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Elephind.com contains 63,926 items from Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The, samples of which are listed below. All items from this newspaper title are freely available and can be searched from the search box above. You may also search the entire collection of 2,949 newspaper titles in Elephind.com.
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IN RETURN. [Newspaper Article] — The Times and Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia — 19 December 1919

- IN SETDEN. She.was bubbling over with Christ majripirit. She.could keep it no lon gcfiiFi- ' " ' ' ?' Sparest, V she exclaimed to her hus band, "I ju§'t can't wait till Christmas to teil you what I've got you for a present." '.'Well,'7 replied the young husband, " what is it?" " "I've got you a new. rug to put in front of iny dressing table, ^and a oronze statuette for. my parlor mantel piece,'? she blurted out.. 'Now, what are you going to get me?" "Well," he replied contemplatively, "I thinfe I shall get you a new bfiar; pipe ana a safety razor."

Publication Title: Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: SA, Australia
IN RHYME. [Newspaper Article] — The Times and Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia — 19 December 1919

IN RHYME. Perhaps you would like to try your hand at answering the following puz zling - questions- ; Do ' 'plants'' for making pretty-gifts grow yj> to Christinas trees ? And are "the sea-son's greetings" sent by salt'Spas of the seas 4 Are Yule-logs cut from snowdriftwood by Yuletide washed ashore? And could you stub a mistletoe against a parlor door? If Eve had tried from holly-twigs a party-gown to weave, Do you suppose that Adam would have called her' "Christmas Eve"? tfaiiit Nicholas in autosleigh defies ? police and laws; Do regulations as to speed contain a ..Santa clause? . _ .

Publication Title: Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: SA, Australia
A SCHOLAR'S EFFORT. [Newspaper Article] — The Times and Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia — 19 December 1919

A SCHOLAR'S EFFOBk - ,t-A';chai$di. wi.ich_iad .for/"ilgw'jj^te>r\ no'less famous a man than SeofctJ t5f Greek Lexicon fame, was based on. the iVro^d "toast-rack." Mr. A- E. Ga thorne thus quoted it in; his "Balliol MemoTieas" in '' Corniill": , .' My jirstis found where wit and wine Gomfeine t& grace the-festive board; * My n6xt, where captive. wietch.es pine In dungeons of some tyrant lord, My ^hole, alas f contains the-doomed; Twice tried by fire, ere once con sulted." Many ~'solyers, he"-says, have puzzled over the last jfiSe^.aad ; yet nothing could: mote, accurately. describe a slice 'of brea$5 toasted on" both sides and ithe^e^tea-'r"' *

Publication Title: Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: SA, Australia
HEREDITARY TRAIT. [Newspaper Article] — The Times and Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia — 19 December 1919

HEBEDITABY TEAIT. The school teacher Jhad punished Tommy BO often for talking during school, and the punishment:: liad been apparently without effect, that, as a last jesort, she decided to notify Tommy's-father of his son's fault. So, following the deportment maro on his next report were these i^ords: "Tommy talks a great deaL" Li due time the report was returned with his father's signature, and under it was . written-'" You ought to hear his mother."

Publication Title: Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: SA, Australia
PLEASANT DREAMS. [Newspaper Article] — The Times and Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia — 19 December 1919

PLEASANT BREAMS The section formeman sent one of Ms men to the car for a .tamping bar. The man failed to return, and after, a decent interval ttte foreman went to see what was the matter. He. found the njan fast asleep under a tree. Eying him wifck> a stern smile the foreman, said': "Slape on, ye idlc( spal p3en-slape on; while ye, slape, ye'vc got a job, but whin ye wake up ye 'rc out of wurrk!"

Publication Title: Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: SA, Australia
SOME CHRISTMAS BOX. [Newspaper Article] — The Times and Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia — 19 December 1919

SOME CHRISTMAS BOS. ^'Talking about Christmas boxes," remarked _a commercial traveller, "the ODe I got" last year would be hard to beat. Our guv 'nor never, gave as a j Christmas-box,; so you can imagine -how surprised we were when lie told us to go into his office,'where he sat with a pile of envelopes in his hand. " 1 " 'Gentlemen," ,eaid he, *T intend io give each of yoii a Christmas pres ent this, year. These . envelopes con tain something valuable, which I hope you will make good use of.' . "" "Of course, we thanked him and marched but,' thinking that he was a good sort, after. alL "Asid what dd you think was in the . envelopes t. A cheque!. . No! It was aconfotLaded^rescrip-. ' iaon . for' the enr^' ;«f indigestion! ?' - - Polite : i ;Frenchman-4"Excuse, , ana- . - -dame." ' " . , " - . . ; \.StQut Lady-1" "What'a ^ k v$ra<&ipiiais Beauty: This'is a Very simple little hat. Don't you think so"? The Beast: It is more than simple, my dear, it's idiotic.

Publication Title: Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: SA, Australia
SOMETHING WRONG. [Newspaper Article] — The Times and Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia — 19 December 1919

SOMETHING WRONG. The day was drawing to a close Jt>dge, jurors, witnesses, and lawyers all were growing weary. Counsel for the prosecution was cross-examining the defendant. . "Exactly how far is it between the two tonus i'' he asked at length. For same time Paddy stood thinking, then: "About four miles as the cry Slows," came the answer. "You mean as the flow cries," cor rected the man of law. The judge leaned forward: "Xo, he remarked suavely. "He means as the iiy crow a." Ana then all looked at one another, Reeling \hat something was wrong some where.

Publication Title: Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: SA, Australia
NOT VERY LIKELY. [Newspaper Article] — The Times and Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia — 19 December 1919

' NOT VERY T.TKTVr.V "You' sign this deed of your twn free will, do you, madam?" asked the lawyer. "Wliai do you mean by thai ' dema'ndtii the large, florid-faced woman. "I mean there has been iSo" compulsion on the part of your hus band. lias there?" "Himi" she ejaculated, turning to look at the little meek-man sitting behind her. " "Frede rick^. I'd like to see him compulse me/'

Publication Title: Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: SA, Australia
TOMMY'S OPINION. [Newspaper Article] — The Times and Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia — 19 December 1919

TOMMY'S OPINION. Tommy was watching the flies oil the window. Turning to Ms mother, he said, "Didn't you say God made every thing?" '' ieSj Tommy, everything." .'Then He. made .-the flies?" " ies, even the ..flies." There was a mo ment 's silence, which was broken by Tommy's reflective remark-'' Fiddling work, making flies!"

Publication Title: Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: SA, Australia
WELL SEASONED. [Newspaper Article] — The Times and Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia — 19 December 1919

WELL SEASONED. "I\UTse," said a soldier whan1 he re covered consciousness, "what is this on my head 1" " Vinegar cloths,'' she replied.' '' You have had a fever.'' "And what's this on my chest tf" "A mustard plaster; you've had pneumo nia, too.^' "And what are those things ar my ieetf" "Salt-bags; you had chilblains." At this point up spoke a convalescing Tommy from the next cot. '' Hang a pepperbox on- his nose, nurse, and he'll be a cruet!"

Publication Title: Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: SA, Australia
WORTH REMEMBERING. [Newspaper Article] — The Times and Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia — 19 December 1919

WORTH BBMEMBEBDTG. He-See that man over there? He is a bombastic ass, a windjammer non entity, a false alarm, and an encum brance of the earth! She-Wuuld you minS writing all that down for inc; "Why in the world " "He's my husbaad, and I .should like to usu it o . him some time."

Publication Title: Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: SA, Australia
CHANGED HIS COURSE. [Newspaper Article] — The Times and Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia — 19 December 1919

CHANGED HIS COURSE. The wounded Tommy ivs sitting up in bed when the nurse brought him in tea. He stared at his plate, and just as the nurse was leaving him, he said: "Oh, I say! Whoever put the butter on this bread?" "Why, I did," re turned the nurse indignantly. Tommy went rather red, and stammered: "I Oh, pardon, nurse, but-well, who scrap ed it off again'?"

Publication Title: Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: SA, Australia
A COMPLIMENT. [Newspaper Article] — The Times and Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia — 19 December 1919

A COMPLIMENTk Mother; of Twins^- That wag Mr. . Smythe who passed, dear. "He's the gentlemanwio,complimented as. 011 tho children- . : . 7 TathCT^jr:^ he?. What \'i, did he sayl" . . - ... . : Motherof Tymis-*;VHe saifl we -wore lucky they resembled each other. so - much, . instead S of'-' resembling either o.f aa . ?>

Publication Title: Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: SA, Australia
A MORTAL BLOW. [Newspaper Article] — The Times and Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia — 19 December 1919

A MORTAL BLOW. "What's the matter with your wife?* She's all broken up latfely.'' "She got a terribl" jar." "What has 'happened?" . " "Why, she; -was assisting at a rum jnage sale, took off her new hat, .ami somebody sold .it for 2/6. T

Publication Title: Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: SA, Australia
A GENERAL CATECHISM. [Newspaper Article] — The Times and Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia — 19 December 1919

A GENERAL CATECHISM. Kow comes your general ^catechism. Stand up and' answer the questions if you can: What is that which has a beard with out a chin, and. must be taken out of bed to be tucked in?-An oyster. When is a bonnet not a bonnet? When it becomes a lady. When is a.girl/not a girl?-When she turns into a;, milliner's shop. < Can you ask after a person's health in four letters?--EUCD. Why ^vere Adam and Eve a gram matical anomaly ?*-Because they were two relatives wifhout antecedent. When is a silver ;cup most likely to run?-When it is chased. When are streets of a town moat greasy ?-When the rain is dripping. Why is 9. fretful man like a' hardr baked loaf?-Because he is crusty. : Why is avarice like a bad memory? -Because it is always forgetting. ~ ^ Why are men like gooseberries ? Because women make fools of them.

Publication Title: Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: SA, Australia
Paying the Minister Out. [Newspaper Article] — The Times and Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia — 19 December 1919

. Paying .the Minister Out. ' A. postman going his rounds one morning recently mot a minister tot whose house he: was going With letters.'. The house 'being off the main ro«d: the po^tinaa- asked 4he . miuister if he would take the letters nj/ himself. . This minister-^iwuHily offeredtotlo tt>, but'onMMa occasion he i-pfiised, sayinjr as _ 3ie walked on,'"The Governm *ni paysyou to take thqai ap to ihy house." ". A "few days" later, when the postman was" 'going upr to i&e house with the letters, he met the minister ruuninfir at bt£ak-ntak.B])ee<l' down'the road. . "Fll...talro ? btepiK yto catoh thetraiii/'Sifi panted. nek ;the - Qovernmeat ^taya ine tae tak' ihem up tb yoar house,'.' was-Ate postman's sarcastic reply,whilehe continued ^ hwiray to 9u manse. ' : Vv V, s

Publication Title: Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: SA, Australia
Wedding Presents. (A SUGGESTION) [Newspaper Article] — The Times and Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia — 19 December 1919

Presents. (A SUGGESTIOH) The groom was dark and Btalwprt, The bride petite-aiid fair ; The old ID aids in the pew sobbed : " Sappy, happy pairT* And spftly from the organ, Up'in the sacred gloom, " The voice that breathed o'er Eden " Stole, like a sweet perfume. I saw the wedding preeente, And they were rich and rare Unbreakable decanters And rubber chinaware. If yon took np a teapot And flang it at the wall, It would rebound as gaily As any tennis ball. And there were dainty whatnots, And statuettes, and plaques ; You simply could not smash them Not if yon med an axe. ' There was a matron near me Looked on them wistful-eyed : "There were not such improvements When I was wed," she sighed. C.R.

Publication Title: Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: SA, Australia
BRIGHT ANSWERS. [Newspaper Article] — The Times and Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia — 19 December 1919

BRIGHT >£2?SW£BS. ; ' AmOng the answers to questions at a school examination appears the f ollow .ji^'Gross ignorance is 144 tons as bad "ak. just ordinary ignorance." "Anchorite is an old-fashioned her mit sort of a fellow who has anchored himself to one place." '' The liver is an infernal organ.'' "Vacuum is nothing with the air sucked out of it and put in a pickle bottle. It is very liard to get.

Publication Title: Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: SA, Australia
HOW HE GOT IT. [Newspaper Article] — The Times and Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia — 19 December 1919

.HOW HE GOT IT. Premier:-W. M. Hughes/ of Australia, says that he once said- to a friend of his:4? That's a swell umbrella you have got there. Did /you come by it hon estly 1 "I haven't quite figured out., it started to rain the -other day, and I : stepped into a doorWay to wait till it stopped. Then I saw a young fellow: coming -along with- a nice large um-^ br'ella, and l thought if he was going as far as" my house I would beg the shelter of his' unbrella. So I stepped ojit and asked: ' Where are you going with that umbrella, young fellow t' and lie dropped the umbrella and. ran."

Publication Title: Times And Northern Advertiser, Peterborough, South Australia, The
Source: Trove [National Library of Australia]
Country/State of Publication: SA, Australia
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