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They Wanted No Light on the Subject. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 2 April 1887
They Wanted NTo -Light on the Subject. A number of capitalists sent a mhan to a little town on the Murray Railway last week, to reportSon the advisability of introducing gas there. "Well," queried one of them ; " what do you think of it ?" "No use," responded the tired agent. "Wouldn't pay the salary of the superinten dent, let alone the expense of putting in the plant. ' "Why? What's the matter? People too poor ?" " No, they're rich enough." " Old-fashioned? Prefer kerosene or can dles?" "N-no; that's not it." " Well, what is it then ?" "Too many engaged couples. Wouldn't burn gas at all."
She Meant to See It Out. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 2 April 1887
:She Meant to. See. It Out. The servant, girl of a boarding-house went to the door to receive the letters. : Letter-Carrier-" Here is a letter for John Grey. Does he live here '?" Servant-_ Yes, he has.the front room.. He' is a rich old bachelor. Is the letter 'ad dressed in female hand " . . " Yes, here it is." " Good gracious I 'So it is, and as sure as Iam born. there is a photograph in' it." " Here is another letter for John Grey." "Addressed in feale:hand' too ?"' ' No, this one is from Partem and Squeal, the 'great divorce lawyers. Their ?jame is printed on the envelope." " Well; that.settles it." " Settles what ?7 ' "Nothing, except I was going to leave this" .boarding-house on the lst, but now I'm going' 'to stay and see-this thing ?out. .
THE SOLEMN HALF-HOUR. THE AUSTRALIAN WARRIOR. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 2 April 1887
:THE SOLEMN 'HALF-HOUR. BY SILAS SNELL,. .- THE AUSTRALIAN -WARRIOR. "Will'affairs in Europe never more assume a calm, collected aspect, so that the Austra linn warrior may grapple his axe or his yard stick with less of. this fierceness, this hair lifting blood-thirstiness which characterises .him" during the scare; so..that his haughty, dominant disposition may reconcile itself to peaceful, diurnal toil, and turn from day dreams of carnage ,to prosaic dry-goods or milking the lowing kine ? When a continental country develops com batative tendencies, or some poor, benighted savages get fooling with dear old England's .prestige, the lusty militiaman and the cul tured lancer strike an attitude, and pant for the fray. They may be called upon at any. moment to hurl the Muscovite from our shores. or hie them off to wage unwearied war with the distant heathen. Our hdarths and homes, and capital at interest, are in their keeping ; they alone stand between our female relations and the ruthl...
Scientific Notes. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 2 April 1887
Drain pipes and places 'that are sour or impure may be cleansed with lime water or carbolic acid or chloride of lime. It is interesting to note how'largely elec trical appliances are being used in the medi cal profession. CoiiEastnt rekders .of the Lancet will not fail to see week by week "discussions as -to the best inethods of using electricity in surgical and. in.medicial cases. We believe there,,exists a widespread belief among the -profession that a grand. future exists for electricity in the alleviation of suf fering. A .French geologist, M.. De Lapparent, lately called the attention of the Paris Geo logical Society to:the effect gravitation has in heaping up sea-waters about the land. The continents are thus all situated at the tops of hills of water, and in crossing the Atlantic.the ship has first to go down hill, then to cross a valley and finally climb an other hill. The calculation has been made that in mid-ocean the surface may be more than half a mile (1000 meters) belo...
Too Much for the Emu's [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 2 April 1887
Too Much for the Emu's. "I see in the newspapers," said Smith at the breakfast table, " that a selector in South Australia has recently lost three fine emus, worth ten pounds each.". '' Dear me," said Mrs. Smith, " how did he lose them ?" " His wife killed them." "How in the world did his wife kill the emus ?" " Well," said Smith, balancing a piece of something on his fork. "I suppose his wife made scbnes like'these, and -the emus acci dently swallowed one." -
Properly Had. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 2 April 1887
Properly Had. There is a young men of Forbes, Will Moore, who a few evenings ago played a trick on himself very innocently. He went to a temperance lecture at the Town Hall, and while preparing to go home saw a nice black dog standing on the hotel verandah. : "Jove !" said he to a friend, "that will niake a nice mate for my Rover at home." He went up to the dog, tied his handker chief round its neck, and led it away. He finally reached home a-d took the dog to his room, where he made a nice bed for it on the floor. When he wakened on Sunday mornig he found the dog standing at the side of his bed wagging his tail. It was his own Rover that had followed him, and was stolen by its own master.
Aesthetic Home Decorations [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 2 April 1887
Aesthetic Home Decorations . The frequent visits'of English blue-bloods, with their hoary lineage and gentle cuilture, are introducing 'into our colony a refined 'taste in the matter of parlor and :sitting ,room nick-nacks. and b, ic-a-brae. Bearing this in' miind, we have been to 'no efid of trouble to compile' a little list of fetching hand-made ornaments. A, pair of old castaway .boots, ;veneered with guilt, make a pretty wall- ornament. To add to the effect, put patches, of ,cotton wool on the legs, to imitate snow. An old pair' of corsets ornamented with creeping vines and pretty designs in leaf, make a very elegant ornament to hang over a bed-room. door.. An :old coal scuttle tinted with delicate shades of scarlet-and cerulean. blue fdurishes a- unique relief fod a d niniga oom 'aill. :?To brighten the effect; place several selected vegetables in the scuttle, allowing the tops to be seen at -a distance of half way across the room. As an ornamental design for a fr:ont hall take...
For the Ladies [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 2 April 1887
Whims. and fancies are apparently never ending in the "social" World; one of the last is to have a model of the owner's country-house for, it is to be presumed, visitors to praise and examine. A new style of ink-stand, made in imitation bronze and china, is a pair of tennis balls with racquets crossed in front. The beautiful white chrysanthemum is still the flower most in vogue in England for table and hand bouquets, and also for the decorations of churches on the occasion of weddings. Maiden-hair ferns are greatly used with them, and tinted ivy-leaves are frequently seen as a background. Tables are also decorated with the flower in its various rich and deep colors. Crotons are likewise very popular for the.same reason; bouquets of crimson hips and haws ; the black berries that replace the pretty white spray of the privet, brown grass and bullrushes and feathery pampas-grass make an exquisitely tinted study of color, whilst for vases there is also the lovely shining white "honesty,"...
Family Notices [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 2 April 1887
IN MEMORIAM. &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; ROGERS.—In loving remembrance of &nbsp; &nbsp; my dear sister, Mary Anne Rogers, who &nbsp; &nbsp; departed this life at Queenscliff on 3rd &nbsp; &nbsp; April, 1886. Aged 29 years. The cup is bitter, the sting severe, To part with those we love so dear; &nbsp; &nbsp; The trial is hard, we'll not complain, &nbsp; But trust in God to meet again. Inserted by her sister, Lizzie Rogers.
THE SOLEMN HALF-HOUR. FOWL CULTURE. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
THE SOLEMN HALF-HOUR. BY SILAs:SNELL.., FOWL CULTURE. We havebeen giving a considerable heap of 1 our precious time lately to the study of the t habits and eccentricities 'of. the domestic chicken, its joys and sorrows, its uses and its abuses; and we now pose on a mud pedestal as a learned authority on the natural history I of the common hen. h--e effhen-n.hen..is nvarialy afem alet; she keeps good hours, retiring' "t'?sundown, and rising at dawn. The fact. that she is i seldom healthy, wealthy, and :wise is a I simple proof of the steady 'unreliability of i proverbs in general. As a mother the hen is 6bjectionably fussy; she cannot attend to the most ordinary mat .ters in connection with her family without capering round and cackling, and putting on frill. A maternal hen superintending the peregrinations of her mercurial brood is -the personification of domineering self-conceit. Our old father, with only the assistance i afforded by aleather belt, brought up a large " and profitab...
My First Appearance as "Jack Sheppard." [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
My First Appearance as "Jack 9 'Sheppard." y My mother and grandmother, together h with the rest of the family, moved, or rather re-moved,. from Westminster to Somers t Town, and we had not been in that neigh bourhood very long before Tommy, in his i daily peregrinations, discovered, for the first li time in his young life, what a " Portable Theatre" was, with its gipsy-like company. tI was a lad of about' twelve years of age, _ and I wag looking upon three or four able bodied men handling long. poles (one, I believe, is called the King Pole) and rudely making " shutters," covering them with a canvas, called a " tent," and forming an auditorium to seat from a hundred to one 'hundred and fifty people. The way in which my mouth watered when I saw the painted proscenium fastened in its place in front of a rudely-constructed platform called "the 0 stage," must have caused him to make use of h the words, which still live in my memory and a make my heart beat with sweetest music, a i Well...
Wit and Humor [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
Whc are teeth like verbs ?-Because they are regular, irregular, or defective 1, The superiority of man to nature is. con tinually illustrated. Nature needs: an im -mensequantity of .quills to, make a goose with; but a man can make a goose of him self with one. A clergyman who preached in a prison a Sunday or two since began his discoursein , the traditional way, thus-" I am glad, "my friends, to see so many .of you here this morning." "I say, Brdom ?" "Callime by my whole name, if you please, sir.... It-has a handle to it,. and it'.was meant to 'be used, 'sir." " That's so. Well Broomhandle, how are you?" " "The born poet,'" truly remarks .Miss Cleveland, "has no agony in his song." Indeed no. It is the poor wretch who listens to his song who fies awake and moans for the chloroform. "Oh I my'brethren," screamed the street preachier, "what-is more terrible than to die in remorse ?" And then a bulged-nosed old heathen in the crowd busted up the meeting by remarking, " To die in jail."...
She Saw That Joke. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
She Saw That Joke. The other day' an estimable lady from a dead-and-alive little township in Gippsland was induced, after much persuasion, to accompany some friends to a performance at : which was te beyresented one of the usal : Wo biabtioii-" f brffo ?,himobeie'r, a spotless panorama of fun, "constructed fo`r:. laughing purposes only," &c. She bore it patiently, and while her com- panions were hysterical with laughter, she. sat observing the actors with a faint look of disgust at what she termed their "silly actions." . An elderly gentleman directly in front of her had placed his overcoat and silk hat in the unoccupied seat next him. He was rock ing to and fro with convulsive mirth. Suddenly the hat, becoming disturbed in some way, fell to the floor, and in his unwit ting applause he brought, his foot directly upon it and crushed it fiat. . That did touch the springs of her sense of the ridiculous, and for a moment her laugh ter extinguished that of her mates.
Facetiæ. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
"A breast of the timres"-:pads. A grave query--" Have a bier?!:V?.: ? Would a lady lawyer be a bar-maid ? A " sinful waist" is sixteen inches round. A Common Court plea-'! Oh, darling, boe mine !" The best "society for women," we think,. is.that of their families. Is the woman's prisori an 'evidence of the growth of " woman's rights ": or woman's . wrongs? Margaret Nott was killed by an Adelaide tram the other day-" Nott dead, but gone before." A man who sleeps on a water mattrass is not necessarily an irrigationist, but he lays on water. An aboriginal blew his scalp off with a shot-gun at Rockhampton last week:. An other rise in wool. James Circle was fished' out of the Swan River, W.A., a while back. The ;jury brought a verdict of found round. To understand the full horror of the rabbit plague, you want to put up at .a suburban. boarding house when bunnies are cheap. - The Royal Geographical Society of Aus tralasia has received a communication from Captain Gray, of Peterhead, who,...
PRESENTATION to Mrs IND. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
PRESENTATIONto M1rs IND. A ceremony of a most interestin+ char acter took-place t. the Barracks oudRTuesday last. wheni. Mrs'. Ind was made the recipie?t of a veiry handsonil present fron' the ion?, commissioned' oificers and men of "'the ir- .:- . hour Trust- Battery 'The present took the foirm olf, 'aigoldl pencil case and ca:riding whip, both suitably: inscribed. -The?presdn, tation ':was inade in thei messroom, and?i it was a very "nice. siglit: to'see all the officers and mer both of ,the Taibor? Trust?Battery; and theVictorian Artillery assebled td hoPiOXior to I J ' u couui r 'ilwiays to thle frorit (if we may be allowed. to use a 'riilit'ay 1trmut in regard ,to'a ladiy) in a good cause: Sc geant-major Eneuf's - speechi, in makimng the presentation, was cxcellent, and very much to the point, but we refrain fromn reportin- it, as the space at. our disposal is rather- limited, a'd we feel sure that Sergeanit-major Eneuff will not think we mean any slight to him when we give Mrs...
Witchcraft, or What? [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
Witchoraft, or What? Did she magnetize, Psychologize. Or mesmerize me, which f Is she human And a woman, -O as I. think, a witch ? Who can tell me What befell me When I:saw the siren first? - " What magnetic Thrill prophetic Filled me till 1 thought I'd burst. Is it magic ? Is it tragic That I do whate'er she says . - That she's found me, Arid has bound me As her slave for all my days ? Tho' we're married, Love has tarried, And my wife still works her spell:. A magician That's her mission If 'tis witchcraft. it is well.
Queer Queries. [Newspaper Article] — Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington & Sorrento Advertiser — 9 April 1887
Queer Queries. Would you be 'right in describing a bail if's appeal as " very touching ?" When the captain of a ship issues the order, "Silence, fore and aft !" is the,.vessel 'allowed to answer her helm1 ? Do you think that halting verses should be bound to limp cloth? Is it reasonable to expect to get -horse power out of a donkey-engine ?. Should, you say that rats and mice enjoy themselves when it rains cats and dogs, Do you think sailors are wise to trust so much to the anchor, when they know it only holds on by a fluke ?.. Would it be correct to describe a smoky chimney as a "great nuisance?" When a young' lady takes her "engage: ment" ring. to .the pawnbroker, does it become a "pledge of affection I' Should you describe the operation of cunt-. ting a convict's hair as a " shock "-ing affair? If your flute were given the powers of speech, would its first exclamation' be "Well, I'm blowed?"