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TRICKS OF THE TRADE. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
TRICKS OF THE TRADE. His name was Augustus A thro bald Robinson, but in the business houso where he had lately secured a position as office-boy everybody called liim Jim, on tlio ground that his namo was too long for business purposes. , He was very keen on retaining bis position, so when a caller came in ono day and made u violent complaint about a letter that had not been posted to him, Jim listened in terror. "Where's that boy?" criod his em ployer, in a fury. "Here, you imp, tako your coat and hat and got out I I'm ashamed of you. Go to the caslv I ier and got your salary, and don't let mo see you here again, you wretolied little bungler I" Jim, terrified, and almost crying, left the office, and lurried away. The next morning his employer called at his home, and the youth came to the door. "You young donkey!" exclaimed the visitor. "Do you really suppose I sacked you yesterday? Of course not! Come on back to tho office, and evory time a caller makes a complaint and I sack you, g...
RANDOM READINGS. SPEED OF ANIMALS. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
RANDOM READINGS. Sl'KKIJ OK ANIMAI.S. It is !>olio\ cd that no animal has ovor exceeded tho speed which can bo uttainod hy a horse. fnslatilanooufl photographs of ono famous speciinon showed tho full length of a comploto stride to ho about twenty-six fool. 'l'Jio 1 haro has not in reality tho speed of ; a do«j. The do^, on tho other hand, does not attain tho speed of a horso. Tho giraffe is said to run at. tho rato of fifteen yards per second undor tho most favorablo conditions. Tho eleph ant, going at the rato of two yards a second, carries a waigjht approxi mating to that carried by six Jiorsos.
A DRAMATIC ORDEAL. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
A DRAMATIC Oil DEAL. A debut in tbo French provinces is by no inoans an easy ordeal to pass through. An actor has a right to chooso tliroo different parts which must. l>o played in «'t month. Tho first and soeond dobut havo no significance; ho may bo received coldly, critically, or enthusiastically—it ban no meaning; tho third one decides his fato. On that occasion, after tho play, tho manager, very solemn in his dress-suit, appears be-foro tho audionco and says: "Monsieur or iWadomoisello So-and so has made his or hor debut; tho management wishes to know tho ver dict of tho public.t} Tlien ho producos a: placard on which is printed in largo lottors tho word "Accepted." If tho actor pleases, tho audionco applauso; if not, it hLssos until tho managor producos another placard with tho word "Refused." Thon it applauds, without regard for tho feelings of tho poor artist who bus been waiting in tho wings for tho ver dict of tbo public.
NOT EVEN SKIN DEEP. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
NOT EVEN SKIN DEEP. Things had altered since Clara and Clarence had been made one. When they were engaged ho had been furi ous if anyone had gazed at her; now he was enraged because nobody did. "Not a soul ever looks at you twice!" he grumbled. "I can't think why I married such a fright I" "Why should anybody look ,at me when they see you with me?" asked Clara. "Unless they look in pity 1 You keep a few yards behind next time we are out, and see what hap pons then 1" So Saturday afternoon saw Clara walking proudly down the High Street, while Clarence tagged along behind. With mixed feelings he no ticed how everyone looked at his wife, some oven turning round to stare after her. Eventually, pride overcame every thing else, and Clarence hurried to his wife's side. "Darling, I take back all T said. You were right, and I was wrong. I In his excitcmcnt he failed to notice Clara removing a large, false nose 1
SAVING THE SITUATION. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
SAVING THE SITUATION. It is, say the philosophers, .during: the second year of married life, when the glamour of newness is wearing: off, that danger arises. The man then begins to settle down; but the woman is by nature retrospective. Much tact, therefore, is needed to harmonise the present with the past. Fortunately, little Jenkins was emi nently tactful. "Jack," said his wife to him one day, "I don't believe you love me any more—at any rate, nothing like so much as once you did." "Nonsense, dear!" replied the hus band, in a caressing, soothing' voice. "But why?" "Oh, I don't know." A pause. "Lots of little ways." Another pause. "Why do you always let me get up and light the fire now?" , "Because, darling, being- able to come down to a nice warm room makes me love vou more."
FAT FOLK WOULD BE HEALTHIER LESS CLOTHED. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
FAT FOLK WOULD BE HEALTHIER LESS CLOTHED. Fat people ought to wear as little clothing as possible. In fact, tho.y ought, to wear no clothes fur as much of tiioir fctmo as conditions will allow. This is tho bold statement of an original Gorman physician who has boon making a spocial study of udipo sity and its run'.. Ho dwells upon tho fact that fat is in itself a disoawu when j it becomes adiposity. Every person should bo plump—i.e., havo fab in cer tain parts of tho body, and a layer of fat of 110 great thickness .should under lio tho skin for its protection. 13 ut tho taking on of too much fat is an evidence of faulty assimilation of food. Too much is bouig made into fat and too little into tho harder tissue of tho muscles. It is for this reason that many specialists insist upon their stout pafcionts taking all tho exorcise thoy will, for exercising servos tho ; doubio purpose or correcting tho uial assimilatiori of food, ar.d burning up of , tho fat already accumulated by tho act...
CLEVELAND'S INDEPENDENCE. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
CLEVELAND'S INDEPENDENCE. Grovor Cleveland lias boon charac terised by a friond as "tho most honest man I ever know." He said, beforo tho nomination, for liis second term, that ho "would liavo tho presidency cloan or not at all." As illustrating tho indopendenco and dignity of tho states man's conduct, a writer of personal re miniscences of tho ox-President men tions this significant occurrence:— Onco, during tho out-of-oflico period, by request and ivith his consent, I introduced to him, at his country house, two acquaintances of mine. One of thom, tho editor of an influential re ligious and political paper,'had a pri vate conversation with -liira. When ho cama out, I asked tho editor how lvo got along with tho ox-president. "Splendidly," he said. "Ho is tho greatest man I over mot—and ho wouldn't promise to do a thing X want ed." Mr. Cleveland had told mo before tho interview that ho would be very glad to see tho gontloman; he did not know—nor- did I—what they might wish from him,...
COSTLY DOLLS' HOUSES. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
COSTLY DOLLS' HOUSES. Tko gift of a miniature railway, cost . ing £10,000, made by an American, mil lionaire to his soli, was recently re ported in the newspapers. Two hundred pounds seems a good doal to pay for a doll, yot this sum has been paid by a city magnate for a doll to present to his Httle daughter. Tho doll in question had a complete trousseau, containing dozens of minia turo fashionable costumes comploto in overy detail, and was a marvel of workmanship. Dolls' houses are also very oxpon sivo when furnished as millionaires like tlvom to bo. A dolls* house fitted' with olectric light, real stoves, hot-water apparatus, taps, baths,* carpets, and miniaturo reproductions of famous pic tures was onco purchased by a Chicago man at a cost of £350. Tho dolls' houso also contained a tiny electric lift, min iaturo electric bells, and overy con venience of tho up-to-dato Hat. Royalty are not so fond of expensive toys as ono would imagino Our present ICing favoured tin trumpets and in...
WISE AND OTHERWISE. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
WISE AND OTHERWISE. Onp thing oven n, minor will cheer fully givo- -advice. ^ ^ '('ho Small Hoy : 'Art a pound o' yol lor soap, ploiwe, and muvvor sirys wilt y&lt;m plouso wrap it- up >» » Kood lovo story, * » » * « Artist-: My object was to try to express nil tho horrors of war. Mow do you like it? Friend: I have never seen anything moro horrible. • » • » » • Storokoopor: I want a hoy to ho partly indoors anil partly outdoors. Hoy: What becomes of mo when the door slams? • « a » Slio: A person is an idiot to bother n lot ipbout his doscent. Don't you think so? Ho: Yos, unless ho hap pens to 1)0 an aviator up in the air. * # * * " Son: Pa. what's a false appetite? Father: Tlio longing for food that sud denly vanishes when a hungry man sits down to his wife's cooking. » « « • » Williams: This is a queor world. Walker: Right you aro; a man's shoos will often got untied, but nover ju&t as ho is ready to tako them off. * # &lt; *■ » > Yes, I proposod, but s...
THE NINE OF DIAMONDS. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
THE NINE OF DIAMONDS. Tlio origin of tho nino of diamonds being called "tho ciiiko of Scotland" i« not generally known. It aroso fi'oin tlio following circumstances: — T; night bofovo tl.o Battlo of Cullodon, tlio Duko of Cumberland thought propor to givo orders to General Campbell not to givo quarter, and this ordor, being dis patched in much liasto, was written on a card. Thi's card happened to bo tho nino of diamonds, frorii wliicli eireum stanco it got the appollation of "tho curso of Scotland.'.'
ALWAYS A WINNER. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
ALWAYS A WINNER. He was a well-known ■ actor-man ager, but he had' had a bad season, and was endeavouring to recoup his losses by betting: 011 horses. "The glorious uncertainty" of the turf, how ever, proved to much for him, and he resolved to give it up. "Well, my boy," said a friend of his whom he had not seen for some time, "I hear you're backing your fancy now. What's your pet tip for to-day?" . ■ v. 1 "My friend,' said .the actor-man ng*cr, "I'm going" to back a horse to day on which I can't lose.". "Whats that?"' said his friend. " You might give an old pal the tin." "It's called Conimonsense, bred by Experience and Know Better, and'the jocky's name is Let It Alone," was the reply.
NOT WANTED. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
NOT WANTED. The following' story is actually true. A young1 Icelander, going across the desert from Reykjavik, met a man riding a pony. Such meetings are very rare in those parts, ana, like ships at sea, the two hailed and spoke. And this was the manner and sub- j stance of their conversation:— "What is you name?" "Stefan." "Whose son?" "Thorstein's son." "Where, are you going?" "To prison for stealing a sheep." "No one taking you?" "No; the sheriff was busy, so he gave me my papers"—the warrant for the arrest—"and sent me off to pri son myself." The young men exchanged snuff and a kiss, and then parted. A week later, the young Icelander was returning to Reykjavik, and near the same spot he met the same man. "What!" he cried, "Stefan Thors tein? Why, you said you were going to prison." "So I was, and I went. But they would not let me in." "Why not " '"Because I had lost my papers, and the sheriff said he would not take me in without my warrant." "So they won't have you in pri son ?"...
A CLEVER BOY. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
A CLEVER BOY. A little boy named Arthur used to go with Jiis father evory day to a placo where a band practised music, though ho ivns only sovon. Now, Arthur was so clovor and luvod music so much that boforo ho ivas nino years old ho could play many of tlio instruments which tlio grown-up hands Iiiou played. ! Arthur could sing too, and ono day i lio nang a song called "With Vorduro Clad" so sweetly that a gentloman I 6«t him a placo in tho choir at tlio Chapel JtoyaJ, which is tlio church that Queen Victoria went to when sho stay ed iu London, Arthur was threo years in tho choir, ami often whoa the other choir hoys were playing irt games ho would spend tho time writing littlo pieces of music of his own. One of these pieces of music was called an anthem, because it could ho played on tho organ in church, and it was so very good, though such a little boy had dono it all by himsolf. lliirt it was sung b" tho choir iu tho Chapel Koyal. When tho chief man of tho Chapol ftoyal got to kno...
PREHISTORIC ARTISTS. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
PREHI8T0RIC ARTISTS. Among tho remains of a prehistoric) man, found in koido lSuropean cavon, thoro aro pictures* which mako it. cur tain that tho mon of tho stono ago could paint and draw tw well an tho average man of to-day. A Spanish nobleman, Marcollino do Sautuola, wan industriously drying in ii cavo oil his estate in soaroh of pro historic stono implements and bonos, whilo tho little daughtor, who accom panied him, oocupiod horooll' in play. She happonod to look up at tlio vaulted coiling ovorhoad, and bogati to shout "Torosl Torofll" in such exui to rn out that her father paused to in vostigato. Immediately ho forgot his oblo prehistoric paintings. Tho paintings woro of tho now ox tinct bison, which tho little girl mis took for bulls, or "toros." Tho colors woro rod, black and groy. Tho tech nique of tho drawingH and tho propor tions of tho figures woro really good, and tho positions wcro vory lifoliko. In tho oavorn of Font do Gaumo, Franco, paintings of mammoths, bison, and...
CAMES AND THEIR ORIGIN. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
CAMES AND THEIR ORICIN. Tenuis ia undoubtedly tho oldest of all existing ball games. Its origin is buried iu antiquity, but it was played largely in Europo during tho Middle Ages in tlio parks ajid ditclios of feu dal castles. Tho Freiich loarnt the j gamo from tho Italians, tlio British from tho Fronch. Golf is popularly said to bo a Scot tish gamo, but thoro is good roason to suppose that, in tho first instance, it camo from Holland. Crickot, however, is ossontially all British. Tho first men tion of tho game is found in. a thir teenth contury manuscript, and it de rives its name from the Saxon word "eric," or "cryc," moaning "a staff " Billiards is beliovod to have been brought from tho East by tho Cru saders; though some peoplo say that , tho French devolopod it from an an ciont German game. Ohoss, howovor, which is the most intellectual of all games, is also tho most ancient.
WHAT WAS, ISN'T IT? [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
WHAT WAS, ISN'T IT? "Right away I" shouted the guard. "Next stop, Mumpton I" After the train had been moving for some time one of the passengers lent across and addressed the man sitting opposite: "Excuse me, sir, but what did the guard say was the next stop?" "You mean is the next stop, don't you? It's still tliere, I suppose I" "No, surely it's what was, isn't it? Is may be was, but it need not neces sarily be is!" "My dear sir, you're making your self ridiculous 1 Was is was and is is is. It it was was, then it isn't is I Of coursc, if you choose to say is is was, then " "But I don't I What I say is " "Listen a moment, sir, please 1 Tell me, is is is or is was was? Or is is was or is was is? If was is was and is is is, then it is is and not was, be cause was can't be is. And further, if is is was, then " "Oh, I don't care anyway! That's my station we've just gone through I"
EQUAL TO THE OCCASION. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
EQUAL TO THE OCCASION. William, tho conqueror of hearts in numerable, placidly stroked his yollow moustache, and paid rapt attention to his cuffs, causing them to bocomo Iosb visible. This—tho coy young thing sit ting on tho sofa—was a now "bird," ho mused, and ho must do tho thing woll. Ho braced his shoulders, took a deep broath, and thon bending over tho fair piquant faco, lot fly: "Darling, if I woro to ask you in French' if X might kiss you, what would your answer bo?" She, summoning hastily hor scanty knowledgo of tho lingo of tho country wlioro chic hot ideas gorminate, smil ed, and holding up hor lips to him, said, sweotly: "Uillet douxl"
STREET NAMES IN MEXICO. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
STREET NAMES IN MEXICO. I Tho Mexicans lmvo a turn for the picturosquo which displays itsolf iu tho street names of tho capital. Thoro is "Lovo of God Street," "Tho Holy Giiost Slroot," "Sad Indian Street," "Street of tho Wood Owls," "Lost Child Street," and a cautionary "Pass If You Can Streot." Shop names, too, in Mexico, are out of the common, A dni£ .store calls itself "Gate of Heav en" (surely ambiguous!), and a drink ing saloon describes itself iraukly as "Tho Halt of tho Devil"!
MORE ACCURATE. [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
MORE ACCURATE. Tlio heiress was about to marry a penniless peer. To him she said: "My dear, I'm rather a new wo man, you know; so do you mind ask ing tho bishop to omit tho word 'obey' in our wedding coreniony ?" Lord Ijacliuid stroked his moustaeho, smiled cynically, and answered: "No, I don't mind, my love. I'll just toll tho old boy. to mako it 'lovo hon our, und supply.' "
NEW,ODD, INTERESTING [Newspaper Article] — Stawell News and Pleasant Creek Chronicle — 7 March 1914
NEW,ODD, INTERESTING Ilk'o paper is never mado of rico. Tim population of tho world is noitrly l.fidu millionti. Apricots arc vory plontiful an&lt;l in Ijroat variety in China. TJioro uro 13,0D0 different kinds of postage stamps in tho world. Tho term "hand," usod in measur ing horses, means four inches. In l'orsia, cutting tho liair ifl a Bign of mourning. I'ooplo with woak hearta should novor tako hot baths. Storm warnings wero first used in Holland in 1860. As tasters, tho soct of Jains, in In dia, irro far ahead of alt rivals. No ono can broafcho at a greater height than sovon miloa from tho oarth. Tho Indian rhinoceros has tho thick oat skin of any quadruped, Salmon can travel in tho wntor at the , rato of twonty-fivs miles an hour. 1 i Soroo Chicago burglars havo monkeys i trained to ontor bedroomB and stoal jowollory. ' In China, when a pupil is reciting his losson, ho turns his hack to his teachor. Vogotariana claim that hair grows loss luxuriantly on tho heads of mo...