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Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham An... Delete search filter
Elephind.com contains 9,755 items from Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette, samples of which are listed below. All items from this newspaper title are freely available and can be searched from the search box above. You may also search the entire collection of 2,949 newspaper titles in Elephind.com.
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Scandal. [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

Scandal. Ie: I ewondher how label manages to preOerve her complexion? She: Oh, she just keeps it in a cool I:lce tightly cor-kecd.

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
TURKISH HUMOUR. [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

TURKISH HUMOUR. "What makes your lip so crooked?" raid a Dervish to a camel. To which the camel replied, " What is there straight about me that you should take exception to my lip?" A m:an called uponpu a Turk to borrow his donkey. Tuhe owner declared that the donkey was not at home. While the conversation was going on, theim lonkey from within brayed. "There, he is heret Let;me have him." said the :applicant. "I will lend no man inything who will believe a donkey's voice against minel"s..?id the Turk.

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
The New Member. [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

The New Member. ,Ie 3weld with rugged e!oquence pO ponent. in debate, .And proved a man of conoequeoce, an a:set to the State. lis peroration was. sublime, no point hadl fallen flat; rut, oh! the ribald laughter when he sat upon his hat.

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
ON THE OTHER HAND. [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

ON THE OTHER .HAND. Mr. Deal. the undertaker was never t a Io. for an answer when anyone ttenmpted to poke fun at him or his ,rnfn'ior n. One dny a wonld-be wit, meeting ,,m, remarked: " Yolur, must be a gruesome business, inr. Deal. I suppose you undertakers ,;..r look at a mun without wishing Yo'i are mistakUen," replied the "idlertaker. "I know some people whum I would be perfectly willing to bury alivelt"

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
The Reason. [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

The Reaeon. The old gentleman's wile was get 'ing into a carriage, and he neglected to asaist her. "You are not so gallant, John, as .when you were a boy," she exclaimed, in gentle rebuke. "No." was his ready response, "and you are not as buoyant as when you were a girl!"

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
Doubtful. [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

Doubtful. Spurgeon. tilhe fanmous preacher was once asked the following curious ques tion: "Would a man go to heaven who learned to play the cornet on Sun day?" His reply wag thoroughly character istic. Said he: "I don't see why he should not; but"-after a pause-"I doubt whether the man next door would."

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

WE LSBACH THE WORLD'8 BDEST FOR COUNTRY LIGHTING. Air Gas Machines. The Welabach Air Gas Ma chine Is to elI Die that a chlc can work I' with Impunits Suitable fo, S Lighting, IHe-c ing and Coos Ing. Wa gua n ntee natlfirde tlon with Il ou Machinea, a?n to prove thir we will Dut a machine in for one month free of charge, and if not uit able, will remove same free of all coat to you. Write for Cataloge. WELSBACH LIGHT COMPANY OF AUSTRALASIA LIMITED,. RlS LON8DALN BT., ,ElftBOUfTU.W BE SURE IT'S Wcr E's // CE-NAP~s S LOOK FOR THE NAME ! Y1rv t ake' and4 tf ib za,& Ccdrwab~t sm y;I>Alsl TO? I NVLNTOR PATENTS Obta~ne4d.Jn Commonwealth and E?ah vhere for improved methoda of APDpli .nces, Tools, etc., of any decrilpton 'ull Information, Coats, etc.. eent on a??Depation to A. O. sAOHSE, C.E. AUSTRALIAN WIDOWS' TIrNU BUILDINGS, Corner Collins and WIIItam St., I'ELBOURNE. How to be happy on wash day: use Sunlight Soap GU ARANTEED PURE THAT WHAT MIOTHER USES i I I,' N The missus put...

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
ADDED. [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

ADDED. " Practice makes perfect, you know," -:iid thie yolung woman who was play. n? -cales on the piano. e." Yes" answered her father, who Xoes not love mousic; "perfect miseryt"

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
THE COUPONS. [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

THE COUPONS. "It's not my place to interfere,'" The young wife's mother said. "But then, I should not like, my dear. To see your husband dead. I think he smokes quite twice as much As any man I've met; Can't you persuade him not to touch Another cigarette? The doctor says he won't live long If soon he does not stop it; You know, my love. he is not strong, Do try to make him drop it!" "I really quite agree with you," The sweet young thing replierL "I'ii have to see what I can do But not just yet!" she cried. "I krow he's looking under par, Consumptive, I allow, . But he's saving up his coupons, Ma, He's got six hundred now. 'Twould be unwise Just yet the poor Man's ears to arouse; For he only wants two thousand more And I shall get a blouse!"

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
IN THE FUTURE. [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

IN THE FUTURE. Lawyer (a f,?w years hEnce): "Makeu your mind easy. Thle jury will die Prisoner: "Are you sure?" Lawyer: "I am. Two of the men km are man and wife."

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
PATTERN FOR CHILD'S FROCK. [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

PATTERN FOR CHILD'S FROCK. This illustratlon shows a little girl's party frock made of velvet with col lar of embroidered muslin attached. Instead of velvet, the dress may be made of cashmere, delaine, sergo or cloth. A reliable paper pattern !3 ob tainable. It. represents "Everylady's Journal" pattern No. 131, cut in one size only-for children of three years. This pattern may be bought for nine Fence from local pattern agent, or will be sent post free to any address if ninepence in stamps is sent to Dept. C, "Everylady's Journal," 376 Swan ston-street, Melbourne. State num ber of pattern and size required. If a penny stamp is sent to above ad dress a 48-page catalogue will be sent to any reader who writes, "Send free catalogue." In addition to striking while the iron is hot it is Important to hit in tile rght place. The man who is always receiving help from others soon falls into the habit of needing it

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
A CRUSHER. [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

A CRUSTEU. Profesor Leonard Biacon was one of the hbst-known theologians in New !?lnand a qn:rrter of a centnry ngo. Jace, while attetldii a conference, onRne a'er.tinns hIe t,:u?e in his address ere ve.lhentelnrv ol,j.e.,d to by a mem r ,f t.," *,,.sii.,. " Wghy." he el .,,tilat.-l. *"1 nrv.:, it.a;rd of such a hing in ;:I u,,- lif,.!" "' Mr. ...od.ra:or." rejoninecdl. Bacon altnly, "I canot.t allow my opponent's .norance, however vrst. to oliset my ,nowledge, however smnall "

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
Self-Evident. [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

Self-Evident. Mistress (to new cook): You'll not find me difficult to ouit, Bridget. BIridget: I'm surtl not, mearm; I've Een your hueband.

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
SO HE THINKS. [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

SO HE THThINS. There are three thinog which .e┬Ěry 'nan can do better than anyone else: Poke a fire. Flit a newspaper. T?II a story, after another man hsa Fbegun.

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

The hon. treasurer of the Ber wick District Football Association desires to acknowledge the re ceipt of a guinea from Mr J. Warne, president of the associa tion. The snlit ialee of the summer sea Gleaned gay In th, waters blueo, Bot the heart of the man was ill at seaE, And bis Ifes of pallid hbo. B?t his mol revived when a boatarrived With a cargo of lilfe renewer, Re laoghed like a boy-he was foll of jot Whea he'd take Wooda' Peppermint C~ao NURSE ENDRES Bundaberg, Nth. Queensland, wriets rarksh!* Ilt.U to A MAGNIFICENT ERAIN AND NERVE STRENGTHENING MEDICINE. ELri? cS :r..c, A ir d!lzr, Q.. so9's. CLEMENTS TONIC LTD. "Until two years ago I fol lowed my profession of LADIES' NURSE, residing at MTt. Perry. Overwork brought on a TOTAL COLLAPSE OF MY NERVOUS SYSTEM. I was treated by several doctors, but grew worse and bIcame so low .ndsuffered so much that I despaired of ever being well again; in fact, ONE DOCTOR SAID THE END WAS VERY NEAR, and, indeed I only longed for the hour when ...

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
WIT AND HUMOUR. [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

WIT AND HUMOUR. Why is an avaricious man like oni, Iith a short memory? Because he Is h:ways for getting. Why is it that a ti:.h,:.--,r is new'r e1e.r-,usL.? 1.3 al?o iis business :.:ke.? him sell-tiAlh ftlhli: "Aren't yu sorry that you ,, n: only child ?' Freddie: "'Oh, no; I don't mind 0t ic's rough onl pal" 1:ddic: " How so ?" lFreddie: " Well, you see, I'm getting "o big for him to have to take me to he circus, and there aren't any ounger otnes in the family for him to all back onl" iThe following is a translation of a shlhlic announcement whIlich appeared r*'Cntly in the principal paper of a :"-all town in Alsace:-" Tho Commune sf Ilirsinger requires a capable man to wind and look after the villange !ock. No salary to begin with, but his will soon be doubled if service at isfactory." Mrs Stayathomne: 'I told my cook the other evening to go out and get Lt.ings mixed for the cake I was going Lo tt:tke." Mrs Gadaboutsky: 'Did she do it" Mrs Stayathome: "Yes, she had some tlhinLgs ...

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
BEACONSFIELD. [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

BEAflISFIELO. Wh ~n in Eeaconseld some weeks ago IMr Keast was asked to interview the railway can missioners with a view to having the station removed to the town ship side of the line. Since that time Mr Keast has brought the matter under the notice of the commissioners and has receivel the following reply : Adver i lg to your letter of 12th ultma., in regard to the desire of the residents of Beaconsfield that the loca station be shifted to the opposite side of the line, I am directed to intimate that the mat ter has been looked into, but in view of the fact that there are numerous places throughout the state of greater importance than Beaconsfield at which the passen ger platform is on the opposite side to that on vhich the town ship exists, and that it has been considered in the past that it was of greater convenience to have the goods business conducted on the side nearer the principal streets, the Commissioners re gret they cannot see any justifi cation for transferring the pas...

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
Tit for Tat. [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

Tit for Tat. Pat, who was in lodgings, was great ly annoyed by the landlady helping herself to his provisions. She began by taking a piece of his butter, and when Pat came home she said: "Pat, I'm taking a little of your but ter, but I'm not like other landladies- I'm telling you." Next dlay it was an egg, and so on. Every day there was something taken and put off with the same remark: "I'm not like other landladies-I'm telling you." Of course there was never any re duction in Pat's bill. One Saturday his bill came to a larger amount than usual. Pat looked at it, bundled up a few things In his handkerchief, walk ed to th d(oor, andl said: "Landlady, I'm sloDing. I'm not like other lodgers-I'm telling you."

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
Appropriate. [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

Appropriate. The tailor's sign in a little Inland town was an apple-simply an apple, 'the people were amazed at IL They came in crowds to the tailor asking him what on earth the meaning of the sign was. The tailor, with a com placent smile, replied: "If it hadn't been for an apple where would the clothing business be to day?"

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Berwick Shire News and Pakenham and Cranbourne Gazette — 12 August 1914

PH~I ASSURACGE CO. LTD. ESTD. 1782. WORKERS' COMPEN1SATION_. FIRE. ACCIDENT. LOSSES PAID EXCEED 09QOl0o,0oo. bain USUs FIRES ed by LICHTNINO em maed gssd by thil Comr;nay. AGENTS WANTED. ll 461 TO 471 BODURKE ST.l -m: MELBOURNE. DALCETY & CO. LTD., ACEHTS. The-man who grves much time to thinking of life as a puzle and a prob Oem is likely to forget that It is first of all an opportunity. The passions are In some degree at the mercy of the thoughts, as are the thoughts of the passions; it is a moral duty therefore to think rightly. People smile at the enthusiasm of youth, that enthusiasm which they so. oretly look back at with a sigh, per haps unconscious that it is partly their own fault that they have ever lost it. Turkeys. Turkeys 10,000 WANTED. We buy by live weight. Government certificate if required. Fowls, Geese by pair. Crates lent free. No commis sion or cartage charged. Send for Price List A. DAVID HYLAND & SONS, SENNITT'S FREEZING WORIKS, QUEEN'S BRIDGE, ME...

Publication Title: Berwick Shire News And Pakenham And Cranbourne Gazette
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: Vic, Australia
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