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THE WORST OF EDUCATION. [Newspaper Article] — Werribee Shire Banner — 26 December 1912
THE WORST OF EDUCATTUN. When the new and the old school meet there is likely to be a clash of opinions, and so Miller Long found the other day when Farmer Jackson sent his young son acroen to the mill with a eack of corn which he wished 'round into meal. Like the miller, the mill was of the old, leisurely school, and only it tiny stream of meal trickled out. The young man waxed impatient. "What a mill," he said with scorn. "Why, I could eat the meal qcuicker than this ramshackle old concern of yours can grind it I" "Ay," said Miller Long, "but how ong could you keep It up, lad 7". "Till I starved,'" was the trench not answer., Anrl when Miller Long had puzzled e alnt the inwardneas of the remark, he concloded that lads were "gettin' n power too sharp wi' their tongues."
NOTHING SERIOUS. A SUCCESSFUL MOVER. [Newspaper Article] — Werribee Shire Banner — 26 December 1912
NOTHING SERIOUS. I A SUOOIBSFUL MOVER. At a football match a burly police man was spoiling the view of some' spectators behind him, which eous4aI one of them to complain. Not to be* uncivil, he asked quietly : "Can you play draughts 7" "Oh, yes," the bobby answered. "Well," said the spectator, i f'I think it's your move." "Maybe," replied the limb of the law ; "but I'll have you to know, young fedler, that when I move I usually 'cop' a 'man.' A BOIFtCE OF INCOME. Annoyed by the injury done to one of his treen by the driver of the lo cal 'bus, Mr. Kipling once wrote a vigorous letter of complaint to the 'bus owner who is also landlord of an iun.` The landlord laid the letter before the select company of the bar par lour,(who a'?.1'"- calm Indifference. Alsoan a -rocal mon0 -.. ' offere?dl IOs.'in cols lor the atogtraphl ,...- Both iadvice and cash wre aencepted. A second and 'srongcr letter lol. ed ; and tbhis also found a, purCser, this tinme at 1, as bellttedt its In IDonifacs agai...
THE REASON. [Newspaper Article] — Werribee Shire Banner — 26 December 1912
TH ill RmION. "I don't think it was tfir,"??sid:;, Bobbie, after his big brother had loat the raace., "Jack was ahtend alrorst all the tinms, but they gave the itie to a man that wna ahead only a eso ond, Just at the end." No fewer than 560.. foreigners are learning the English language 'at ieveaaig claaea in L.anden. ." laa.i
COOKED OR UNCOOKED. [Newspaper Article] — Werribee Shire Banner — 26 December 1912
COOKED OR UNCOOKED. The waiter was a new hand, and the customer a short, little woman. She gave her order, and then tried to settle down on her chair so that her felt could reach the floor. In this, however, she was not successful, so she added another order to her first. 'And bring me a hassock," she re quested. The waiter paused for a moment, R?d me iltatively brushed first the tahblecoth and then his fringe. He re-arr9rL- the glasses several times, Sred in the face. I-f-dam," he replied lit lat. 'And will you-er-have the hassock broileu or fried 7"
TO TEST HIS MISSION. [Newspaper Article] — Werribee Shire Banner — 26 December 1912
TO TEifST HIS MISSION. Maisie is just a jolly, care-free girl, never serious over anything: The other night .Mnle'e father, brought a guest home to dinner, a very intense young man. He sat next to Maisie at table. "Everyone has a mission in life," he murmured wisely to merry Maisio after the fish course. "Is that so ?" asked Maisie in sur prise. "What is yours, then ?" The prig cast his eyes up to the ceiling. "My dear young lady," he said, "my mission in to save young men." It was too much for Maisie. I "That's line I" she ?iggled. "I wish you'd save a nice one for me."
MYSTERY BY THE HANDFUL. [Newspaper Article] — Werribee Shire Banner — 26 December 1912
MYSTI?? RY BY THF1 HANDIFUIL. A trouop of wandering musicians were playing before a Swiss hotel. At the end of the performance one of the members left the group, ap proached the leaner of the band, and pulled out a little paper hbo, which he emptied into his left hand, while the eyes of the leader 'followed every movement. Ie then took a plate in hin right hand, passed it round, and a large sum was collected, everyone mean while wondering what he held in blh left hand. "Why, It's very simple," said the leader, when qucetloned. "We are all eubject to temptation; and to be sure of the fidelity of our collector, he has to hold five files inhis left hand and we count these when he returns to make sure of the money." '_
IRREPRESSIBLE. [Newspaper Article] — Werribee Shire Banner — 2 January 1913
I RREPRlSIB3LE. Young Willie : is for ever .asking questions. "You'd better keep still, or somn thing will happen," his mother told him one night. *'Ouriosity once kill eda cat, you know." 'This seemed to impress Willie, and he was quint for quite three minutes. Then, unahle to bear it any longer, "Mother, what was it that cat want ed to know 7" he asked. "What makes that red spot on your nose 7" "Glasses." '"Glasses of 'what ?" Tramp : "It's needless 'to ask the question, mum;n you know what, I want." Mrs. Workhard : '"Oh;, ye I know what you want, but I've 'only got one piece of soap in the house, and`` we're using it, Come again to-mor row."' ' , 136.
THE DIFFERENCE. [Newspaper Article] — Werribee Shire Banner — 2 January 1913
THE DIFFIDRENCK. Hamilton Corbett, an entertainer, well-know n in cotland some years ago, used to tell the following story as illustrating the difference between courtship and marriace. If it should happen when walking out, youryounrglady you had docca- rion topaass over '' deep "drain -or ' ditch, you assist her across very care fully. A year afterwards, perhaps, when yoJ are married and taking a walk together, you come to the same drain or ditch. You spring over, and looking back at her standing trem bling on the other side, shout out: "Come on, woman ; what are ye glowerin' at ? Can ye no Jump it ?"
ENCOURAGING. [Newspaper Article] — Werribee Shire Banner — 2 January 1913
ENCOURAGING. "I will give," said the spiriteIl cricket captain, "a bat to any mem ber of the eleven who makes fifty." And a slogger went in and hit up thirty. "I think," said the captain, "that a ball would be more suitable for a man who makes fifty." The slog ger's score amounted to forty-flive. "Nothing, in my opinion," said the spirited one, "is more_suitable ft r cricketer who makes fifty than a set of balls." the slogger made his Ofty. %'By Jove," said the man of enter prise, "I love to see good cricket, and it ought to be encouraged. I'm hanged if I don't stand him a pint of shandpgaff."
HUMOUR. [Newspaper Article] — Werribee Shire Banner — 2 January 1913
HUMOUR. e'Lately," said the chairman of a certain milkl dealers' association, "there has been a phenomenal de mand for milk at our farm, and to stem the flowing tide of ordeis that threatens to submerge ts we have been obliged, metaphorically speak ing, to call all hands to the pump I" Roars of laughter-which the chair man heard in pain and surprise. A French soldier, on active servicn was efnfor -fia .o t nfn village that his father had recently died. In acknowledgment he wrote as follows: "Monsieur le Maire,-I . heartily thank you for my father's death. It is a little accident that often hap pens in families. As for myself, I am in the hospital minus one leg, with which I have the honour to salute you." "Now, Johnny," said the teacher, "you may try your hand at writing a short story." A few minutes later Johnny handel up his slate, on which was written, "Us boys all loves our teacher." Dennis (to assistant at country post-office) : "It's toime we had a new posht-mashter." "Assista...
A COMMISSION ACCOUNT. [Newspaper Article] — Werribee Shire Banner — 2 January 1913
A COMMISSION ACCOUNT. "I glies you're getting L good thing out o' attending the rich boy Smith, ain't you, doctor ?" "Well, yes I get a good fee. Why do you ak ?" "Well, I hope you won't forgotthat my boy Charlie threw the brick that 'it 'im." "Waiter, what in the matter with this estgUalnhment ? This stenk is burnt black." "YeatRr. Mark of respec', air. Our head cook died yestiddy."
NOT ENOUGH TREES. [Newspaper Article] — Werribee Shire Banner — 2 January 1913
NOT ENOUGH TREES. A warrior wns relating to his aged parents how be had fought for hin late King and country. 4nd how many of the soldiars were cut up and mnn sacred. Then tho old mother, amidst Learo of joy, said : "My brave boy, why did you not get behind n tree ?" "Don't talk- so foolish, moither 1" exclaimed the soldier. "There wasn't enough trees for the oflcers, let alone the men."
TRUGANINA. [Newspaper Article] — Werribee Shire Banner — 2 January 1913
i ' UGAh NA.. 'lie closiing of the i fo-eo children, 'WItSwas ht f.st tho ,cald. hball on: Eriday ijLgh Nix 1ec. i'I ole trtje!iitlbte seoLut. is onietreas uald tl youutg ladicd of t he. distrit .'cre.lit tllo wat it waedte.-. g dcorated twil, hoys for Lthe lhil.lt- i. (Jr.. U., iaobintan opened :?the, th l lproeuiiga. liby ?s hortl speech-p urn`,: een behalf of the s..hool '1nls~reas.-??A abort. prograultnl . f oug;,. pi0no1.;. peen plyig ,aimutiidg i lnd pole xerir- 250* ise,. wai s ne through by. local,: toad. ient?,u aud, hool children. - ?Mr.s Ji50. im.Robinuou, jun.,;octing a S~tais ?a OhC0is, made his appeariuice ra on the, will stagea nid: p'rasUntud the' schol ist mistress. (.liss KOimpli),vith.a hnidti rgl. bag on bubtlf, of." the sc"hulurs' then, :. In. ttrned lhis ttention to .the: Christ- ? on- mus, tree by distribuling.t 'to :: t o ? a. all the, children,.. whih, he did, splendidly : A piesentatio,.. of a... thO silver mouiteod intk stand: wes:theni: tter mtade by Cir....
AN INNOVATION [Newspaper Article] — Werribee Shire Banner — 2 January 1913
AN INNOVATION For just one year let's cut' out sitting along the curb and looking wise; lot's hump ourselves and do one knittiug and keep our homes supplied with pies. Lot's try to bettor- our condition'. by hoiet work for honest pay, and let the howl ing politician go on his windy, useless sway. Lot's worry loss about the mea sures our Congressmen inttend . to thrash, and give our wives and kids such pleastres as conme to folks who have the cash. Let's do. less worrying-; .nd jaw ing o'eC things a thousand miles away, and at our woodpiles do some sawing, and make our dooryards clean today. By fusaing round we make life's olis turn -o etroams of sorrow, deep aMs wido; let's pain the barn and clean the cistern, and let the good old natihn slide. Too long.the nation's cares we've carried, we earnest, patriotis men ; the patient toil-worn girls we. manried should lbe considered now s?ld then. I'd rather iag es pail of water into the kit chpo for may ;Jill, than go to Congress witt. a s...
WERRIBEE PARK. [Newspaper Article] — Werribee Shire Banner — 2 January 1913
W1ERID3E1E PARKU. STlteo'erriieo. Eatoto. muddle has lone;-'.. S oobp a.sourto. of coaltontiou- botweeans.. the Wator.Commirsion nd, .thoe.OJoserr'-i: SottlscenttIloard. It constituted onoe of.n tih stronlges of. the reasons tha' wre -dvancedl by the:' Water Commnisoi" Ssion. when it, sought and obtained anu-. thority to purlohaso and subdivide os,. titos on-'its own accuunt. Neovertho-. less the .oommissiton, antioipating tha .: the pressurO of Pidrhamontary ..and pub,... lie' opiituon , will epmpel tho board, to, pot the estate to reasonable use in the near.future, has predprud;aqoxtonsiver. Sprograrmoe. ofsiuater apply works., lt. proposes. to. spend l: during Ithe. coniogt r-? year is, total, of. 1!47,600,. in, what. is. : known::nas tlho-Bacchus 'Marsh irrigation,.: andl. wator. isupply district, conlointly?..::. with thlioY.Wrrbeoo Estato district'.. Ofi -.. 'this amount £21,00Q0will.be dovoted o j-::. piart. cost: to the constractio? of1 the, : Ixford woir; 0u the 'W?rribon R...
ON THE FARM. [Newspaper Article] — Werribee Shire Banner — 2 January 1913
UON. HE (ARM Hitting it this eooar wkrki4 t risse it last is a pretty good sign- ?ou are larlng youv r buoines a- lit betor. ' ,torn ýaio one honest metands irr need of en bit of help whic is ,too. Sproud to ask for. Keep yo yeas opeu' for a clhamp to. dq.wvery hi 'luou a °:goodt turn -. S Never hlroe a cheap. mito"tvork a Sgood pitir of horses... it w oren lost every tiuce. A' bright? iot gdnt man, ood ,manager and a'01 observer, ,.i save moro thlns' hit, ges'ia the atmount of work ielo wils ac plish,t nd tm mailtniihing the conditio his team. Sif toereo were fewer wip n the world tlhere'would be fewer ugly rses. The Itors thlt' o 'ao ti)o titu lag tapped witth' the swhip never lst a ?i t .D matter means by, it, and c on to think Ieo iueans just nothig. CoI s to do, their best should have soml greem or succulout fc every day Sis. the 'yar. The only wayto. n olere' this necessity is to provide asiuntudanco ol onoilage. Ensii]ge cast b1 used profit aly, to supplonmeRt short 4d dried ...
WERRIBEE SHIRE COUNCIL. Saturday, 21st December, 1912. [Newspaper Article] — Werribee Shire Banner — 2 January 1913
WERRIIIEE SHIRE CO.VNlI,-Ns. SSaturday, 21st December, 1012, Present: Crs;. DBeaish (presidont), Cnuny, E1'Murrny, Shiiw, Bayloy, Com ben, Sexton, Robinson,:. Browne,.. and Troup. CORRESIONDENOE. From A. A "Austin, and H. F. Richardson, M:'aL:C.O, stating that they would oppose movement to have ratopayers placed . on the Municipal roll, whothor 'they paid .their rates or not before June 10th.-?lecolci, From .Railway Department, stating that the scale lihave been removed froii the cream shed :ot the Worribeo- Rail-. way Station, mid placed on the p!ntpe form, ardithat.there should be no, fur thor cause for complaint.-i Receigod From Postmastor-General, acknow. lodging- reeip pqf letter from WVorriboo Shire Council, urging tha'tltlha:l,;.-,, only apply to lct*-'- ruYsted aet .the l-.-..u.. :asttleaon, or that a letter receiver be erqoca in w. taa?-:stroet, sea?r tj" 'O Hall,-iand that. usnoa ei be mode iro th lmattor, Fromn A T' Ozanne, eM P.. onth same matter, stating it was'receivin...