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How She Caught Him. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 30 November 1917
How She Caught Him. "If--now, mind, I only say 'it'--but if, dear Arethuaa, I were to ask you to give me your hand in marriage, and you were to accept, and we were ar ranging to go upon a honeymoon," said the cautious youth, still holding her hand, but with a note of anxiety in his voice. "whero would you choose to go?" Arethusa considered. She knew that on the wisdom of her reply the happl ness of two human beings would de pend. Which was the best way to catch him? "Some quiet little place li the coun try, not far away, Gerald," she replied, "would suit me far better than a long, expensive trip.". Employer (kindly): You are be coming very round-shouldered, Mr. Faithful. Bookkeeper (with hopes of a holi day): Yes, I fear that I am. Employer (solicitously): Hadn't you better stop riding a bicycle? "Pa, there isn't any difference be tween a violin or a fiddle, is there?" "Yes, indeed, my boy. The instriu ment you heard the other evening at the concert was a violin, but in the hands of...
Warned the Sergeant. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 30 November 1917
Warned the Sergeant. Sergeant Snubbins and Constable Chubblns were on the warpath. It had been reported at headquarters that the P.C. on duty at Smallvile had been supplied with drink at the Seven Bluehounds while on duty, and they had been sent forth to investi gate the matter. "Now, you wait outside," com manded the sergeant, "while I go in an' make inquiries. I sha'n't be a tick." But he was several ticks. At last he appeared, a dazed expression ol his face. "Well?" queried Chubbins. "No foundation whatever for the charge," replied the sergeant. "Don't believe the landlord of that inn could be guilty of such a crime." "Hi'm!" grunted Chubbtns, "that sounds all right; but if you take my tip, sergeant, you'll just put this pep permint lozenge in yer mouth before you tell it to the chief." A little boy was on his knees re cently one night, and auntie, stay ing at the house, was present. "It is a pleasure," she said to him. afterwards, "to hear you saying your prayers so well. You sp...
A New Acquaintance. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 30 November 1917
A New Acquaintance. "l'm gola' to emigrate," cried the long-sui~ering henpeck In despera tion. "You *re, are you?" screamed his huge and amiable wife. jumping at him. "Take that, and that." And the frail little mortal went down. "Now I'll want to know," she snarl ed, "who Emma Grate is, and where you picked her up, and all about her. Let me but catch you together and ['ll hammer one of you with the other." For removing dirty marks from light colored cloth, use a piece of india-rub her pencil eraser. The spots will dis appear immediately.
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 30 November 1917
:IB 1782 WORKERS COMPENSATION tiI ~tCCWONT. L bssey by ?uh 7trs and by L bgL, .r1'ar mrade good by tbi Cmpyauy AGENTS WANTED. DALGETY & CO. LTD. MELSOURNE SGeneral Agenta foro 'Vloaorta The Phoenix tnal.on CkOPS ant STACKS against damaig by FIRI and Crops against damage by HAIL STONES. "Jane," said her father, "ho;v does It happen that Ifind four golod cligars on the parlor table this mornln;? Did Henry leave themn for me?" "No: he took them out of hi; velt pocket to avoid breaking them la:t night, and he must have forgotten all about them afterwards." The lanugh that followed made her wish that she had been as careful with her speech as itenry had been with his clgars. Farms For Sale OR Share Lease. 20 FARMS FOR SALE or on SHARE LEASE with RIGHT OF PURCA\SE. Close to Rail, Schools, Banks, Stores, Four MIll 24-inch Rainfall. Box 1075, G.P.O, Sydney. Marion came to the breakfast table late, and was scanned by the reproachful eyes of her mother. "DId that young man kiss you la...
THE POLTERABEND. A PECULIAR GERMAN FESTIVAL. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 30 November 1917
THE POLTERABEND. --9-4-- , A PECULIAR GEnRMAN FESTIVAL. 4 report which has appeared in a Berlin new'spaper of an extraordinary scene which took place recently at a festive gathering in a cafc in Dort mnund, on the evening prior to a wed dine., recalls memories of a peculiar German institution, and of customs which throw an interesting light on certain Teutonic idiosyncrasies. There are three great outstanding so0ial events in connection with a S marriage in the Fatherland. First. there is the betrothal , ceremony, which takes place at a party given by the father and mother of the lady ; then. there is the polterabend : and finally there is the hochzeitsfest-the wedding festival. Between the first and eecondl a period of between three to t'elve moRths elapses usually. The polterabend, however, is held'only a night or two before the weddingi-very often on the eve of the nmarriage. It is regarded, indeed, as part of the wedding celebration. "A NOISY EVENING." It is a distinctly German ...
COMMONWEALTH BUTTON FUND. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 30 November 1917
COMMONWEALTH BUTTON FUND. In connection with the appeal to the public for suffering nations. it was dlecided at a meeting of the Common wealth Button Fund held last month to set aside Friday. December 7, as ilutton Day for Suffering Nations, the proceeds to be devoted to the relief of the Armenian and Syrian sufferers andl the Serbian Red Croes Society. Funds are urgently required, and as hitherto nothing has been set apart for this object the public is expected to respond in its usual generous fash ion. The frightful tortures endured by these unfortunate peoples are well known to all, and cannot but fall to excite the greatest sympathy, and it is; felt that the spirit of the appeal will be entered into and everything possible done to make the movement an unqualified success. When the Serbian Army was forced to leave Ser bian soil the Serbian Red Cross So ciety had to abandon all its material which it had accumulated during past years, and both It and the army had to be entirely reo...
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 30 November 1917
ntel hto CMIMES THI - Op-inion. A TESTd:IOtnY i TO it aueanh a' re e.?do iib raaVae.heIr CLEMENTS TONIC LTD. " I know Clements Tonic is used extensively by the prcfession, and nurses know its value and are scidom without it. Oncea patient got very weak and lowr spirited and I gave her Clemients Tonic. A fewe doses made a change for the better. she rapicdiy be came dbriht and cheerul itm gave her health and strcngth and soon put her on her feet again, which made her a firm believer in Ciements -To i c. Since, I haste given it to many patients with the Ssame gocd resultz. I am at. a loss to know Isow we, who S look after thc sick, could gIet ', on rwithout that splendid medxcine. 1 NURSE GARD." U~Ths Maci-inc t ime Pest t-s Ic talmeim *~r ak Krnion. 5~cd i.ti 1s, iol.. H. HOGAN, 5f?O(K t Lt?D SLESVIl4N, PAKENHAM. Properties of all sizes for sale on Liberal Terms. Lines of Sheep and Cattle always on Hand. Particulars on application to above address. AllI communlt-ications promptly atte...
Too Valuable to Risk. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 30 November 1917
Too Valuable to Risk. The Rev. E. F. Russell. for fifty years Father Stanton's fellow-worker at St Alban's. Holborn. tells a story which, besides being distinctly hu morous, serves to show the esteem in which Father Stanton was held 'by those to whom he ministered. Once It chanced that a clergyman officlating in a neighboring parish to that In which the church of St Al ban's is situated, was sent for to visit the little daughter of a coster living in a slum ofR Saffron Hill, who was dangerously ill. After he had seen the child he came downstairs to have some conversa tlon with her father. "By the way," he said, "I don't seem to remember your face. Do you at tend my church?" "No, sir," was the reply; "me and the missus allus goes to St. Alban's." "Well, that's all right; you couldn't go to a better. But why, then. did you send for me?" "Lor' lumne, sir. 'ye think we wnuz going to risk Father Stanton, and 'er"--lndlcatl?g with an upward Jerk with his thumb the sick child over head-"do...
ALL BAD. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 30 November 1917
ALL BAD. John Grisr Ilibben, President of the Princeton University, said at a re ception thie other day: "Germany's ilnanimolIs aplrov:a of the sulbmarine murder of wonmen and ehitldren naturally leads ua to believe th;at ;!ll Germ:ans are tarred with the ame hr:ush. In short, we hlave to look l ,n Germary much as fel-face I.eairy !ooked on Tin ('an. "A man said to Red-face Leary in S(;r:ave Yard saloon : "I heard 'ou went over to Tin Can last night and lynched the wrong man." "Hei-face lenry shook his hetol. "No," he aidl. "You can't lynch the wrong man in Tin Can. We just got Three-flinger Pete a little ahead of his turn."
Wouldn't Marry Her. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 30 November 1917
Wouldn't Marry Her. Jack: Is it true, Harry, that you have given up all thoughts of making M11aud your wife? Harry: Vell, I should say so. Jack: That's strange; I thought you were so anxious to get her. Harry: So I was, but I've changed my mind in that quarter. I tried to get her to give me a kiss, and she refused, but in less than ten seconds after refusing to kiss me she kissed that pug dog of hers at least a dozen times. I tell you what it is. When a woman prefers the wet nosd of a dirty pug to the tidy mouth of a fafir ly good-looking man there is a screw loose somewhere. I congratulate myself on my narrow escape. Fred: "He married the girl I was engaged to." Arthur: "Well, don't worry. You'll get over it before he does."
DRAMATIC MEETINGS ON THE BATTLEFIELD. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 30 November 1917
DRAMATIC MEETINGS ON THE BATTLEFIELD. The battlefield is probably the last place where one would expect to drop across a long-lost relative or elusive debtor. But these things have hap pened scores of times in the war which has brought men from the ends of the earth to the trenches of France and Flanders. A raiding party from one of the London regiments "were over the. top." In the darkness one of the !raiders found himself seperated from his companions in the enemy trench es. Dodging roumnd one of the tray erses, he almost ran into a tall young German poised ready to fling a bomb. At that moment a star shell went up. and in the dazzling light the two men recognised each other. With a gasp of amazement each cried out I the other's name. TO.IMY AND HIS TAILOR. They had been schoolmates from their kindergarten days until they had finally left school, about six years p nreviously ! "Confess that T have got the ad vantage !" laughed the German. "I admit it," said the Londoner, dubiously...
Berwick News. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 30 November 1917
Berwick News. SAt a meeting of the Progress Asso ciation held last week, presided over by Dr Langmore, feeling reference was made to the death of MIr Vieusseux, who was an energetic worker in the association, and it was agreed to send a letter of sympathy to Mrs Vieusseux. The matter of the proposed swamp drainage scheme, which came before the council at last meeting, was dis cussed, and it was decided to heartily support it, and to ask the council to endeavor to have the scheme carried out. A letter was received from the CaulfieId Brass Band relative to a visit to collect funds for the Children's Hospital It was decided to co operate. An election of officers was held, Dr Langmore being appointed president, and Mr1 J. B. Pearson vice president. To clean up the boulevards a working-bee has been arranged for the 8th.December. In a casualty list published this week the name of Gnr. C. Greaves, son of Mr E. Greaves, appears amongst the wounded. It is announced that 2nd-Lieut. J. Mills, ...
Parcels Tickets. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 30 November 1917
Parcels Tickets. To-morrow (Saturday), Ist December the use of stamps for the prepayment of freight on single parcels (cans of milk and cream excepted) conveyed by the railways to stations within the State will come into force. Unless the freight be prepaid by stamps an additional charge of 25 per cent. on the ordinary schedule rates, with a mini mum of 3d and a maximum of Is, will be imposed as a booking fee on each parcel so consigned. Freight on con signments of perishables consisting of more than one package, which is com puted at bulk weight, will be accepted in cash at the ordinary rates. A new design of stamp bearing the name of the issuing station has been introduced, and the denominations have been selected so that in the majority of cases not more than two stamps will be required on any parcel. Stamps will only be honored at the station printed thereon, and firms who hold stocks of the present design of sump should exchange the old issue for new ones prier to the Ist prox....
TRAINS FROM MELBOURNE. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 30 November 1917
TRAINS FROI 'LELBOURNE. a.m. a. im. Daily 7.52 ,, 9.27 p.m. p.m. ,, 4.3r0 ,, 6.2 6.40 ,, 8.45 a.m. p.m. rhurs. and Fri. 11.2 ,, 1.24 Sunday I1.5 ,, 1.441 p.m. p.m. Saturday 1.30 ,, 3.15
Railway Time Table. TRAINS TO MELBOURNE. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 30 November 1917
Railway Time Table. TRAINS TO MIELOURN,. L'akenham 7.7 a.m.. Ot!i~.-r 7.16. B -odons-!tid 7.22, erww idk 7.2. Na.rre VWarren 7.:2, D; nm!l.,: 7.45, Mel bourne 8.47. Pakenhamrn 7.32 a.m., Offlicer 7.43, Beaconsfield 7.50, Berwick 8.0, Narre Warren 8.10, Dandenong 8.29, Mel bourne 9.40 Pakenhbam 11.51 a.m., Officer 12.3, Beaconsfield 12.10, Berwick 12.16, Narre Warren 12.22, Dandeaong 12.35 j.m., Melbourne 1.35. Pakenham 8.17 p.m., Officer 8.56, Beaconsfield 9.3, Berwick 9.9, Narre Warren 9.18, Dandenong 9.32, Mel bourne 10.31. Thursdays and Frid:ays -- Pakenham 4.56 p.m, Oifficer 5.6, Beaconsfield 5.15, Berwick 5.22, Narre Warren 5.35, Dandenong 5.51, Melbourne 7.11. Saturdays -- Pakenham 3.56 p.m. Officer 4.5, ,Beaconsfield -1.3, Berwick, 4.18, Dandenong 4.40, Melbourne 5.45. Sundays--Pakenham 7.0 p.m, Officer 7.22, Beaconsfield 7.31, Berwick 7.36, Dandenong 7.56, Melbourne 9.0.
Didn't Mind. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 30 November 1917
Didn't Mind. Willio, aged five, hal been warned not to ea.t too much frult-lpe for sup per. but at' a lot nevertheless. The next mnornin he related a wonderful dream, in whiclh bear hadl chasel himu.. a uake had crawled down his ne?:k, n.ll :a camnel turneld a somer rautlt over his headl. andl a big ele Ihunt rolledl over him. "TheIre'" exclaiuedl his mother. "I told you llIf u-iou ate too much DIe for supper you, would hlave bad dlreame." "'WVell. I dn't care." replied the youngster. "It w:as hotter thal a cir ru; e anyhowv. alnd I did not havu to pay to get in."
Circumstantial Evidence. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 30 November 1917
Circumstantial Evidence. A. friend of mine who owns a nice little place in the country transferred nis garden to his munition fact.ry early in the spring, and is cultivating nis own vegetables with luore or lenss succues. His son got a few days' lea?ve and spent thent at home, boing quitu con tent to journey no farther than the halmmock. Hlis larent, however, proud of his handiwork, insisted on routing him out to inspect the crops. At last they came to t!i' olatto patch, the rows of which were liantud at variouus distances from one aln uther, and showed a decided tendency to deviate from the straight line. The young manl of tihe world rc garded thelum contemplatively for a tow s?econde., and said: "Sfhoult thilnk it was jolly hot the day you put 'em in, dlad." "Yes?," replied dad; "I believe it was; but why?" "Oh! nothing." the youth said. Then, after a pause, adding: "You'll find barley water the best drink this wea ther." "Your son, I think, made sunmel ex periments while at colle...
POTTED TRAGEDIES. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 30 November 1917
POTTED TRAGEDIES. A burly bachelor met a winsome widow. He was sorry ever afterwards. A grocer once saw his errand-boy running. The old gentleman had a stroko. John Henry introduced his sweet heart to his brother Willie. She is now John Henry sister-in-law. As his wiho's mother was departing after a six months' sojourn, Juggins asked her sarcastically to stop a little longer. She stayed another six months. The man questioned the veracity of a pugilist. The man's wife did not re cognise him on his arrival home. The clergyman once saw nothing but gold and silver in tihe collection box. the shock awakened him. A poet tried to earn a livelihood by his pen. He subsequently made a for tune as a fasting mloan.
ADVICE TO MATILDA. Kind of Music Required Now. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 30 November 1917
ADVICE TO MATILDA. Kind of Music Required Now. When Matilda plays the piano all the world must hush its noise, for every little jarring sound would spoil her eqluipoise. You have to hold your chatter and corrugate your brow, for tile music by .MIatilda is a classic sort of row. She will churn out a sonata a kilometro long, and rattle up an(d down the notes a-pouring out the song of some long-defunct composer witlr a complicated name, who never cut or combed his hair-such is the way to Fame. Her muslc's not melo dic: there's not a tuneful note in what she plays, but that is not the sort of stuff they wrote. The famous old composers did a powerful lot o0 biz, but their music lacks in ginger. there's no vim in it or fizz. So when I want a'cheering in these dlull and weary times, "A truce," I say, "M1atil dia,' to thoze old composers' crimes. If you really want to cheer me just sit right down and strum a bit or modern ragtime that I can sing or hum."