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No Real Change. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 15 May 1914
No Real Change. A well-known M.P. at a dinner-party the other day said of a Bill that he disliked: "I object to this bill because It would accomplish nothing. It would make no real change. It would be like the case of the actor and the canal boat-captain. "There was once upon a tlmo an actor who, after an enforced idleness 01 two months, was lucky enough to secure an engagement in a town twe'i ty-flve miles away. The case was a hurry-up one. The actor had to reach the distant town that night. If Iip failed to arrive, then his part would be assigned to some one cIbo "Well, the man patched his worn boots, put his few belongings in a par cel, and set out In the early morn ins, on foot along the tow-path. He had only a fow coppers, hence the train was an impossibility. But after the poor fellow had covered some six or seven miles, his boots gave out, blis ters rose on his feet, fatigue over came him, and in despair he threw himself on tho grass beneath a tree. "As ho lay there in a bitt...
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 15 May 1914
FACTS 19 ALSYK.E CLOVliR, Is lb. 3 COW GRASS, Is 2d lb. | WHITE CLOVER, Is 7tl lb. 1 STRAWBERRY CLOVER, , 1 03 Oil lb. All sound fresh No. 1 quality seed. Prices red u ceil again us ALL STOCKS MUST BE SOLD THIS YEAR Lotus Major lis lb. Timotliy Is lb ISirdsfoot Trefoil, is (id lb. MeUlotus (King lslund Clover) 1 \(1 and lid lb. Rib Grass "id lb (cheaper in quantity) Sweet Vernal, Is 3d lb Meadow Grass, is lb .Sand Clover, Is Gd lb (splendid for sandy and poor soik) Ryo Grass, Cocksfoot, Prairie Grass, Western Wolths Grass, Crested Dogs tails, etc., etc. Pratt's Corner Store Phouo 2. YARUAM.
LADIES' LETTER. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 15 May 1914
LADIES' LETTER. (By "Ireno.") A Melbourne girl writing from Lyons Bpeaks of her visits to the shops, which are very beautiful and in which wares are attractively dis played, but she says one cannot help contrasting the life of the French •shopgirl with that of the Melbourne girl, the wages and the hours being so different. In Lyons the shops open at seven in the morning and remain open until eight in the evening. Only a few of the best shops close on Satur day afternoon, and most of them are open on Sunday. The highest wage a girl reeclves is 15/ a week, which Is vastly different to that obtainable here. My correspondent has also been shown through several large silk warehouses, and says that crepe de chine has been quite ousted by taf fetas, and that to be quite chic every thing must .show a touch of tartan. An interesting pieco of fashion news lias come from Paris. Burglars car ried away from an emporium BOO cor ! sets ^ in motor-cars. Articles are known to have been carried away ...
Woodside. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 15 May 1914
NA/oodside. The skating carnival held in the hall on Wednesday, Gth May, was well patronised. Miss Binlie O'Neill (Af J ternoon Tea Girl) gained first prize for best dressed lady ; Mr X. Cuiuuiings and Mr W. Brand divided for best ! dressed gent. Tho potato race caused j much amusement. Tho event was won ! by Mr T. Quinn, who beat Mr T. Ouuiuiings after a well contested race. The win was a deservedly popular one. The dance was also well attended, the music for the evening being supplied by Misses Boddy, Quinn and Carroll. Mr II. Findell acted as M.C. Tho re freshments were in charge of Mesdames llurlov, Knight and Brown, all of whom receive the committee's very best thanks for their assistance. The Gloria light, recently installed in the hall, is a much appreciated im provement. At the meeting of the football club held some few weeks back it was de cided not to re-form the club. Local supporters of the game will no doubt miss the Saturday afternoon sport. Farmers are busy ploughing....
TENNIS. GOODWOOD v. WATTLE GROVE [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 15 May 1914
TKNNIS. GOODWOOD v. WATTLE GltOVE Tho return match was played be tween the .above clubs on Saturday, 2nd inst., on tho Goodwood court. A very enjoyable and keenly contested game resulted in a. win tor Goodwood by four games. Refreshments were served in tho hall, the tables being kindly presided over by tho Goodwood ladies. Following are the scores :— Pearson and Heath boat Lowe and Francis, G—4. Mrs Pianta and Pearson beat Miss Quinn and Quinn, 6—2. Curtin and Collins beat Lowo and Fran cis, G—2. Miss Wallace and Heath lost to Mrs Knight and Francis, 1—6. Collins and Pearson lost to Francis and Carpenter, 5—G. Mrs Pianta and Curtin beat Miss Quinn and Lowe, G—3. Heath and Collins beat Quinn and Car penter, G—4. Curtin and Pearson beat Quinn and Lowe, G—3. Miss Wallaco and Collins lost to Mrs Knight and Carponter, 1—6. Curtin and Heath lost to Quinn and Carpenter, 4—G. Totals —Goodwood -17 games, Wattle Grove 43 games.
SPORT AND PASTIME. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 15 May 1914
SPORT AND PASTIME. At the football association meeting licit! on Wednesday night, the Port Goodwood club was fined Is for late starting of the match on Saturday last. Tho Stace.y's Bridge sports resulted in a profit of over .£50 to the hall funds. The weight guessing competi tion (live weight of pi*) was won by •J. Griffiths with GG.'.lbs., the real weight of the pig being TOIbs. Tho committee returns thanks to the ladies, handieappers, donors, and all who so ably assisted at the recent sports gathering. To-morrow tho second matches of tho season will he played. Ramblers journey to Port Goodwood, Alberton play West on their own ground, and tho two Devons meet on the Jack Hirer ground. The Yarram team is asked to turn up for a good prnctico on tho show grounds to-morrow afternoon.
ORIGINAL CORRESPONDENCE. FOOTBALL TRIBUNAL. To the Editor of the Gippsland Standard [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 15 May 1914
ORIGINAL CORRESPONDENCE. FOOTBALL TRIBUNAL. To the Editor of tlio Gippsland Standard Sir,—"Square Deal," in to-day's issuo instead of showing any rouson or advan tage to bo gained by not having the inde pendent tribunal, or in answering my as sertion that it would bo a distinct im provement in uplifting the game, Riving the umpires moo control over the play ers, the resultant fair minded decisions in i cases of reports and disputes, etc., etc., ' simply attempts to villify the ex-delegates, I chairmen, and anyone who docs not for J the timo being hold views exactly coinci ding with his own. Ho lias really been rubbing it into some delegate or delegates who do not agree with him, and of whom I am not one. There is really nothing in his letter to answer. Mr £). P. Fahey seems rathor put out about it too* and is, I think, .hedging. My remarks were based solely on the newspaper roports of the meeting of delegates. I refer him to those reports. As to masquerading under a nom-de-plume, I ...
RIFLE SHOOTING. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 15 May 1914
RIFLE SHOOTING. Musketry shooting will commence from next Wednesday afternoon. All members of the Y.irram Itillc Club are requested to get their course through ns early as possible. The re opening spoon shoot of the Yarrani l!ilh; Club on Wednesday was won by J. O. Whyte, he being the only one to reach tho possible. Fol lowing are the scores:— Score. Hep. Total J. 0. Whyte 40 12 50 A. J. Thompson 45 4 ■19 D. T. Jeffs 42 7 10 R. W. Bland 43 4 47 C. Bowden 39 6 45 10. 0. Hobson 41 4 45 V. Bowden 36 7 43 \V. Dyor 36 6 42 L. Smothurst 33 8 41
FROM VARIOUS SOURCES OTHERWISE A FINE HUSBAND. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 15 May 1914
FROM VARIOUS SOURCES OTHERWISE A FINE HUSBAND. A New York woman, who is bring ing an action for divorce against her husband, gives about a score of rea sons. Included are the following:— Irascible disposition. Mania for smashing clocks. Struck her with a glass. Threatened to throw her out of a second-story window. Choked her. Kissed another woman. Throw a box of cigars at her. Kept everybody in the house awalte at night. Tried to make her take off her shoes. Said she was lazy. Tried to throw her into tlio Hud son. Called her an idiot, an imp, and a pest. Struck her grandson with a folded newspaper. Smashed a glass of whisky on the dlning-table. Struck lier in the face with a switch. Threw chairs at her. Kicked in the door. Wrenched her shoulder. Poked his finger in her eye. Drank whisky and beer mixed. —"Philadelphia Record." When the Federal lobbies resound with stories of the American Meat Trust and its inscrutable (not to use a very similar word) methods, the story of how its mos...
Neck or Nothing! [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 15 May 1914
Neck or Nothing! It was evening. Mrs. Brave was alone in the house. Enter Burglar Steel. "Tell me," he hissed, "where the money Is hid, or 1 fire" "Never!" she snapped. "Villain ilo your worst." "I will," snarled the baffled hut not beaten burglar. 'Tell me where your husband's gold is hid or I'll drop this ten-inch worm down your neck!" And Steel won easily. Impudence is almost ns good as brains, and a groat deal more appre ciated.
SMALLPOX IMPROVES THE MEMORY. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 15 May 1914
SMALLPOX IMPROVES THE MEMORY. One of the most recent scientific discoveries is that memory is largely a mutter o£ the state of the blooil. A Paris specialist has published some results based on several years' study of his patients,, his conclusion being that those with the worst memories are people who suffer from anaemia or chronic dyspepsia. Most people suffer to some extent from one or other of these complaints, and it is declared that the people who can never remember what they were doing last Tuesday evening always im prove under a course of iron or pep sin. One disease has in some cases an amazing effect in strengthening the memory, though no doctor fs likely to prescribe it. At least one in six of cured smallpox patients recover with memories greatly Improved.. Drugs, too, were found to have dis tinct effects on the memory. Doctors have known for some years that bro mide, which is often prescribed for nervous restlessness and insomnia, is apt to enfeeble the memory if kept on...
WIT AND HUMOR. Bad Boy's Resolutions. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 15 May 1914
WIT AND HUMOR. Bad Boy'a Resolutions. "I will not put pins In my dear tea cher's chair." (Tacks will hurt Just as much, anyway.) "I will not quarrel and fight with my big brothers all this year." (What have I got a little brother for?) I will not play truant from Bchool to go fishing or swimming." (That is, in the winter-time.) . "I will be a regular attendant at Sunday school." (At Christmas-time and just before the summer excursion, of course.) "I will not take mothar'3 currant Jelly from the pantry without permis sion." (Her raspberry jam Is good enough for me.) "I will bo kind to dumb animals, such as tigers, lions and olephants." (Stray cats and dogs, however, had bettor keep out of this neighborhood.) "I will not-—01i, that's enough. They say the good die young, and I want to live until I catch that red-headeJ boy in the next street who stuck out his tongue at me yesterday!"
PATTERN OF LADY'S DRESSING GOWN. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 15 May 1914
PATTERN OK LADY'S DRESSING GOWN. A good Dressing Gown is always welcome. This design is for Pyrenees flannel. It represents "Everylady's Journal" pattern No. 1S3, cut in three sizes, small, medium and large. This pattern may bo bought foi ninopence from local pattern agent or will ho sent post free to any address if ninopence in stamps is sent to Dept. "A," "Everyladv's Journ.il," U7i» Swanstuu-sirect, Melbourne. State number of pattern and size required If u penny stamp is sent to above address a 4S-page catalogue wiir-bo sent to any reader who writes "send free cutnlogne." Actor: What, back so soon? Didn't the play take? Actress; Yes, the play took; the manager took the receipts, the bai lift- the scenery, the landlords tha trunks, and the author took to drink!
KITCHEN WRINKLES. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 15 May 1914
KITCHEN WRINKLES. ! When boiling potatoes, add just a little sugar, a9 well as salt. They are far more floury than It only sail is added. j The white oC a raw egg applied to a burn or scald will prevent inilam mation, be soothing and cooling, and rolieve the stinging pain. When a fish-kettle is not available for boiling the fish, place an old plate at the bottom of the saucepan and tie the fish in a piece-jjf muslin. To test mussels, add an onion when cooking them. Should the onion turn black, the mussels should not be eat en, as it is a sign that they are not good. If your oven will not brown your pastry as well as you would like, put the cakes or tarts on the upper tray, and throw a little sugar on the floor of the oven. When you suBpect worms at the roots of your plants, placo a few un used matches, heads dowuwurds, i:i the pots. The sulphur will kill the worms and the plants will be quite healthy again. • To prevent the juice of pies from running over spread a thin rim of but te...
PENNY "TIMES" SUCCESS Concept of Modern Journalism. Fighting for Circulation [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 15 May 1914
PENNY "TIMES" SUCCESS Concept of Modern Journalism. Fighting for Circulation | All England wanted to buy the penny "Times" on Monday, March lfi. The greater part of England had to go without. TUo "Times" printing press es could not possibly turn out a sulll cient number of copies to supply the demand. They ran for 12 hours con tinuously, and still the newsagents were a-hungering. There is a world of difference between printing a 1" page "Daily Mail" and a 24-page "Times." It is part of the inherit ance of the "Times" that it should bo. the best-printed paper in the world. It would have to sacrifice this tradt tion if it let its giant presses run at the furious pace of the half-penny pa pers. In the "Mail" office the ma chines throw out the papers so fast that in a quarter of an hour you flee from them, fearing that you will be snowed under. The decision to reduce the price of the "Times" was made many months ago, and a date was fixed upon which tho change was to be made. That date w...
BILL BONG'S BENEFIT. AN AMUSING STORY OF A STRANGE DISAPPEARANCE [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 15 May 1914
BILL BONG'S BENEFIT. AN AMUSING STORY OF A STRANGE DISAPPEARANCE By Scudamore Jarvis. - It seems quite the fashion nowa days—saiil Private Coles as he look ed up from the newspaper lie was using as a table cloth, for blokes to suddenly disappear and leave 110 traces behind 'em. Traces are about the only things they don't leave behind though—he ■went 011—for if you read between the lines in these disappearance cases you'll find that when the feller did the silent get-away act he left at home .1 wife and six kids chargeable to the parish, a large crop of tailors' bilhj, or 'arf a dozen young ladies, all of whom he'd promised to marry. When you think over these things you come to the conclusion as a rule that the disappearance ain't so marvellous as you fancied and you can understand why the feller takes such a lot o' find ing. Talking o' disappearances reminds me 0' Bill Bong what enlisted in '01, and did three hectic years in the regi ment afore what I'm going to tell you about happe...
The Answer. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 15 May 1914
The Answer. Father, teaching his six-year-old soil arithmetic by giving a problem to his ! wife, begs his son to listen. Father: "Mother, if you had a sove reign and I gavo you five more, what would you have?" Mother (replying absently): "Hys terics.'' Sir Ilobert Peel and a friend were once going through a picture gallery where there was n portrait of a well known man who was. famous for say ing sharp things. "How wonderfully like!" said th3 friend. "You can see the quiver on his Hps." "Yes," replied Sir Robert, ' and the arrows coming out of it." "I liavo patrician blood in my vein?. Members of my family were traced to Flodden Field Tn the days of chiv alry!" - Young Lady (arcnly): "0h> They traced them, then! So there were detectives even at that remote per iod!" "I was not drunk," declared a pri soner. "1 was only intoxicated." "Ah!" remarked the magistrate. "That makes all the difference. 1 was going to fine you half a sovereign. As it is 1 shall only line you ten shillings....
Too Weak. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 15 May 1914
Too Weak. Smith Is a lover of coffee, and un less it is both strong and good the waiter at restaurant or hotel soon hears from him. Recently he went into a restaurant for dinner. On raising his cup to his lips he made a wry face and then beckoned to the proprietor. "What do you call this stuff?" h9 asked. "Coffee," meekly replied the man, somewhat surprised. "Coffee!" repeated Smith, with scorn. "I could put a coifee-bean into my mouth, dive into the Yarra, swim up to ICew, and I'll guarantee that anyone could ball up much better cof fee than this over the entiro route."
AN ARTFUL MAID [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 15 May 1914
AN ARTFUL MAID "If you fondly loved me, darling," In her ear he whispered low; "Why unto ray first proposal, Did you sadden me with 'No?'" "Well," replied the happy maiden. In between a bill and coo, "I'm afraid i did it merely, Just to see what you would do." "But," her lovor. fond protested, In a tone approaching pain, "What if I had rushed off wildly, Never coming back again?" "That," she cried, "could not have happened, Well I ltnew what was in store, As I took a wee precaution— Darling, I—I locked the door!"