught to be regular at their meais and to take nothing between them. This rule ap plies to infants as ■well -as to older children. The practice of feeding* the Mule one every time it cries is a dan*, gerous one to its weak digestive or gans. An infant's stomach, though it needs food at more ferquent inter vals, nro to four hours,.according.to :;s age. requires the same regularity Tb:ch :s essential to the maintenance of healthy digestion in older persons.
LOVE'S ARITHMETIC. [Newspaper Article] — Nagambie Times — 25 December 1914
LOVE'S ARITHMETIC. He was teaching her arithmetic. Ho said that was his mission; He kissed her once, ho kissed her twice, He said, "Now that's Addition." And so he added smack to smack In silent satisfaction. Till timidly she gave him one back, And whispered, "That's subtrac tion." But pa appeared, he raised his foot, And snorted with decision; He kicked poor John ten yards away, And said, "That's long division."
Chapped Hands. [Newspaper Article] — Nagambie Times — 25 December 1914
Chapped Hands. Some children suffer greatly from ■ rough and cracked hands. Sometimes :he £03? used is too strong, but in most cases chapped hands are the re sult of careless or incomplete drying af:er washing them. It is a good plan ! :o see that the children thoroughly wash their hands when they come in from play. Warm "water, plenty of soap, and a dry rough towel will quick ly remove the dirt, and afterwards, when the skin :s dry, a little pure mutton fa: should be rubbed in. If the wrists are very badly chapped and sore they should be kept covered.
The Old "Saw." [Newspaper Article] — Nagambie Times — 25 December 1914
The Old "8aw." Tramp: You know tho sayin\ mum, "He that gtveth to tho poor londeth to tho Lord"? Mrs. Sharper: Very truo! And since you speak in proverbB, I'll refer you to another old saw. Tramp: Which one is that, mum? Mrs. Sharper: The one in the wood* Bhed. Sequel: And she "Baw" him no more.
ANIMALS' SENSITIVENESS TO LIGHT. [Newspaper Article] — Nagambie Times — 25 December 1914
ANIMALS1 SENSITIVENE8S TO LIGHT. It Is well known thnt ninny animals are very sensitive to different tlcv grees of illumination—sotno seeking more light and others less. Many larvae hatched on the door of tho sou make for tho light, which Ih tho beet thing (hoy can do for nutritive and other reasons. Still more frequent la the ease of animals which ehow mark ed llght-senRitlvonoss only when nomo unusual conditions have Intervened, «ueh as perturbations In tho water or foulncs* of water. They retreat in tne direction of the light conditions they are. accustomed to. They make for Btronger or weaker light, as the vase may he, and tho. degree of lllu- j mlnatlon has a directing Influence In | n se.nse, Hut it is not the degree of j illumination in Itself that is signifi cant; It U the avoidance of concoml-1 tant unpropitioue conditions. i
AN ABSENT-MIMOED MAN. [Newspaper Article] — Nagambie Times — 25 December 1914
AN ABSENT-MI MO ED MAN. She is a Kensington girl. and has recently married the dearest fellow in the ■world. She is fully aware of the latter fact; nor does she hesitate to mention it to her friends. Indeed, so recent is her marriage that some of her acquaintances have not y«t had a chance to meet the most charming of his sex. "Brief as the time has been, however, it has yet been lone enough for her to discover that her husband is absent' minded. The other day she was expecting a girl friend to lunch with her anJ mate the acquaintance of this para gon. The guest, however, failed to make her appearance, though a care ful search of. the husband's pockets failed to reveal the note of invitation. It was a rainy day, and late in the afternoon the now-despaired-of guos: made her appearance, wet and dishev elled. "What on earth is the matter?" cried the bride.->"You poor thing, yoj ' are dripping wet. and you have miss-; ed meeting Fred?" "I'm awfully sorry," replied the guest, **but I'...
WIT AND HUMOR. [Newspaper Article] — Nagambie Times — 25 December 1914
WIT AND HUMOR. Nervous Wife: "Oh, Harry, dear, do order ft mouse-trap to bo sent homo to-day." Harry: "But you bought ono last weolc." NervouH Wife: "Yes, dear, but there Is a mouHo in that." She had risen sovcral times to let a gentleman pass out between the acta. "I am very sorry to disturb you, madam," ho remarked apologetically, aw he wont out for the fourth time. "Oh, don't mention It," she roplicd pleasantly. "I am most happy to obligo you; my husband keeps the re freshment bar." "Weary," said Shiny Patches, as Hie two were resting, an usual, "this 1b my birthday and I draw u deep breath of relief, for I ain out of dan ger." "What aro you talking about?" ask ed Weary. ' i am thirty-five yoars old, and for some time ! have known that between the ages of twenty and thirty-five men do tholr greatest work. It has kept me worrlod, but now I feel safe." "It affects you, this grand music," said tho enthusiastic opera-goor, as tears rolled down tho hitherto impas sive millionaire's fa...
LADIES' COLUMN. SHOULD OLD LOVE-LETTERS BE KEPT. [Newspaper Article] — Nagambie Times — 25 December 1914
LADIES' COLUMN. should old love-letters be kept: SLouM oM !ov';-i*»ttorv be- kept' Most people tvoub.5 ray if asked rli^ question, "I' yeu'rv unwarri**.!. keep them; you're r/.arrio'J. d-.-'.toy tho:n most decid vi:>." Iu other ar,i plainer ^vrJ .-. if you are unmarried, ycu can do p.? you like. If you are !':.».rr>. i. >cu c.\n'; — if you want peace. A !ovtf-ie:tv" :? fur:? t.> V- read sooner or later, he^ev^r oar- 'ully \cu may hide It: ho-vever er.it:r.t;c-it!y you may deny its existence. Th:&lt; S« one.reason why s^arrifd r^r'v should nut keep cM ioTf-:.ct:crs —• hey are sureuo be found. T'z-- next is obvi ous. A woman can': toreive a rival, and a man wi'l net. It is unreafonabie rea!?y. but tbere it 5s. and you cave to accert thing: as they are in this life. I: ^ unreas onable cf the man. because if ho come- to think a';ou: a vdnrJ?1.: ed host add? plory himself. but he ■ :> still afraid tee ether man •■-ill cut i •aim out. No; beinc sentlr.:-:":u\! fc:?-...
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Nagambie Times — 25 December 1914
i 1 OPPOSING FORCES TiUyAnF flilp ait j/Rc/" " Why don't they use Lux ?" A little boy said, As he tried to draw His shirt o'er his head. ! Whilst I grow bigger, My shirt is shrinking, And the opposing forces, j I am much thinking [ Will end in disaster To that shrinking shirt. I can't shrink to suit A shirt shrunken short 1 must have room to grow— While my shirt says, no. The shirt must suffer, If it still acts so. But the shirt needn't shrink, And I may still grow— For Lux is made to wash Woollens, white as snow | Without any shrinking, Soft as eiderdown. Lux is sold in packets, Everywhere in town. Twopence is the price, j And the price is low, If Lux'll give me room, In my shirt to grow. j Why do they do it ? If they'd only think To wash wool with Lux, Woollens will not shrink. ILfflSS Won't Shrink Woollens. Lever Brother* Limited, Sydney.
Look Out for the Paint. [Newspaper Article] — Nagambie Times — 25 December 1914
Look Out for the Paint. She: "Id Turkey a man never sees the face of his wife until after they are married." He: ''Great Scott! Do they ua© paint and powder over there, too?" Every new child a woman gets is like a new patent medicine; she al ways thinks it will do something wonderful for her and It never does. The dillleulty about Channel swims is merely one of overcoming the Chan nel's whims. There* was a splenditi audience at the Richmond Town Hall on a receut j Sunday afternoon, when Mr. Oscar Walters, from Sydney, gave a most in 1 etructivo discourse on "Beyond the Grave." The meeting was held under the auspices of the International Bible Students' Association, and the chair man in introducing the speaker said it was to be regretted that some who should welcome and encourage the good work of thin Association were instead evidently moved by a spirit of bigotry and, iinding themselves un able to meet the teachings of either reason or scripture, hav«a resorted to the usual tactics ...
A Legend. [Newspaper Article] — Nagambie Times — 25 December 1914
A Legend. In a quarrel about precedence the half-crown taunted tho threepenny p'ecc about Its small size. "But I am a more respectable coin than you," retorted the threepenny piece, ".because our master takes you to tho theatre, while ho always takes me to church!"
LITTLE BRAIN WAVES. [Newspaper Article] — Nagambie Times — 25 December 1914
LITTLE BRAIN WAVES. Women with pretty teeth will laugh nt n. stupid joke. A mtin's Idea of nn ideal wife is one who believes everything lie (ells her. Thero are more broken hearts in literature, than in life. Xo sane man takes away an umbrella or hut worse than hlb own. The Imnil that rocks the cradle is the hand that fools the world. A bemitifnl woninn without brains i.; like a Mower without perfume. Color photography will never ap peal to the man with u red nose. There's tuuhin^ that people pet litvd of ho qukNkI> as the things they like meet. A trlrl rarely .*ayH what she means to a man except in very serious cir cumstances. The world is full of willing people —snn>.'* willing ro work, and the rest willing to lei thetn. Nothing is .«o boring as listeninu to a ni:in talking about his ailments wh'Hi you want to talk about your own. Two important way? for a woman to avoid disappointment arc never to fall In love or put anything in the oven. One of the pf:nalties of increasing ...
Worse to Follow. [Newspaper Article] — Nagambie Times — 25 December 1914
Worse to Follow. A mnn whoso wife had quarrelled with him, and had gone to live with her mother, was met by a friend. The latter accosted him with: "Well, James, it is an awful thing that your wife has gone and left you." "Indeed," said James, "she'll do worse than that yet." "What worse can she do than that?" asked the friend, anxiously. "She'll come back!" ruefully replied James.
WHAT IS SUCCESS? By a Plain Country Woman. [Newspaper Article] — Nagambie Times — 25 December 1914
WHAT IS SUCCESS? By a Plain Country Woman. I oft on wonder if (ho rich people arc satisfied with conditions as they are. A woman wrote to me not very Ions | aco chat 1 oft on say thinj:n that «re I uplifting to poor women 6trugt;lin£ 1 witli the perplexities of life, and phe ho^od mo to say something to the men who have not made a "euecops" of their liven. In her letter sho cited the fact that ft prominont city man, in un interview of a paper, had paid: "After nil, money is the only real success, nnd a man's actual success in the world is judged by his power of making money." She ppoke of the effect that such statements have on the spirits and disposition of the many irooa and faithful nun who have noi been able co "make money." In later years I have grown thor oughly tirod of the averago twaddle about "success." I havo rebelled against the assumption of "Society" that its candle-shades and vases are more typical of succors than the fig tire of a patient woman doins con scientiously...