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Amusing Incidents. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
Amusing Inciaents. A number of conscientious objectors have arrived in France, and one of their number having a day off duty approached a kilted Highlander, and said: "I'd rather go into a lunatic asylum than go Into a kiltie regiment." "Aye, I've nae loot ye wid feel mair at hamue there." replied the Highland or with a smile. A clergyman taught an old man in hlis parish to read. After his lessons were finished he was unable to call upon himl for some time, anl when at last lie did, found only the wife at " low is John?" said he. "and how loes lhe progress with his readlin: "Oh, nicely, sir." "I suppose lie can read his Bible llUite comfortably non ?" "llible, sir!" exclaimed the woman: "lIor' bless your soull why. Jolhn wasu out o' the Ilible ,and into the sportingl I:lers long ago!"
CURIOSITIES WANTED. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
CURIOSITIES WANTED. A bunch of blossom from a railway plant; the topmost bough of an axle tree; a crust from the roll of the ocean; a feather from the crest of a wave; some quills from the wings of the wind; a lock of hair from the head of a column; a hoop from the pale of society; the knife used by ringers in pealing bells; a broom for sweepin: assertions; a collar for a neck of land; a monocle for an eye to business; a rocker from the cradle of the deep; a few tears from a weeping willow; and some down from the bosom of a lake.
MADDENING PROFESSIONS. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
MADDENING PROFESSIONS. In view of the great increase of in sanity during recent years, it is inter esting to note the various classes of employnment which are, more or less, productive of madness. A French scientist has recently been investigating this question, and his researches go to show that, apart from the terrible nerve strain of this war. the military and naval professions are the very worst a man can enter if lie wishes to go sane to the grave. Out of every 100,000 who enter the Army and Navy 199 become confirmed lnma ties. The liberal professions come in as a good second to the Army and Navy. the list being headed by artists, who are very closely followed by lawyers. and somewhat more distantly by the clergy, doctors of medicine, men of letters, and civil servants. The num her of people in these professions who become occupants of lunatic asylums is 177 to each 100,000. The professional men are run very close by domestic servants and day laborers, of whom 159 out of each I...
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
r so 0 P UIT~+0 Your Hair Tella Your Age. Trllue enough our ilair tells your age-bit daily you se ne ti andl wo menl of fifty whose looks, are tlhose of people of twenty five. They looi: young Iecaluse there is no sign of a single grey hair on all their head. Now here's the secret laid hare. Pro cure I1%oz of tRejuveni Complioundl from thle chemist, to which add I oz. of flay Ritum. Shake well together; then add enoughll water to makte lOz. (," pint) in all. A little rubled well into the roots of the hair every night will soon completely restore the naturnl color of the hair and renew the growth whllere thintness is showoing. Almost every hemnlist has tht-se iottnle inerrutidnts in stock, or can easily get them for you from thet wholesalers. S. It. lonshall. ('hemist. ".l6 ('Claren don-stret., Soutllh Melbourne. 'Countlry ordhrs a specialty. All latest Amenri vcsnI. F'renclt and London Toilet I'reo ptraltions storked. ;nools sernt per ri. turn post, pIcked free from observa tion. A ...
Australians in Belgium — Inhabitants Cold, but Y.M.C.A. Hospitable. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
Australians in Belgium -. Inhabitants Cold, but Y.M.C.A. Hospitable. Correspondence with Australian sol diers at the front was commenced last year by scholars at the Golden Point State School, Ballarat, by means of a random distribution of letters among our troops in France. In reply to one of these communications, Private Les iHalbert, of A..F., who was wounded at Bullecourt. has written:-"I see in the Australian papers that they are still collecting money for the Belgians. Mfy hope Is that the people will give their donations to the Y.M.C.A., whicf is the soldiers' home, both in France and England. The Belgians treat th' Australians very badly..When we go in to Belgium to billets they will never give us a drink of water, and the las' thing done by them was to take the handles. off all their pumps, and the' prices they charge for things in their shops are terrible. I do not know whia" we would do without the Y.M.C.A. A soon as we are out of the trenches and back in billets we are o...
BAD LOOKOUT FOR JONES. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
- BAD LOOKOUT FOR JONES. There had been a fresh arrival at the Joneses' house, and it was nec essary that Mr. J. should register the happy event. But what with one thing and anoth er, he put it off until good Mrs. J. decided to perform the act herself. "There," she said duly registering th e birth, "and there's your half crown." "Half-crown ?" queried the'registr ar. "For what is this, madam ?" "Your fee." "But, madam, there is no fee." "I ought to know," she exclaimed. "This is my sixth, and every time my husband has registered one I have had to give him half a crown. There has been no alteration, then?" "No, madam"-and, the 'registrar smiled- "there has been no altera tion." Then she began to realise. On her way home she was working out the irterest on 12/6 at five per. cent. for eleven years-for Jones' benefit." ".wu:t throw me half a dozen of your largest trout," .said the man in the angler's outfit. "Throw them," replied the aston ished fishmonger. "Yes throw them. Then I'll te...
UNDERSTOOD IT. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
UNDERSTOOD IT. "Do you know anything about palmistry. Herbert ?" she asked. "Oh. not much," he answered with the air of modesty which is not in tended to be implicitly believed in. "Not a great deal, although I had an experience at the club last night which might be considered a remark able example of the art to which you allude." "You don't mean it ?" "Yes, I happened to glance at the hand of a friend of mine, and I Im mediately predicted that he would presently become the possessor of a considerable sum of money. When he left the room he was richer by twenty-five pounds." "And you told it .ust from his hand ?" "Yes. It had four aces in it." Customer (lifting something out of his plate with his spoon) : "What have you been putting into this chicken broth ?" Waiter (closely inspecting it) '"It looks like a piece of chicken, sir. It does happen now and again., sir."
PEOPLE WHO COULDN'T FORGET. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
PEOPLE WHO COULDN'T FORGET. There are lots of people who com plain, and are complained of, because they can't remember, hut there have been some who positively find it im possible to forget. Their brain is like a cinematograph film, which records everything that passes in front of it with lifelike distinctness. George Francis Train, to whom we owe our city tramways, had that sort of memory. lie could sit through a lecture or a sermon of an hour's dura tion, and on his return home astound his hearers by repeating, word for word, the discourse which he had just heard. MIr. Winston Churchill has a reten tive memory, but it Is not a patch on that of his father, the late Lord Ran dolph, whose memory bordered on the miraculous. lie could repeat in their proper or der the names of the shopkeepers in the longest thoroughfares in London if ne walked along the street and care fully noted them as he passed and it is stated that after a single perusal he could go through a page of adver tisemen...
The Heart of Daphne Published by Special Arrangement. (Copyright.) CHAPTER XVIII. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
The Heart of Daphne By LADY TROUBRIDGE, .\uthor of "The Cheat," "The Soul of S"lunor." "Love, the Locksmith." "The Girl with the Blue Eyes," etc. 't:blished by Special Arrangement. (Copyright) CHAPTER XVIII. Hie was soon surrounded by a group oa men, some shamefaced, some at tempting explanations, some halting over an apology; while others, realis ing the extent of the catastrophe. hurried for their coats and hats. Only the baccarat players hardly moved, until the banker threw down the cards. F Across the hubbub MIendham spoke again. "I'll put my cards on the table, as you've been doing," he said, "and I'll tell you just where you stand. "I'm not going to call the police in, because my own tolly and stupidity in employ ing a set of rascals makes me as much to blame as them. Any so-called gentleman here, with whom I was ac quainted, will understand that we are strangers. Any servants here will understand that they are to leave this house within five minutes. Falling this they will be...
The Foe Within Our Gates [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
The Foe Within Our Gates The men who ridiculed the idea that our enemies are operating in Australia, eight thousand miles away from their nearest base, must now I feel not so sure of their early opin icn. Within a few weeks we have lost two ships, the Cumberland and the Port Kembla. Of course, both these ships may have met with ntis hap throug.t no fault of any person only just an accident. However, we have proof that both were lost through a murderous andl callous pre paredness. When we picture the Port Kembla steaming away with her car go of comforts and mail for our boys in France, with the captain little thinking he was in the danger zone, only to meet with a cruel fate in home waters. We all know what the Ger man soldiers have done on the war fronts, so can the uninterned civilian Hurn do similarly in Australia. The Australian people have never yet re alised the possibilities of tihe German menace-we are too far away. Only returned soldiers and tlhe relatives of those who have ...
SUGGESTIVE TO PARENTS. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
SUGGESTIVE TO PARENTS. Did you ever reflect upon the fact that a man's name often has much to do with his claim to fame and immor tality? No man with a comic name ever achieved greatness. How, for in stance, could Moses over have been re spected by the Israelites if his name had been Mortimer J. Byng? Or how would Pharaoh have supported regal dignity with such a title as Joe M'Clafferty? Imagine Caesar laboring under the name of Lemuel S. Toombs, or Hanni bal signing himself B. Tomlinson Pugh. They would have died first. Cleopatra would not have been loved by Antony had her clothes been mark ed Amelia Duffy, and if Joan of Arn had been baptised Matilda G Melloy probably we should never have heard of her. Napoleon reached a throne only be cause his parents persisted in not call ing him William Henry Johnson, and Mary Queen of Scots escaped oblivion because she did not appear in the directory as Mary Jane Bumgardner. And so, if Shakespeare had been known as Sam JMacilhenny, or Calvin ...
PAKENHAM QUEEN CARNIVAL. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
'PAKNUh QUEEN CtARNWl AL. Queen of Soldiers, MISS : A. ELLETT. Queen of Anzac, . MISS "C. OLSEN Queen of Sport, MISS E. SMITH. Queen of Red Cross, MISS M. TOLL. Queen of Agriculture, MISS E. PRENDERGAST. AMISS A. ELLETT. 'This carnival, which was brought -to a conclusion last Saturday evening, proved to be one of the most success Jul patriotic efforts ever held in this -district, the sum of £327 93 being raised. This speaks well for the :generosity and patriotic spirit of the district, seeing that a flower show was hed irr Pakenham last month in aid of the samen object, when £100 was raised. The success of the carnival was ldue to the excellent work of the young ladies who acted as " queens," and they are worthy of public thanks, as their efforts entailed uot only . much time but a good deal of expense, all of which was paid by themselves. They had the assistance of many -willing workers. Great interest centred in the crown ing ceremony, and there was a very large attendance. The ha...
BIRDS GUIDED BY STARS. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 12 October 1917
BIRDS GUIDED BY STARS. Do you ever venture any conjecture as to how migratory birds manage to keep up their flight in a due north direction after night? It has been proved that on clear nights they often "wing their northern flight" in the rarified atmosphere three miles above the earth's surface. This being! true, that guidance by the topography of the country is out of the question. How, then, are they able to keep their beaks pointed towards the north pole? The scientific ornithologist comes to the rescue with the declara tion that they are guided by the stars, and in support of his opinion cites as evidence the fact that when the stars are obscured by the clouds the birds become bewilded and seek the ground.
FUNNY PLACES FOR EARS. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 12 October 1917
FUNNY PLACES FOR EARS -4-~--- A wise man's eyes are in his head, and his ears also, hut these latter organs in some animnals are placcd quite otherwise. Fishes, for example have both ears in their head and al so structures in the skin of the body which help them to perceive any movement in the water. A dark line, easily seen along either side of a fish's body, is the seat of such or gans. If you examine a lobster or prawn, you will find two pairs of horns, or feelers, sticking out bf his head, one pair being large, another small. Lodged in each small feeler is a little bag opening to the outside, which enables the creature to hear. There is a little shrimp, the opoe sum shrimp, which has an ear em bedded in each side of the flap of his tail, quite the wrong end for it. Shell fish, such as mussels and cock les, are'blessed with a single fleshy foot which sticks out from the under side of the body, and Is used to push the animal along. Two little bag like ears are contained in this, s...
THINGS WORTH REMEMBERING. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 12 October 1917
THING? S WORTH REMEMSBERING. To remove inkstains, wash with pure water and apply oxalic acid. If the latter changes the dye to a red tinge, restore the coloul with am monla. Mildew stains on linen yield to soap and pipeclay. Flour of sulphur sprinkled on them will also kill the mildew fungi. Paint spots may be removed from wood by covering with a thick coat ing in lUme and soda. Wash this off after it has stood for 24 hours. Use plenty of soda in the kitchen sink. It prevents pipes from clogging) with grease, and is very cleansing. A piece of charcoal put into the water in which cabbage is boiling will destroy the odour. When cutting new bread always put the knife in hot water first, and you will find that it facilitates the cut ting. Before buying tinned fruits or meat see if the top is flat or depressed. If the top is bulged out, then air has entered the tin and fermentation set in. To take out fruit stains from anny cotton or light article, take the stained article ant damp it. T...
SOUR MILK DOUGHNUTS WITHOUT EGGS. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 12 October 1917
SOUR MILK DOUGHNUTS WITH OUT EGGS. One pint of sour milk. one cupful of sugar, half a teaspoonful of gnlger\ two teaspoonfuls of melted lard, salt one heaping teaspoonful of soda,half a teaspoonful of ceam of tartar; pastry flour to mix stiff enough to handle. Put sugar, salt, ginger, lard and milk into a bowl and mix well together. Then sift a pint of flour with soda and cream of tartar, and beat all with a spoon until it is a soft light batter. Then sift in flour to make stiff enough to handle. Cut rather thicker than for dough-nuts, with eggs. The ginger keeps them from soaking fat. The sour milk I use is-that left over from the table from day to day-city milk. Of course, if one has rich sour milk, no shortening would be needed. I have made these once a week for the last three months, and we think them fine, I never have any "Iuck" with cream of tartar doughnute. In the morning I take what I think what will be eat en for breakfast, put in a tic, and cover with another tin, set th...
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 12 October 1917
Assurance Co. Lid. WORKERS' COMPENSATiON ' Fire. Accident. ' Lasbs oySBoFh Dbes sed LfSt.2!tg are mads soc by tbA3 Company AGENTS WN-'ED. DALGETY & Co. i-TD., MELDOURNE. General Algrnts far VIc-Cr2a. The PhoenIn l~.iar CROPS and, STACKS aa.-.las: -amns by FIRE and Crops SainSt da~m'go by HAIL GTON2S. "'W:ii.,. your master's report of your wcr is very bad. Do you know that when W'oodrow Wilson was your age he was head of the school " "Yes, pa: and when he was your age he was President of the United States " Many fearless chiefs have won the friendship of a foe. Fairms For Sale OR Share Lease. 20 FARMS FOR SALE or on SHARE LEASE with RIGHT OF PURCHASE. Close"to Rail, Schools, Banks, Stores, Four Mill. 24-inch Rainfall. Box 1075, G.P.O., Sydney. ANDREWS' STOVES REDUCE YV3UIR I~ FUEL BILL WEStLLo~. rST VU liLUSTHATED CA AL.GUE FREE. -L WRITE ATrtC;. C.ANDR W3_ ~?i CE L?__?.IC. POULTBY WANTEO -HYLAMD'S tyhlasn.I buly Do.kln ns. Chnekens Turkeys at p.r lb. I~s w,.idht. Hyland'o p....
District News. Pakenham Upper. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 12 October 1917
Paikenfam U pper. A meeting of residents was held in the local hall on Wednesday, 3rd inst., to further consider the advisability of having the telephone line shifted from Gembrook to Pakenham. Mr W. H. Came was in the chair. A lecter from the department was read stating that they were not prepared to pay cost of removal, and that in the event of resi dents undertaking the work it would require to be done under departmental supervision. Mr A. Board spoke of the desirability of the line going via Toomuc Valley, as, in the event of same, at least six residents on that road wrould immediately instal tele phones in their homes, and would also assist financially in the removal and re-erection of line. On the motion of Mr Moyle a deputation is to wait on the department at an early date to lay the matter before them and ask that the department assist in defraying cost of removal. The local branch of the Red Cross Society sent the following articles to Central for last month:-32 flannel shi...
Ladies' Column. TABLE POULTRY. TO TELL THE GOOD FROM THE POOR. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 12 October 1917
Ladies' Column. -C~-- TABLE POULTRY. TO TELL THE GOOD FROM THE POOR.. lHow to select pou!t--y is one of the subjects carefully explained by the U.S. Department of Agriculture. It is very useful advice to the house keepers. "In a freshly killed bird the feet feel moist, soft. and limber, and if it was full dressed with the head on. the eyes look bright and full. As it bscomes stale the eyee shrink and the feet dry and harden ; when too stale; i.e., when decomposition is well under way, the body dark and green ish or becomes elimy. The flesh sihould be neither flabby or stiff, but should give evenly and gently when pressed by the finger. It is very diff icult to tell between good cold storage and freshly killed poultry. "One of the commonest ways of testing dressed poultry is to take the end of the breastbone farthest from the head between the thumb and fin ger and attempt to bend it to one side. In a very young bird it will be very easily bent, like the cartilago in the human ear ; i...