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A Wise Precaution. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 14 May 1914
A "Wise Precaution; Two seamen-an Irishman and a Scotsman-had been breaking leave and had beeni ordered to receive ten strokes of the "cat." They had pre viously held very good characters, and, taking this into consideration, the captain.said that if they wished to wear anything to protect their backs a little they might do so. The Scotsman replied that he would like to have a strip of canvas on. his back, and this request was granted. "What' would you like to have, Pat?" asked .the .captain, .turning to the second .seaman. "Shure, sir,".-was- the reply, "if it's all the same to you, I'd like to have the Scotsman on my back!"
Half and Half. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 14 May 1914
Half and Half. An old woman of .tremendous size hailed a tramcar, and with conisider able difficulty managed to climb up and get a seat inside. When she was comfortably settled, she looked around at a man seated beside her, and said with great vigor: "If you'd been 'arf a man, you'd 'a' 'elped me.hup!" The man gave a weary smile and replied, "If you 'ad only *been 'arf the woman you are, I might 'ave 'ad a try."
Not So Green As He Looked. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 14 May 1914
Not So. Green As He Looked. A man with a wife who has her own ways about doing things is lucky enough to catch her now and then. "My dear," he said the other morn ing as lie was-dressing, "Ithink you were right when you told me last night that there were burglars in the house." "Why?" she asked nervously. "Because all the money that I had in" my pockets when I went to bed is gone." "Well," she said, with an I-told-you so air,- "if you had been brave and got up and shot the wretch you would have had yournioney this morn ing." "Possibly, my dear, possibly,". .lhe 'aid. ','But if I had done so:T ??ould have been a widower.", She laughed softly then and gave half. of it back to him.
A 'Weekly" Story. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 14 May 1914
A 'Weekly" Story. A maiden with a lot of Mon. Was much beloved by everyone. She had a lisp, quite fetching, Tue., And crowds of "chappies" came to Woo, But only one she cared to Wed., And when he asked her to, she said: "Oh, yetth, I will right gladly, Thur." Nor did she dally or demur. "Can'st cook?" her lover asked. "Oh, my!" She answered, "I can bake and Fri." Then down her lover promptly Sat. And signed her up to run his flat. P.S.-When fifty weeks and two were .done, That halipy couple had a Sun.
A Poor Congregation. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 14 May 1914
A Poor Congregation. Mr. Robert Ford, who has just pub lishcd a delightful book entitled "This tledown," tells an aniusing story of a clergyman who stood for some timne one Monday morning watching a man tfshing for trout in a Scotch stream. "I'm a fisher, too," remarkefl the minister in the course of conversation, adding rather .unctuously: "But a usher of me.' " "Aye," was! the: dry retort of the angler, 'I had i ppep into your creel yesterday:' Yedidna' Seem to hae catched mainyi?" '
A Mark of Nationality. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 14 May 1914
A Mark of- Nationality. Sir David Gill, the' famous astrono mer, was once emphasising the extra ordinary. care and minuteness with which astronomical observations were taken. One observation, he said, was rather . similar in its extreme minuteness to attempting to see the hundredth part" of the diameter of a threepenny-bit that was a mile away. "One can see that. you're .a Scots man,"'retorted one. of his. hearers. "Nobody else would blother about the hundredth part of a threepenny-bit a mile away!"
AMUSING INCIDENTS. A Unique Subscription. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 14 May 1914
AMUSING. INCID ENTS. A Unique Subscription. Dean Hole told a- capital story, of John Bright. A witty.and persistent clergyman was urging Mr. Bright to subscribe towards rebuilding his church, and got the natural 'reply that, as a Quaker, Briglit could hardly be expected to give for the purpose. The clergyman replied .that the building must. be pulled down first, and that perhapsI.he would like to sub scribe to that part of the process. Ac cordingly, Mr. Bright subscribed £10.
Spiteful. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 14 May 1914
Spiteful. "My husband considered a 'very long time before he proposed to me. He was very careful." "Ah, it's always those careful peo ple-who get taken in!" Time was when there were no look ing-glasses. In those days men grew long beards and women wore . their hair flowing. When the looking-glass came men shaved themselves to dis cover what they- were like; :and then it was that women began to worry whether their hats were on straight. There has never been a problem that has caused such waste of time or so much distraction as this question of the straight hat. Some women like children, some like charities, and some like men. •; .
HONEYMOON TRAMPS. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 14 May 1914
HONEYMOON TRAMPS. The average bride when she changes her orange blossoms and her resplendent wedding dress for the more prosaic travelling costume, does not usually have to prepare for such a journey as that undertaken by Mr. and Mrs. Grantham, oi: Alberta. After walking 7000 miles and being held-up a dozen times, Norman Grant-. ham, of Calgary, who, with hlis bride, formerly Miss Mabel Ryan, of i\nne apo!ls, stirted last spring on a-honey moon tramp around the world; is back in Calgary for a time. Mrs. Grantham's health broke down when the trampers reached Brindisi, on the Mediterranean, forcing the temporary abtndonment of the trip. Mr. Grantham will resume the jour ney at once, as soon as his wife's health is restored. Mr. Grantham returns with a whole some respect for the ability of Eng lish pedestrians. He tried to- break the record of ten hours and two min utes from London to Dover--sixty eight miles; but the best he could. do was eleven-hours and' twenty-one min utes.
WOMAN'S WORLD. NEVER MIND. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 14 May 1914
WOMAN'S WORLD. NEVER MIND. Sometimes, when nothing goes just right, And worry reigns supreme, When heartache fills the eyes with mist, And all things useless seem, There's just one thing can drive away The tears that scald and blind Someone to slip a strong arm round And whisper, "Never mind." No one has ever told just why Those words such comfort bring; Nor why that whisper makes cur cares Depart on hurried wing. Yet troubles say a quick "Good-day!" We leave them far behind When someone slips an arm around, And whispers "Never mind." *But love must prompt that so't caress The love must aye be true; Or at that tender,. clinging touch No heartsease comes to .you. But if the man be moved by love, Sweet comfort you will find When someone slips an arm around. And whispers "Never mind."
The Etiquette Book. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 14 May 1914
The Etiquette Book. "Madam," he began, as the door opened, "I am selling a new book on 'Etiquette and Deportment.'" "Oh, you are," she responded. "Go. down there on the grass aid clean the mud off your feet!" "Yes'n. As I was saying, ma'am, I am sel-" "Take of your hat. .Never address a strange lady at her door without re moving your hat! "Yes'm. Now, then, as I was say ing- " "Take your hands out of your poc kets! No gentleman ever carries hi?s hands there." "Yes'm. Nbw; ma'am, this work on 'Eti---' " "Throw away your pipe. If a gen tleman uses tobacco he is careful not to disgust others by the habit.' "Yes'm. Now, ma'am, in calling your attention to this valuable- " "Wait! Put that dirty handkerchief out of sight, and use less grease on your hair in the future. Now you look a bit decent. You have a book. on' 'Etiquette and Deportment.' Very well. I, don't want it. I am only the servant-girl. Go up the steps to the front door, and talk With the lady of the house. She called me a do...
PERMIT TO REMARRY. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 14 May 1914
PERMIT TO REMARRY. Because he has lived "a uniformly good life" for at least five years, Mr. Charles R. Pelgram, a millionaire silk manufacturer of Paterson, a town six teen miles from New York, is to be allowed to remarry. A divorce decree granted against him in 1893 contained a ban on his remarriage. Mr. Pelgram has success fully applied to have it lifted, under the provisions of th. new Domestic Relations law, which insists that a divorced husband must live a good life for five years before remarrying. . Three well-known business men sword" that AIr. Pelgram had fulfilled the conditions of the law, and the mil lionaire himself said that he had been following simple life rules for twenty years. He was married at nineteen.
GOULBURN VALLEY DISTRICT FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 14 May 1914
GOULBURN VALLEY DISTRIOT FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION. The following is the draw for the first round of matches in connection with the competition for the premiership of the G.V.D.F.A : IMAY 20 Shepparton v Mooroopoa Rochester v Tatura Echuca v Iiyabram MAY 27 Tatura v Shepparton Rochester v Eohuca Kyabram v Mooroopna Juss S Shepparton v Rochester Mooroopon v Echuca Tatura v Kyabrem JUNE 10 Kyabram v Shepparcon Rochester v Mooroopna Echuca v Tatura JUNE 17 Shepparton v Echuca Mooroopna v Tatura Kyabram v Rochester Matohos played on grounpIs of first named clubs.
LAND CLEARING WITH EXPLOSIVES. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 14 May 1914
LAND CLEARING WITH EXPLOSIVES. A very successful demonstration of land clearing with explosives was conducted by a representative of Dalgety and Co., on Mr A. T. Tottenham's property, Morrigum, on Wednesday afternoon Abou fifty land-owners gathered to witness operations. In all, twelve stumps and a large green box tree were successfully grubbed. A two-inch anuger was used to bore holes in the stumps, care being taken to place the whole well under the tap root. Into this hole a few s'icks of Nobel's gelig nite were pushed. In the last stick a detonator with a fuse attached was inserted. The hole was then filled up tightly with clay. The fuse was lit, and the speotators retired out of the danger zone. In less than a minute the explosion took place, uprooting the stump and blowing it into the air, all roots being shattered and completely run. Larger stumps, under which two or three holes were bored, were next treated. The charges of gelignite in these were simultaneously exploded by el...
PUBLIC MEETING—AND THE MILITARY. HANDING OVER THE CADETS. PROPOSED DEMONSTRATION AT THE SHOW GROUNDS. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 14 May 1914
PUBLIC MEETING-AND THE MILITARY. '---4-- HANDING OVER THE CADETS. PROPOSED DEMONSTRATION AT THE SHOW GROUNDS. A meeting for the purpose of handing over the senior cadets to the Citizen Forces and to arrange for the holding of sports was held at the Shire Hall on Monday even ing, Captain R H Weddell, area officer, being voted to the chair. The chairman having briefly referred to the objects of the gathering, stated that various heads of the horse and foot forces had suggested that a compulsory parade be held some time in August. From a Light Horse view, it was thought that the Show grounds would be best for that pur pose. He himself considered that there should be sports for each branch of the service individually, with others in which all could join. He was very favorably im pressed with the idea of forming a citizens' committee, so that the movement would be more compre hensive; and by that means the active interest of the citizens would be secured. Sergeant-Major Hudson apolo gise...
A NARROW ESCAPE. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 14 May 1914
A NAaaow EscAPr.-Mr Frederiok Swan, of Pioola, while engaged carting water from the Tungamah ehire pump on the Broken Creek, had filled a 200 gallon tank and was etanding in the front part of theoart when the shafts broke. -'he, tank falling forward, pinioned Swan by one foot, and gave it a nasty squeeze.. Hee Was assisted out of hie awkward poesition by B Crawford, no, who eut tho woadwork away.
GREATER THAN GOLD Published by arrangement with Ward, Lock and Co., London & Melbourne. All Rights Reserved. CHAPTER X. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 14 May 1914
GREATER THAN GOLD By L. T. MEADE, Author of "The Soul of Margaret Rand," etc. Published by arrangement with Ward, Lock and Co., London & Melbourne. All Rights Reserved. CHAPTER X. Those of us who have not been pre sented at Court know all about it, in a few cases, from our friends, but for the most part from newspapers and weekly periodicals. Sheila Danver's debut differed from that of other girls in two respects. In the first place, the extreme simplicity of her dress-which, notwithstanding the Court train and feathers, was made precisely after the Duchess of Tewkesbury's direction-was remark able, and, in the second, she wore the most magnificent. pearls of any debu. tante and looked, neverthelss, almost like a child. The whole affair went off with the usual eclat, or perhaps one may say, want of eclat. The Duchess of Tewkesbury, who was a particular friend of Her Majesty's, surveyed Sheila as she entered her presence, and, without a moment's hesitation, removed -the brooc...
SETTLERS FROM AMERICA. THE RESULT DISAPPOINTING. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 14 May 1914
SETTLERS FROM AMERICA. THE RESULT DISAPPOINTING. An interesting return, dealing with the mission of Mr F T A Fricke to secure American settlers and agricultural laborers for Vic toria, has been furnished by the immigration authorities. It is ad mitted that the results have been somewhat disappointing, but the immigration authorities still retain hopes that the mission will ulti mately prove successful. In 1912 there came to Victoria IO farm settlers (35 persons), and 34 farm workers (49 persons), with a total capital of £11,449. In 1913, 45 farm settlers (101 persons), and 125 farm workers (160 persons) ; capital, £81,149, In 1914, there were 26( farm settlers (32 persons) ; 28 farm workers (31 persons), and 4 nominated ; capital, £23,847. Mr Hagelthorn, the Minister in charge of immigration, says that though it must readily be admitted that the Ministry is disappointed" with the results achieved so far, operations will be continued as formerly. He adds: "In view of the fact. that t...
A WONDERFUL OFFER. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 18 May 1914
A WONDERFUL OFFER. DY PASTOLI R,'ESELL Tcxt: "V\ lo-od cr will. let him tlae tie wat.er of life itcey'" tre\-. xxii. 17). The text. with its context. giver ujs a picture, not of -ire'ent experiences. but of the Mes rianic kingdom, very similar to thle one givcn by Ezekiel seven hundred yeara Ezeki=i's picture identifies Jerualeam and the Temle of Goid t.ith the startinr point for tile Itiver of. tle Water of Life. The description iictures a -hrat spiritual truth, and is in full harmoni initl the picture of iRevelation. It -epreients beautifully and foreeiuily the bleskings 6f releshnmcnt and restitution wh-icli will issue forth from the New Jeru c-alem. the Kin-dom. o6 lMseiali, \-lhen it shall be established imonist men. Gradu nl!y the mighty inllierces f. the reisn or Messialh wtrill xtend blessings to all man kind. even to the saibmerged clasa. slteeped in ignoranlc'. altleratijon and degradation fitly reirc-:ented by the Desid Sea. lev\:ela;tion vitures thli river ai flowing fro...
VIOLET TOWN SHIRE COUNCIL. CORRESPONDENCE. [Newspaper Article] — Shepparton Advertiser — 18 May 1914
VIOLET TOWN SHIRE COUNCIL. CORRESPONDENCE. Education Department, stating that a programme ha'1 been arranged for Empire day at the school in the morning, and that the children would be free in the afternoon to take part in any cele brations arranged locally, under the direction of the teachers, and stating that the Minister for Public Instruction invited the co-opera tion of the Municipal authorities and the school committees- in arranging for local celebrations. Co-operation granted; left to mem bers to attend celebrations in their own districts. Country Fire Brigades Board notifying that the probable expen diture in the North Eastern Fire District for the Sear ending December, 1914, was estimated at £220, and that the amount by con tribution payable by the Violet Town Municipality had been de termined at £9 12s 5d, which was the pro rata proportion calcu!ated upon the annual value of the rate able property. From G Neil, secretary race club. asking that Wednesday, 3rd June, be -pro...