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Fun in a Police Court. [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
Fun in a Police Court. In certain ready-made clothing shops the most valuable salesman is not the one who can sell a coat to the man who wishes to buy, but the one who can sell &nbsp; a coat to the man who doesn't want to buy. A. witness who recently gave evi- dence in an East End Police Court, must have been a salesman. He was testify- ing against a man who had stolen a pair of pantaloons from his shop. " How much are the trousers worth ?" asked the-magistrate. " Well, your worship," responded the , witness, " it depends upon the man who &nbsp; &nbsp; wants to buy them. I sell them to one &nbsp; man for 30s., to another for 25s., but you &nbsp; can have them for 23s. 6d." &nbsp; " Sir," responded his worship, in a disgusted tone, " I want you to tell me &nbsp; what those trousers are worth." " Ah, your worship," said the Israelite, ' " take 'em for 22 bob if 23s. 6d. don't suit you." &nbsp; " Look here," thundered the ...
A Miracle. [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
A Hiracle. Some Irishmen were once discussing the meaning of the word " miracle," and as they were unable to arrive at any satisfactory understanding among them- selves, they finally decided to go to the oracle, in other words, the priest. Upon the question being propounded to him, &nbsp; the priest took them Into the orchard and &nbsp; singled out one of them-taking care to choose the weakest in case oí acci- &nbsp; dents, and said to him :- &nbsp; " Now, you see that apple-tree over &nbsp; there, don't you. Pat " " Yis, yer riverlnce," replied Pat. &nbsp; "Well." said the parson, as he took off his coat, "just look straight at it for a few minutes." &nbsp; Then he took a good run and played at football with Pat. &nbsp; " Now," he said, when Pat-came down again, " did you feel that ?" &nbsp; " Shure, yer riverlnce, that I did," re- &nbsp; piled Pat. ... &nbsp; " Well," said the priest, as he wen...
Sheet Lightning. [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
Sheet Lightning:. The thunderstorms of Madras have been studied by Professor Michie Smith, who tells the Scottish Meteorological Society that the first striking- fact he observed was that at certain seasons of the year sheet lightning was seen almost every night always In a west or south- westerly direction, and always near the horizon. He suggests that these dis- &nbsp; charges occur in the region where the moist and dustless sea wind meets the dry and dusty land wind, one being perhaps positively electrified and the other negatively. It ls not easy to ex- plain exactly lightning: displays in which as many as 300 flashes per minute have been counted, this rate being kept up for an hour or an hour and a-half. The Idea that sheet lightning is a re- flection from a distant storm is non- sense. Another interesting peculiarity of this région is that the heaviest rains are unaccompanied by thunder, while the displays of lightning are not accom- panied by rain. &nbsp; &...
From Fok'sel to Quarterdeck. [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
&nbsp; From Fok'sel to Quarterdeck. &nbsp; It is not often that a common sailor has become an admiral ; but Rear Admiral Lejeune, who has just passed away at the age of 78, entered the French navy as a simple sailor. He formed one of the crew of the Astrolabe, commanded by Captain Dumont d'Ur- ville, a distinguished French explorer. Upon the return of the Astrolabe he re- ceived a commission as a French naval officer. By 1854 he had risen to be a captain of a frigate. He served in the French naval operations during the Crimean -war, and was a valued aide of Admiral Bruat- He became a rear admiral in 1875, and in 1878 he held a command in the French squadron which was despatched to the Piraeus during the Russo-Turkish war. Later on he assisted the Greek Government in the reorganisation of the Greek navy. &nbsp;
Pith and Point. [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
Pith and Point, "Go back to school to be educated, and just see If you enjoy lt."-Schoolboy. "The entire object of true education is to make reople enjoy the right things." Ruskin. Making starch with soapy water is a good way to produce a gloss and prevent the iron from sticking. Idleness is the mother of many wanton children. They that do nothing are in the ready way to do worse than nothing. "No flies on hun," given as an Ameri- canism, is found in "Don Quixote," where it occurs as one of the sayings of Sancho Panza. About the wisest looking thing in the world is a country boy who has been boarding in town and studying law three or four months. Among the latest inventions must be mentioned the new crumb-remover, which has a revolving brush arranged In front of a convenient pan or pocket. The human system can endure heat of 212deg., the boiling point of water, be- cause the skin is a bad conductor, and because the perspiration cools the body. Bishop Burton, of Hongkong, proposes to...
Grievances of Telegraphists. [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
Grievances of Telegraphists. The " British Medical Journal" draws attention to the startling evidence given &nbsp; before the Committee of Inquiry into &nbsp; the grievances of the telegraphists by Mn. C. EL Garland, one of their number. Whatever the cause, it is impossible to deny the gravity of the figures quoted in regard to the prevalence of con- sumption among them. Tables are given drawing a comparison between the number of deaths from all causes and those from consumption among three classes of men-namely, " all adult males." " telegraphists," and " grinders in the cutlery trade" respec- tively, the latter being chosen for com- parison as a type of au occupation gene- rally regarded as especially liable to consumption. In each case the figures refer only to persons between 15 and 55 years of age, and the result is that of 100 deaths among adult males of the ages stated 13.8 are found to arise from consumption ; among " grinders" they amount to 33.1 ; while amo...
THE WATCHMAN LABOUR PROBLEM. [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
THE WATCHMAN LABOUR fttOBLEM. A remarkable instance of misdirected skill was discovered recently by the owner of a large factory. The watchman, whose duty it was to &nbsp; patrol the building daring the night, was equipped with a patent watchman's clock to check bis movements, and let his employers know how he performed his duty. There are many différait styles of watchmen's clocks. The eae ia question, however, consisted of a small clock strapped to the man's body and having a namber of keys kept at various separ- ate stations throughout the building. In his rounds the man wu supposed to insert a key at each station, and the clock would automa- tically record the hour and minute when the record was madel The keys were of different &nbsp; shapes, and were chained te their respective &nbsp; stations. During the silent watches of many nights the man devoted considerable thought to inventing &nbsp; some scheme for beating the clock, and finally he bit up...
A USEFUL ELEPHANT. [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
A USEFUL ELEPHANT. A few yean age, when Lord Dufferin was &nbsp; viceroy of India, the Rajah of Holbar paid the Viceroy a visit. While he was there he saw Lord Dufferin take up some illustrated London papers which had jost arrived by mail and cut them with an ivory knife. It was the first time tile Indian Prince bad seen such an instiument used "Make me a prêsent of that," he said &nbsp; to tho Viceroy, *' and I will give you another." Lord Dufferin hastened to comply wit h this modest request, and the young Rajah returned &nbsp; 1 tmt^ngj^ft'ïuBÎug- withtfiM,a"ygnng?eïeph^n^ whose tusks had been carved in the most artis- tic manner, in the shape of a paper knife. This he brought as a present to the Viceroy. A table &nbsp; bearing some illustrated papers was placed by a servant before this intelligent beast, which immediately seized them with his trunk, cut them most deftly with his tusks, and then handed them to the Viceroy.
A KNOWING WIFE. [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
A KNOWING WIFE. " Mary," he said; as he scowled at her over the breakfast table. "John " she replied fearlessly. " Mary," he said, " what kind of a breakfast do you call this ?" " I call it an excellent one," she returned &nbsp; bravely. &nbsp; "You do," he exclaimed. " Well, I don't ! I think a little variety occasionally would be a hegood thing. Do you realise that this is ti third morning that we have had corned beef ?" " Certainly, John.'' " And that we had coined beef for dinnrr yesterday, and cold coned beef for supper ?" " Of course, John. You wanted me to run the house aa economically aa I could," " Yes, bu-" " You said that the amount of meat con- sumed in this house would bankrupt a bank." "I know; but I-" " And that I ought to plan with more regard &nbsp; for the expense." " Certainly, certaialy, Hary ; but hang it all-" " I've been following your instructions.** " But I don't like corned beef." " I know it, John." she said in a business- like way....
NOT WHAT SHE EXDECTED. [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
NOT WHAT SHE EXPECTED. He : At last we are alone, and I have an opportunity to speak. I have been seeking this moment fer days and days for I have something to say to you. She : Go on, Hr. Harkins. He : I will. Miss Hopeful, you perhaps have not noticed that at times I have been con- strained, uneasy, even awkward in your pres- ence-that I have had something on my mind &nbsp; that I felt I must say to you. She (softly) : Yes. He : That constraint, that awkwardness, Miss Hopeful, was doe to-due to She : Go on, Mr. Haikins. He : Was due to the fact that I feared you were not aware that I am engaged to your sister.
GOOD FOR GLADSTONE. [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
&nbsp; GOOD FOR GLADSTONE. &nbsp; A good story is told of Mr. Gladstone. On a suborban railway he was in the habit of travel- ling in a third-class carriage, and as at the time he was using this line almost daily, his example was followed by many, if only for the sake of his company. One evening he entered a third-class carriage followed by two city mag- nates. A director of the company anxious to cure the ex-Premier of a habit so disastrous to high dividends, seeing three sweeps enter the station, ran and got them three third-class tickets and seat them in with Mr. Gladstone. A minute later the Grand Old Man, who had seen through the manouvre, left the carriage and went to the booking-office and took four first class tickets for himself and the sweeps. At the next directors' meeting one of the items in the &nbsp; accouuts bore reference to the upholstering of a &nbsp; first-class carriage. &nbsp;
GRIZZLY BILL. [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
GRIZZLY BILL &nbsp; " Thrilling !" said the niajor. « Well, I &nbsp; &nbsp; should say so. It was the most exciting &nbsp; thing that ever occurred to me. Why, I &nbsp; can't even think of it now without shudder- ing a little. I was considerably younger in &nbsp; those days than I am now. At the time I &nbsp; was telegraph operator and dispatcher for &nbsp; the Mountain Valley Railway Company in &nbsp; a Western mining country. It was a wild &nbsp; and lawless country, and I was not much &nbsp; in love with my place, but being poor I &nbsp; I was obliged to accept the conditions with the best possible grace. &nbsp; " Goldton, where I was located, was &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; really nothing more than a railroad station. &nbsp; It was not on the main line of the Mountain Valley Railroad,but on a spur which ran to &nbsp; the Ingot mines. Travel was...
THE MIGHTIEST CITY. [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
THE MIGHTIEST CITY. If ancient records are to be believed. Baby lon must have been the most wonderful city which the world has ever seen. Its stupendous wealth and strength and its great size are startling even in these days. " Fancy,'' saya an authority on ancient his- tory, " a city built on a level shelf of rock, de- &nbsp; fended by two such rivera as the Euphrates and Tigris, and with walls surrounding it 200 feet high, with a thickness varying from 30 to 40 feet ; and some idea of its magnificence may &nbsp; be gathered." Englishman think the old Roman walls that encircle Cheater are of great thickness, but these are mere toys compared with those of Babylon, on the top of which three large chariots could pass abreast with ease. There were two walls-an outer aud an inner-and the vastness of the city will be realised when it is stated that the outer wall enclosed a space of 199 miles, while the inner wall guarded 117 square miles-a apace much larger than the whol...
MAKING IT SIMPLE. [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
MAKING IT SIMPLE. &nbsp; " My good woman," said the learned judge, "you must give an answer in the fewest possible &nbsp; words of which yon are capable to the plain and simple question whether you were crossing the street with the baby on your arm and the omni- bus was coming down on the opposite aide and the cab on the left, and the brougham waa try- ing to pass the omnibus, you saw tba plaintiff between the brougham and the cab, or whether and when you saw him at alt, and whether or not near the brougham, cab, and omnibus, or either, or any two, and which of them, respect- ively, or how it was." He : Now, Elias, you've been searching my pockets again. It's not right. When did you ever see me search your pockets ? &nbsp; She : Nevar. I defy you to do it
FREE LOVE COMMUNITY. [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
FREE LOVE COMMUNITY. Public attentiou has again been called to an undesirable religious association calling them- selves "The Sanctified Church" or "The Sanctified Band," by an attack made by indig- nant citizens on a colony of them on the banks of the Chowan River, near Montrose, North Carolina. The fight, which occurred some days ago,resulted in the death of one woman and the wounding of several men, some of them seri- ously. " The Sanctified Church " is one of the most peculiar religious organisations in the world, and is the only one of the sort in America. The teachings of the leaders are repugnant to American ideas and American customs, and the law has several times inter- fered to stop the evil practices done under the cloak of religion. The Albemarle section of North Carolina is filled with various colonies, all members of the general organisa- tion of the " Sanctified Band." They live in boats, which they call arks. Constructed of rough lumber, these arks are merely house- ...
"ONLY A BUT AN' A BEN." [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
" ONLY A BUT AN' A BEN." To say that the "auld clay biggin " in which Robert Burns was born is humble and &nbsp; homely, even for a peasant's thatched cot- tage, is to give an inadequate idea of the place to one who has never stood within it. The four-roomed, story -and -a-half Shakes- peare house at Stratford-on-Avon is com- modious and more than respectable beside it. If chimney, dresser, pantry, and bed place were taken out of the " hut," or kitchen, we should have a chamber measuring fifteen feet one way and sixteen the other. The pro- jections I have enumerated contract the dear space to about ten feet. The floor is of flat stones, irregularly laid, and the inster stices are filled with mortar. The " bed place " is a niche in the wall opposite the chimney-a common feature in Scottish farmsteads and cottages. It is between three and four feet deep, and a trifle over five feet long, and is filled by a bed covered with a dark counterpane of homespun. The open front is prot...
PRISONERS' PETS. [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
PRISONERS' PETS. Pellisson Fontainer, the faithful friend of Fouquet, the celebratedMinister of Finance, was allowed no amusements at all while in prison, so he turned his attention to the taming of a spider, which was not a difficult &nbsp; task. This insect had drawn his web across the window which gave light and air to his cell. Pellison caught flies for it, and placed them half-dead on the edge of the grating, whence the spider caught them up.Presently it took its prey from the prisoner's hand. It came down at the sound of his voice, even at the sound of a flute which a Basque guard &nbsp; sometimes played. It walked up and down on Pellisson's knees, and really seemed grateful for his kindness, lt was no longer &nbsp; a spider in the poor prisoner's eyes-it was a &nbsp; friend, a companion in misfortune-a State &nbsp; prisoner. But the Governor of the Bastille, le Besemeaux-his name should be handed down to the execration of all honest men...
WANTED, A DESTINATION. [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
WANTED, A DESTINATION. A Georgia man who had made a flying machine offered a negro ten dollars to make a trial trip in it. mi ? Lj.1 u »tnLjj gm in-iJuuiuiuu, uuu Ul. and the machine were hoisted by block and tackle abont thirty feet from, terra firma. When the rope was loosened the machine took a sudden slanting course toward earth and plunged into an adjacent millpond. It disappeared with the negro beneath the water, while the terrified inventor stood shrieking for assistance. Presently the negro's head bobbed up serenely, and he struck out for dry land. On arriving his first spluttered words were: " In de name of God, Marse John, why didn't you tell dat fool thing whar ter light?"
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR. [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR. ; Every man thinks he is the best friend some other man ever had. No girl can sing with half the expression she uses to eat water melon. I never could see how a baby's toes looked the least bit like rose leaves. Some people think they are reasoning with you when they are only arguing. Women seem to think that when a man leaves home it ought to make him curl up and suffer aa much as an oyster does. &nbsp; A man feels good all the way down town to see how people notice him till he finds out his necktie has worked 'way up behind. &nbsp;
INTERESTING ANTIQUITIES. [Newspaper Article] — Hawkesbury Advocate — 13 October 1899
INTERESTING ANTIQUITIES. &nbsp; The Grapes Tavern is among the ruins of Jewin-street, but, modern as was the building, it contained a most remarkable collection of antiquities of the Court of Judges-the most ancient of the City debating societies, in which the tradesmen of two centuries ago met to discuss their politics and religion. The walls of one of the rooms were covered with the pictures of City worthies, and it is to be feared that the minute books, the records, and the chairman's insignia have gone to ashes, although the bells of St. Giles's chime com- placently on. " I believe," said Mr. Cumso, pettishly, " that a woman would stand looking into a mirror all day !" " Not if she saw you over her shoulder, love," responded Mrs. Cumso, sweetly. And for two seconds a tender smile stole over Mr. Cum so's face, at the expiration of which time he suddenly gulped, snorted and went out, slamming the door with undue force.