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Page 4 Advertisements Column 3 [Newspaper Article] — Wide West — 7 September 1856
IfISCTIXANEOUS. A MEED OF JUST PRAISE. ri!E INGRATITUDE OF MAN TO MIS FELLOW MAN is so often met with in life that testimonials, prompted by he finer feelings of the heart, are oases in the lite of those who acrifice their best days in philanthropic devotion to the alia ration of the ills of frail mortality. Empiricism floods th olumns of our press with fraudulent and fictitious letters inging pa*ans to tbe worth of their own egotistical charlatanim. Below we append a letter from a worthy man, who, a rief period since, seemed destined to M shuttle off this mortal oilwho looked forward to his dissolution with that pleasure rhich only those weighed down by the heavy hand of disease an. Contrary to hope, the ability of a skillful physician baa estorea him to his former health. Relieved from his terrible itualion, and impelled by gratitude, he makes known bis case .nd remedial agent, and his statement is authenticated by a Jotary Public. The demands of society imperiously command ts pub...
TO A LEARNED MAN ON THE APPROACH OF OLD AGE. [Newspaper Article] — Wide West — 21 September 1856
TO A LEARNED MAN ON THE APPROACH OF OLD AGE. And dost thou grieve because old age Comes traveling on so fast? And that life's are iry pilgrimage Must wear thee out at last? Do wrinkled brows and locks of gray, Thy troubled fancy fright? The sun halh beamed on all thy day, Why dread the moon at night f No, let the bad, the vain, the weak, The flight or time regret. In pleasure rank who vainly seek Their errors to forget. Who tares have planted In the past, Must In the future pine ; Who forced in spring life's flowers to fade, Must mourn in harvest time. But thou, that on grave wisdom's track Hast gleaned such precious store, And on life s highway looking back, Secst little to deplore. Down to the vale of years may'st wend Thy way, and smile at care; Tis what we have been, valued friend, That makes sp what we are. He, who In folly's train hath danctd, Or lived the slave of gain, Who ne'er another joy enhanced, Nor soothed another's pain. The envious man whose heart impure Corrodes wit...
THINK NOT, SWEET ONE. [Newspaper Article] — Wide West — 21 September 1856
THINK NOT, SWEET ONE. FINLEY JOHNSON rhlnk not sweet one that the happy birds W ill sport in the air forever, Or the flowers bright will have no blasts Their beautiful buds to sever ; For the fairest rosen ear-lie?.t fade While the summer winds arc sighing, And the hweetest birds are oft laid low Which high in mid air are flying. Think not, as yon gase on yonder moon. That no shadow shall come before it. Or, becnu«e the lake in sweet and calm. That safe you may venture o'er it; For the moon so bright shall slowly wane. Or a t&gt;hadowy cloud shall hide it. And the lake be lash'd to such firry foam. That no vessel could safely ride it. Think not my love that tho syren hope Sings ever a truthful story, Or that when the r.enmg spreads her * nga, No dawn shall obaenre her glory ; For the brightest eve gives birth to dawn. As we gate with joy and wonder. And as sweet hop* on her lyre sings, A hand snaps the chords asunder.
The True Civilizer. [Newspaper Article] — Wide West — 21 September 1856
The True Civilizer. A late missionary to Turkey finding his converts proscribed, in their relations as business men, by the authorities of the church which they hud left, he borrowed ten thousand dollars, bought a leartnill, and engaged in the making of bread, in order to give employment to his neoph. tes. 'I he bread he manufactured proved so much superior to that generally sold at Constantinople—for it was there that lie sought his market—that before long, he had so large a demand for it as to give a livelihood to nearly all his converts. When the Kastern war broke out, and the liritish troops landed at Scutari, good bread could not. at first, be had for the soldiers. In this emergency the missionary steppe! forward and offered to contract to furnish"bread to the English. His tender was accepted and a contract signed. The Sultan, finding what good bread was made lor the British army, sent for the baker who supplied his own, and compelled them to imitate the missionary. In the two ...
Bitter Bad Thoughts -By a Bitter Bad Man. [Newspaper Article] — Wide West — 21 September 1856
Bitter Bad Thoughts -By a Bitter Bad Man. The Law ruins men, and Fashion women. There is a fitness in all things, excepting cheap clothes. It's a bad plan not to grumble—the wheel isn't oiled till it creaks. The man who intends getting round his wile must start very early in the morning. Prosperity shines on different persons moch in the same way that the sun shines ou different objects. Some it hardens like mud, while others it softens like wax. A miser is but a human version of the turnspit dog that toiled every day to roast meaf for other person's eating. Hail a cab in bad weather, and it may come to yonr assistance ; but hail a friend in your adversity, and see what notice he will take of you. iji' s a R° m,l,lce which most young ladies would like to begin by reading tho third volume dim—as it is the one which generally contains the marriage.—Pttncj, * '
Rude Question to a Wife. [Newspaper Article] — Wide West — 21 September 1856
Rude Question to a Wife. Tell ns, do you recollect what your feelings were immediately after you hatl given your husband cold meat lor dinner f ' Hid you not feel ashamed, and angry with yourself, and" vow you would never do so again—Do you mean to say you have never searched your husband's pockets?" Have you not blushed a papal scarlet when you found that tbey contained only some cigar-cud's, a musty glove or two, a few halfpence well nuneY. with biscuit crumbs, and perhaps an old playbill ?—Can you, also, lav your hand upon the tea-caddy and solemnly declare that you have never, on any rare occasion, opened one "of the poor innocent's letters? and have you not been reudy to cry with vexntion, when you found that your suspicions had been roused by nothing belter than a tailor's piteous application for money?—Do your powers of recollection enable you to give impartially the secret of every " iSick Headache.'' that has prevented your coming down to dinner? and, also, is your memory s...
"I Wanted Me Passage." [Newspaper Article] — Wide West — 21 September 1856
"I Wanted Me Passage." Among the many thousands of Mormons who come to this country, wo do not believe there have been any who belonged to Ireland. The elder.- do not obtain any converts among the Irish, nor do their doctrine! find favor. A well known Irish gentleman in this city observed to us yestenlav. that he had in vain endeavored to detect au Irish man or woman among the many Mormons who have entered Castle Garden. On Saturday last, seven hundred and fifty Mormons were landed at the depot from the ship Thornton : most of them have beta sent out at the expense of the Mormon Kmigrunt Fund. He saw among them F.nulish. Scotch. Welsh, Jersey men, Danes and Swedes, in great number, and at last he thought he detected a solitary Paddy. Walking up to him he inquired his tame. •• John Daly, sur," he replied. "Are you an Irishman ?" "Troth I am that same ver iiouor." Assuming a tone of rebuke he continued —" Are you a Mormon, too?" With an air of exquisite drollness he whispered. " Faith...
The Hammer. [Newspaper Article] — Wide West — 21 September 1856
The Hammer. The hammer is the universal emblem of mechanics. With it arc alike forged the sword of contention and the ploughshare of peaceful agriculture. In ancient warfare the hammer was a powerful weapon, independent of the pluce which it formed. The hammer is the wealth of nations. Hy it are forged the ponderous engine ami the tiny needle. It is an instrument of the savage anil the civilized. Its merry clink points out the abode of industry; it is a domestic deity presiding over the grandeur of the most wealthy and ambitious, as well as the humble and impoverished. Not a stick is shaped, nor a house is raised, v ship Hoals. or a carriage rolls, a wheel spins, an engine moves, a pre.-s speaks, a viol sings, a snade delves, or a Hag waves, without Ihe aid of *.he hammer. Without the hammer civilization would be unknown, und the human species only as defenceless brutes ; but in skilful hands, directed by wisdom, it is an instrument of power! of greatness and of glory.
tittle Facts Worth Knowing. [Newspaper Article] — Wide West — 21 September 1856
tittle Facts Worth Knowing. AVheu a man has a very red face, it never, by any chance, win. liom drink. He wjio arrives late at a dinner party alter the company is seated down to table, generally escapes rrom the bother of carving. Old ideas, like old clothes, put carefully away, come out again after a time almost as good as new. Ihe first bottle is always "too dry," or « too rtrong, or too thin/or d» it. « waits age," or body or»ketpiii ff ,"and it is only right that here should be sonvething wanting iotl^bol Talk Scotch to a beggar, and he will soon leave Always accept a seat in the carriage of the lady who has eaten no dinner, for the chances are that, as she has touched nothing since luncheon, there is a good supper waiting for her at home —Putt'h
Pilferings from Plu-ri-bus-tab. [Newspaper Article] — Wide West — 21 September 1856
Pilferings from Plu-ri-bus-tab. [CONTINUED.] After the victory over Ruhl Britannia, Plu-ri-bus-tah naturally became enamored of the maiden Liberty, with whom he proceeds homeward, and the poet relates that— Here he drank a mug of " lager," But the lady, being modest. Took a class of cool spring water, " With a fly in," to revive her. After they bud drunk together, And had ench a " half a dozen On Ihe shell.'' by way of luncheon. Each one felt a " sort of likin" For the other, and for marriuge— Felt a "passional attraction," As the •■ Free love" peophl have it ; Which means—every girl have husbands, Ten or twenty if she nersls ihem. All she wants it she can get them— Every man a score of women, Every man a private harem. Like the Mormons now in Clah. So Miss LTbarty, the maiden, With no dowry but her pettiC ats and other under earmcnts. Willi no clothes |,„, arhal m» stood in ; She. wh &gt;. like our modern ladies, Cimldal make a pie or pudding, Couldn't mend a pair of breech...
Scolding. [Newspaper Article] — Wide West — 21 September 1856
Scolding. We will not say that any who have the scolding propensity are absolutely incurable, but we know some very obstinate cases. We also know some |K'rsons who bavcsiieh v happy mental organizatioh that they neter indulge a petalaat spirit. An an eedote will illustrate these cases. Two thriving farmers. A. and B. lived near neighbors, whose wives were patter*! of energy, industry, frugality, neatness, Ac. Kach had been main, d about tlfleeu years, aud the wife of A. proved to be a termagant, while that of B. had not spoken a cross word since lier marriage. These men were once in the midst of an interesting conversation, when the dinner-horn from the house of Mr. A. was sounded, and he said to 8.," I must go at once, or my wife w ill give me a lecture." " 1 really wish," replied 15., •• that I could hear my wife scold as yours does for five minutes just to hoar how it would sound, lor she has never uttered a crooked word since our marriage." " Oh," said A., " get your wife a load...
Earthquakes. [Newspaper Article] — Wide West — 21 September 1856
Earthquakes. There arc two theories respecting the cause of earthquakes. Ist. The igneous theory, which maintains that this earth was once a molten fiery bail, and that its interior is still a fiery mass, and is sometimes caused to generate waves, which produce oscillations on the earth's surface. 2d. The electric theory, which attributes the shocks to disturbed magnetic actiou in the crust of the globe—that the shocks are nothing more than powerful electric shocks. As earthquakes are local, they who dispute the igueous theory assert that, if the interior of the earth were a molten mass, nnd earthquakes were caused by waves of this fluid, then the oscillations would be felt equally strong on every part of the earth's crust.
About Hoops. [Newspaper Article] — Wide West — 21 September 1856
About Hoops. A lady, whose garments formed an immense circumference, entered a store in Boston, aud in doing so prostrated some dozen flower-pots containing valuable plants, which were ruined. The storekeeper intends to sue the lady for damages, so that the law may be settled how large a space a lady's circumambients may occupy. A gentleman remarks, says the Albany Argus, that while riding in an omnibus the other day. the vehicle was stopped at a crossing, when three or four females entered, who, on taking seats, commenced such n patting ot the sides of their dresses that for some lime (being ignorant of the real object,) he was nnder the iuipressiou that they were going to crow.
Bock-bone. [Newspaper Article] — Wide West — 21 September 1856
Bock-bone. Back-bone ! A man must have it, or he is not a man. " I dare do all a man may do," said Macbeth, "who dares do more is none." An admirable definition of back-bone. Neibuhr, the historian, says, in one of his letters, that he considered himself a man of moral courage, but physically a coward. He thought he could stand up before a howling world and maintain an abhorred opinion, but would " back down" before a robber who should demand his money or his life. Neibuhr was un amiable man und did useful work in his day : but when we read such a remark as that, we remember that it was Neibuhr. also, who went down on his knees and thanked &lt;Jod for sending to rule over the Prussian people so virtuous and so wise a prince as the present Kinsrof Prussia. A man is ull of a piece. Let a person but thrust his little linger through a knot-hole in a fence, aud Prof. Owen, the anatomist, if he sees it,can tell his dimensions throughout. The scientific moralist, too, can infer a m...
Life on a Steamb at [Newspaper Article] — Wide West — 21 September 1856
Life on a Steamb at But to add to this up-the-Mississippi trip, you must know that the good boat Northern Belle also bore as one of her passengers the veritable Longfellow. The Historical Society had extended to the poet an invitation to be present at the corner stone laying, and a distinctly marked trunk, " H. W. Longfellow," coming on board, settled the fact that the author of Hiawatha was one of the number. But which is he? was the oft repeated question : and none answered except to guess. At the table each one was looking intently at the other, to divine which was the poet, and' all wondered why every one stared so. This man was pronounced the poet because he wore a moustache ; that one because he shaved clean ; and we voted that the fact as to who was Longfellow was settled by the excess or lack of hair. This doubt in a few hours became unendurable, and the universal cry was to " trot out " Longfellow. Finally, by the aid of the clerk, the uumber of his stateroom was ascertaine...
Well Known Characters. [Newspaper Article] — Wide West — 21 September 1856
Well Known Characters. In large cities there is always a class of men who dress well, und have the appearance of well-to-do individuals, but how they live is one of those mv-icrics which time never IBBUM to unravel. At night ihey may be frequently seen at places of amusement ; most of them 'cither get iv on the " dead head" system, or have caught some acquaintance by the button-hole, and refuse to let him go until an invitation is extended to them to finish the conversation inside. A lew of them, at somo remote period, swept out a printing office or wrote w rap|iers for a weekly paper, and upon this connection with tbe press, the great palladium of our liberties, they claim admission into theatres, concerts, Ac. ami strange to say, many timid or green showmen admit them, for fear that"" the pen, which is mightier than the sword," will crush them. Old birds, however, are not caught with such chaff. Most of those composing this class are loud of a "small drop of spirits," scientifical...
Wonderful Fountains. [Newspaper Article] — Wide West — 21 September 1856
Wonderful Fountains. The fountains of the Crystal Palace at Sydenham, England, are among the greatest wonders of the world. Two huge fountains throw vast jets of water to v height of 260 feet. Two towers are erected on the highest part of the grouuds, each 270 feet high ; |Mjwerful engines take water from Artesian wells 575 feet deep, aud throw it to the top of these towers, whence it descends and feeds the fountains. The total weight of each tower when the fountains are playing, is over three thousand tons. Besides the two colossal fountains, there are ten lesser ones, that throw jets one hundred feet high, asi well as almost countless smaller fountains, in addition to water temples, cascades. SeV n ral th f ousand wnaller j** retiring 120,000 gallons ol water per minute to supply them. Ten miles ol iron pipes are required to coiKJuct the water that feeds these works. The sight, when they arc all in full play, is said to be magnificent. The spectator sees before him a group of basi...
Highland Fugilism. [Newspaper Article] — Wide West — 21 September 1856
Highland Fugilism. An English prize-lighter of great pretensions hnd challenged or insulted the regiment, and the Highland officers wished to pit lan More against him. A bet was accordingly laid upon his head, and one ol his officers sent for him, saying—" You are to be my man, lan ; and 1 think it will be no hard thing for you, who shouldered the six pounder, top id this boasting puck pudding." •• Troth, na," said lan, shaking his head ; " ta tuck-pudding no dune her nue ill—tat for wad she be fighting her ? Troth, her honor may c'en fight to man hersell, for her nauesell wull no be doing nae siccan a thing." " Tut I nonsense, man," said the officer ; " you must fight him. ay, and lick him too; and yon shall have a handsome purse of money for so doing." " Na, na." said lan ; " ta man na dune her nae ill ava, an' she'll no be fighten for ony body's siller but King Shorge's." •' Surely, you're not afraid of him," said the officer, trying to rouse his pride. " Hout na!" replied lan Mo...
The Trysting Tree. [Newspaper Article] — Wide West — 21 September 1856
The Trysting Tree. Journeying one day along a muirland road not far from Stirling, we passed by a very fine old tree in n field at a short distance. "I remarked its beauty, to which Simon assented, but for a while absorbed in recalling recollections associated with it. At last he said, pausing and looking back upon the tree, "That sturdy old plant of other years reminds me of au incident which displayed a'striking trait of character of the true old Scotch breed.— That is, or was called, the Trvsting Tree ; and there a country loss had consented to meet her sweetheart one winter night, to arrange matters for the wedding. The night came, cold and foggy— and the girl, true to her appointment, set off silently, in the hopes of being back again before she was missed. It soou came on a heavy fall of snow and snowed all night. The girl was not to be found; and all the roads round being not only impassable but invisible, from the depth of the drift, a whole week passed before any communicat...