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Y.M.C.A. Comforts—Huge Free Distributions. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
Y.M.C.A. Comforts-Huge Free Distributions. (eneral ltobertson, of the Twelfth Brigade. A.IF., has written in warm terms of appreciation of the free dis tribution of hot tea and coffee by the Australian Y.M.C.A in France. From one dug-out in charge of Mr. E. G. Cililin. which was afterwards blown to pieces under shell fire, over 38.000 cups of free hot drinks were dispensed in twenty days to the men leaving the trencl.es. In tills connection it is ex plained by Mr. Clillin, who has now re turned to Australia, that all refresh ments distributed in the forward area are brought up by hand and given away. This applies as well to the first day after the men come back into bil lets, but when tile usual military sources of supply are established tl, Y.M.C.A., of course, charges at cost prices for goods When it is consid ered that the English National Council of the Y.M.C.A. alone sends across to France .£100.000 worth of goods monthly the need for this is evident A cable just received from ...
A Telephone Story. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
A Telephone Story. The late Sir William Preece was rather fond of telling the following story. Sir William took no small part in the introduction of the tele phone, and a command to exhibit the new instrument to Queen Victoria was received. Professor Graham-Bell, the inven tor, went to Osborne to take charge of the instrument there, while Sir William was stationed at South ampton. It was arranged that a band should play at the London end of the wire, and that the Queen should list en to it about nine o'clock. Sir William went to the Southamp ton office shortly before nine, but could not get into communication with Osborne. Half-an-hour later, however, he heard what he thought was the Queen's voice, so after a suitable remark he connected the wire with London, and the band play ed the national anthem and another piece. The music went through beau tifully, and the band went home. About 11 o'clock he was rung up by Osborne, and learnt from Professor Graham-Bell that they had just got t...
Railway Time Table. TRAINS TO MELBOURNE. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
Rai!wway T:heg Table. TRAINS TO MIELOUIRNE. Pakenham 7.7 a.m., Officer 7.16, Beaconsfield 7.22, Berwick 7.27, Narre Warren 7.32, Dandenong 7.45, Mel bourne 8.47. Pakenham 7.32 a.m., Officer 7.43, Beaconsfield 7.50, Berwick S.0, Narre Warren 8.10, Dandenong 8.29, Mel bourne 9.40 Pakenham 11.51 a.m., Officer 12.3, Beaconsfield 12.10, Berwick 12.16, Narre Warren 12.22, Dandenong 12.35 p.m., Melbourne 1.35. Pakenham 8.47 p.m., Officer 8.56, Beaconsfield 9.3, Berwick 9.9, Narre Warren 9.18," Dandenong 9.32, Mel bourne 10.31. Thursdays and Fridays - Pakenham 4.56 p.m, ( Officer 5.6, Beaconsfield 5.15, Berwick 5.22, Narre Warren 5.35, Dandenong 5.51, Melbourne 7.11. Saturdays - Pakenham 3.56 p.m., Officer 4.5, Beaconsfield 4.13, Berwick 4.18, Dandenong 4.40, Melbourne 5.45. Sundays-Pakenham 7.9 p.m, Officer 7.22, Beaconsfield 7.31, Berwick 7.36, Dandenong 7.56, Melbourne 9.0.
A Libel on Glasgow. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
A Libel on Glasgow. "General Newsance," said a cer tain banker, "Is a very finicky person. To get along with him you must be very particular about etiquette-you must shave twice a day, dress for dinner, and all that sort of thing. If you don't come up to his standard he Is apt to say some very cutting things about you. "I once sat beside the General at a dinner in London. When the soup came on he began to cast sneering glances at a stout, red-faced chap op posite us; and finally he whispered to me: "'That man is from Glasgow; I can tell it by his accent' "'By his accent?" said I. 'But, my dear General, the man hasn't spo ken.' "His lips curled in a scornful smile. 'I1 had reefrence,' he said, 'to the ac cent with which he eats his soup."' Girls who are inclined to become anaemic and narrow-chested should go in for both singing and drill les sons. Practising should take place In a well-aired room-preferably be fore an open window in case of drill ing. Singing is a splendid way of lea...
LIFE ON A SEA "WEASEL." [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
LIFE ON A SEA "WEASEL.' ----- Long, long, ago-or so it seemed to him--he had just been an ordinary young man with a fair income, and the love of petrol driven cars and boats as his ruling passion of life. What he did not know about a car wasn't worth troubling about. Later on be persued motoring on the water, and his racing hydroplane secured for him more silver trophies than he could stack on his sideboard. Then came war, and with it a temprorary commission in the Royal Naval Volunteer Reserve, and a tiny white Ensign for his racing boat. They gave him a crew of five, and a small gun, and they allotted to him a certain place in one of the motor boat patrols which guard the coasts L-.of Britain. For months he vanished from the ken of his friends, for months he speed about the waste of the North Sea, doing more than his bit. THROUGH THE DEATH LANES. The lonely trawlers, punching up and down the edges of their patrol for unwary submarines, smelt him occasionally, and were grateful for...
Correspondence. The Editor "Pakenham Gazette." [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
Lorrespondence. The Editor '" Pakenham Gazette." Sir,-In your district news from Berwick in your last issue mention is made of the marble tablet erected to the memory of the late Mr Richard Grice in the park opposite the post oflice. - Your correspondent says " The work has been carried out by the newly-formed Progress Association." I desire to correct this report. The newly-formed Progress Association had nothing to do with this work. It was carried out by Mr A. Miller under in structions from " The Berwick Town Improvement Association." I am, etc., W. WILSON, President B.T.I.A; Berwick, Sept. 29, 1917.
Fern Tree Gully Council. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
Fern Tree Guty Council. At the monthly dinner of the Fern tree Gully shire council, the President, Cr Gilmour, took the opportunity of welcoming Mr and Mrs Keast, who were present. Cr Gilmour said that, in extending a hearty welcome to Mr Keast, he felt that he was voicing the sentiments of the people in that part of his electorate for the good work that he had done during the 17 years he had represented the constituency. .Mr Keast was a great worker both in Parliament and out of it, and as an election time was coming near, he thought Mr Keast should get a " walk over," but if it was to be a fight, all his influence would go to Mr Keast. (Hear, hear). Cr Kerr said that he was pleased Mr and, Mrs Keast were present. Mr Keast and family had done good work on behalf of the Red Cross and every patriotic movement, and Mrs Keast was a great help to Mr Keast in his public life. Sir William Irvine was blamed for doing too little for his constituents, and Mr Keast was blamed for doing too mu...
A New War Loan. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
A New War Loan. The Pro.spectu; of the Fifth Com monwealth War Loan ha:s now been anrounced, and the particulars appear in our advertising columns. It will be seen that the ternms are on the same liberal basis as on previous occasior.s, and the Prospectus includes the announcement that the Loan will be exempt from any wealth levy, as well as Commonwealth and State 1incCo0n Tax. The payment of the.instalments has been spread from November, 1917; to April, 1918, in amounts of from 15 to 20 per cent, but on the other hand: payment may be made in full on or before the 2nd Novenrber, on which date subscriptions close, and some benefit in interest will accrue where payment in full is made on the earlier date. The British Government have in timated that their own resources are fully required to finance the huge War Expenditure, and have expressed the hope that the Dominions will, as far as they possibly can, finance themselves for the purpose, of equipping their own soldiers at the Front, ...
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
r- ----- -- r rea, epeci;.ll ho a pron to neur.alhti atnd Day, Bhp o ral T , it w a et trei n elt ttr liorh all Sroertn South vi ,elv -,trur, tro 6h CLEMENTS TONIC LTD., "' " For the benefit of tnuo, who suffer from N:uralgia I should like to tell themn of my cure. " It is a few years back I had that comp!Raint, =nl it lasted for the best part of five years. Many people said it lha't becomle chronic with me-that I wouhl never ert rid of it-and I got to believe th..ir opinion correct, for doctors' advice and prescriptions did not have tile least effect. I used numerous other medicines and re mnlie%:, un:il I was despairing of ev-r ubgt, better. This afT:.teted my gener'l hle! :h. I became thin and weak, and t': years on to my appear ancc. JOie old lady who came into our sohp strlngy advised me to use Cement; Tonic, and it is just marvel ,liu i your 'oItl'~n cutred me of Neu,.t.gra and boailt tip my health in general. "rot h: secondt bottle [ Swas on the roal to rvcovery. I kept on it...
Local Committees and Repatriation. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
Local Committees and Repatriation. Senator Millen, Minister in charge of Repatriation, has made available the following statement. for the in formation of the readers of this journal : " One of the essential features of the Repatriation Scheme is the har monious co-operation of Governmental and private 'activities. When the proposed scheme b2comes law, the Government will accept 'the respons ibility of repatriating returned men, but it is entirely open to the public of any district, either by money or ser vi.e, to supplement the work of the Government. Local assistance will not mean any reduction of benefits conferred by the Repatriation Depart ment. Whatever local people choose to do will, therefore, represent ad ditional benefits to the soldiers return ing to their districts. Local cominittees will have control of such moneys they raised, and the direction of such services as they care to organise. Much of the work, at the present time carried on by voluntary com rnittees will, un...
WHY AUNTS ARE USEFUL. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
WHY AUNTS ARE USEFUL A soldier in France writes: A friend of mine out here possesses an unusual number of aunts. On the face of it this would appear rather useful in the matter of "comforts" from home; but the aunts have also many nephews on active service, and in my friend's opin ion they sometimes do not come up to the scratch with their parcels. In de vising plans for awakening them to a sense of their responsibilities In this direction he displays an Ingenuity worthy of a better cause. ?upposlng, for instance, he consid ;: ed that Aunt Jane had of late been somewhat remiss with her little gifts, he would fire off at her a letter In this strain: "My dearest Aunt Jane-You are a dear ol( thing to have sent me such a ripping parcel. It was simply top-hole. The chocolates and the shortbread !were first-rate; and the socks were just what I wanted. Right size, too. Ever your affectionate nephew, John." Following it up the next day with "Dear Aunt,--My letter of yesterday was a mistake....
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
178. COMPEISATION :is : SCCIONY. T Losses by Bush ?trso and by L gh'lg sl's ad socud by this Company. AGENTS WANT3D. DALGETY& Co. LTD. MELBOURNE General Agenis fer Victoria The Phoenix insures CROPS and STACKS agatnts damage by FtRE ,tn Crops agalnst damage by HAIL STONES. "Oh. dear!" s?hed Mrs. Cuzmso, as she tossed about in bed, "I'm suffer ing dreadfully from insomnia." "Go to sleep and you'll be all right." growled Mr. Cumeo, as he roll ed over and began to snore again. Bride: "George, dear, when we reach our destination, let us try and avoid giv'ng-the impression that we are newly married." George: "All right, Maud. You carry this portmanteau!" Farms For Sale OR Share Lease. 20 FARMS FOR SALE or on SHARE LEASE with RIGHIT OF I'UItCIIASE. Close to Rail, Schools, Banks. Stores, Four M3ill. 24-inch Rainfall. Box 1075, G.P.O., Sydney. When dusting stairs use a soft me dium-sized paintbrush: instead of the ordinary dustbrush. It will remove the dust from the corners, and rea...
Served Him Right. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
Served Him Right Mr. Moses Eiklenstein had been or de reil to the ceaside. "It vill ruin me, doctor," protested Moses; but the doctor was obdurate. and off he had to go. "VeIll, Molses." inquired Raclel, whell he returned borne, "how vos you en choy yourshelf, hey?" ".Ach, I oys not enchoy myshelf ad all." groaned .Moses. "Rachel, listen, i tell you here! I roe go and lose five pounds." "Vot!" shricked Rachel. "Ve ves ruined!" "Nod at all, Rachel," explailnel Moses. "I nos mean live pounds in veight--not monish." "Ach, veil," responded Rachel, greatly relieved; "vell, Moses, it vos ,erve you right. Vas I not tell you not to go fin tie rater?"
Expert Tuition. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
Expert Tuition. A good story is told of a well-known instructor in swimming. One day a richly-dressed, middle-aged woman drove up to his natatorium. She car ried a poodle dog in her arms. "Oh, Mr. Jones," she said, "I want to have my dear little dog taught to swim. Hie might fall into the water some day and be drowned. Can you teach him?" "I think so," said Mr. Jones. "Hlow much will it cost?" "M.adam. I don't see how I can do it for less than £5." "Oh., thank you," she said. with an ecstatic hug at the poodle. "And when could you give the dear boy his first lesson?" "Right away, ma'am," said the swim ming master, as he put away the "fiver." Suiting the action to the word, lie took the "little doggie" from the arms of his mistress, walked across the floor, and pitched him some twen ty to twenty-five feet out into the water. "Oh-h-h! the darling!" half shrieked the fond mistress. "Doggie" turned right side up in an instant and paddled back to the float. Mr. Jones lifted him out of th...
READING. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
READING. Reading is not only a solace; it opens treasure-houses of new and rare delight. And the one who hitherto has not known its Joys looks back. when the taste is acquired, with re gret upon the time when she knew not these pleasures.... In acquiring a taste for reading, perhaps only one little warning need be given-acquire Ia taste for the best. There is read ing and reading.
Monty the Special. H: Tells of the Pleasures of the Night Beat. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
Monty the Special. H: Tells of the Pleasures of the Night Beat. By F. W. Thomas. "Halloa, you precious old thing!' said Monty. "And how do you find this vale of tears affecting your liver these days? Rotten Spots before the eyes? My dear old son, take my tip, and do a little specialising. Finest thing out for that tired feeling. Come out here into Park Lane, and stand with me through the small hours conl nmuning with nature, and keeping watch over the potato store of .\r. Ikey Oppelstein, the true-born English. man, who lives in the corner hovel. The effect is marvellous. Before I took on this job, life for me had lost its savor. I suffered from loss of ap, petite after meals, furred tongue, pains in the back, and all the other delights of a misspent youth. Now I look upon life with a more kindly i and can answer back quite smartly when the taxi-drivers are rude. "Oh it's a great game, old pot-a rippin' game. I started only six months ago guarding a lamp-post, Just as Lord Rothschil...
President Wilson's Story. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
President Wilson's Story. Iemr isa yanr the American Presi -tIt is fond oI f spillninlg: "A friend of minje ?eas in Canada . ithi a lishijig party, and one mttclihnr of the: pa:lty v.s imprudent ieno!luh to ;lample soii whisky that was call edl 'Squirrel' whlisky, becalusel it natddC th,:-·e wlho drank it inclined to climtb a I'rie. Tlis ~;entleman imlbibed too m:uchi of the dl.in;:?rous liquid, and tit:: coneiller.Ie was that whIenli hie well tol sta tionl with tile rest of the coa p:liy lhe too:k a train hound south inl stiatl of a trin: hi olud north. Wishing to rcrover hilul, his companions t?,e -raphed the conulctor of the oullth lboundiI train. 'Selln short man natlledt lolhnson back for the north-bound train. Ih. is inltoxicated. "l'r1e:;,ntlk thesy got a reply front tipe m?lllhl l itr, 'Further particulars needed. T'hete :are thirteen men el thle train twho Idn't klnow either the^ir :nam" or their deetination.'"
And So Say All of Us. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
And So Say All of Us. T'iherer are mattiny good stories in Ed ward ('hodd's recettlY-published "t1e ttorie..' Il(ere vs one thttt was told to tlhe author by the eminent Professor Ward Ilowe. Thle narrat or said tha:t inll Iii col lege days, when the Il'('tltrrr':: s tr fell on an inatteltive situilent, he wout pounce ion ii lit with a ques tion to wake him lp. On one ioccasion a studeniilt hadl thiu uIlt to hinl: "Mr. Smith. :taswr tme this: To does tIlhe contcurrent vuirce of aintit nity assign tihle priority?'" "tI g yourt ptardont. 'iProfessor. but ito I uIlnderstand that yt?i ask i ie lt to wthistt of the two-pritoe or po-try- ,does the concuerrent voice of anltiqluity assign the priority?" That is so. Mr. Smith." Well, l'rofessor, to which of the two, prose or poetry, the contcurrent voite of antitlquity assiants the prior Ity. I don't know. andtil sir, I idon't care
Too Lazy. [Newspaper Article] — Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News — 5 October 1917
Too Lazy. A lmaln haIingf beelO out of work l: plied for a job at a loiner's shop. where he was engagedt to take planks fromll one part of the sllp to thI l other. I:Having been toltl his duties. he started, with anotheter mlan, rerlov ing the pulanks. 'The manager, ha vin: Ihs usual lfok routnd, noticedl the other rml: carruy ilu two plaunk:; to his lon". n asknd hint the reason. Judge of his sor pIri::h when lie received the followinf l answer: "'Whly! the other man's too lazy to gou twice."