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Change Enough. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 25 June 1887
:One of those' chronic dead-beats who habitually.infest society :boarded; a LCollins street.traiii-c ar, and proceeded t~ develop his little game; , It.was by no means a?new one, and the conductor immediately seized upon it; quietly collected his fare in the shape of a; threepenny, piece, and? for~ lsevrbal 'b]c?lck nothing was said. .Then the fraud shivered[ the'silence with :!'m It going to have'my?e ancef6r th'at' .half-crown I gave you? "'. -..... ?,? . ha "You' didnd't 'give me a half-crown," re plied the conductor; scowling darkly.!` '1 "Yes, but I did though, and if you don't; pass me over the change I'll report you.'" ° " But you only gave. me a threejpniny piece." . &lt; "I say I:'gave `you a half-crown, and I want some change,". and;the man stood;upon' the platform glaring defiantly.. The passen-: gers became interested, and the conductor' shifted his position. :: "You are ridiig 'along all right enough n iw; ain't~ou 7" inquiired the tram jehu. " Yes, I s'pose Lam...
A Funny Dog. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 25 June 1887
Jones liad jist returned;from town, *where,,he'iid been ?o' get'a horse shod, 4ahd .purchase afew domestic, necessities.:, As he took hij adcustomed seat at' the dinner table hIe said to;his better half- i' Fllbet a' hill ling, .Marier?you, can't guess whowrs ie r ried last night.. . " 't"Ohfiwho was it ? Do -tell ie' quick, Alexander.; ;You, know sI. never, an -guess whCiit was. Wase it young' St4phens an' Matilda Bray, or was it old. mni' nSmithb n' the Widder Muggins, or was it Brown's man an' the minister's servant girl, or was it-oh Ande.Mrs.. Jones broke- fourfsaucersfm nd iearl ipset thecoffee pot 6 t- tT`'ib'i' her excitement. "W.hy, Marier 'hbi'can ?l?tell'?ou any-. thing when" you eep a-talkinr at such a ia e,".replied Alexander ; ?.bnte??youcwanter 'know, it wasn't young Stephens and Matilda Gray,. and it wasn't old manmimith:an' the Widder Muggins, an' no more was it Brown's :manwand the minister's" servant' girl: It wras Josiah Potter, that's who it was."-- ; -: 'Mr.' P...
A Colonial Aristocrat. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 25 June 1887
' 'A AColonial Aristocrat. SYes," saild Mr. Qiickic k,' our new house s.i nerly; finish e, 'and ,we, shall be ready to deceive our friends inia fewweeks. Hr. Q. has bought an elegant Bristles carpet for thedriawin' room,' and a set- o;fuirniter for the parlor, made, out o' reel inorehlogany wood.. We'ie igoi' to have the cealings .all friscoed, an'; the--walli-kaleidescoped, ian' Aman~mndak lne is goi' to :have'?& peanner forty. Mr. Q. sied 'a :peanner thirtywould be a good enough instrument, an' not cost so much. as a peannerf6ty ';~but I'W ouldn't hear to it'. L told im that we ort t. have the best' theri"7ius a n'verybody kniws we've got money enough, to buy.?;a peanner fifty, or even sitty,'if they imade 'em as high as 'that,' Well, he gi 'i,: an' so we're g: in', to have a peanner forty We're goin' to paint thc? new hise' a inmutual .tint outside. :iranited td'paiutdit red in' blue witha dash or two of yeller; but the man who 'has. charge d. tbe. :iainting -said. that: ...
Mr. and Mrs. Bowser. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 25 June 1887
Mr. and Mrs.: Bowseir. BY MRS. BOWSER. :";'._ I don't want to' be cimplainin'g of -Mr. Bowser all-the tiie,' but some of his doings ought to be :ieldup4-to theiublic gaze. He came in fronim the ba'rii the oth?r da:y in a great hurry and callde out : ."lrs Bowser, where's th'' d screwdriver ? Hurry; now,' for'I.wnt: i"righ'away:i 1" " Why, I don't:oiiw where' it is?Ido I ' have charge'df y~ir tobols..' "' -" Look here'I *I'leff that screwdriver on this 'winidow-iill 'inxithe itting?room yester day afterii'6ni"'. " " Well; I hiriff sein it.I'jr hae " Who has? ?It's problably been eicucked intothe-fire or' given'away ?t??some China. man. , It's;, a wonder the-piano 'osbn't turn up missing some ,morningI:.If. it's igot so, that I. can't leave' a tool around.the house wifthout its being'destroyed I waut to:know I was 'lookin'g"around" 'while.he stood in the m?idle 'of the :oiobd: ,takiing, .aniipres entlyI 'f6iund a girlet ored into thewall where he had 'infedds toput upi? racket, and'sa...
A Few Common Liars. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 25 June 1887
,' hw eoAe onoiPLiart ' ".I said iii my haste," remarked the psalmist, "all men are liars." That there are more liars in the world to-day than there were in David's time goes without saying, because there are more men. And with this increase of population there has sprui~g into being.a new linerof liars, with- whomDayid asuncaminted ;aftr, average lars, whi d ~"pl in,very,daybusiess, and only go on; instar paitewheni the .star. liar of they combination is sick,%- oritired, or something. Among-4 these steady professionalss-may'be' mentioned : rThe, man who " never reads the news papers;,?" The man who never sees the editorial °cittiiifg him lltis l s"iie "'"atrlian figs been called to it " . or 'folio if'it were'offer~ ~0jiii ;" :-The' man ?i I Gillies? where he is;" SThe man who -'never had a day's sickness in his life ;" islThhesman.who- says ithe!captainm,tol him ,:,itm.was,the worst stormn?he. had ,ever- expe. rienced;" , A The ,familyn who was in Europe three weeks, .!'! and* :w...
Going a Little Too Far. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 25 June 1887
Going a Little Too Far.::.2 ,, ,.aM ark Twvain onc wr;iote'?a&lt;ketcli.about a man who hadia phassioinfo fie, freslihjutter. Happeningo be visiting afriend one dayhe _tookadvaiitage of 'his host's "absence from the ?oomi toisneak three half-pounds of iIiceclook= inrgowgrc6 asgfroim a'sideboardeand,p6pping them int? his hit for lack'of a better hidmg place, he'drew the cady well.down upon his hiad,'and whei?his hostre-entered the room he' bade h'm'adieu and prepared t' depart. But the owher`,ofthe butter. had witnessed the theft, and bei aii jovial party he deter mined toiplay:a. prank 'oi the thief'; sothrn ing.a deaf ear to the man's' anxious ?protes tatioiis that he ws ivaiwned at hoine to split wood, or nurse .the baby, or soniething, he foredchiin to rsit by the fire; piledi on. the wood aiiXpli'ediim 'withrýum hot, till the butter became' 6il'a?'d streamed .down the miserable ,-thief like 'w?tei. 1':.\Ma-rk Twain told the story well, we touight it could not be impri6ve...
Jubilee Advertising. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 25 June 1887
How intensely loyal 'Melbourne'h'as be come, how fertidly patriotic; especially those of our prominent citizEnswho 'run!'banks, candle-factories;-rag-stores, and tripe depots. It seems:.iastifatheii- att~ichment to Her M.ajesty'sýthrone and personwill hardly:give theim time to eat' their meals. . Evidently a 4newspecies of lunacy -is' developing in our midst, a julbilee mania which seizes upon the rabid republican as well as the.ultra loyalist, and l?ads hiimito decorate his store front with ,il transparncies, .representing his gracious 'Queen. }in many colors;, beeming benignly out oof' a-t toi-y 'windo~w- down upon her adoring subjects.; ,or he strings a lot of gas pipes. round his corner, pub.,. and bireathes loyal senlfiinents in coal ,gas: at so much ;ýper. thousand .feet, :,and blasphemes when his congratulations m flame are; sadly perverted in consequence ?f .no half dozen consecutive letters-burning up at. tfle same t'ihe. ',All'i hailt o t ir'.ii Queen 1".does'fiot look wel...
Facetiæ. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 25 June 1887
I? T .,Fapeteie., ,-, . • %,A ueenof tlO knigIa -Victoria Making lightof it-illuminating. The- larrikin's favorite profession-the :: 'ealing art. Tennyson is ill; his poetry has been ill this long time..,-: , The Prince of Wales is a poor horseman, but he nelve gets thirone.. " AboyinBallarat has killedhimself through drinking gin. Another promising politician lost:tobhe country. Who owns the:River Murray ?, It is run beiween two' baks, the'Bank of Victoria and the Bank of New South Wales. - -The 167 ouncd'nugget taken from the Midas mine, Sulky. Gully, is to be called " The Lady Brassey." It is pure gold for all that' l'-^-y 't" A Society paper .announces the engage ment of Mr. Bacon'to 'Miss Bees. This means- tliat; Miss Beesahas accdepted a hand of bacon.' An eccentric collector of statistics has cal culated that.thefJubilee addresses sent to the Queen will keep h'er and her family inbustles for ninety-six years. A Jubilee collector waited on a city ma fora contribution the other...
Mole Statistics. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 25 June 1887
- Moe Statistics. : . .' Excuse; me, sir,"' said -a young man;, inudging a fellow-passenger,," you' have a speck. of .soot on the end of.your nose.' S"That's been there for eighteen years,'" replied, the passenger. ý.."Itski a-:peculiar kind of,~miiole, and you are the: iinth:man to ask metdo sponge that nose since break: fast this~morning.. As arule- the average:is .bout' twelveal day." .. "An invasion of rats is reported fromn Argoon." This shouldebe interesting to Chinamen. 458.
Family Notices [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 25 June 1887
IN MEMORIAM. 'Twas not in the rush of battle, &nbsp; 'Mid the hail of shot and shell, 'Mid the din of battle raging, That the gallant Major fell. &nbsp; 'Twas not in the rush of battle, With the foeman on before, That he led his men on bravely As he did on Egypt's shore. His breast received no bullet Fulfilling duty's stern decrees; His brave and manly heart was stilled By the hand of fell Disease. Farewell, dear friend and brother, Thou hast heard the bugle call And like a tried, true soldier Thou hast gone, and left thy all. 'Tis a call that all must follow When Death stands at the door; And then, a joyful greeting On the bright and deathless shore. Dear lady, in thy sad, dark hour of &nbsp; grief and pain and fear, One, only One can aid thee now, &nbsp; 'tis Christ, and He is near. F. H. F. G., Fisherman, &nbsp; Queenscliff, June 23rd, 1887. Mr. R. Tobias calls for tenders for verandah. &nbsp; Business in Drysdale is very dull now. ...
"Jack." [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 2 July 1887
" Jack." * True, he came -to me one evening in a basket. . 'I thought he was game from the country" and cut the string that confined him with eager haste. He sprang out instantly with a growl, and pinned me to the wall. He was the hairiest' dog I ever saw in my life; also the most bloodthirsty. It was at, breakfast I released him from the basket. Inj five minutes' time he had torn- the window curtains, scratched a hole in the earpet, "eatehi two French rolls, a pound of sausages, a large pot of butter, and 'a pot of jam, besides pinning me against the wall and destroyinig the sleeve of my coat. Ignoble as it was, I called to my landlady for assistance. Jack ran out the moment the door was' open, and disappeared down the staircase. I continued to call for my land lady, but without effect., After some minutes of anxious expectation, Jack ap peared with a portion of a cotton print dress in his mouth, the pattern of which, I knew but tco well. :I had reasoii to believe" it was all that ...
THE SOLEMN HALF-HOUR. A MUFF MATCH. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 2 July 1887
THE SBOLEMN ,HALF'-HOUR. Br SILAS S .NEL. A MUFF MATCH.' The old and the middle aged are not seen at their'bsest on'a football field. When a man. has suffered the wear and tear of'forty years without indulging 'in'k ay football, it is :rather late forrhim, to' begin to partake of the exhilarating pastime. He ought to take it for granted that Providence intended him to shine elsewhere. He is not likely:to become a 'light of any magnitude in this branch of sport. Cribbage, poker, draughts, or do minoes, with a flavor of whisky punch, are 'athletics I better, adapted to his corns, rheu matic-back, and love of repose. Football re quires a vimi and spirit which he had for gotten ten years ago,'and is quite incompat able with bunions and a scarcity of wind. It is not uncommon, .though, for a nuiiber of wayworn veterans, regardless of all these things-regardless of their game legs and all round inaptitude, to pick sides and meet upon the ground of a suburban club to wage a friendly game of...
Cause for Alarm. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 2 July 1887
S? i· Causefor Alarm. Young Wife--!, know very well, mother, that my husbandnolonger loves me." - 'Mother2--'"Hbo d~'o you knowi it, my: daughter ?": ; "You know he belongs to a fire brigade ?"'? "Yes." ',Well; before we were marxied, when we. were ,courting- aid the'"fire-bell rang, he never went to the fire. He said that he would rather pay the fine.' . " Well, wh]t'dbes he do now?" "Why, now, at the-very fra. sound of the beiU he'says dit calls imm and 1he is off and away in three shakes of a sheep's tail,'
The Sweet Wife's Victory. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 2 July 1887
S.The Sweet? Wife's Victory. Wife (to husband, who is arranging: his toilet'at the" mirror)-".Can't: you take me to theiplay to-night?" .7 : Husband. (decisively) -"No ; I cannot. Play, indeed I Do you think I am made of. .money ?". Wife (after a pause)-" I doni't gee. any need of yourtspending so'qmuch time brush. ing your whiskers, dear." Husband (turning round with. an angry glitter in his eie)-" Why not ?"-' . .Wife (smilingly)--' Because. one brushing. is enough;without.going tb?all'that trbuble; it would be hardto make yourself any hand sonier-at least'-in my eyes-than you are naturally, no matter what care you give to your toilet." Husband (after completing his toilet) ".PI'mr going down town fora-while. By the Way,1Be11a, on second.thught., I think' I can =manage to get-A couple of-tikk tslfor the.jBi-. jon, so you can consider the going settled. Ta, ta." Wife (s(,los after his departure)-¶ I thought I would fetch him."
An Organ Monkey. (A LONDON SKETCH.) [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 2 July 1887
An Organ Monkey. (A LoNDox SKETCH.) They had a piano.organ and= a; monkey.. The husband and wife were both of White chapel. They both passed as' sham Italians and could say "Grazia" and " Signora,' in a' fashion. They both had a little gipsy blood.' They were a mixture of Whitechapel costers, and nigh-by-Epping-Forest Romany..:. The man played the organ. The 'woman danced in front with the tambourine. c The monkey was a somewhat short-tailed specimen. He was a second-hand monkey, of no particular breed, that had been picked up cheap at a shop close to' Jamrach's menagerie. The husband was a handsome brute. Thieh wife was pretty enough in her Centadina dress. He was not faithful to her, yet he was brutally jealous of her. , He was playing " La mia Ledizia" on the piano-organ; ,The, :monkey was vacantly blinking at the crowd.: The wife was going round -with the tambourine. A good-looking fellowi standihg at theout~ side of the crowd,'touched her under the chini, and laughed., :: . "We...
Funeral Sermon [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 2 July 1887
,.; , . . .. a. • nFui- al1. Sermon. 'iii reerenceo t.the late. l ?Jor .'/tz,iir .&., preachedU by 'the, 'Rev. Jo"hn Gtai-rdi' ,at S: AJ drew's, Queenscliff, on 6th Juine,1887.' C t Tý'Theire is'no man;that -'haithli powbier'6-rthe e Td irit to rithii:thei 'Prif;n ii;eer it th he So;esiehar+d+be d ith : 'erti if " d-erelis. . n iall the org Fiscations ever ilevised&i Jby tman,"i ancient or ?in mridernuitnnes ,, =and= in'arespect'to- alhwlio have centered into such organigations, there, have/ever' been: a..icii9nmencement, acont:nuance for a .'season,. :and a ; close,8 i I the: ariiies of earth, ithre is, a time'when: Eime; join.;i:tho armny;, a trIei;n which ethey cbntihue in the'ariny, carrying oult? the ~uties 'devolving' upon them, in. ;peace, andiwmn; a; and -receiving .ins due: :timie if' spared a '.dislcharge fromin the toils ot peace and; from the .difficlties, antid:dangers.of war.. :Receiviling sucha ditchakie with all the honois anid ad vi" t.iaes associate...
From Sydney to New York : OVER THE RIO GRANDE AND BURLINGTON ROUTES. (Continued.) THE DENVER AND RIO GRANDE. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 2 July 1887
From Sydney to New AYork: OVER: THE RIO :GRANDE AND BURLINGTON ROUTES. ! s By B. W. MOON, of the Newr Yofrk Iirror, t (Continued.) g THE DENVER AND BIO GRANDE. P 0 From Austral's sunny shore we sailed, b A little.pilgrim band, _ A trip to make, by the great Salt Lake, i1 . On the Denven and Rio Graide. The desert we've left far behind: I With its mighty wastes of sand; -o What grandeur new is the mountain Videi From the cars oft: he Rio Grande. I Though pleasant journeys we have made C By sea as well as land. . a For ease and speed, the best indeed a Was our trip on the Rio Grande. .. A RAnLROAD PoHr. t: After a short sojourn in the Mormon capi- o tal, we again took the cars, arid a pleasant sr- a prise awraited us on the depSt, where we met R Mr. S.K. Hooper, the Eastern general pas senger agent, who was going on to Denver in company with his wife and family, and'the kindness of this gentleman we shall never for get. When he learnt who we were, he in. vited us into his own private ...
MUSICAL. To the Editor. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 2 July 1887
-MUSICAL'. To the Editor.. - Sir,--Tlhere is ,a time for eveythiung Now, , for. one, object toa nmemnher of Sthe .band, practisingg on his musical` ii strument night and :lay. -alariliiign the neighborhiood, especi?lly was tils the case oii Tuiesday night.-Y ours, &c., . "A:'Lover Hof: Music. (We thirik that the nmusical iri?tru ment coniillainied of is 'thae fog horn :,at Poit. Lonsdale.-Ed. Sentinel:) "All things come to him whe 'vaits" A the same time it is` well to tip the waite occasionallf. The things ivill come quicker In'old ca:endars the saints' d(lays were marked with redl letters. erAny lucky da is now called a "red letter day, :'.Abundant me.ical testimony enicloed with ea ch bottle. 'It is the cure for' Cholera anil PREVENTIVE of most diseases incid.nt iton T ropicalinid Colonial life It allavs thliir t i za remarkable manner and cools hnd vital ses the blood;' J. S. Piirdy EI:..wri;ieb i, would rather:go short of anylliing than this never.failing traveller's fr...