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Nothing to Cry For. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 29 May 1914
Nothing to Cry For. The session ol the provincial law court was about to begin, but tlio court crier bad not yet shown up. At the eleventh hour a messenger-boy dashed in and handed the judge a let ter from tho missing functionary. The judge read it ainid breathless silence, and then solemnly announced: "I liavo here a messago from our court crior, saying, -'Wife's mother died last night. Will not be able to cry to-day.'"
Intention Only Credited. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 29 May 1914
Intention Only Credited. A fashionably-dressed young man strolled Into a smiill Scottish church while service was being hold. The time for the collection came round, and, wishing to draw attention to him self, he flung his penny (as he thought) down on the plate with a crash. Immediately after so doing he discovered, to his great dismay, he had given half-a-crown In mistake. lie at once got up and followed the old sc.vt.on, and asked to ho allowed to get back ills money. The old man shook liis head and said-"Na, na: I canna gie it back to ye. Ye gied it to the Lord." The young man argued for some lime, and at last gave it up and ex claimed impatiently-"Well, 1 suppose I'll got credit for it In heaven." "Na, na," replied the old man, "ye'll only get crcdit for the penny."
Then He Saw Red. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 29 May 1914
Then He Saw Red. Editor-Why do you persist ill coin ing here? 1 tell you I want facts, not fiction. Authoress-Oh, I dou't wish to sell any o£ my storieB. 1 am writing a short serial, entitled "The Ugliest Man On Earth," and I camo in mere ly to obtain local color. Thri faro at a certain boarding house was very poor. A boarder who had been there for some time, be cause ho could not got away, was standing in tho hall when the landlord rang tho dinner-bell. Whereupon an old dog that was lying outside on a rug commenced to howl mournfully. The boarder watched him a little while, and then said "What 011 earth aro you howling for? You don't have to cat it!" A girt is put Into the world, liko sugar Into tea, to sweeten it. Glvo the dovll ills due, but be care ful there's not much duo to htm. Nothing. liurts a woman ho much as when a man won't glvo her an op portunity to say "No." Popularity depends on how well you treat your friends, and how often. . To many women a man is but a mark on u....
The Worm Turned. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 29 May 1914
The Worm Turned. The oilier day Sir Gilbert Parker, M.I'., referring to Lord ltosebery's re mark that "most books in a library ought to be burned," told of a lively exchange of compliments lie onco had with a publisher. Sir Gilbert had been pointing out that ill many cases, owing to the in ability of literary men to look after themselves, publishers made far more money out of books than their authors did. The publisher remarked that what Lord ltosebery should have said was that, "It was not most books, but most authors who should bo burned." "That, may be true," retorted Sir Gilbert, "but judging from the pub lishers' share of the prollts of the au thors' labors, most of the authors were too green to be burned!"
Followed Advice. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 29 May 1914
Followed Advice. !u a country neighborhood there was an old woman who kept a small general shop, where she carried on a lucrative business. Unfortunately, she persisted for a long time ill car rying on her trade on Sunday, much to the scandal and disgust of a cer tain parish visitor, who entertained strictly orthodox views as to the ob servance of tlie Sabbath. The latter remonstrated with the shopkeeper, and eventually, much to the satisfaction of everybody con cerned, persuaded her to refrain from Sunday trading. A few days ngo ghc met the old woman, who looked happy and prosperous. "I'm glad,'1 said the parish visitor, "to see that you are doing so well. Yon have not lost anything by fol lowing my advice." "That's so, mum," was the reply; "but you can't imagine how many of my customers come round the back way!"
HIS STENOGRAPHER. As He Dictates to Hcr. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 29 May 1914
STENOGRAPHER. As He Dictates to Her. Does she love you? Well, I wonder Married twenty years, tlioy suy! You, so bald and tat and funny, ('.rubbing like a niolo for money! Guess she likes to suend tlio plunder Gee-she knows tile way! She's a grand one - Lord, what dresses! Handsome, too, proud as a queen With her doings in the papers, Dinners, dances, all the capers, Likes to lead the show, my guess is! You're tlio gold machine! If she knew you as I know you, Would she spend It-say? If she knew each trick and quibble, Little (ishes hooked that nibble, Business murders-would she show you Such a grandstand play? You're a savage money maker Good to her. though, sure-and me. Kind old pirate! What In thunder Hoes she think of you, I wonder? What neat stories do you take her So sho will not see? .Harriot .Monroe ill January "Smart Set."
Her Way of Telling Him. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 29 May 1914
Her Way of Telling Him. A young ploughman and his neigh bor servant lass were going home one night from the Dumfries Fair. When about a mile on the road he said to her, "Jenny, I wad kiss ye, but I'm l'eart ye wadna let me." No answer. Another mile 011 the roud he again said, "Jenny, 1 wad kiss ye, but I'm l'eart ye wadna let me." No answer. When they were getting near home, lor tho third time he said-"Jenny, 1 wad kiss ye, hut I'm feart ye wadna let me." "Itab," said she, "dae ye iniu' yesterday 1 couldna lift yon bag of potnttles intae tho cairt, an' ye lilted them?" "Ay," said Itab. "Well, dash ye, ye're far stronger than me!" A retired naval officer became the rector of a country parish. His par ishioners, wishing to give him a sur prise, subscribed amongst themselves and bought a flag for the church tower. Directly the old gentleman saw it he llew into a violent rage, and ordered it to bo taken down at once. One of his parishioners asked him why he did not like it. "Allow that ...
WONDERFUL POWER OF THE WIFE. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 5 June 1914
WONDERFUL POWER OF THE WIFE. No married man over prospered in tlio true sense ot Iho word without the co-operation anil help of his wife. If she unites in mutual endeavors, or rewards his labors with an endear ing smile, with what confidence will he resort to his daily toil, meet difll culty and encounter danger, if ho knows that ho is not tpendlug liis strength in vain, but that his efforts will bo rewarded by the sweets of home! Solicitude and disappointment enter the history of every man's life, _ and he is only half provided for hi^. voyage if his associate is lit only for hours of pleasure, while for his mouths of darkness no sympathising partner Is prepared to cheer and com fort. The worthy wife can ?wield a power far beyond computation, and the happy home, free from drink, is the scene of strength and support. For the cantie wifio's smile "Will the cares o' life beguilo And banish care and toil Frao our ain fireside.
CHAPTER III. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 5 June 1914
CHAPTER III. The vicar strode into the room a, mo I ment after and struck tlio keynote of tho interview by drawing himself up right and ignoring Mr. Topper's out-1 stretchcd hand. ..\.liy, what's the matter, Jlr. Fen ley V" quavered Jlr. Topper. The vicar's penetrating eyes stared coldly at Mr. Topper, and the baffled scientist quailed before them. Even before the charge was announced ho felt himself guilty, convicted, and sen tenced. "I've conic hero for some straight tall: with you, Jlr. Topper," the vicar said. "It isn't often 1 lose my temper, but I'm going to tell you to your face, John Topper, at you're a rascal, sir! ] A downright rascal!" . I Jlr. Topper, who had been standing, suddenly collapsed into a chair and stared feebly at the man who, Ave rain-J utes before, lio would have declared i to be one of his best and most valued | friends. 1 I "It only you'll be good enough to say what I've done, Jlr. 1'enley, l\e said with a bravo attempt at retort, "perhaps we will got alo...
CHAPTER I. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 5 June 1914
CHAPTER I. When Mr. Topper determined upon Ilia history-making demonstration, lie took it for granted that the supply o£ specimens was unlimited. So much was this tho case that ho intended an almost fastidious choice of a thor ough-going villain; one from \vl10s2 breast every human sympathy had died, every decent motive was miss ing, every aspiration lost. The works of fiction told him of the existence of numbers of such men; no popular work was complete without the ebony hearted scoundrel. And Mr. Topper had determined that his villain must be the genuine article, as otherwise hi3 demonstration would prove no thing. "What's the use of me getting a mail who has liugering hopes of reform or who has redeeming qualities?" ho told himself sternly, "in such a man I should only succeed in awaking tlu good that was asleep in the man's mind. No, I want a thorough-paced villain." His morning post tho next day brought him, amongst tho rest, two begging letters. One was from a man with a famil...
Topper's Champion Villain. CHAPTER I. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 5 June 1914
r Topper's Champion Villain. By ASHLEY MJLNEK. \ " CHAPTJiR I. Very earnestly, yot in a voico sub dued bo that his housekeeper might not hoar It, Mr. John Topper address ed his reflection in the mirror. Ho was a short, robust, benevolent looking man upon whoso plump face lorty years of placid lite had written but few lines to mark their passage. Comfortably oil, as the phrase goes; untroubled by the cares ot' business or family, Mr. Topper beamed at the world through his rimless spectacles and passed his long hours dabbling eagerly with tho science of sociology. He stood now, dressed In his long morning coat, his left hand gripping at its left lapel in tho Balfourian atti tude, rehearsing tho paper which lie was to deliver that night to the Bess borough Sociological Society "And now, In conclusion, Mr. Chair man and Gentlemen," he was saying, "I await your verdict upon tho argu ments 1 havo put forth. 1 maintain that crime is not so much a matter of hereditary as environment. A thie...
Advertising [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 5 June 1914
Special Announcement WARRAGUL. OWING to increased Railway Facilities wq are now doing a Steadily increasing business in Your District and Neighborhood, and Cus tomers will find it very much to their advan to send their orders to us WHY ? BECAUSE our prices are much Lower. Even less than Mel bourne when Freight added. BECAUSE of Greater Variety, Larger Stocks, [Direct Importations from Manufacturers, Seasonable. Novelties. Up-to-date Goods all the Year Bound IF You wnnt Anything from n Needle to an Anchor, Send us a Trial Order. ® We Guarantee You will be pleased and become a Regular Cu Drapers. Grocers, Ironmongers, Wine & Spirit Merchants Central Emporium, Warragul. Millar-Wade Automatic Milker. The Last Word in Milk ing Machines. Revolutionises work in the cow yard. Can bo carriod in the pockot. Marvellous in its simplicity. Requires no expert knowledge in ordor to work it. A Boy of Twelve with Four of these Machines can milk THIRTY COWS AN HOUR COST (which means so much t...
A Good Send-off. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 5 June 1914
A Good Send-off. Mr. Newlygilt (to MrB. N., who is cultivating society): Woll, my (loar, aud how did you get on at tho Vera do Vero'fl? Mrs Nowlygilt: Woll, they were a little cold aud stand-offish at first, I thought, but, oh, ao nice when 1 cuino away. Doiit' try to uuulyae women; love them (or what thoy tire. Don't pick them to pieces as you would a toy, for you can never put thorn together again. Men mid women havo nothing In common, Intellectually, unlosa they're in love. For company, for straight conversation, for business, for sport, u man would rather be with men. . 1 have heard of men who would die for a woman, but never of one who would go without his dinner for Uer. A married woman says tho way to be happy with a liusband la to learn to he happy without him moBt of the time. Marriage is like tho stage Bcenery; It looks well from a distance. Women Bhould have two great alma In life-trying to foe beautiful and succeeding In being pleasant.
GREATER THAN GOLD Published by arrangement with Ward, Lock and Co., London & Molbourne, All Rights Reserved. CHAPTER XI. (Continued). [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 5 June 1914
GREATER THAN GOLD By h. T. MEADE, Author of "Tlio Soul of Murgarct Rnnd," ate. Published by arrangement with Ward, Lock and Co., London & Molbouruc, All Rights Reserved. CHAPTER XI. (Continued). 'Mrs. I3el)alrs continued her gloomy ana hopeless meditation. By-and-bye she heard Sheila fly downstairs and the Bound of the mator-cnr driving jnvnr. Sii« felt nearly mad. iter Jl0»rt tlnnnpod within her. The thought of the miserable condition 0t her 'boy, ami tlio contrast between '''"/"[i Sheila gave her untold v»?,i i e exc°l>tloa the ser vants, she WHS nosv practically a lone in tlio house. Her husband would not come home for several hours, and sho had plenty of time to writo to her unfortunate boy. She had no money to send him. All her things were paid for by her hus liif?' i 0«d U\° tCW JoWu,s were loft in tho shape of rings and a dia mond pendant she dared not pa't ' Knowing that I'oter would iu ?llbse,u:e- Suddenly, in iSie midst of hor peregrinations up and down the' roo...
FEATS OF THE BLIND. Sightlessness Not Necessarily a Handicap to Success. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 5 June 1914
FEATS OF THE BLIND. Sightlessness Not Necessarily Handicap to Success. It is really wonderful what the ?Ijllnd can learn to do for themselves. Quite lately, a blind, deaf and dumb girl wrote to the secretary of the in stitution where she had been trained to tell her thnt ehe was staying In the country, and was greatly enjoying the games of tennis and croquet. It is well known, of course, that El len Keller is Bimilarly handicapped, yet she is one of the most learned women in the world, and Jior books are not only read in Amorica, Britain and the Colonies, but are translated Into many foreign languages. She has declared that if she mot a person in tne Desert of Sahara whom she had met but once before, she would know instantly who it waB by their charac teristic scent! In New York a blind barber is do ing extremely well, and it is Bald that he has quite as few slipB of the razor as the average barber who has all his faculties. In fact, anything which re quires great delicacy of touch ...
III. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 5 June 1914
"Thank heaven tlio wedding's over," remarked Colonel Brown hb he snt at breakfast the following morning. "We've hud the house upBet for weeks and no>v we'll hope for peace and com fort. It's a great relief to tool we got through the day without a'single hitch. I never saw Mary look nicer. Wonder how she and Alfred are getting on? Now that the little girl iB married we will hope that unfortunate propensity or hers " "A telegram for you, puter," said Ilarry, coming Into the room. His fathor tore it open. His face grew crimson us ho slowly read out: "Mary lost yesterday at Swakoleys Junction; wire if with you to Non-tip Hotel, Strand, London." Well of all tho ." ho began ex plosively. 'It's no oarthly ubo your getting into u temper, my dear!" said the mothor resignedly. ..nut this really out-Horods Horod! Couldn't she even get through her wedding day without " it may not be her fault. We have no particulars yet." We know that Alfred is at the hotel alone, looking and fooling a pret ...
AGRICULTURE. THE FARM MANAGER. What He Should Be. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 5 June 1914
AGRICULTURE. THE FARM MANAGER. What He Should Be. This is what the farm manager should be:-Systematic, persistent, and methodical, but ever cheerful and hopeful. Ever learning something more about nature's powers, and keep ing in view the definite aim for re sults. Sucecssfjil farm-managers, like managers of great corporations, are men of ability to think logically and reason correctly; thoy are men of self control, endowed with self-confidence, but willing to learn from others. No man can succeed in a great enterprise without making uso of Information given by others. One may arrive at conclusions, and achieve reBultB in a different manner from anyone else of which ho has knowledge, but at the same time he has used information given by some n6. Farming informa tion of use now is of recent origin; new facts being ascertained every year, hence the successful farmers are those who not only work diligent ly on their own farms, but make use of all tho information thoy can get | from oth...
II. [Newspaper Article] — Trafalgar and Yarragon Times — 5 June 1914
The instant artor Alfred hud got out of the train ill Swakeleys June lion a lady had entered Mary's com partment. She %vau stout, grey-haired, and wheezy, and the first thing siio did was to shut tho windows. Alfred detested shut windows, so Mary took a hasty prowl down the corridor to see if there wore an empty compart ment into which she could move their belongings. She quickly ascertained that thero was no room elsewhere, and, sudden ly remembering that sho had left her handbag 011 the seat unprotected, hur ried back. The stout lady was stop ping down on to the platform, but apparently she was returning, for her wraps were piled up 011 the seat she had chosen. She had not a pleasing face. Mary snatched up her bag, feeling she had been rash to leave It there unguarded. "1 hope my live-pound note is safe," she thought, utterly forgetting that Alfred had taken charge of it. Sho searched for the note, naturally failed to liml it, and grew crimson with an ger and distrust. "The wretch...