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A Queer Story. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
A queer Story.. " About twenty-five years ago a lone farm house in Essex was broken into one night by four burglars'withblack.ned or masked faees and their shoes: undertwisted with hay. Unluckily for them, in breaking through the scullery they upset aplate-rack. The clatter awoke old Farmer Parry, then about seventy years of age., He seized his double-barrelled gun, faced the intruders at the top of the broad staircase, fired, and shot the foremost in the heart, stone dead in a moment. On the other three- drawing back, he called out, 'Come on, my lads; I've got another barrel for ye.' But they made a precipitate re treat, leaving the dead body of their comrade on the kitchen table. Two days afterwards Dr. Paget got a note in the evening from 'the old man's son-in-lair, in these words : ' Dear Sir,-Mr. Parry says that if you'd like to have the man 'he shot on Tuesday night, you are quite welcome to him, and he'll send him to-morrowin a horse and cart wherever you wish.' Professor Cla...
A Well-Trained Horse. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
A Well-Trained Horse. Horses can bet aught to do almost any thing, and there are instances on record where they have been trained to assist in highway rob bery. In the ýyear 1750 a Scottish lawyer made a trip to London. The lawyer, when about.to return, .vent to. Smithfield, then a amoiushoreiiiarket, arid piiichased a hand ome auimal at so low a price that' he im; imediately euepyeted th-lit there was some defect or blemish. But when the horse was put to his paces:he behaved so well that the lawyer congratulated himself on having ob tained so good a beast at so low a figure. When he reached Finley Common, then a noted spot for highwaymen, he met in a hollow which lay between two slight assents a clerical-looking gentlemian driving to town i in a one-horse chaise. The road was soli-. tary, not a creature in sight, when the lawyer's horse astonished his rider by making i a sudden manouvre by which he brought his hindquarters close to the chaise and so stopped it, proving at once that...
A Snake Yarn. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
A Snake Yarn. An old farmer, Whose wrinkled face and white hair were evidence that he had passed a goodmanynile-p6sts on the journsy to the grave, drove ;gp to a groceryi m urtrf tireet, Ballarat, and- after:tying up his nags went in. S6me boys climbed up on his load after he was out of sight, and at the back end of the waggon 'discovered a dead snake about 7 feet long. It was flung to the ground and carried off to frighten small boys and girls. "Purty chilly," said the farmer as he entered the'grocery. "Yes. What you got this morning?" " Oh; butter'n and eggs and a few ta'ters. I say, I killed the biggest snake back there near Haddon you ever saw." "Pahaw 1" "Well I did I He was curled up beside a log, asleep, and I laid him out with an axe handle. He's ten feet long if he's an inch." "Come, come ! It's getting too late in the year for snake stories. How much butter have you got ?" " Didn't I kill no snake?" " Of course not." "I didn't, eh? Well, I did, and, what's more, I brought ...
Two Tiger Stories. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
*Two Tiger Stories. Comedy and tragedy go hand in hand in Bindoo tiger hunts. An an?rusing example of the former is given by a traveller A tiger had been wounded; but, although one of its bind-legs was broken; it made its way intoa 'jatch of high grass, and hlid there. .Guided: by the. Bheels; the elephant entered the grass patch for the purpose of driving out 'the tiger. The cunning animal allowed the party to pass, and then sprang at one of the Bheels, "a little, hairy, bandy.legged man, more like a satyr than a human being." The Bheel dashed to the nearest tree, and, owing to the broken leg of the tiger, was. able to climb out of reach. Finding himself safe, the Bheel "commenced a philipic against the father, mother, sisters, aunts, nieces, and children of his helpless enemy, wi, sat with glaring eyeballs fixed on his contemptible little enemy, and roaring as if his heart would break with rage." "As the excited warrior warmed by his own eloquence he began skipping from branch to ...
Smarty and the Auctioneer. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
Smarty and the Auctioneer. And it came to priss after the going down of .the sun that young Smarty was passing the auction room where a crtain man cried out in a loud voice, " Two am I offered; do I hear two and a half ? " " Aba I " cried young Smarty, turning to the companions who attended him, "behold I the auctioneer. Let us enter in, and mark how I will paralyse him." So entered they-in. And still the voice of the auctioneer was lifted up " And a haf'n a: half'n :a haf'i a. ha'f. Anybody say three-quarters ? " Three-quarters said they not. " Prythee, sir," said young Smarty," will you allow me to makfe a bid ?" For Smarty, the juvenile, had read in the chronicles how a man had once propounded that query to an auctioneer who stood in' the market-place, and on his replying, " Yes, verily," he said, "Then 1 bid you good night." As the ox goeth to the slaughter, so marched Smarty to the very front of the auctioneer. " Will you allow me to make a bid ? " Up spake the auctionrer, who ...
The Great Artist. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
The Great Artist. It is not the painter who enjoys the adora tion of his fellow beings. Michael Angelo never enjoyed that homage which has been given to other picture makers. "Who then is the man to whom the most profound res-, pect is due?"' some incredulous person may ask. Howe easy it is to answer such a ques tion. The country photographer, of course -not the man who settles in a small town, but the nomadic phenomenon of art, the photographer who travels with a tent and a coffee pot which bears evidences of much experience. In'his sphere the tent photo grapher is a duke, a social czar. He attains the medium size and his hair shows a slight disposition to ourl. He wears tight boots and high heels, and, as a rule, his father has been a preacher, and a man of strong theo longical parts. He pitches his tent near some spot where people are known to congregate, a place within easy reach of the cross-roads store and the neighboring church. He scat teis a large number of handbills, setti...
For the Ladies [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
A lecture "for womenonly " was given some short time ago in Westminster Hall, by Vis countess Haberton, the chosen topic being "RationalDress." Mrs. Oscar Wilde presided. "Tailor-made dresses" were, termed mere " cruel,. crushing machines." "Love of self tormenting and a desire to accumulate mud must," she declared, " be inherent in the minds of women who could wear the long, cumber some skirts imposed by modern fashion." She told her audience "that the claim set up by the sex to obtain social and civil rights whilst they remained the object slaves of convention in matters concerning their own dress and com fort, was an absurdity." A dress was then shown worn" by Mrs. T. Taylor; it was of prune de monsieur, made with a velvet yoke bodice, into which were set frillings of satin ending in a belt at the waist. The skirt had no apparent division, but simply displayed a series of box-pleatings taken from the waist to terminate at the ankles. Over the front was a short, folded drapery, wh...
A WORD FOR HIRED MEN. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
A WORD FOR HIRED MEN. Hired men are no. all rascals. S6me of them could give their masters lessons in cleanliness, politeness and respectability. We know men who have worked for wages on the farm who would not disgrace any so ciety to be found in this country. If a man is clean, well behaved and modest; if he does his work well and minds his own busi ness, he will not injury any farmer's family by entering it. Their are hired men who disgrace their calling. Foul of tongue, loose in morals, lazy and deceitful, they should, not be allowted nearer to the family than the barn. But there are good and faithful men and boys working on the farm who. are worthy of recognition and help. Wejput in a plea foi them. Much of their future value as citizens will depend upon the treatment they receive from those they work for.
On a Tram Car. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
On a Tram Oar. h Observing little girl-'" Mamma, who is that young man on the. other side of the car ?" Mamma-" "I don't know, dear; why ?" Observing little girl-' "He looks so queer ; he has three eyebrows." Mammia-i " How do you make that out ?' ' Observing little girl-"- He has one over each,eye and one over his mouth." The young.man had important business to transact in the first barber's shop ), be seen, and .the passengers all wondered why he got on just to ride one block,.
Agricultural, &q BRIEF NOTES. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
BRIEF NOTES. Apple trees in Michigan (U.S.) have been sprayed with Paris green and London purple during the past season, and the apples were ntuarly free of the codlin moth, and more perfect thanh for years. A heaping teaspoon ful of Paris green to two gallons of water is the right quantity. There is now in progress in London a celebration of the three hundredth year of the discovery of the potato'plant. Colonel C. E. Calkins says: "It is an event as worthy of celebration as any in the history of the human race, next to the advent of Christianity and the discovery of America." When the flesh on a leg of mutton shrinks •back in" cooking, leaving the end of the bone stick out an inch or so, it is a sure sign that the animal was not properly fed. The only good meat of any kind is that which is made from good feed and plenty of it. Shrinking meat .is full of wat-er. Good\ meat is juicy, and bears well against heat. Flabby, watery meat always shrinks. : The special good points in duck cu...
A Civil Service Magnate. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
A Civil Service Magnate. The ticket clerk at a suburban station was studying his chain through a small hand mirror, when a traveller said : "One moment, sir, please." The clerk continued his investigation in tently. "One moment; sir, if you peiease," repeated the guest. And still the clerk's absorbing occupation went oh. Finally he turned slowly and said : "' Well, sir, what do you want ?" "I want to buy the universe," said -the traveller, ' if you don't ask too much money for it,"
A Brief Sketch of Pompeii. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
A Brief Sketch of Pompeii. Pompeii was founded by Pompey II., hence its name. It was built at the foot of Mount Vesuvius to catch the tourist traffic in'lemon ade, treacle taffy, brandy snaps, and other articles necessary for those who came to Mount Vesuvius. One day, when this frolicsome mountain was in a state of violent, eruption, like a boy taken down with the measles, it became sick at the stomach and threw up such a quantity of ashes that Pompeii with all its pomp was buried quite out.of- sight.: A Local iOption candidate:in'a seaport distri?tdcoild niot blie more completely smothered. Never was there such a tumble in ashes as was observed thatday. They were absolutely a drug in the market. Folks wouldn't cart them away as a gift: And still ashes continued to fall. Every body was panic-stricken. They began to wail and put on sackcloth, but the disparity between the limited amount of sackcloth and the illimitable quantity of ashes was ludicrous in the extreme. People demanded w...
Suggested Advertisement for an Umbrella Manufacturer. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
Suggested Advertisement for an Umbrella Manufacturer. There are no species of property that in duces laxer notions of morality than an umbrella. A man may be temptation proof in all other respects. He may scorn to look upon the wine when it is red. He may enter his invoices at their' full value in the Custom House. - He ý-may "even iay- hie hat&lt;: bills =with regularity'and promptitude. But the man who will- return -an umbrella has not yet come to the surface: of the'seething nineteenth century. I regret this in the interests:of -morality, although from a purely personal standpoint I am a gainer. Because the citizen who has once tasted the delights of an umbrella will, never do without one, but will goon purchasing to the end. It is therefore from entirely disinterested motives that I hasten to put a good all-silk umbrella (cost seven and six) within the reach of even the wealthiest. The price is low, but if it be the means of developing the moral backbone of the com munit...
Without the Option of a Fine. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
Without the Option of a Fine. Therewas once a man who was a magis t rrate in New South Wales. It was his mis fortune, not his. fault. He was born like that. This man loathed politics with an un speakable loathing.. He stamped if you spoke to him of Sir Henry Parkes, he raged if you mentioned Gillies, and he foamed at the mouth when reference was made to William Dalley, P.C. -He hated them all, but was strictly im partial, as a magistrate should be. He didn't hate one more than the other. Then the time came when an election fever raged in the land, and everybody caught it and was very ill. And with one accord they told their' symptons to the mag istrate, who raged, and roared, and stamped, and swore (fining himself five shillings for doing so), and foamed at the mouth worse bhan ever. And the epidemic was like a blight upon .he country. So when the magistrate sat upon the bench, a stalwart householder was brought before him charged with assault and battery, and he .who- was assaulted...
Family Notices [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
DEATH. IRWIN—On the 5th April, at Drysdale, Jane, the dearly beloved wife of John Irwin, Drysdale, aged 30 years. Fell asleep in Jesus. &nbsp; She has gone to her Jesus whom she &nbsp; &nbsp; loved here below, In whose blood she was washed and &nbsp; &nbsp; made whiter than snow. She reigns with Him now, in Heaven above, In that home where all is purity and love.
AFTER SIXTEEN YEARS. "95, Newgate Street, Workshop, Notts, December 26th, 1883. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 23 April 1887
AFTER SIXTEEN YEARS. .. 95, Newgate Street, Workshop, Notts, December 2(th, 1833. '`Gentlemen--It is wi th tlm greatest of pleasure I accord my testimony as to the afficiency of Mother Seigel's Syrup. My wife, vwho has suffered from acute Dvspepsia for over sixtocn years, is now: perfectly better through the sole.help of your Syrup. I have spent pounds in medicine. from doctors-in fact, Ibeogin to think she was incurable, until your marvellous medicine wa? tried.-I remain yours, tlhankfuly, 'fzied Ford."
THE SOLEMN HALF-HOUR. THE DAMPER. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 23 April 1887
THE SOLEMN HALF-HOUR. BY SILAs SNELL. THE DAMPER. The damper is not, as some ignorant new chums and other crude foreigners have imagined, a stimulating beverage muchly affected by the rude bushman away back. It is an unleavened bun, a loaf of very plain bread, dashed off in a hurry like the poems on wattle blossom brought to us every day by 'ambitious youths, who aspire to some thing higher than the. candle-making business. The damper is inseparably bound up in the history of our beloved country. We are justified in demandingto know where would we have been to-day had the damper never been invented. It has played a truly great part in the advancement of this sunny land, and should be emblazoned upon our coat-of arms, surrounded by a halo. Take up any book dealing with early Australian life, and you will find the hardy pioneers were en couraged and sustained in their noble efforts to open up the nation by damper--damper and tea, and perchance a scrap of sunstruck mutton, but always d...
Love at First Sight. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 23 April 1887
Love at First Sight. BY A VICTIM. When I was studying at the medical college "there.was no collegian who had acquired so high a reputation for steadiness'and hard stew mg as myself. I was possessed with a very lofty ambition, and as nature had endowed-me with wonderful powers of application, and, I believe, no inferior intellect, it was no wonder that I made fast progress, and was pointed to as a pattern for young men in general, and to those who were inclined to be wild--which class composed the vast majority of my fellows-in particular. Living in the midst of all sorts of temptations to ordinary mortals of my class, I heeded none of them, for I abhorred wine, scorned the theatre, and-ladies, I blush while I confess it-I disbelieved in women. I prided myself on this immunity for what I considered three great evils, but pride must have a fall, and for the benefit of all who may be similarly. situated I purpose to relate how I, Graham Jones, fell. One day, after a week of severer wor...
Wit and Humor [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 23 April 1887
A trial balance--The baby's first rib. Inconvenience-is 'the father of invention. An old maid of our acquain'tance says that she does not believe that " man proposes," etc. " All But " is the title of a new novel. The hero is not, as some would idfer, a William goat. Love may be blind,: but in some way it generally manages to get on to a man's bank account. . " Patience is a virtue in other, people," says an Exchange. That is where it is found, principally . A story entitled " The Penniless Maiden " has just been issued. It will have very little interest for the modern youth; : Pat' was, finishing a story thus :-' Shure an' he put the' pisthol to his h iad, pulled the:: thrigger, an'-in a jiffy he Iwas dead all the rest of his loife." " Garments without buttons" are, adver tised., :Evidently the cast off' clothing of 'married men who don't know how to handle thread and needle. Poverty progresses arithmetically. When a man meets with reverses, he advertises his house "2 let." When he...