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BRAIN EXERCISE. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 24 April 1914
BRAIN EXERCISE. There has been serious trouble in a certain school. One of the teachers said he was no believer in the old hackneyed system of teaching. "What is wanted." said he. "is something which will make the chil dren think and reason Tor them selves. Mere addition and subtraction are mechanical. In accordance with his ideas, he gave his pupils one hundred questions, of which the following is a specimen: "What is it that can go up a spoui down, but cannot go down a spout up?" The brain-fever hospitals there abouts were full of children for weeks afterwards, and the teacher was dis missed without a character, yet the answer to the riddle was very simple —"An umbrella." Comedian: 1 say, old chap, your nose and chin will light ere long; they approach each other very menacing ly: Old Actor: I'm afraid so myself, for a sreai many words have passed be tween them already! "1 suppose," said the husband, "that you women want to vote just like men do?" "Oh, 110." replied the wife, "that...
A Horrified Dandy. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 24 April 1914
A Horrified Dandy. A dandy. who was seated on the balcony of an hotel among a large company was oxiinltely dressed, and very highly perfumed with musk, which is very disagreeable to some persons. A plain farmer, happening to pass near him, commenced sniffing suspiciously, and. looking around him for the cause of the musky effluvia, he soon smelt out the dandy, and thus addressed him: "I say, mister, I can tell ye what'll take that smell out of yer clothes; jusf bury Vm for n week under ground. My uncle ran agin a skunk once, and " Rut before the sentence was finish ed the enraged dandy sped from the crowd to escape the shouts of laugh ter. while the innocent farmer, who only meant a> do him a kindness, was wondering what caused his sudden de parture. "According to this paper." observed Mr. Cloodwiu. "a man has lived a year on beer alone." "Well, that's as Ii should be," ob served Mrs. Goodwin. "Any man who lives on beer ought to ho compelled to live alone."
No Wonder Joe Went. An excited middle-aged lady bounced Into a suburban police-station and accosted the inspector on duty: [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 24 April 1914
No Wonder Joe Went. An excited middle-aged lady bounced Into a suburban police-station and ac costed the inspector on duty: ' Where's my Joe?" ahe demanded. "Beg pardon, madam—dog, I pre sume?" said the officer. "Don't you dare to presume nothing of the kind," snapped the lady. "Dob, indeed! No, sir, husband—my hus band. lie's miBBing, disappeared, de camped " "You don't say so?" "But I'll have you to understand that 1 do say so, young man. How dare you sit there and flatly contradict a ratepayer?—leastways the lawful wifo of one. I'll report you, sir. Do you hear that? I'll report you! Where's my husband?" ".My dear madam " "How daro you call me your dear madam? Do you think that I came here to be Insulted? 1 tell you my husband has decamped, and you sit there like a dummy? What do you think ot that?" "Well, madam," responded the police inspector. "I haven't the pleasure of your husband's acquaintance, but I should aav he is a very wise man. ConBtable, show this lady out!"
TOO LATE. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 24 April 1914
TOO LATE. On either side of a desk in a Lon don ollice sat a man and woman clerk. As the mnii put It. thoy "got on well together." Once, indeed, he confided to a friend that he rather believed the lady "quite liked him." But he be came engaged to another, and one day, when he unexpectedly announced that, to improve Ills position and get married, he was taking a fresh situ ation, the lady clerk went home early, "with a headache." The man did marry—the wrong woman. Ere long he had to sink all his sav ings in divorce proceedings, and, sad der and wiser, he thought of a scheme for happiness. In his old-firm- there was a vacancy; he would apply for it, and—for now he knew her worth— would woo ami marry the lady clerk. The situation lie obtained. Before time on Monday morning he was back in the familiar ofilce. Per haps she would be there early, too! He found a smart stranger before hiin. a clerk who volunteered: "1 ex pect we shall be a bit glumllke to day. We all attended our late lady ...
KITCHEN WRINKLES. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 24 April 1914
KITCHEN WRINKLES. * Lime powder well sprinkled where cockroaches abound will drive them away. If bacon is soaked in water for a few minutes before frying it will pre vent the fat from running:. When starching holland pinafores, put a little strong tea into the starch. Tlifs keeps the garments a good col or. When boiling fowls or lish, add to the water in which they are boiled the juice of half a lemon. This will make them beautifully white. If moths are in a carpet, spread a damp towel over the* part and iron it dry with a hot iron. The heat and steam will kill the worms and eggs. When washing chamois leathers add a little ammonia to the water. This cleans them beautifully, and helps to make them soft and pliable. When making a roly-poly pudding, after spreading the paste with jam sprinkle a layer of fine breudcrumbs before rolling and tying up. This pre vents the Jam from boiling out. Old nail holes in wood may be filled up by mixing sawdust with glue till It Is the consistency of ...
PIANO AS ANODYNE. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 24 April 1914
PIANO AS ANODYNE. The "New York Herald" quotes a curious case of music being used as an anodyne. The incident occurred at I'euglikeepsie, ami the subject was a boy, aged fourteen years, named Ste phen Klanatskv. An artery in Klnnatsky's wrist was nut with a rope while nt play. The first repair of the artery was not suc cessful, and accordingly Dr. John N. Ilassin decided to re-open the wound and do the work over again. The boy's heart was too weak for ether, and Dr. Bassin called a little girl in from next door, and asked her to play on the piano. She said it was a "Highland Fling." She was asked to play it as best she could, and the bov was directed to concentrate his mind on the music, tie did so, and the surgeon perform ed the operation without difficulty. Later, the boy said he felt little pain. Dr. Bassin said he had used music as an anaesthetic on a man less than a year ago. and that it had proved satis factory.
FLEAS AND FLIES HAVE THEIR PARASITES. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 24 April 1914
FLEAS AND FLIES HAVE THEIR PARASITES. The latest discovery announced in the Paris Academy of Sciences is that of the parasite of the flea, which, It is claimed, is the chief agent in tho 3pread of the plague and other dis eases transmitted by this insect. Pulex irritans, as the flea is caliotl in scientific writing, is the victim of tho leishinanioses, which live in the flea's digestive tubing, and it is this parasite of our parasite which really transmits the plague and other infec tions. and not the much-abused flea nimself, who is only indirectly re sponsible, being compelled to carry this parasite once it finds lodgment in his anatomy. The Ilea looks small enough to our eye, and he is so lively that no one ever thought thai any other parasite could catch him, but it seems that not only do the ieishmanloses catch him, but they also catch the plague, or yel iow fever, and are the most important carriers of the germs. This discovery has much to suggest to our investigators, for the...
AN ESSAY ON HEALTH. What Not to Do to Keep Well. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 24 April 1914
AN ES8AY ON HEALTH. What Not to Do to Keep Well. Man drinks whisky, and that clogs the valves; he drinks beer, and that clogs the wheels: lie swallows lem onade, ginger-ale, butermilk, tea, cot fee and cocoa, and then wonders why the- boilers do not burn. If yon should take an ox aud put hl.ii through a like performance he would be dead in a month. The sim plest and plainest laws of health are outraged every day by tho average man. Did Adam smoke? Did Evo wear a corset? Did Solomon chew tobac co' Did iiutli chew chocolates! Did the children of Israel make for a beer garden after crossing the Red Sea? Did Itebecca chew bonbons and ice cream and call for soda-water? Adam was the ilrst man, and was made perfect from head to heel. How long could he remain so after eating plum-pudding before' going to bed? Suppose he had slept in a bedroom five by seven, with the windows closed down, the doors shut, and two dogs under the bed! Suppose Eve had been laced up in a corset, worn tight shoes a...
The Degree of Annoyance. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 24 April 1914
The Degree of Annoyance. The Kaiser, who has apparently banned the "tango," has a habit of gently tugging at his left ear when anything bothers him. One (lay, some years ago, when he was -on a visit to England, he was handed a telegram. The contents of the message apparently displeased him. for ho immediately began tug ging at Ijis ear. The Prince of Wales, then a small hoy, -watched the performance *.vlth considerable interest. "Uncle," he said at length, "why are yon pulling your ear?" "Because I'm annoyed, I uuppose," replied the Kaiser. "And when you're very annoyed," j persisted the young Prince, "what do I you do then?" j "Then T pull somebody else's!" an- j nounced His Majesty viciously. j "You're terribly severe in your re- • iigiou. Donald. I suppose you think j we're all going to perdition, and no body will be caved but you and your minister!" "I'm not so mire o% that," BXiid Don ald, thoughtfully. HYe ken. 1 whiles hae nm (loots about the minister!"
HISTORIC STAINS. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 24 April 1914
HISTORIC STAINS. Visitors to the famous castle of Wartburg, in Germany, are always very carefully shown a big black patch upon the wall. The room where this stain upon the wall is shown was occupied by Martin Luther when he was a prisoner in this castle, and here he commenced his famous trans lation of the ISible. The tradition is that Satan appeared to him in this room in order to make certain plaus ible suggestions to the great Reform er. His reply was to take up his ink stand and throw it at his visitor's head. It crashed against the wall, leaving a stain which has been rever ently preserved over since. Undoubtedly the most interesting room in Scotland is the Sleeping chamber of Mary Queen of Scots, in the Palace of Holyrood, which still stands as It was when she occupied it. The walls are hung with tapestry, and half-covered by it is a small door leading to Queen Mary's secret siair. It was by this secret stair in the year loSG that the assassins of the Queen's Italian secretary...
A SHREWD MANDARIN. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 24 April 1914
A SHREWD MANDARIN. A Governor of a Chinese province was taken very ill, and refused to ad mit any visitors iuto his house. This being told to a mandarin of his ac quaintance, the latter was very much concerned, and after many importun ities, obtained an interview with him. On his entrance, he was surprised to find no signs of sickness in his friend, ami asked what was the matter with him. The Governor at length told him that lie lmd lost the Emperor's seal out of the cabinet where it used to be kept, and that as the lock remained uninjured be was sensible that the seal was stolen. Of course, he could transact, no business, and must soon be deprived of his government, and probably also of his life. The mandarin inquired if be had any enemy in the city. The other an answered "Yes." and that that enemy was an oilicer of rank whom he had offended, and who was disposed to do him an injury. "Away, then," replied the mandar in; "let your valuable goods be se cretly removed this evening, th...
BLACKIE'S SYMPATHY. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 24 April 1914
BLACKIE'S 8YMPATHY. A delightful story la told of the grand old professor of whom Edin burgh Is so proud. Professor Blackie was lecturing to a new class with whose personnel he was very imperfectly acquainted. In answer to some direction given by the lecturer, a student rose tci read a paragraph, his book in his left hand. "Sir!" thundered Blackie, "hold ytuir bo;ik in your right hand." And as ilie student would have spoken, "N'o words, sir! Your right hand, I say!" The student iield up his right arm, ondlng piteously at the stump of its wrist. "Sir, I hao nue rlcht hand," he said, and his voice was unsteady. Before Blackie could open his lips, tiier" aroso from the class such a ter rific florin of hisses as one perhaps inusi ?o to Edinburgh to hear, and by it lils volcc was overborne as bv a wild sea. Then the professor left his place and went down to the student he had unwittingly so hurt. Ho put his arm about the lad's shoulders and drew him close, and the lad leaned up against h...
IV. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 24 April 1914
They ctlhie in together, the Arch deacon with arms outstretched (ns tliough his charity would embrace all the world, especially the feminine side of it), Hugh with n bunch of roses for her. The waiter, who had come upstairs with the message wait respectfully upon the landing with a delicacy which did him credit. 4tM.v dear child! God foless you! Surely It is not forbidden upon such an occasion—and one for the dear lad. I am happy to &lt;be the first upon this happy day—the very first, is it not, Hugh?—well,then, 1 am glad. 1 rejoice from my very heart." He meant every word of it, a kind ly soul who loved to look out upon life through rosea It' windows. Leila had always known him to be her friend, though sometimes sbe had doubted his courage. To-day, his whole-hearted approbation won upon her gratitude—and it was a real kiss that she gave him. "Ah," she said slyly, "but you did not kiss me at Newcastle, Archdea con." llo apologised for the omission handsomely. . "My dear chil...
III. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 24 April 1914
Leila's spirit had been a little dump ed when she drow the curtains of the bedroom and perceived that it was a rainy morning. Her hour of -waking had been that of a happy child, rob bed by sleep of every remembrance of sorrow, and called by the day to the joys of u house of mystery. Desdy still slept in the other room, his arm across his face and his hair tangled upon ine pillow. She. knew that the adventure of the night had tired him, and she moved as an an gel of silence about the room. Hugh had gone downstairs to talk to the parson at that time, and the waiters were laying the breal'ast.. When one of them called her "m'lndy," she start ed as though it were an Impertinence. "I beg your pardon " "Will you have breakfast now. in'lady, or wait for Sir Hugh?" She recollected herself, and an swered very quietly: "I will wait for Sir Hugh, if you please." The man withdrew to smirk upon tho landing and to kiss Anna, the chambermaid, for the relief of feel ings which embarrassed him. Leil...
II. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 24 April 1914
A telegram iI'oiu fiayswater that morning had said that .Madame Patty Shane would be at home at two o'clock. Hugh and Desdy wer© there to the minute. Tile house lay In a decent street oft Westbourne-grove, and wan the property of a Scotch woman who lei lodgings to a limited number of "select" tenants. Tills un impeachable person, spruce in a black silk dress and a >vlilt&lt;» cap, opened (he door to . uigh's knock and said that ■Madame was at home. Thev went up a narrow flight of stairs, and ivere j shown into a spacious drawing-room, furnished In the fashion of fifty years ago. Here, tile old lady promised 'to let .Madame ltnow Immediately and withdrew. She was very proud of her "baronet," and a Scotsman, too.' Desdy rather liked this room be cause of a wonderful picture of the battle of Waterloo, in which one dra goon upon a white horse cut off the head of another dragoon upon a black horse. The artist in the boy paused before a bunch of fruit in wax, and the appetite i...
CHAPTER XII. Mother and Son. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 24 April 1914
CHAPTER XII. Mother and Son. I. Desdy liked the taxi-cab very much, and lie quite thought, as it carried 'liin t down tin" Strand towardfi Clif ford's inn, that he would be a motor man rather than an engine-dnvcr. At the r.atne time he was still noxious about "Lally," and there had hardly Deen an hour since they arrived iu London when lie had not asked l'or her. "Is she iu one oi these houses'!" was Uia question to Hugh, The baronet paltea his little hand and told him that lie would see her very soon. "l'erliaps you will see someone lse, Dcsdv; I'll tell you just now. We'll buy a ship us we go back, and you can sail il on the pond 1 shall show you. Do you remember the round pond in Kensington Cut-dens?'' "The great big wide pond—an' the ducks. I remember that, Hugh. I sail ed ships there with mummy." "Then you shall sail them aguin— perhaps with her. Desdv. Now, Just be a good boy and take care of this cab while 1 am away. I sha'n't bo long, old chnp, and don't you be afraid; no one...
SING A SONG. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 24 April 1914
SING A SONQ. ■If you'll sing a song as you go along In the face of the real or the fancied -wrong In face of the doubt, If you'll fight it out, And show a heart that Is brave and stout; j If you'll laugh at the jeers and refuse the tears. You'll l'orce the ever-reluctaut cheers ! That the world denies when a coward cries, j To Rive to the man who bravely tries; And you'll win success with a little song— If you'll sing the song as you go along. If you'll sing a song as you plod along You'll flml that the busy, rushing throng \Y!H catcii the strain of the glad re frain; That the sun will follow the blinding rain. That the clouds will fly from the blackened sky. That the stars will come out by-aud bye, And you'll make new friends, till hope descends From where the placid rainbow bends. And all because of a little song— If you'll sing the eong as you plod along. If you'll sing a song as you trudge along You'll see that the singing will make you strong, And the heavy load, and the rugged...
III. [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 24 April 1914
I K was unduly when the.v en tered i hi- conservatory. and Desdy was null or frightened by (ill the ilnely drossod people having coffin) there. When h« liad been washed, and had found fault with this Stingier who knew so little how to set black off clinbby faces, lie asked if the grand folk had "done tea yet"; and when in formed that this-was dinner, the para dox kept him silent for many minutes. "Is l.ally going to have dinticr, ton?" "Cdrtainly she is. Now come nlong, ! old chap, and you shall have some | thins very Rood." ! They tat down in the restaurant, and a waiter began to serve them. DeEily was all for eating nardlnes by | folding them up by the end of the tall land swailowlnjc them piecemeal; he I seemed ns.onished when Hugh cor rect him, and sat there a little pa thetically with a fish in his hand and the blue eyes wide open. "llow do you do it, Hugh?" "With a fork—like this, Desdy." "Hut 1 shove it Into ray lap when I do that. What does the man make that row for?" "It's ...
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 29 April 1914
BOOTMAKING. Change of Business. ARTHUR DRIVER "VTOTIFIES the Public* of Yarrani and -Li Pistrict that he has taken over the Business lately carried on by Mr F. M. Petersen, and hopes to secure a 6hare of patronage. TERMS—CASH. THE BEST OF WORK GUARANTEED Dealer, YARRAR/i. cash buyerIf anything AND EVERYTHING. EXCHANGE. Platform Scales, liullock Tackling Either GllATN, CHAKI', POTA TO K-S, HIDES, SKI.VS, WOOL, UAKK, TALLOW, ic. PILES CURED WITHOUT OPERATION J U.ST Imported, direct from London, THE Dtt. VAN VLECK THREE FOLD ABSORPTION TREATMENT for Tiles, Ulcers, Fisitils, Ptoi.ijiHe, Tumors, Chronic. Constipation, am! other Recta] troubles. Tile Van VIe;-k Co. lias the largest disease praitice in tlic world. Tile Absorption Treatment Cures to Stjy Cured, because it is constitutional as well as local. If VO'J are a sufferer send for Valuable Booklet, sent under cover by W. J. SNI5LL, Jimr., Care J. Brent, Dal.vston, Agent for THE MAGIC FOOT DRAFT RHEUMATIC CURE, Is Gd per pair ; 3 pai...
A GREAT SUFFERER FROM DISEASED [Newspaper Article] — Gippsland Standard and Alberton Shire Representative — 29 April 1914
A Great Sufferer from Diseased Kidneys and Gravel quickly cured by Dr. Sheldon's Gin Pills.—"I have been a groat sufferer for many years with Bis cased Kidneys,Graveland Scalding, writes Mrs. K. O'Grady, 8 Clayton-street, Bal m-din, N.SAV. " At times t was so bad I could not do my work. The pains in my back were so severe in the morning that I was unable to get out of bed without assis tance,and when Istooped to pickanytbing up, it was with great difficulty that I could straighten myself again. I always felt languid, and very irritable. I tried many different kinds of remedies, but derived no benefit whatever. One day I was speaking to a lady friend, and she strongly advised me totryDr.Sheldon'sGin Pills. I thought they would be just the same as the other remedies, but 1 am happy to say that ihey are the best pills 1 have ever come across, for after taking the first dose I felt greatly relieved, and I continued taking them, and after a small coursc I was completely cure»2. All the p...