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Scot and Cabman. [Newspaper Article] — Great Southern Advocate — 11 June 1914
Scot 'and Cabman. A Scotsman'arrived at Euston Sta tion one day by a noon train, and. gravely asked a cabby if -lie could drive him to catch a train at Water loo Station at tour o'clock. Cabby, after much cogitation, thought he could do it in the time. The traveller got inside, and for three nours and fifty minutes that calnnan drove the man from the North by de vious ways across London. When he was set down at Waterloo the Scotsman sought a policeman.' "What's the fare from Euston?" lie isked. - : . "One-and-sis,"' was tho response. "Here," said the canny one, ""will you kindly settle with the - cabman i while r "get my ticket?"' •
MISS MARIE CORELLI ON HAPPINESS. [Newspaper Article] — Great Southern Advocate — 11 June 1914
MISS MARIE CORELLI ON HAPPINESS. Miss Marie Corelli addressed the P.S.A. in the Congregational Church at Stratford-on-Avon one Sunday re cently—her subject being "The Secret of Happiness." The nineteenth cen tury, she said, had gone for ever, and with all our progress and civilisation we liad not come much nearer the real secret of happiness than our an cestors. The twentieth century found us still searching, asking the same old .question—how to be happy? It had been declared that we had lost the art of being lwippv in the old, simple ways, and that the brightness and mirth which used to make our Eng land "merrie England" had gone for ever. She thought there was some truth in this, and the reason was not far to seek—we thought too much of ourselves and too little of our neigh bors. There was nothing so depress ing as a contemplation of one's self. To be truly happy they must think of all the good they could do, and all the love thcv could show to their neigh bors; be earnest and fon...
All According. [Newspaper Article] — Great Southern Advocate — 11 June 1914
I .. I - All According. John and l'at wore two friendly work men who were constantly trying tc -"take a rise'' out of each other. "Are you good at measurement?' isked John. "I am that," said l'at, quickly.'. "Then could yon iell me how man shirts I.could get out of a yard?" asli 3d John. , "Sure," said Pat, '.'it depends 01 . whose yard you got into." 'rr, . 0 : v. First Tramp: What's the matter wif., Mike?: He- looks as- if 'life- . wasnV worLh livln*. Second Tramp: That's jist' how In feels. Ye mind two days ago a poor nan fainted in .front o' that big house iver yonder, an' the kind lady, rushed nit wid a botlle o' brandy to resloru 'im? . ^ First Tramp: I mind. Second 'i'ranip: Well, .MIke, he tried tli" faintin' racket there ibis morn in T an' th' olo lady rushed out th' same as before. Hut when she seed Mike, she said, "Poor feller; his pores is all stopped up so he can't brealhe." And then she turned th' . hose on 'im. "Mother and father arei'out; • the. said would you please...
Still Generous [Newspaper Article] — Great Southern Advocate — 11 June 1914
Still Generous rt was her birthday, but he had l* shed off to business with just the usual duty-peck at her upturned face, and she was left to worry the day through, oppressed by the thought that his once ardent love was waning. When he returned at night, wished her "many happy returns," gave her a full-size hug, and placed a tiny pac ket in her hand, she knew that she - had wronged him. He was still the same generous-hearted Romeo who had wooed and 'won her. "And I thought you'd forgotten all about it, Harold," she cooed, as she carefully unwrapped the package. Then a black-edged expression took a front seat on her features. "Pipe cleaners!" she gasped. "Yes, pet," he said; "I knew they'd please you. You never did like me to use your hat-pins!"
MARIA'S MURDERER. A West-End Tragedy. [Newspaper Article] — Great Southern Advocate — 11 June 1914
MARIA'S MURDERER. A West-End Tragedy. -We had gone down to Torquay fo> & week. At ditiuer the first night \Tnria took an instinctive dislike to a ' mai'who sat at the table next to ours. "It he had a beard he would look ike the horrid brute who mesmerised that poor child Trilby," she decided. "I don't feci safe in the same hotel with him. We must iind out if he is Htayiug lieue long. IT he is, wo can &lt;o to some other, hotel." "Tut. nonsense, Maria. You do get he. most absurd notions into your •cad. Svengali, indeed! He's.no morfl .ilie Svengali than I am." "He is, I say," she reiterated. "They ire as like as two peas. We shall 'eave this hotel to-morrow." •'Bless my soul " I began. "There, that'll do," Maria informed ■ne; "get on with your dinner. Hy the nok of him, that man wouldn't liesi rite to commit murder. I'll take uo isks." .. „ •Now, I've got a letter to "Tito, .iaria told mo as we left the dining •oom; "so you may go aiid smoke till line o'clock. Don'...
TWO FACTORS OF SUCCESS. [Newspaper Article] — Great Southern Advocate — 11 June 1914
TWO FACTORS OF SUCCESS. The man who aspires to.. make money in business, or, in fact, any thing else, must always keep two .tilings constantly in - remcnibrance Those arc innovation'and speciaiisa tion.' • Money is seldom made nowadays bj remaining in the old ruts, but comes more often to the man who introduces sonic , invention or -..improvement, though perhaps only a slight one, and specialises in It .if he is in business for himself, or, If hot, sells it to his employer or Induces him to give hin. an increase in salary. It .is often said that"invention lias spoilt many of the old businesses and trades in modern life, and whilst Uiis is to some extent true, it lias led at the same lime to lozens of new ones which have been v'olved out of.:the former, generally v the cleverness and enterprise of ion- who were originally in tho old • lies. " ■' If you are only in a small way, say .'i n little retail shop, you can always nprove your trade by dressiug your. : indow. in new" or more' p...
GIRLS WHO WANT "CAREERS." [Newspaper Article] — Great Southern Advocate — 11 June 1914
ulHLS WHO WANT "CAREERS.*' Never was I here a more mistakes i'lea, girls, than that triumph over th« world brings happiness to women; It toesn't—it far more often brings dis appointment. For the things that nake women' fiappy cannot be bought ,vith power; fame and money often frighten them away. The things that make wometi happj must be won by charm, by lovableness. You tliink this is "preaching"? It isn't! Yon see, I know so many wo men who' have triumphed and have m ot been happy. So don't neglect the comfortable arts in pursuit of the fine arts, and don't neglect the friends who love you for what you are, in pursuit of friends you hope to make honor you (or what you mean to become. There's nothing much emptier than the kind of friendship we get by vlr tue of our success in the world. People who have to put up with a i'rent deal of that sort of friendship are always wishing they could run away ami hide their identity and forget their success, and see what folks would really chink ...
His Only Excuse. [Newspaper Article] — Great Southern Advocate — 11 June 1914
His Only Excuse. ' - There is an eccentric lady In a country town who would 11 lie to see the males shop assistant as extinct as the dodo. She drives from shop to shop in a sumptuous carriage, and whenever she finds a man behind the counter, she does her utmost to per suade him to adopt another calling. "Why don't you join the ranks?" she asked of a liroad-sliouldered young fellow as she watched his big linger? cutting oft a yard of ribbon. "This in sipid calling is sucking the manhood out of you. Leave laces and ribbons and calicoes to women, and enlist." "I thank you, madam." answered the young man dispassionately; "but there "is my duty to the shop to consider." "Your duty to the shop! My mah7" ivhat lias your master done ,1 u earn . your gratitude? Absorbed' Hie best years of your life, killed your! ambi tion, and stunted your brain!.. And what doeB he give you in return? N'ext to nothing a week, and a hqjf holiday on Saturdays! , Bah!. Throw him off as you would an old glove, a...
At the Pantomime. [Newspaper Article] — Great Southern Advocate — 11 June 1914
At the Pantomime. - An art 1st appearing In one of the '.Birmingham ijantomimes made an amusing, if unintended "gag" whilst performing in a "local music hall. Far from adopting the traditional "humor oils" conception of the relationship of married men with mothers-in-law, the delations existing between this gentle man and the mother of his wife are of \ most affectionate character. Anxious '.hat she should see him perform nl '.lie hall in question, he sent her a pas.i "or a particular seat near the stage, ind.whilst doing his "turn" he cast li!i ''yes in the direction of the scat he lino selcctcd, in order to i;lve mother-In •i'.w a smile of recognition. " Owing, however, to some misunrter ■tanding, the lady had been shown to 1 scat elsewhere, -and not seeing het u the place lie expected, lie momen nrlly .'suspended his "palter" ■ and •razed rapidly around the house. "What's tlie matter?" inquired his partner-with whom he was giving a humorous sketch. - - Quite, candidly lie replied...
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Great Southern Advocate — 11 June 1914
WE LSBACH THE WORLO'8 BE8T FOR COUNTRY LIGHTING. Air Gas Machines. The Welsbacfc Air Gas Ma chine Is bo elm pie that a child can work It with impunity, Suitable for Lighting, Heat ing and Cook ing. We guar antee satlflfac tlon with ail our Machines, and to prove this we will put a machine in for one •iioiith free of charge, and if not snit lble, will remove same free of a!! :ost to you. Write for*Catalogue. *VELSBACH LIGHT COMPANY OF AUSTRALASIA LIMITED, 18" LONSDALE! ST.. imjWPTtNfi
A MIDSHIPMAN'S ADVENTURE IN JAPAN. [Newspaper Article] — Great Southern Advocate — 11 June 1914
A MIDSHIPMAN'S ADVENTURE IN JAPAN. A correspondent of "To-Day" tells the following amusing story of a Brit ish midshipman's adventure in Japan: Last New Year's Day a midshipman from one of the big cruisers was "taking in" the city of Tokio in a rickshaw. There was a keen breeze blowing, but it was prevented from howling merrily through the middy's .whiskers by reason of the fact that he hadn't any. But if his face were de void of hirsute adornment, he, by way of compensation, held between his lips a number one Manila cheroot of imposing proportions, which he puff ed with ostentatious vigor. Now, these simple facts were noted by an equally simple but sternly conscientious Jap anese policeman, who prided himself upon his entire and precise know ledge of the laws of the land of the "rising sun." When the Oriental bobby saw that juvenile naval offi cer's glowing but beardless counten ance from afar lie thought of the Jap anese equivalent for the British "Ha! ha!" and ordered the coolio ...
PATTERN FOR HANDSOME EVENING GOWN. [Newspaper Article] — Great Southern Advocate — 11 June 1914
PATTERN FOR HANDSOME EVENING GOWN. No later evening gown could be se cured than this. It may be made up in any rich material according to the taste of the wearer. It represents "Everylady's Journal" pattern No. 177 —cut In small, medium and large sizes. This pattern may be bought Cor ninepence from local pattern agents, or will be sent post free to any address if ninepence in stamps is sent to Dept. A, "Everylady's Jour nal," 376 Swanston-street, Melbourne. State number of pattern and size re quired. If a penny stamp is sent to above address, a 48-page catalogue will be sent to any reader who writes "send free •catalogue." The body is tuned by proper exer cise, and the mind by mirth. Buy wbat thou hast no need of, and before long thou shalt sell thy neces saries. Nothing refines like affection. Fam ily jarring vulgarises; family unison elevates. ■
COLONIAL MUTUAL LIFE. Sound Position. Chairman Gives Figures. Profits Described. [Newspaper Article] — Great Southern Advocate — 11 June 1914
COLONIAL MUTUAL LIfV ■ Sound-Po»ltlon. -Chairman Gives Figures. -Profits Described. Proceedings at the annual meeting of the Colonial Mutual Life Assurance So ciety Limited, held on May 27, in the offi ces of the company* 419 Collins-street, were marked by unanimity, apart from the objections of two policy-holders, 'Messrs. C. A. Archer and D. J. D'Arcy, who were also two of the live signator ies to the petition presented to Parlia ment last year. Mr. G. T. Baker, chairman of direc tors, in his opening remarks, alluded to the improved position of the society since the issue of the previous report, also to the report of the inspectors, Messrs. Laughton and Brennan, the gen tlemen appointed by tlie Government to make an inspection of the society's busi ness, which, it would be remembered, the directors applied for when their Bill was before Parliament, and when cer tain unsupported statements about the position of the society were current. The chairman continued: "The sum and substanc...
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Great Southern Advocate — 11 June 1914
MONDAY, 8.30 A.M. Some Reflections on a Boiling Copper. "The cooper's boiling"—this is the com mon phrase of early Monday, the housewife's call to the weekly task. Let us follow it with a question'that is not so simple as it sounds : 41 What is it boiling for?" Most people would answer, "Why, to boil the dirt out of the clothes, of course." Quite so, but for health's sake something more than dirt 1ms to be done away with in the household washing, namely, the seeds of infectious disease. Infection may be communicated to a whole city (and beyond it) from one single patient, of which the smallpox epidemic is a case in point. It is due to tiny organisms, hardly visible through a microscope but intensely alive, thrown off in the course of the disease. These iloat in the air or dust and drift to clothes and house linen as naturally as steel draws to a magnet; we call them " Germs," or seeds of disease, because just as an ordinary seed grows to a plant, so a disease germ on a human body br...
No Notes Taken. [Newspaper Article] — Great Southern Advocate — 11 June 1914
No. Notes Taken. : - . J * - "After ■ the crash," declared the first hospital surgeon to the second, ' I rail .iver to ■■where; it lay on the pavement; and when T raised it up 1 saw at once 'hat its ribs were smashed, while ■ n aping hole was torn in its--—" - "Pardon me/ doctor," broke in tin edical student, who had caught those.' vords as lie was about lo pass by inti. •lie next ward; "but-If,you have no ob . Vctimis, I'd like "to take a few notes 7 i that accldcnt caSf:." lie pulled out •8 note-book from his pocket. "Was . ie casea child?" • • . ; "No." snapped, the surgeon' ' "1 was .•rely speaking of my .umbrella."
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Great Southern Advocate — 11 June 1914
Premier Coach Factory & Shoeing Forge " R. Boston General Blacksmith, KOliUMBUM TELEPHOiTE 3STO 11. Vehicles of every description built to order KEPAIliS PROMPTLY RXKCUTED. —-• TJ1UNG J JON 15 DAILY. —— Pam'iuu & Trizntirrg flono at Hbortesfuotioe New and Sec md-'iand Buggies cheaper than Melbourne SHOEING DONE BIT .A. First-class Shoeing Smith Strong; Comfortable) and Reliable Motor Carp for Sals
The Professor's Problem. [Newspaper Article] — Great Southern Advocate — 11 June 1914
The Professor's Problem. To- bIiow that loo much time cau bo aslPd over a particular polut, Profes >r Adams, in his address to teach i's recently at the Cullego of Preeep; 'irs. suld that he remembered a casi , r his own when he was teaching a ■lass of Intelligent working men. Oni f them .brought him a plan to .explain" •nd lie took it home with, him at ten' •'cloek to study. He managed .to ar •ive.at a complete understanding of It ill excepting about two-thirds of one-, •nnilcirclo: At three o'clock the'nexi uorning he reluctantly save it ui:" -"hen, as ho rolled the plun up.thi lillicnlty disappeared. The "tw-''ird; >f one semicircle was a hair which na: alien from'l.is head! Onn 'morning a inaij applied at : ^curator's. shop for a job, and wat .iveii a start.- lie was sent with a law pot of -paint* to a house, whicl. had been built recently, with instrue , tions- tc'-Vpalnt all the. new woodwork inside." . ^ ,'~ Judge his employer's surprise when tlie man returned,-after a ...
CURED OF FAULT-FINDING. [Newspaper Article] — Great Southern Advocate — 18 June 1914
CURED OF FAULT-FINDING. There ' was a certain man who thought the world was growing worse ind worse. He was always harking back to "the good old times," and he was sure that the human race was de generating. One day, when he was airing his views before the Caliph, the latter said: "I charge you hereafter to look care fully about you, and whenever you see my man do a worthy deed, go to him ind give him praise or write to him ibout it. Whenever you meet a man om you regard as worthy to have lived in the 'good old days,' tell him of your esteem and of the pleasure you 'iave had in finding One so exalted, tnd whenever you discover anything which tends to show that the world Is not yet going to the dogs, write an iccount of it tor me, that I may share four joys in knowing of it. 3o the man was dismissed, but be ore many days he returned and pros rated himself before the Caliph. "Havo pity on thy servant and re case him from the necessity of com iimenting men upon their worthy ! eds, O, m...